This question is for Tina and others with cool ideas, lol...

My son has made potty training my living hell. I have worked with him for over a year (almost two)and still had no progress. I have read lots of books and seen videos. My son has had thousands of rewards and promises of grand prizes. I have used potty charts and singing pottys. I need help before I go completely mad.

Preston is 3.5 and know how to use the potty well. He just chooses not to use it. He is so used to going in his diaper that he NEVER tells me when he needs to go. So, the only time he uses it is when I put him on it. He usually does go then. The big problem is that I am so TIRED of taking him that I don't do it as often as he needs and then he wets his pull-ups. I tried using underwear and gave up after two days of cleaning floors all day and washing fifty pairs of underwear. I just can't seem to get him to go on his own.

So, I need some great ideas or advice about this. I know Tina and many others have super ideas when it comes to schooling so I thought I would see if you had some good pt advice. PLEASE, y'all, I am in desperate need of some assistance. BTW, if any of you want the job I will be willing to pay mega bucks!

 

Send him to live with my Mom for a couple of weeks! She's an expert at potty training kids and puppies!!! LOL :lol: We failed at potty training our puppy 16 years ago, left her with my Mom while we took a short vacation, and "voila!" -- the puppy was no longer paper trained, but went outdoors!

Then three years ago we visited Grandma and at that time I was soooo frustrated with ds and his total lack of interest in pt. Two things helped: ds got bronchitis and the local pediatrician we saw was so cool about pt. He said, "Hey, don't sweat it, some kids take longer. It's normal, it's okay, it's going to be fine." Basically, in his opinion, some kids (most often boys) just "get it" when they are good and ready and no one can make them be potty trained earlier. In fact, pushing the issue can be counter productive.

But on to the great part: Grandma is my "seekwet weapon" (no pun intended just trying to get the "American Tail" accent right!). Ds was way more motivated to please his beloved Grandma. She set the timer for 15 min., if I remember correctly. Every 15 min. he would visit the potty with her and try to "go". If he did something, he got M&Ms. She also made up a chart and he got a sticker every day he was "dry". We visited for three weeks, and voila! We went from pull ups to big boy pants practically overnight. Speaking of overnight, he never wet the bed at night once he got the daytime pt down. Just went "dry" and that was that. Whew! Boy, was I glad to quit buying pull-ups!

That's just what worked for us. Ds was going on four years old.

HTH

Blessings,

Anne

 

PS: Missy, I'm not comparing Preston to a puppy! It's just a joke in my family that my Mom can potty train kids, puppies, etc. I didn't want my earlier post to sound wrong.
Blessings,
Anne

 

Mom2ampm well this is what we did with my dd. She also didn't like to go to the bathroom no matter what I did it never work. One day we were reading a book about Santa Claus and she ask me when Santa Claus was coming and if she could make a list early. I then respond by telling her she can make a list if she would like but I don't know if Santa Claus comes to big girls whom still go potty in there pants. Her eyes got big she ran as fast as she could to her daddy and ask him and he told her that could be true we really don't know.That was it for the going potty in her pants never had trouble again. Never once wet pants day or night. She was about 3 and half at the time and Santa wasn't do to come for about another 4 months but she wanted to be ready she told us she wanted to be a big girl. She did get her the toy she wanted really bad from Santa Claus for going potty like a big girl. Might try that! When I tell my story everyone laughs about it. It was really cute the only thing I regret not doing is taping it to show her later on.
Kristy TX

 

Honestly what worked for us was just putting my kids in underwear and investing in a great carpet cleaner. It took a while but when I finally told ds that I wasn't going to change his wet underwear, that he had to do it himself, it worked. With dd she was going to daycare and at first she had to wear pullups but when we switched daycares they were good about letting us send her in underwear. After a few months of accidents she all the sudden got it. It was like over night a light went on and she got the hang of it. I think what helped was a friend of hers went from diapers to underwear with no accidents with in a week. In this case peer pressure works wonders.

My mom is using the old fashioned training pants instead of pullups on my baby brother. I think they work better than pullups because he gets wetter when he has an accident.

