Serious post - Depression

Have you ever been diagnosed with depression (or maybe should have been but didn't go to the doctor)? What did you do for it? Did it help?

I'm in a cycle of depression that I can't seem to shake... I went to the doctor last week (the appointment that was booked three or four weeks ago) and he prescribed an anti-depressant for me. I absolutely hate taking meds of any form and so I look forward to the day when I don't have to take these things (which right now are doing little to change my moods other than to keep me awake later at night). I was put on a waiting list for counselling (but it is long and who knows how long it might be before I can get in).

The biggest question is how on earth do I get myself out of this state? How odd of me to be asking since I can offer advice to others that is real and helpful (I think it is anyway). I know what I need to do (counselling and the dumb meds right now) but it doesn't seem to be enough - I don't see any changes happening.

I would have been the first to say I thought it was situational... with Hugh's death the loss of job and all that came about because of that... but it is unrelenting (mind you some of those stressors have not changed so there may be no real change until the stressors change).

I'm finding more and more the things that matter to me the most (participating in various church ministries) I am pulling away from... sometimes because of Tracy's work schedule but more often because I have no drive to get up and go. I had told Glenda a couple weeks back that if I started pulling back from AWANA she needed to sound the red alarm buttons all over the place... that to me is a danger sign - it's the one thing I absolutely love doing. But even last week, I fought HARD to get the gumption to get up and go - I did make it and I had fun while I was there, but I had to really force myself to go. I'm finding the things I enjoyed doing... I'm pulling away from... I lack major motivation and ambition to do these things... somedays it's a real chore.

I feel absolutely useless at the best of times... when you're used to working and then all of the sudden you have nothing to do and can't get a job (because employers feel you're over qualified) it's hard. My house is a tornado zone (or so it looks some days)... I lack the ambition to get up and go and get the job done, I'm up early in the morning because I have to be with the boys but beyond that I don't do a lot of anything. I'm supposed to be making all these wreaths... I have some of them made, but again I lack the ambition to get them done (and Tim's not overly happy with me right now).

To further expand on it... it has been a battle and then some to get to church on Sunday mornings for the past two weeks... I haven't been there - and I can't offer any valid reasons why not... much the same I suppose as everything else... no "get up and go" or drive to do the things that matter to me most. When I was out on stress leave a couple years ago (2003)... I can't say that I felt this bad then - I was still out and about and as active as I had always been but we had different stressors at that time (trying to get Tracy treated for his depression and a couple other things that were going on). Back then everything was one day at sometimes minute by minute... I don't even know that I can say that now. There's lots of things to do I just don't know where to start or have the drive to do them.

I'll be glad when I can someday look back on this and be thankful that it's all behind me but in the middle of it I'm not so sure this is a road I really want to be travelling. I feel like I'm completely alone on it and I don't know which direction to turn in order to get off it (no, I'm not suicidal).

Do you guys have any suggestions... I'm lost as to what to do... certainly easier to suggest things to others but when it comes to me... I'm a little numb about which direction to go in...

 

Hi Brenda, I have had clinical depression since I was a kid. I have been on meds for about nine months. The meds take about a month to fully kick in, and around two weeks there is often a period of higher risk for suicide. I think the pharmacy where you picked up you perscription should have told you that!!! My meds are life changing, I am happy, usually not paranoid of friendships ect. The one thing I was told was to expect to be on them a minimum of one year, then to try and slowly wean off. You never want to stop these meds cold turkey, it can be very dangerous. Good luck, and know that you will start to feel a diffrence soon. Also, the meds often need to be jimmied a bit in the begining, either increased or decreased. Tracy

 

My doctor told me I could stop Effexor right away, since I was on the lowest dose. I wanted off because situations weren't changing, so I saw no point in taking the medicine.

What a mistake cold turkey was. I had all kinds of whack stuff happen. The doctor was absolutely wrong to let me do that.

I still have depression, too, but I'd rather just deal with it than take the medicine. I've had this since Jeanne was born 5 years ago.... maybe even before that.

 

I was prescribed Paxil... the same one dh was put on a couple years ago. He used to get tired from it so I did the opposite of what I was told to do (take it in the morning) and took it at 7 pm last night. At 2 am I forced myself to go to bed - but I was still wide awake... see if I do that again.

I was on Elavil a couple years ago for migraine prevention and would almost rather go on that again (I have some issues with Paxil) and I know the Elavil works for my system. As much as I hate meds, I don't have a great big choice right now because I can't get into counselling right now and I can't seem to get around all of this on my own.

And I'm also going to have my thryoid checked again - they been watching it for a couple years and I want to make sure it's inline like it should be and that we're not missing something...

 

I'm responding to you privately, too....but thyroid is a good idea to check, especially if your depression symptoms seem to revolve around your energy level. About the same time my depression symptoms got better (and I was on Prozac) I was also diagnosed with a bad thryoid. I haven't had to take depression meds since...not that I don't have to monitor myself in that area, but at least things seem more consistant rather than a rollercoaster.

