First day a disaster! Advice?

M

MicheleLea

New Member
Today was our first day and my son was whiny and was not cooperative. We did get about 3 hours of instruction done between his father and I both helping him. It wasn't hard work. A math assessment to see where he stands and an introduction to Tom Sawyer. I had him do some journaling. I already feel like I've made a huge mistake.

Is this typical behavior for a newly homeschooling 5th grade boy? Any advice or tips would be awesome. I'm scared. :shock:

-Michele
 
First, take a deep breath. Now take all things you think homeschooling is and throw them out the window... esp if you see homeschooling as school at home. I have learned a lot over the years, the biggest thing has been my kids learn best when I am relaxed. If I get all "teacher" on them, they shut down and even throw tantrums.

Take a while to deschool, go to parks, museums, read a book or two together, have him pick books that interest him to read. Watch some educational videos (netflix streaming is great for this), find out what makes him excited and go from there... maybe he loves space, maybe he wants to build cars when he grows up (I have one who wants to do this), maybe watching some Shark Week videos on Netflix will make him realize he wants to be an oceanographer or marine biologist. Then you can build off of those interests. Science and social studies and even language arts can all be build completely around interests. I don't offer too many options for math, but I'm all for "living math" and am trying to find the confidence to go that route with my younger clan, so even math is something that can be built on interests.

Relax, remember, you can not do any more damage to your kid than the public school could, in fact I'm sure you couldn't do 1/4th the damage that can be done in PS. The first year is the hardest.
 
First, do not be scared. You are a beginner and you are learning, too. :D Be easy on yourself, AND your son. Homeschooling is new to all of you.

I do not know why your son is behaving the way he is because I do not know what he has been doing behavior wise. I have learned one thing for sure, and this may or may not apply to you and his father, but in my years of homeschooling, I have found that sometimes I am the problem. My behavior has to be every bit in check as my daughters. I can't expect a certain behavior from my daughter if I am not behaving myself. In the early days of homeschooling, I would easily get frustrated. Our frustration rubs on our children every bit as much as their attitude rubs on us. If you already feel that you made a huge mistake in your choice, then your son probably does, too.


Here are a few questions for thought:

-Is your son normally a winey and noncooperative person?

- Did your son want to be homeschooled?

- Are you teaching according to how he learns, or according to how you learn? This is a big one for homeschoolers. We forget that our children do not always learn the same way we learn or teach. Some kids are eclectic, traditional, hands-on, audible leaners, etc...

- Is the work confusing him, too difficult, in turn frustrating him?

- Was the assessment difficult for him? It doesn't matter how easy you think it was. Was it easy for him, or is he simply being lazy and complicated?

- Have you sat him down, along with his dad, and had a loving heart-to-heart as to why he is not being cooperative? This is assuming that the work is easy and that you guys didn't trigger any frustration in him. He could give you far better insight than we can. Not that your questions aren't welcome. :D

- Are you showing frustration?

- Does he simply not want to complete the work?


I have been homeschooling for 11 years and I am still learning. :D The one thing about homeschooling is the dynamics are SOOOOO different than the dynamics of a public school setting. Study your son. Observe what he enjoys doing. See if he enjoys reading silently, out loud, with you and his dad? Get a feel of his strengths and weaknesses and build around that.
 
Sommer mentioned "deschooling". That's essential when you bring them home! Take time to relax. Don't try to imitate school at home!
 
MicheleLea said:
Today was our first day and my son was whiny and was not cooperative. We did get about 3 hours of instruction done between his father and I both helping him. It wasn't hard work. A math assessment to see where he stands and an introduction to Tom Sawyer. I had him do some journaling. I already feel like I've made a huge mistake.

Is this typical behavior for a newly homeschooling 5th grade boy? Any advice or tips would be awesome. I'm scared. :shock:

-Michele
Click to expand...

For a 5th grader I'd consider getting some input from him on what he wants to learn or how he wants to learn. Is he on board with it? My friend just started homeschooling her 4th grader and he didn't want to be homeschooled.

I don't allow whining about school work. My kids do it sometimes, but they have to replenish some of the energy drained from me that is caused by whining. They replenish some of my energy by doing some extra chores.

You may want to go through a period of deschooling too. Maybe you can start out by helping him explore his passions fully and then start slowing adding formal work into the mix.
 