I guess the only advice I really have is invest in a good carpet cleaner and just keep at it. He'll get it when he's ready. Especially if he has friends his age that are in underwear.

 

Thanks for the ideas girls!

I have done the undies and even tried the undies inside the pull-ups (someone thought that would help). Unfortunately that did not work for him. He could care less if he was wet. So, I then made him change his own pull-ups. He is still doing that and so far he doesn't really have a problem with it...*sigh*.

I did find the neatest "Snack Machine" for kids today. You put in little fun size candies and it works like a vending machine. I told him that I would give him a quarter for every time he used the potty and he loves it. I sure hope this helps. I am so so tired!

 

What worked for my ds was the birth of his little sissy...... :wink:

 

I forgot to mention that one of the "readiness" signs for potty training is the child staying dry at night. Ds was dry from around 15 months of age at night--he just remained stubborn for another year and a half! At the suggestion of several friends we let him run around the house naked. That worked really well, but obviously could not be consistant when we were out and about :lol: . Then, at the ripe ole age of 3 years his little sissy was born and seeing the baby get "changed" did the trick. In a moment of pride he stopped cold turkey. He's been "clean" now for over 5 years.

Dd took till she was almost 3; however, she has a bladder problem and wets at night still....thank the Lord for Goodnights!

 

Have you tried letting him run around bare-bottomed? Someone suggested that for my very-stubborn daughter (who announced to Grandma that she decided that she didn't want to be a Cubbie, since the Cubbie teacher had made a big deal about Cubbies wearing Big-Girl undies, but "I KNOW you'll be in them by the time Cubbies starts in the fall...."). Anyway, I didn't like the idea, but was at the end of my rope. This woman had nine kids (well, maybe only 6 at that time, but that was still four more than I had at the time!) so I figured what the heck. Would you believe she was going in the potty within 48 hours? I was amazed!!! With boys it doesn't work quite as well. This friend says that with her boys she lets them run around outside with no pants and "water the flowers" the summer closest to their second birthday. I don't know how well it will work now that there's not a lot of time to do that, and am not sure how it would work inside the house. I mean, you don't have flowers to "water" inside the house, you know? I did let Phillip go some outside without his pants about this time of year, and it did work for me.

On the side, she did tell me that her son, now 5, went to the swimming pool, pulled down his swim suit, and started "spraying" into the pool. The life guard saw him and was upset; the kid turned to see what the lifeguard was telling him, and sprayed the lifeguard! My friend was VERY embarressed!

 

Jackie...

believe it or not I tried the bare bottom for a day. Preston didn't seem to be offended by the pee running down his leg or the mess on the floor. I think one problem with me is that I abandon ship too early. I cannot stick to something that I think isn't working eventhough it may eventually work. I also have this fear that some person will show up on the day he's running around nude and then think we are weirdos! I could never do the yard thing in a million years. One of my dear friends did that too with her little boy and he was pt that summer. :cry:

I'll have to see how it does with the incentives again. :?:

 

Missy,

I know you are sooo tired. If you could tough it out a little longer, I was wondering if some reverse psychology would work. Quit acting like you even care if he goes (maybe you have already done this). When he wakes up in the morning just very casually- but seriously - say, "Let me know if you want to go potty later. I know it's really yucky to have pee-pee and poo-poo all over your bottom - YUCK!," Then say, "That's why big boys like to use the potty, so they don't have to have baby diapers on and yucky stuff on their bottoms. Let me know if you want to go." You'll probably go all day with the same routine of changing diapers/pull-ups, but maybe after a few days, he'll start thinking that it is yucky and he does want to be a big boy. You might also announce very clearly any time anyone else in the family is going to go potty, such as, "I need to go pee-pee, so I'm going to go in the bathroom," or "Sister needs to go potty, so she is going to the bathroom." He probably senses your frustration and it gives him a little power. Just ideas. Obviously, no one thing works for everyone or there wouldn't be people all around the world making big bucks on potty training books! (Ha!) Potty training is always a HUGE topic on message boards, so don't feel like you're alone or a failure.