 

I have battled depression since only a child. There was a period in my life when I was down for years. It was purely God's grace that kept me alive, for I saw no reason for my own life to continue. I cared about others, but saw myself as just a problem. I clung to God through thick and thin, praying "Lord, help me--I am just so sad!"
One day, I was listenting to a program on the Christian radio, and this woman was speaking, telling me that I was choosing to be depressed. You might say it was quite a slap in my face, so to speak. Was that really true? I took it before God, and He began to open my eyes to the way my own decisions to think negatively destroy me. I am still learning today, as God is merciful, and teaches us a little at a time. But it is so true: "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

Women--and men, too, I recently learned--naturally go through a cycle every thirty days or so. We have highs and lows, but what matters is what we do with them. Like everyone else has said, it is one thing to say it, and another to be in it, but I strongly believe God is the only lasting solution to not be drug down to absolute--and lasting--despair.

Our lows tend to be even lower when we are not taking care of ourselves. It's like with getting out--you don't want to, then when you are there, you enjoy it. Satan whispers lies to us and insists they are our own thoughts, then a lot of times, sad to say, we believe him. But there are a few simple things we can do...

eat right
exercise--even just a walk, or step outside and BREATHE
get the rest you need, and get up to enjoy the sun (When it's not there, I always remind my children--more like me --that we get to be the sunshine today!)
Drink enough water

When the simple steps of living seem like too much, I like to make myself a checklist, so I can say, "Praise God--I showered two days in a row!" "All-right--I drank some water today!" Something to be happy about.

My worst thought battle is probably against "poor me". I don't know for sure, but it seems like that one can be pretty common. I need to realize I am worth a lot, but that I don't need to keep track of all the reasons I should be sad today!

This might seem a little strange--and yes, I do know that some of the ladies definitely disagree with me here, so whatever works --but I have found a lot of encouragement with www.flylady.net . Through numerous e-mail reminders and testimonials, she teaches women to go through life one step at a time--and to find value in yourself.

My favorite text is 2 Thessalonians 2:13-15 because it tells me that from the beginning, God chose me!

I'll be praying for you.

 

When I am depressed I write lyrics. Some I have had copywrighted.
A THOUSAND ANGELS
With the strength of a thousand angels I will hold my head up high, With the strength of a thousand angels I know I will survive this world and I will praise his name with the joy of a thousand angels I will praise his name.
When I was down and I was in dispair my Jesus lifted me ,He took away all of my hate and my grief and set my spirit free,
If you are down and you are in dispair let Jesus carry you,He'll take away all of your hate and your grief, His love will see you through and with the strength of a thousand angels You can hold your head up high With the strength of a thousand angels you know you can survive this world if you will praise his name with the joy of a thousand angels just praise his name.

 

Wow! I'm totally shocked at how many of us have had or still have depression. I also have battled depression since a teenager. I was just thinking the other day at how sad that was and how if I had been on meds all these years (20+) my life could have been so different. I have only taken meds once and it was when I couldn't take it anymore. I handle my depression fairly well I think, but when my dd broke her leg and we had to listen to her scream at every single pin cleaning for months I could not take it. My dr put me on Zoloft (I think???) but it really didn't help and it made me queasy.

I really feel for you. I hope that you can find an answer.

 

Brenda I will pray for you. I am sorry that I have no other words of advice. My sister battles with depression and I hate that I am sometimes at a loss as to how to help her - we are very close. After the holidays I prepare myself because she usually gets worse then.
My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend.

 

Skippy, that's beautiful.
That is one other thing I failed to mention. People say write what you feel. I love to write, and I composed plenty of "good" depressing poetry--until the Lord finally got through to me that what I should be writing is praise--then when you know you're slipping, go back and read--500 times, if that's what it takes--read your praises and be reminded that God is good and He loves you!
A merry heart really does do good like a medicine.

 

I received an email from a good friend today who I know has had to face depression in the past and she had suggested keeping a journal of things that I am thankful for supposing it's thanking God for the PB&J on my sandwhich whatever it is to write it down... and she had other suggestions that I will consider as well...

 

I don't think it's possible to help someone come out of depression, especially when it's the kind where you can't even get motivated to get up. That is such a weight upon your person....
For me, I felt guilty sometimes for having this condition. I knew I was slowing everyone else down, I wore my mom's poor ear out, and I don't do my kids much good.
I really try hard not to let this show around Jeannie, because a lady at our health department said you can impart this to your children, especially if they are around you in the majority- and she is.
I'm glad everyone is sharing like this. It helps to not be alone.

 

I think in a way it's therapeutic for everyone to talk about it... I didn't realize that there were so many people who have faced this in the past and even in the present. And there may be other still reading these posts saying HEY! that's me but haven't said antyhing (and you don't have to if you don't want to). When I posted this whole thing, I was in a slump and couldn't figure out on my own how to get out from under it. I knew there were others here who have been diagnosed in the past with depression and so I was looking for some insight as to what might have worked for them.

