Bean Dip I wanted to offer my "bean dip strategy" for home schooling. It's something I've learned in my years of parenting using alternative ideas. The specifics may change, but the principal doesn't. When setting boundaries, people (often moms) typically confuse setting the boundary with trying to convince the other person about how right they are in needing to set the boundary. In setting boundaries, we don't need to convince the other person we are right and they don't have to agree about the boundary. We just need to be prepared to enforce the boundary, at any cost, using progressively more firm responses (if need be). Here is an example: I've found new moms often confuse boundaries and trying to convince someone of the *rightness* of their choices. They will send articles, links, books and cite statistics. All of these things send the message: this is up for debate and discussion; I may be swayed by you. The best thing is to assert your boundary and *not* try to defend your choice. No books, articles, links, etc. If the person feels strongly enough *they* can initiate getting some information. First, I learned early on that most of my choices were on a "need to know" basis. Most people don't "need to know." Question: "What about socialization?" Answer: Got that covered, thanks! Want some bean dip? Question: “They will need to function in the real world" Answer: "Yes! Thank you! Want some bean dip?" "What about college?" Answer: "Yes, our children will be going. Thanks! Want some bean dip?" Now, with some people you will need to set *firm* boundaries. They will need to be backed up with action (like hanging up, leaving the room or even the event). If it's a pattern of intrusion, Practice kind but firm responses: "I know you love us and the children. We are so glad. Our education choices have been researched and made. I will not discuss it again" Don't confuse setting boundaries with trying to convince someone of the rightness of your choices. New HSing moms often struggle with this. The boundary is that no one else has a right to tell you how to parent and create a hostile environment. You set boundaries by doing the above. New HSing parents often invite problems is by citing authors, studies and sites to "defend" themselves. Each time you do so, you create more time for discussion and rebuttal and send the message that your decisions are up for debate. Don't defend your choices beyond generalities, and then only once or twice. "We are quite comfortable with our choices. Want some bean dip?" Finally, look them in the eye and say simply "I want us to have a good relationship. I want you to *enjoy* the children. I'll parent the child - you enjoy them. Let's not discuss this anymore. If you bring it up, I will leave the room." One thing I want to add is to *carefully* chose who you vent/rant to about parenting issues. Home schooling is like breastfeeding in a way. Normal struggles get blamed and dumped on home schooling (like normal baby/adjustment issues get blamed on breastfeeding). People will attribute parenting issues to the fact of your home schooling. The more aggressive/hostile ones will deliberately capitalize on the opportunity and will use your parenting challenge as a way to force their anti Home school agenda. So, be very selective whom you talk to about the specifics on your life. http://happyhomeschooler.blog-city.com/bean_dip.htm
Lol! OH my, I have not ever done any of those, at first I thought it was a joke, but its for real? I guess My biggest people who go against me are the person we run into at the store or at church who mean well and question my authority to teach my children,
I don't owe ANYONE an explanation for why we are doing what we are doing lol. If people ask questions I answer them rather vaguely. "Do you plan to homeschool after this year?" "Why yes, we do, as long as we feel it's necessary" "WHy did you pull her from public school, we have such a wonderful education system here?" "because we felt otherwise about this wonderful education system" "Well how can you teach, are you a teacher?" "Why yes I am a teacher, I've taught her everything she's learned so far!" so on and so forth. Really though, nobody's given us any grief. The ones that have really can't say much once dd starts talking or starts asking THEM questions lol.
YEP!!! I loved the part about setting boundaries! Telling parents that "My job is to parent, your job is to enjoy!" That's GOOD!!!!!
That is great! You are so right! We do not always have to defend our position. In many ways, that alone can make us look uncertain or weak in our position. You are right on!
I loved this one. Normally when someone tries to debate or argue with me about our decision to homeschool I just say "This is our choice" and leave it at that.