 

Missy,

Take a break. It doesn't sound like he is ready. Remember that not all kids are ready for the some things at the same age. Not being potty trained at 3.5 in not unusual. Relax. Stop trying to potty train him for a month or two. I would put him back into regular diapers (imho pull ups are a waste of money). Let him know that he can use the toilet at any time and ask him occasionally through out the day if he needs to go, but don't push the situation. After a month or so break let him know that you are going to work on pt again. I used training underwear (it is underwear that has a heavy, thick center section) and those plastic diapers covers that are used for covering over cloth diapers. The only time I use pull up is when we are out shopping etc and I am worried about untimely accidents.

I have three kids out of diapers and have one left to go (he's only 5 weeks old so it will be a while). I've learned not to even try potty training until they are 3yo. If they have any interest before then they are welcome to try, but I don't push only encourage and assist. I have also found that the ones that train later have fewer accidents.

Good luck and remember that he will eventually get it. How many 5yo do you know that are still in diapers? :wink:

Mariann

 

Well, I am not holding my breath....

but Preston has been using the potty well all morning. He loves his Vending Machine and started first thing this morning using the potty. He jumped out of bed and ran and used it without even telling me he was going! Hope it continues!

 

Missy,
Hang in there by remembering he will eventually, in his own good time potty train :roll:
I was right there with you when my ds was three and a half. Yes, he could go,but....

Here are a few of the many ideas to add to your list.
Waiting.....

Buy, borrow lots, I mean lots underwear. I tossed them vs. scraping, bagging and carring them around with us. I thought he would go crazy when I tossed a pair of Superman underwear.

TARGETS IN THE TOILET! Walmart sells some, we used cheerios, or toilet paper with a blue marker dot on it. The water turns green, (his favorite color) only with the.....you know. He also loved sinking the targets :wink: This only works well with standing boys of course.

A big coffee can is what my mom uses with boys. Good sounds they say.

Watering the bushes outside, he loved that one.

One of those digital timer that clips on. My sister ran a day care and they used these with packs of toddlers.

Lots of time at home when he is working hard to avoid the accidents or not wanting to go when you are away from the house.

I agree with letting him take charge of this too, if he is strong minded. Just let him be responsible. You need to get your bag in case you need a change while we are out. (I didn't call them accidents.) Dragging a bag around when you want to play is a drag. My purse ran out of space, so you'll need to hang onto that.... When ever there was an accident, I just changed it in an unfun place and oooohhhhhhh it took forever. Going in the potty saved sooooo much time for him. During changes, I'd mention this and the fact that when he was ready how awsome going in the potty would be. Once he took charge and there was a big supply of targets to sink, it didn't take long.
Tammy :wink:

 

I didnt read all the post so if I repeat something someone else said sorry. I have seven children and have tried many different things. I can offer what worked best for us.
For little boys we kept a small container of cheerios on the back of the potty. When it was time to "go" he would throw a couple in to "aim" at. This also helped when it was time to switch from sitting backwards to a big boy standing position. What also worked well was to have them bare bottomed. I would put on a longer t-shirt but nothing else. This worked great for at least two of mine. Granted if you are out and about this wouldnt be a good idea, but for us being home bound most of the day it worked well. I would also keep a small potty chair in our family room for the times they wouldnt make it upstairs to the bathroom. We used a sticker chart and after a certain amount of stickers were awarded they got a prize. Thats went ok. Before I had all seven kidos I would make a point to take the child in training to the potty at least every hour to sit. Honestly I didnt do that for long. :wink:
Bedtime is where we really struggle with training. I still have two nighttime wetters. We have tried most everything I can think of. When I spoke to my pediatrician about it she assured me they would stop - someday. She doesnt have my laundry load!! :lol:

 

Thanks for all the ideas...

