Maybe it's my preggy hormones talking but it seems that my darling sister in law has a problem with every choice hubby and I make as parents. I can handle that she doesn't agree with home education (but what about socialisation?) or home birth (but what if something goes wrong?) but does she have to keep bringing it up? She also doesn't agree with us not giving our baby the same name as his dad, grand-dad and great-grand-dad, and keeps bringing that up too. Pretty much everything we choose to do as parents she disagrees with and does the opposite. That's fine she can do as she likes with her child but could she please just shut up about how we're "damaging" our kids. Now she's arguing about birthday gifts for our oldest daughter who turns 6 in April. Every year hubby's family ask for birthday gift suggestions. This year we suggested gift vouchers so she can pick some clothes for autumn/winter because she's outgrown last years and likes to have a say in what she wears (fair enough in our opinion). SIL is acting like it was a demand and saying it's not personal or special or a surprise, etc. Same thing happened at Christmas, family asked for suggestions, we suggested games like guess who and connect four, so SIL got a jewelry box filled with $2 shop bling. Miss5 has never been into jewelry and SIL knows it. I don't care if she doesn't agree with our choices but does she have to keep harping on about it everytime she sees my DH? BTW she almost never says it to my face and asks DH not to tell me what she's said. I don't agree with some of her choices but I keep my mouth shut.
Two things: Your DH needs to handle this with his sister (tell her to mind her own). You need to learn about passing the bean dip. (Will someone less sleepy than I please explain about the bean dip)
My family does that. Ask what the kids want then get the opposite! Why ask??? If they're so into 'special' then stop asking and pick it out themselves. And they ALL seem to have an opinion on everything! My favorite: After DS millionth seizure, neuro evals, hospital stays....my FIL asks: "Are you sure it's Epilepsy? Those docs don't know what they're talking about...just give him some caffeine...it cures everything!" WHAT???????
I'll take over for Amie and try to explain the bean dip, basically it's a polite way of saying I hear you, but I don't want to talk about it, please change the subject. I'll do some examples: Nosy Neighbor: Those children should be in school, how will they ever learn to play with others if they aren't in school? You: They play great with the other kids in our homeschool group - Here have some bean dip! Annoying old lady who thinks she knows everything: You know when I was their age I had chores, and my father would spank me if I did what your child just did. You: We prefer to discipline our children in private, thank you for your concern, here have some bean dip! SIL who thinks you baby your children: When are you going to let them grow up and make their own choices? You: When we feel they are ready to make good decisions, have some bean dip. Mother who is sure you are ruining them by not allowing TV: You really should let them watch television, otherwise they won't fit in with their peers. You: We are OK with different, would you like some bean dip? That should give you the idea. You don't have to defend or explain your choices. So when you are criticized or questioned, give a simple answer that makes it clear you are happy with your choice, and then change the subject. It's not so much about actually giving them bean dip, but really about changing the discussion to something that won't offend or cause hurt feelings.
Can't offer advice just heart. I have my sisters to put up with. They've gotten better once they saw that our children are so polite. One sister couldn't believe our son would help her with her luggage. And that our children don't have any problems interacting with other children. I'd have to say she's jealous.
Anyone says anything to my face (who isn't genuinely curious) I respond with "It's working for us and she's doing at least as well as her p/s friends. With my SIL I just ask how her baby has been since I last saw him. Pass the bean dip A friend of mine has a son who is on ritalin *sp* and someone from her coffee group said that stuffs poison just give him a strong black coffee when he starts getting out of control. Or another child who's parents and grandparents have been buying him pocket rockets (concentrated energy drink) in he was six.
My MIL is the same way. It's hard to tell others, especially family, to mind their own business in a nice way. I liked teh response, "It doesn't bother us to be different." So there you go! My MIL is a teacher and she's prone to gossip, but at least when it comes to christmas and birthdays she is good about getting them books and educational material. I just want to send a hug your way and let you know that it's ok to stand your ground and defend your way of life, but let your DH have a heart to heart with her about it.
I agree with Amie about letting your husband deal with it. She needs to be told that there are certain things that are NOYB!!! Here's the link for the bean dip method of hs'ing. While the others have explained it here, it's still a great read! http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28
Let your husband deal with them. My mom always ask what the girls want, but then she just buys something cheap and unpractical for girls there age.... why bother!
when people ask for gift suggestions, its just that..... they are always welcome to pick out something more personal, or just suggest your SIL take your daughter out to pick an outfit with her..... (sounds like you have a 50 / 50 chance of your daughter liking it)., as for your choices about homeschooling and home birth........... take everyone elses opinions with a grain of salt, just be blunt with your SIL, tell her you appreciate her oppinions, but you and your husband have your own ways of doing things and you'd appreciate if she'd keep her redundant opinions to herself.
Your husband needs to speak up and make it VERY clear that she has crossed her boundries. If she likes it, GREAT! If she doesn't like it, that is her problem. You have a choice what you will tolerate.
Went to visit the inlaws today and SIL was all polite to me as usual. In the car on the way home DH told me about her latest issue. We've just picked up a wooden playpen for Baby so I have a safe place to put him when I have to leave the room and he can't come with me. She asked DH why do I need a playpen, why can't I watch him constantly. DH said, "She'll be a WAHM of three and she has to do the cooking and cleaning and bring in the firewood and go toilet now and again :lol: as well as h/s Loralei. It's not humanly possible to watch a child constantly and you can't expect a 1y/o and a 2y/o to leave a baby alone. So she is providing a safe place for our baby." SIL shut up! That was huge for DH and I'm so proud of him. He was raised with zero boundries and his resolution for 2012 is to change that. This is the third person he has stood up to boundry-wise this year.
