How would you deal with this...

kbabe1968

kbabe1968

New Member
Hope this doesn't end up going too long…

My son is 12. A GREAT kid. Kind, loving, generous. Oblivious. LOL :) He plays volleyball on a homeschooling team this year. He's not great at it. BUT, he enjoys it and he has fun.

A lot of the other kids on his particular team are extremely competitive. They've been pretty mean to him when we do tournaments. He's been bullied some at practices. But, he's seemed to handle it. Sometimes things get better for a while. I've mentioned it to coaches. I've mentioned it to the Moms who organize the team, they watch it, they seem to try to help it out a bit.

Well, yesterday we were at an all day tournament. Originally, they were going to make my son, and one other girl who is about as good as he is, "subs" all day. Meaning only one of them would be playing at a time. The other mom was FURIOUS…I was upset, but I understood a little bit and was trying not to rock the boat. They ended up changing that rule. But it didn't stop the really competitive players on the team from pushing our kids out of the way and taking over the whole court and not letting them really DO anything. Never really giving them the chance. Of course, the team did not do well (well, the team my son was on - our other Jr team did very well).

I kind of feel like the competitive kids spent so much of their time consumed with not letting our two children play at all for fear that they'd "lose the game for them" that they ended up playing in a way that made them lose the game. Does that make sense?

My son did pretty well, for him. It's not a good sport for him. He's not very coordinated. Not very aggressive.

My problem is that now he wants to go back again next year. I'm not sure I can watch it again next year. This was a HARD year.

What would you do? How would YOU handle it? With the team and with the kid?

Should I say something again? Should I just tell him "no". Should I let him play and "figure it out".

Yesterday made me very, very sad indeed.
 
For what it's worth, where my kids play soccer each kid that shows up at practice is to have some game time. And if it's a co-ed team, there must be two girls on the field at all times (which means there have been games with only two girls, so Rachael had to play the entire game!!!)

I think the coach needs to address the problem. He needs to tell the kids that the reason they did poorly in the tourney is because they wouldn't let certain kids play. That teamwork is what makes a team successful. That by jumping in front of certain players and not letting them get the ball, those players never have a chance to improve.

And yes, I think I would let him play again next year if he wants.
 
With the way players rotate around the playing court positions in volley ball, those players had to work against themselves to exclude the two players as you mentioned.

Indeed the coach should have called out on this and put a stop to it.

Perhaps you will encounter a different group of kids next year.
 
Yuck. This is exactly why I never encouraged Elle to play a team sport. It's not the kids who ruin it, it's the competitive goofy adults involved, who don't seem to get it...that learning about teamwork, improving your skills, and having fun is more important than winning. Find a team to join with better coaches!

Or...pick a different kind of sport where there isn't as much weirdness.

Elle did huntseat horse riding. She had a "team" of five kids (four girls, one guy...and WOW was that guy popular. A little Don Juan..he was darling) who pulled for each other and collaborated on creative projects...but were judged at shows based only on their own performance/improvement. Practices were all about encouraging each other and the shows were about holding each other up and celebrating mutual achievements. No one was ever excluded, no one was railroaded, everyone helped each other. Made for a great physical activity!

That said, horses are dangerous and you have to have a certain level of comfort with letting your kid jump over things on them...LOL (yep, it's pretty insane...but she just loved it). Something about learning to control a huge powerful animal that gives a tiny girl a sense of empowerment and confidence. Was always fascinating to watch shy kids come into class and blossom into extroverts.

Lessons with all the kids were a lot of fun. Lots of games. They had costume contests at Halloween, too, where they dressed the horses up and the kids raced against the horses bobbing for apples. It was a blast. I miss going to the barn! I took lessons for a while with a group of other moms while our kids were taking lessons. That was fun, too! Lots of barn parties...Christmas, Derby Day...trail rides, rides for charity. Good stuff.
 
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