Hello everyone. I recently got into a lively discussion about spanking, and thought I would ask people on here what they thought. Just to be clear I do spank my kids. Thank you for your input in advance.
Yes, we did for defiance. That kind of punishment was always followed by discipline to train the child, though.
No. I don't believe that hitting a child is okay. I don't think spanking is the most effective way to discipline either - long-term. By that I mean it teaches obedience through a child's desire to avoid pain rather than a child's desire to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I'm pretty strict with my kids, but I don't spank.
We do, but as a last resort, so it's not often. My parent's spanked, their parents spanked, and so on.
We do spank, but not often. It's a last resort or 'emergency' punishment. It's also not just spank and be done. We always talk about it afterward and there are plenty of warnings before a spanking is given. Spanking is very effective for some kids and not for others. Just like time outs are effective for some kids and not for others. ETA: Forgot to answer the why. Why? Because it's one of many tools in my parenting toolbox and if it is used sparingly I think it can be very effective. Some people say it's unChristian, but I disagree. If you think God doesn't spank His children when they misbehave, you haven't read your Bible. There are more references in the Bible about God's wrath than His Love. He disciplines His children, sometimes very harshly, much more harshly than a spanking. I think how God treats His children is how we should strive treat ours. He is our model parent. God is slow to anger and gives us warnings but does punish when we disobey.
I believe the Bible clearly teaches both spanking and mercy. God is merciful, but he's also not One to tolerate disobedience. Children learn about their "FATHER" through their "father". Yes, I spank, but as other have said, it's not the only item in my bag of discipline tools, and my kids are only spanked when clearly necessary. Attitude always gets a spanking. Something dangerous always does for a toddler but not for an older child. In my experience, spanking happens much more frequently in young children than in older ones. I very rarely spank my 5 year old anymore, but when he was little, there were days when I thought I'd wear myself out trying to keep up with him. My little guy sometimes responds to spanks and sometimes responds to being sent to his room. His mood at the time determines which one he'll get. I've learned his moods pretty well.
I don't believe God spanks or punishes His children when they misbehave. I think we often suffer natural consequences for our poor choices. He may guide and instruct us, but He doesn't send pain our way to teach us something. It isn't because I don't read my Bible. I do. I read that in Christ God reconciled the world to Himself not counting their trespasses against them (2 Corinthians 5). I read the proclamation by the angels of peace on earth good will to men. I read that the wrath of God has been satisfied with the blood of Christ.
I have spanked my kids, but seemed to only need it when they were toddlers. You know the age where they want to run into the street, don't listen when you say no, are too young to reason with, and I would rather spank them so they'll never do it again than have them hit by a car. Once my kids were old enough to reason with and understand the consequences of breaking my rules we haven't needed to.
Just some quick references I pulled up.... Pr 13:24 ¶ He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Heb 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? Heb 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (KJV) There are many, many more scriptures (New Testament) that refer to being punished by God for a believer's benefit.
We don't spank now. Ds is really the only one who ever 'needed' one, and he's the same height as I am, so seems sort of ridiculous. But we did when they were littler. It was based on the infraction- no spankings for anything minor. I don't believe in hitting kids' hands or just hauling off and smacking them. But I do think sometimes time-out just isn't enough for the situation. It was never done out of anger, and they always knew if they didn't change their behavior, that that was going to be their punishment. I find it interesting when I look around and see so many young people with zero manners, full of rudeness and zero concept of personal space, and that our philosophy is no spanking. It's hard for me NOT to see a connection there (maybe it's correlation rather than causation.. but I do wonder) For some kids, time outs might be enough. For my dd, it is enough that I'm angry or disappointed in her (it nearly reduces her to tears). But other kids are born to test their limits... and laugh at you when you put them in time-out.
First of all, I am a christian & do my best to not leave out or add to the bible, As I am sure you folks do as well. That being said, I am not against nor for spanking. I TRULY dislike it. I have spanked my girls & would if called for again. The times that I have & would spank are few & far between & on only very disrespectful or dangerous situations. I DON'T LIKE IT! The phrase "It hurts me worse than it hurts you" hits home. I do hurt from spanking my dds as I am sure you all do also. It hurts my kids feelings worse than it hurts their 'hind quarters. I do believe that it is necessary in certain situations. When my dds were doing hard time in ps, I would've never allowed the school to paddle them. If there had ever been a case that my dds were in trouble @ ps, they were to call me to come in & over see their punishment with the principal. I will not leave that serious of judgement calls to others that do not LOVE my kids. Thank God that never happened as my dds didn't cause trouble &/or were simply never in the wrong place @ the wrong time.(Which I know happens so very much in ps.) Grandparents & spanking...if they see it fit that my dds need to be spanked, well then they probably do. However that situation has never happened either. Shew, thank God!:lol: Blessings!