As I sit here grinding my teeth while a timer counts down for my 5th grade son copies 1 paragraph, I want to tell you it is totally normal. I would say Tom Sawyer is pretty advanced for a 5th grader. It is normally about 7th grade. I would just keep a positive attitude and remember it takes 45 days for anything to become a habit. I consider the first 9 weeks boot camp school for the kiddos and I try and tell myself in 45 days we will be in a groove and have a routine and be so much smoother the first few weeks of school.
 
MicheleLea said:
Is this typical behavior for a newly homeschooling 5th grade boy? Any advice or tips would be awesome. I'm scared. :shock: -Michele
Click to expand...

Yes. Not necessarily whiny-ness specifically, but some form of "I d'wanna do this and I'm going to try whatever I can not to have to do it." Mine did the same thing back in the day because he didn't want to homeschool. He wanted to go to public as he had been doing since kindy. Eventually they get over it. I probably could have done it better/differently, but I had my reasons and stood my ground. I explained (and so did his dad) calmly and rationally our reasons, and ended with "and until you're 18, WE make the decisions for you and WE have decided, so get over it." (You'd have to know MY son...) About the only time he thought it was cool to homeschool was when he'd get together with his buds and they'd talk about it and they were soooooo jealous, and he could say "oh, that's what you're studying? I did that already!" :cool: He was free to pursue his interests often, mainly bugs; he thought back then he was going to be an entomologist.

Like I said, eventually they get over it -- mine had his go to public for kindy. Then about 8 weeks into the first grade, he called: "Mom, come and get him. He's going to live with you for school." They could see that public was NOT working for him. Now my DGS is living with us during the school year, going to Grandma School. I keep asking him (the grandson), and he keeps saying he has no intention of going back to public school!
 
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crazymama said:
First, take a deep breath. Now take all things you think homeschooling is and throw them out the window... esp if you see homeschooling as school at home. I have learned a lot over the years, the biggest thing has been my kids learn best when I am relaxed. If I get all "teacher" on them, they shut down and even throw tantrums.

Take a while to deschool, go to parks, museums, read a book or two together, have him pick books that interest him to read. Watch some educational videos (netflix streaming is great for this), find out what makes him excited and go from there... maybe he loves space, maybe he wants to build cars when he grows up (I have one who wants to do this), maybe watching some Shark Week videos on Netflix will make him realize he wants to be an oceanographer or marine biologist. Then you can build off of those interests. Science and social studies and even language arts can all be build completely around interests. I don't offer too many options for math, but I'm all for "living math" and am trying to find the confidence to go that route with my younger clan, so even math is something that can be built on interests.

Relax, remember, you can not do any more damage to your kid than the public school could, in fact I'm sure you couldn't do 1/4th the damage that can be done in PS. The first year is the hardest.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for this, CrazyMama. I instantly feel better. I think you are right about the deschooling. He is a very intelligent boy and I have no doubts he can learn. He's been wanting to homeschool for a long time and even helped me with the curriculum. But, when it came time for actual work he was not too happy about it. My approach is very stiff and awkward. I think we'll take a week off and since the school he attended is year round he will be having 3 weeks off for Fall break (my oldest still goes) so that will give him some time off. I think we'll do some reading as suggested and just relax until after Fall break.
-Michele
 
Emma's#1fan said:
First, do not be scared. You are a beginner and you are learning, too. :D Be easy on yourself, AND your son. Homeschooling is new to all of you.

I do not know why your son is behaving the way he is because I do not know what he has been doing behavior wise. I have learned one thing for sure, and this may or may not apply to you and his father, but in my years of homeschooling, I have found that sometimes I am the problem. My behavior has to be every bit in check as my daughters. I can't expect a certain behavior from my daughter if I am not behaving myself. In the early days of homeschooling, I would easily get frustrated. Our frustration rubs on our children every bit as much as their attitude rubs on us. If you already feel that you made a huge mistake in your choice, then your son probably does, too.


Here are a few questions for thought:

-Is your son normally a winey and noncooperative person?

- Did your son want to be homeschooled?

- Are you teaching according to how he learns, or according to how you learn? This is a big one for homeschoolers. We forget that our children do not always learn the same way we learn or teach. Some kids are eclectic, traditional, hands-on, audible leaners, etc...

- Is the work confusing him, too difficult, in turn frustrating him?

- Was the assessment difficult for him? It doesn't matter how easy you think it was. Was it easy for him, or is he simply being lazy and complicated?