I think he is doing okay. Still, he is only going a few times a day on his own and then when I tell him to go. He is not too good at initiating the potty time. He likes having the vending machine and atleast he is learning more about money, lol. It really is cute. I can label the candy as .01, .05, .10, .25 or 1.00 and he will have to buy what he can with the coin(s) he receives for using the potty. This week I am just giving quarters for every time he uses the potty. I think next week he might get .10 for just peeing in the potty (with a wet pull-up), .25 for peeing in the potty (and having a dry pull-up) and 1.00 for using the potty totally on his own with my assistance. He can actually use his money or put it in his bank for future use! Man, this would be a great learning toy for some kindergarten!

BTW, he is not eating all this candy. He, on his own, decided to save some of it for after lunch or supper. Some of it he put in a little gift bag to just have for later he said! :wink:

 

Don't laugh, Missy! The more you talk about the money- its name, its worth, he'll remember that. My almost four year old learned about money with the calendar- how much is today worth? Beginning with pennies we count out enough coins for today's date, then exchange up through nickles, dimes and quarters. That's one silver lining- he's learning something along the way!

 

I caught a few comments here and there but didn't read everything so forgive me if I'm repetitive.

I do agree with the "bare-bottomed" idea." One thing that seems to make it drag out longer is if you start too soon. It's easy to misread a child's "readiness" for potty training. Sometimes it's the mother that is being trained ... not the child. KWIM???

It does make an impact when they see themselves messing on the floor. Yes, it's exhausting to clean it up but if it's becoming THAT difficult and you're sure he knows what he SHOULD do, then it has turned into a discipline issue, not a potty-training issue.

This will get me lynched, but when I was convinced that mine knew better, yet they messed themselves out of carelessness, they got a swat on the butt. One time ... and I repeat ONE time, my son hid behind a door while in underwear (we didn't have pull-ups 13 years ago in Eastern Canada), and proceeded to poop his underwear. He knew enough to hide, so he knew what he was doing was wrong. He got a swat on the butt for that and never did it again.

Did you say he's 3.5?? I seem to recall that from your post and also that you said you know HE knows better... so now it's time to enforce some discipline IMHO. He can hold his messy underwear under the tap and rinse them out ... or maybe he'd like to sit in the tub for a few hours because at least the mess would be in one place ... or maybe he'd like to stand in a garbage bag that is tied around his waist and try to walk around in the mess the bag catches ... and the worst would be the mere mention of the fact that if he has to stay in diapers, then he also goes back in a crib. If you still have his crib, actually get it out and set it up !!!

I do have friends who used the M&M's method, but I just couldn't mix bathroom time and food ... it seemed pretty gross to me along with the potentially risky message sent by using food as a reward.

Ok ... I'm open to lynching now LOL.

Kathe

 

Missy, I was thiking about our former doctor today. Her son was 41/2 when he was fully potty trained. She said she was really beginning to wonder what to do for him when he started going by himself. The only other problem she had with him was going at other people's houses- he wouldn't.

 

Ya know...

I do really think he is ready and knows what he is doing. I'm sad to say that I have HONESTLY tried all that you have mentioned to some extent. I have spanked, I have punished in some fashion (not the trash bad or back to the crib...we sold the crib). I have done the bare bottom and just undies. I have tried backing off...several times. I have tried getting him cool undies and cool potties. I have bought every book known to man and every video about potty training. I have used charts. I have taken him every 10-15 min for days. I tried the Potty Training in a Day method. I have made him change his own poopy diapers and peepee diapers. I still make hiim change the wet ones but the dirty ones I help with after he made a mess on his carpet. I ........could go on but my point is that I have really done it all and he is not really responding. He uses the potty when I put him on it just about every single time, but he is still wetting his pants and pooping in them. It may just be he needs tons and tons of practice actually going to the potty as we're doing now. He did not always use it in the past when I put him on it. So, we are making a little progress. And, he has gone totally on his own a few times but ONLY A FEW! I guess I need to be a little more patient.

I am letting the world run me! I am embarrassed at Preston's lack of toilet skills and hate for him to wear his diapers/pull-ups around friends and relatives. So, the truth is...I am the one with the major problem, lol. He WILL potty train in his own time I'm sure...if not, then we do have a more serious problem.