I look at it this way-we are ALL God's children-whether we choose to accept salvation or not. In the end-if you disobey, your final punishment is hell. I hope I didn't offend you Embassy (or anyone else) with my words-they may have been poorly chosen. I hope you know me well enough to know I wasn't implying that anyone who doesn't agree with me isn't reading their Bible or is in any way less of a Christian, etc. My bad. I understand the Bible is often open to interpretation and personal conviction. Two people can read the same verse and get two TOTALLY different things out of it and neither one be wrong, IMHO. So, maybe, better worded, would be, from my understanding of the Bible, God punishes us, and sometimes punishes us very harshly. Much more harshly than a spanking. Sometimes, yes, we suffer natural consequences for our bad decisions, and I often do teach my children lessons by letting them suffer the natural consequences (yet another tool in my parenting toolbox-but again, not the only one) of their actions (after many warnings, sometimes I step back and let them make the mistake and see I was right) I believe God does this, but I do also believe God does punishes his children for disobedience. I also believe God shows great mercy. But, Jesus dying on the cross isn't a free pass to disobey God. (I'm not saying you are saying that, I'm just saying I do know people who view it that way 'I can claim Christ and do what I want because Jesus paid for all my sins already' attitude) In Romans 2 Paul says (paraphrasing here) that God is just and will punish us and that we are storing up punishment for ourselves because of our disobedience (refusal to turn from sin) Paul tells us God will pour out His anger and wrath on those who refuse to obey. If God has convicted you (general you) to not spank-then you shouldn't spank. But, if God has convicted you to spank, then I do think it should be part of your toolbox. I don't think this thread is about people who misuse spanking (beating children, or using spanking as the only form of punishment or spanking in anger, etc) At least that's not the impression I got from the OP. And do think there is a correct way and an incorrect way to incorporate spanking into your parenting toolbox. Spanking simply doesn't work for some kids, but it's very effective for others. My oldest is VERY hard to punish. Impossible child! Time outs have NEVER EVER worked for this child because I can't take his imagination away when I put him in the corner! LOL I punish my 2 children VERY differently, because they are different children with different personalities and different needs. And that's okay, so if spanking does or doesn't work for you and yours-then I think either one can be the right choice for your family, it just depends on your family.
Just a personal note on the love that should go into spanking.... Many people have stories from their childhood that include the proverbial uphill both ways walk to school. My stories include tales of having to go choose my own switch from the willow tree on the corner of our yard prior to receiving a spanking. I only found out in my adulthood that my dad sent us to find our own switch so that he would have a chance to cool off before spanking us. He didn't take issuing a spanking lightly and neither do we. Even though I never knew his reasoning until well into my parenting life, his state of mind and his heart toward us when spanking was very much clear. Love wants us to learn obedience for our own sake.
Out of 3 kids, I have 3 different ways to discipline.Kid #1 was very hard-headed and really needed to know the "why" of the rules. You could usually reason with him. Kid#2 is a people pleaser and absolutely hates it when I'm upset with her. She responds well to a gentle encouragement(this was before puberty struck!). Kid#3 is the worlds most stubborn, challenging, and rebellious child. He would laugh at time-outs! Spankings were a necessity for that kid. For #3, it was NOT a last resort, it had to be the first response, or the situation would continue to escalate. I believe spanking is scriptual, but I also am aware of situations where it is over used. unfortunately, I've also seen situations where it was clearly under-used!LOL
I don't disagree that God disciplines His children. I don't disagree that believers go through many difficulties because of their faith in Christ. I do disagree that God doles out punishments. Discipline is training. I think this blog explains the spanking issue well concerning Proverbs and Hebrews texts.
Oh goodness no - I'm not offended. I think we may be approaching things with different theological viewpoints though. Jesus dying on the cross and offering a free gift of salvation is just that - a free gift. You can choose to make poor choices and suffer the consequences of those poor choices, but God isn't doling out punishments. A Christian has been cleansed and purified in the blood of the Lamb. I'm reminded of the text in James that says that grace is our teacher. It teaches us to do good things. God's grace is amazing. We love Him and serve Him because He first loved us and not because we have to in order to avoid punishment. Romans 2 isn't referring to those who are born again. It is part of the passage on the fallen nature of mankind and how everyone stands guilty before God without Jesus.