- Have you sat him down, along with his dad, and had a loving heart-to-heart as to why he is not being cooperative? This is assuming that the work is easy and that you guys didn't trigger any frustration in him. He could give you far better insight than we can. Not that your questions aren't welcome. :D

- Are you showing frustration?

- Does he simply not want to complete the work?


I have been homeschooling for 11 years and I am still learning. :D The one thing about homeschooling is the dynamics are SOOOOO different than the dynamics of a public school setting. Study your son. Observe what he enjoys doing. See if he enjoys reading silently, out loud, with you and his dad? Get a feel of his strengths and weaknesses and build around that.
Click to expand...


Hi Patty, this is a lot to think about and I know he senses some frustration or something from me. I did my best to act as though I was not affected but he knows and may be trying to push the boundaries. So, instead of continuing the work I had I just pretended to be finished with the lesson, "See, that was it?" He's very smart so sometimes it's a matter of mind games with him. Thinking ahead. Most kids are like that I suspect. Like, I'll say a reward is staying up later and I KNOW no matter what I say he'll want an extra half hour so I'll say you can stay up until 9:30 knowing he'll want to negotiate until ten. So, when he says, "How about 10:00?" I say that sounds fair. It's a win/win. :lol:
 
OpenMinded said:
As I sit here grinding my teeth while a timer counts down for my 5th grade son copies 1 paragraph, I want to tell you it is totally normal. I would say Tom Sawyer is pretty advanced for a 5th grader. It is normally about 7th grade. I would just keep a positive attitude and remember it takes 45 days for anything to become a habit. I consider the first 9 weeks boot camp school for the kiddos and I try and tell myself in 45 days we will be in a groove and have a routine and be so much smoother the first few weeks of school.
Click to expand...

He's always been well above his peers. His older half sibling have all tested gifted and are now in college, but he has never been tested and I suspect it's because he goes to a poor inner city school. He just gets overlooked because he is very well behaved, gets good grades, has been student of the month several times. It was last year that his grades started going down and he began having struggles with his friends. He is very effeminate and has always liked hanging out with girls. Now, that he's getting older he's finding it difficult to fit in with boys and girls and the bullying has began. I refuse to let those children pick on my son. So we are hoping to find some local homeschooling/unschooling children that have been raised to be more open minded. I know of a family close that I attended school with the mother so I know she would be very welcoming.

As for Tom Sawyer being advanced. I don't think it will be a problem, but it is just a start. It's all trial and error at this point just to see where he stands. But, I was an advanced reader in school and had a special class and he takes after me in that respect. Our struggles are in Math. Ick, yuck! :p
 
Jackie said:
Sommer mentioned "deschooling". That's essential when you bring them home! Take time to relax. Don't try to imitate school at home!
Click to expand...

Hi Jackie, I think that might be the problem. Trying to imitate school. I thought it would help to keep his schedule structured, but now I realize that doesn't mean just book work. Thanks for responding. We are going to deschool for sure. Great suggestion. Plus, it will give me time to reassess how I'm going to approach this whole homeschooling bit.
-Michele
 
When I first started, I heard a lady talk at a conference who does homeschool evals. She has a PhD in reading. She said new folks who had pulled their kids would come to her, terrified that they hadn't "done enough". The thing that she heard over and over again was, "We didn't do too much school, but I got my kid back!!!" She says that first year, the emphasis needs to be on "getting my kid back". Once that's done, you can concentrate on academics.
 
Also remember even ps kids balk at the first sign of doing work in a year. It takes time to get into a routine. Take it slow. What we did the first year was start off with one or two subjects and then introduce 1-2 more each week. It took a few months to fully find a routine that fit. I would also provide incentive for not giving you a hard time...tv, computer, lunch out..... some sort of reward for good behavior. That worked wonders for our complaining in the beginning.
 