I've been in situational depression moments in the past (you know like when a loved one dies or something like that - things you know will bring you down for a bit), but this is so different... I think in my case it's a matter of having to face changes in our home that I never dealt with when they happened, a matter of having to look after myself more (I give so much of myself to others that I neglect myself in doing so but that's who I am so changing this pattern will be a hard one for me to do), a matter of me choosing the battle worth fighting with the boys and learning from the ones we do pick.

I've said it many times today alone that maybe this is part of why I can't seem to find a job right now... God is using this time to make me face the issues I have and to turn them around into something productive... His way of being able to use my experiences in the future for Him, His way of making me stop and rest.

Thank you all for sharing your own experiences... it helps to know you're not alone in this (especially when you feel like you are).

 

Something Becky said reminded me of something else. I stopped homeschooling at one point because of the depression I was in and the fact that I knew I could not do my kids any good in the state I was in. But if it hadn't been for the kids, sometimes I wonder how motivated I would have been to seek help for myself, kwim?

Also, depression does affect others around you, including your kids. But when you have chemical depression it is hereditary and so even if you are being proactive and come out of your depression, your children may still show symptoms of depression regardless. That has been what has kept me on top of my tendency to fall into depression...the fact that my kids may be prone as well (which ds we already know is) so I need to remain in a good frame of mind consistantly in order to be a mom to my kids when they may possibly be suffering from symtoms even if I am not.

I've said to others before that God gave me kids early to get me through the issues that I needed to get through. Without them, I believe I would lack the motivation to keep up on myself.

Skippy...how do you go about copyrighting lyrics/poems? I have written a few and have not posted them to share because they weren't protected by copyright...BTW, I enjoyed Ten Thousand Angels immensely!

 

Brenda, I've had the problem of constantly "sacrificing" myself for others. You know, we are to be servants of God and man, and esteem others higher than ourselves... But it gets to the point where if I'm honest with myself, I'm no good to anybody because I feel so spent, kwim? Just a couple weeks ago, the Lord pointed out to me that He said to love my neighbor as myself. Now, what good is that if I don't really even love myself (as in, I don't truly, deep down inside, acknowledge that I really am worth a lot to God, too)! This has been quite humbling for me, but it has changed my whole outlook on life, and has brought immense peace with it. I can do the same little duties, like dishes, homeschool, laundry, picking up the house...because I enjoy the results, too, and it blesses my family triple--first, because it's done; second, because I'm happy about the whole deal; and third, because the first two often inspire someone else to follow in my steps! Servants unto God, not unto man, but all are blessed in the process! Oh, I have so far to go (don't we all?), but attitude--the decision to have a good one--really does matter. I don't have to hang on to feelings; I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me--even decide to act happy, become happy, when all in me says "you want to give up."

(BTW, my family has quite a history of depression, but I must continually say, God is good. )

 

I remember reading a lot of people get depressed this time of year.The days are shorter darker and colder. They actually have a clinical name for it. I don't remember what they called it, but holliday depression is not uncommon. Just know that God loves you and the cycle will change.I know we are all praying for you.

 

Contact your main library. They usually have the forms there.It is a T-X form for written material and something else for music but all you have to do is submitt your work along with the form and I think the fee is now about $30.00 send it in and they will issue a copywrite.

 

skippy, being a music writter myself and singer I really enjoyed trying to "listen to the lyrics" in my head as I was reading...they were very heartfelt and warm! I really enjoyed reading it.

Becky brought up Effexor. I had a friend who was on it and have a cousin who is on it currently. All I can say is don't start it unless you have ALL the right facts. Most of you know I am not one that is for anything of the sorts and I am not going to start another meds debate, but it does scare me to think of all the medications that are out there that are now being tested more and coming out to be more dangerous than they were. Any drug, perscription or over the counter, can be dangerous. Look at the facts coming out of the woodwork about the BC patch now! Who would have thought! It just scares me.

My friend that was on Effexor said that it is the most dangerous and scary type of head medicine. She had serious withdrawl symptoms...shakes, hallucinations, you name it...scary stuff. She wanted to get off of it because after the course of time she began to feel worse than she did before she started taking it and she realized that she was only masking problems around her. Just her story, but now I am trying to convince my cousin who is taking it, to go on something else if she feels she needs something. It's just a scary drug all around.

N4Life, I really enjoyed your first post...you took the words right out of my mouth. If God made you, he can certainly fix you can't he?

Brenda, you have so many things going on in your life right now and it's no wonder why you are feeling this way. Goodness, you must be an awefully strong person to deal with it all and give you so much credit where it is due for having to go through all these things in your life right now. Pray pray pray. And we will all pray for you too. Miracles do happen!

 

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13