What are the regulations for your state? I ask b/c if you deschool for months and then have to test at the end of the year or be evaluated...well you might run into some troubles there. He sounds like a very bright young man. He also sounds typical of a 5th grade boy. I think it is something about the age and it could also be due to him getting older and testing boundaries as well. I know my ds10 5th grade wants to be seen as a young man and not a little boy. He will manipulate me though and I think it is the age and doesn't necessarily have to be b/c he is a boy. I have older girls and we hit rough patches when they were in the in-between ages as well. They aren't little kids but they aren't young adults either. I avoid the term teenager on purpose. ;)
Maybe start out with just one subject for a week and add in another subject the next week until before long and without him noticing you have added it all in eventually. I personally would be hesitant to deschool for months after already having summer break with a 5th grade student b/c to me the older grades are so much easier to get off track and then feel overwhelmed as both mom/teacher especially if you have to test at the end of the year.
Also, trust me in that while I have a pretty blog and it looks so pretty and perfect on it that real life is not that pretty and perfect. There aren't pictures of our melt downs, stony glares, sneakily not doing our math problems then wondering why we fail our math quiz. Trust me, do not compare yourself to homeschool blogs or other homeschool families. I don't put up our horrid days where I call hubby in tears saying I can't do this anymore. I put up the good days to give myself encouragement. Think about homeschooling like you would marriage. You get out of it what you put into it and they both require hard work on both parties to have a successful relationship.
I would also encourage you not to assume other homeschooling families have it more together or their children have been raised better than public schooling families. I am not saying don't seek out other homeschoolers but please don't go into it believing that it is all well-behaved polite little gentlement and ladies. Just so you won't be shocked by little Bullying Billy or back talking Sally at the homeschool group.
I personally love Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn and Mark Twain books in general. Sounds like it will be a good fit for your son. :) My ds 10 loves to school on mine and my husband's bed sprawled out on the comforter with our dog. I used to balk at it and make him sit at the kitchen table near his desk and laptop. Our bedroom just happens to be off the dining area and he honestly does better in there with the dog. So I go with it. Make homeschooling yours. If that means your child loves to hang upside down with an ipod in their ears while reciting the preamble or what not...go with it. I find that was the most liberating experience with homeschooling. We do not have to be up and dressed and out the door or sitting at a desk at a certain time. If we don't get done by 3 pm or we don't start until after lunch, it isn't the end of the world.
 
I personally am PRO deschooling. I personally had to deschool too. There's nothing horrible going to happen if you lose a year...it could be really bad though to lose yearS because some one needs to detox from a toxic environment.

Most homeschoolers do NOT legally have to take test (that's when you are enrolled with public school charters). And even then....what exactly happens if they fail? The state doesn't get MORE money for their public school is all I can think of. I've never heard of the state saying they can't homeschool any more. What about the ps kids that fail? Are they then pulled out of ps?
 
MagnoliaHoney said:
I personally am PRO deschooling. I personally had to deschool too. There's nothing horrible going to happen if you lose a year...it could be really bad though to lose yearS because some one needs to detox from a toxic environment.

Most homeschoolers do NOT legally have to take test (that's when you are enrolled with public school charters). And even then....what exactly happens if they fail? The state doesn't get MORE money for their public school is all I can think of. I've never heard of the state saying they can't homeschool any more. What about the ps kids that fail? Are they then pulled out of ps?
Click to expand...

It actually depends on the state you are in whether you have to test in certain grades and be evaluated as home schoolers. There are actually quite a few strict states. The state I am from originally requires testing beginning in grade 3 and reporting to the district scores and attendance for the year. I think it is hard on a national forum for people to look at things from the perspective of a strict state if they live in a lax state.
You have a year to bring up the score if your child doesn't meet the appropriate percentile for their grade level but if they fail to make gains and meet the percentile you must register them as being held back a year. There are plenty of states that require a grade level designation and follow these rules. Even in our lax state if you file as home study instead of private school (for state scholarship purposes) you have to test starting in 3rd grade and show gains. And the rules are the same for public school students, they get held back if they don't pass the tests. If you file private, you can't get state scholarships.
A lot of people don't realize rules about scholarships and such and testing when they start homeschooling in younger years. There are a lot more regulations and stipulations for homeschoolers with regards to scholarship moneys than a lot of people believe and a lot of states require high ACT and SAT scores from homeschoolers than public schoolers for the same amount of scholarship moneys.
 
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Jackie said:
When I first started, I heard a lady talk at a conference who does homeschool evals. She has a PhD in reading. She said new folks who had pulled their kids would come to her, terrified that they hadn't "done enough". The thing that she heard over and over again was, "We didn't do too much school, but I got my kid back!!!" She says that first year, the emphasis needs to be on "getting my kid back". Once that's done, you can concentrate on academics.
Click to expand...

This makes a lot of sense, but I guess I'm still afraid of falling behind. Like, what if this year is a total disaster and he needs to go back next year, but he's behind? I don't sense he will want to go back to school. He's been asking to homeschool for a couple of years and his father and I have thought long and hard about it. I suppose the wrong thing you can't know when you decide to do it is how difficult it's going to be or if your child with cooperate. He's not one to throw tantrums, but he is very headstrong and often times is looking for the loop hole. For instance, the other day he and his brother were wrestling. I told them both to go outside. At first he balked. I told him video games would be gone if he didn't abide by my word, so then he decided he would go outside. Thing is, he walked outside for a minute and then came right back in. He's one of those kids that if you don't make yourself ABSOLUTELY clear he will want to debate with you. And since I struggle with ADHD I'm not quite as swift as he is most of the time.
 
mschickie said:
Also remember even ps kids balk at the first sign of doing work in a year. It takes time to get into a routine. Take it slow. What we did the first year was start off with one or two subjects and then introduce 1-2 more each week. It took a few months to fully find a routine that fit. I would also provide incentive for not giving you a hard time...tv, computer, lunch out..... some sort of reward for good behavior. That worked wonders for our complaining in the beginning.
Click to expand...

I think this makes sense, but he's been back to school over a month. I suppose school to home school doesn't mean he doesn't need a transition period. Thinking as I am responding to these threads. I think what we'll do is continue with math instruction and then slowly introduce other subjects. If he did have to be tested at the end of the school year I think he'd do fine in other areas, especially since most tests are multiple choice. Math is where it gets ya.
 
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OpenMinded said:
What are the regulations for your state? I ask b/c if you deschool for months and then have to test at the end of the year or be evaluated...well you might run into some troubles there. He sounds like a very bright young man. He also sounds typical of a 5th grade boy. I think it is something about the age and it could also be due to him getting older and testing boundaries as well. I know my ds10 5th grade wants to be seen as a young man and not a little boy. He will manipulate me though and I think it is the age and doesn't necessarily have to be b/c he is a boy. I have older girls and we hit rough patches when they were in the in-between ages as well. They aren't little kids but they aren't young adults either. I avoid the term teenager on purpose. ;)
Maybe start out with just one subject for a week and add in another subject the next week until before long and without him noticing you have added it all in eventually. I personally would be hesitant to deschool for months after already having summer break with a 5th grade student b/c to me the older grades are so much easier to get off track and then feel overwhelmed as both mom/teacher especially if you have to test at the end of the year.
Also, trust me in that while I have a pretty blog and it looks so pretty and perfect on it that real life is not that pretty and perfect. There aren't pictures of our melt downs, stony glares, sneakily not doing our math problems then wondering why we fail our math quiz. Trust me, do not compare yourself to homeschool blogs or other homeschool families. I don't put up our horrid days where I call hubby in tears saying I can't do this anymore. I put up the good days to give myself encouragement. Think about homeschooling like you would marriage. You get out of it what you put into it and they both require hard work on both parties to have a successful relationship.
I would also encourage you not to assume other homeschooling families have it more together or their children have been raised better than public schooling families. I am not saying don't seek out other homeschoolers but please don't go into it believing that it is all well-behaved polite little gentlement and ladies. Just so you won't be shocked by little Bullying Billy or back talking Sally at the homeschool group.
I personally love Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn and Mark Twain books in general. Sounds like it will be a good fit for your son. :) My ds 10 loves to school on mine and my husband's bed sprawled out on the comforter with our dog. I used to balk at it and make him sit at the kitchen table near his desk and laptop. Our bedroom just happens to be off the dining area and he honestly does better in there with the dog. So I go with it. Make homeschooling yours. If that means your child loves to hang upside down with an ipod in their ears while reciting the preamble or what not...go with it. I find that was the most liberating experience with homeschooling. We do not have to be up and dressed and out the door or sitting at a desk at a certain time. If we don't get done by 3 pm or we don't start until after lunch, it isn't the end of the world.
Click to expand...

We live in KY. I did do quite a bit of research before pulling him out of school and it seems the regulations are really lax. The one thing we do need to do is keep attendance. I know there are unschoolers around here which is prohibited so they must be getting around the rules somehow. But, I do realize that unschooling doesn't mean they aren't learning so it's a bit of a misnomer. I am required to teach certain subjects, but otherwise the PDF seemed to leave a lot to be desired.
 
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