I've Got To Stop Screwing Up!

InEdensBliss

InEdensBliss

New Member
Okay...I'll try to shorten a LONG, sordid story. I need advice sweet sisters.

My husband left us last year. It was a complete and utter shock. I pretty much lost it. I attempted suicide and was put on 48 hour psychiatric watch. I had a dear friend at the time and he left work one night to come watch me, called my cousin so she could come spend the night with me. He was my anchor. Our friendship blossomed into more. I lost my job and didn't find one soon enough to stay in my apartment, so he took my kids and myself into his home. He has two kids close to my daughter's age, and they got along great. Everyone loved everyone and I was excited about our future.

We had a rough patch and I left...but reconnected. I love him GREATLY. I asked if it was okay if I could stay home and homeschool my children instead of going and getting a job and he's letting me. I'm SO grateful to him. He was with me when satan was throwing me into the pit and I couldn't see. I blamed God for everything that happened when what I should have done was cling to Him. Now (his name is Aarron) and I are married. We had the sweetest little wedding. I meant everything I said that day...I take my vows very seriously. Here's my delima..

He's not a christian. He has showed some intrest in God, and is confused by it all. I know it was my mistake to marry someone I knew wasn't a christian. When I married him, I was still very self absorbed and still blamed God for everything that had happened. Now, I'm seeking HIS face, and HIS will...and I'm wondering if this marriage is the right path. I know He hates divorce, and something spectacular could come from this, but...I dont want to hold myself, my kids future back to do things for the Father. HELP!!!!
 
I am so sad over all that you went through.

My advice-Well I dont believe in divorce except for under very specific circumstances. I don't believe that it is wise to marry a non-Christian, but that bridge has been crossed and you are there now, and I believe with all my heart that it is now God's will for you to remain married.

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him (1 Corinthians 7:12-13).

God makes provisions for us and the best thing you can do is get into a good church and find a good Godly woman to help guide you. Also, follow the Biblical womanhood model. The Bible says :1 PETER 3v 1- 2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Hope that helps some.
 
Perhaps you could try introducing him to Christianity via means other than church. Maybe see if he'll read Lee Strobel's The Case for Christ; see if he'll read through apologetic sites like Stand to Reason [www.str.org].

And lead by example. Show him Christ in what you do and say.
 
Amie~no. my daughter's father was the one i was with when i was young (and wild and rebellious)...i got pregnant with her when i was 19. My husband was someone different, and is my son's father. So, Mike; daughter's father, Tony; ex-husband and sons father, Aarron; my husband now. Mike is the one i was toying with the idea of getting back together with because he's a good christian guy now...has gotten his life straight...and my family loves him. They have actually stopped talking to me and only talk to him. I guess more than anything the idea is appealing because my family might actually talk to me again! Isn't that sad? but i love my husband very much and really want to make a good life with him...and as you other ladies said...lead by example. I don't want to give up on him or us...like i said...i've screwed up so much already..i can't keep doing it!
 
Pray, Pray, Pray for him.

I don't believe that 2 wrongs will make a right-divorcing him is not the answer, IMHO, not on the grounds alone that he is not a Christian.

Just talk to him about your faith, and show him your faith and pray for him.
 
ariekannairb said:
I am so sad over all that you went through.

My advice-Well I dont believe in divorce except for under very specific circumstances. I don't believe that it is wise to marry a non-Christian, but that bridge has been crossed and you are there now, and I believe with all my heart that it is now God's will for you to remain married.

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him (1 Corinthians 7:12-13).

God makes provisions for us and the best thing you can do is get into a good church and find a good Godly woman to help guide you. Also, follow the Biblical womanhood model. The Bible says :1 PETER 3v 1- 2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Hope that helps some.
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this is excellent advice. you are where you are,nothing to do about it but let God work through the situation. the fact that you see the mistakes you made shows that there has been spirtual growth in your life and your children will also see that eventually. I would also suggest "The Power of a Praying Wife", Not sure who the author is, ladies? anybody know? You know all the great folks on here will be praying for your family.
 
IMHO (Don't throw the tomatoes too hard now. lol) divorcing someone b/c of their religion is silly, and marrying someone for their religion is silly as well!! If he doesn't push you around about having a religion and having faith, then don't push him around about NOT having religion or not having faith!! I am a firm believer in God. I don't attend church (I can find none that I can agree with nor to I have the time or means to go, BUT MOREOVER I don't think one needs to go to church to be close to God.), however I do pray, and I do speak about God with my husband from time to time. DH is unsure. He believes in a God but has not embraced him. I am NOT going to push the subject b/c I don't want to make him angry AND I wouldn't want anyone pushing faith onto me.

I guess m point here is, if I were to push my husband into accepting Christ, praying, and all then I would rightly drive him away. (Brace yourself in 3..2..1..) I greatly dislike bible pushers. People who condemn you to hell for the simplest of things in your lifestyle or what-have-you. Think about this...what are you going to say to push or nudge him in the direction of Christ? Not much. Why? Because maybe he doesn't wanna. He'll come around soon enough, IMO. I have noticed DH coming aorund and talking to me more about Christ in the last few weeks due to our son's diagnosis. Tht's great. I'm not going to be pushy.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I really truely am, it wasn't my intent. I was wanting to state my opinion, and I got a little heated when you were asking if you should divorce him on the grounds of his religion alone. Sorry. If he's a good man, then why do that to yourself or your kids.
 
It isn't about religion. I sure hope I didn't imply that! It is about what the Bible says. There are many verses that discourage believers from marrying non-believers. But as I said before, that bridge has been crossed and that is no longer the issue. The issue now is the condition of her husband's soul and as his wife that should be her main concern.

In my opinion we are way to worried about offending someone so we forget that we are called to preach and teach the gospel to others. Perhaps it's not PC, but it is what the Bible COMMANDS, not asks or suggests, but COMMANDS that we do. That said, no where does it say for her to try to push her husband to Christ, in fact it says quite the opposite. It says to lead him to Christ by his observing her quiet and chaste conversation. Sounds very gentle to me! You simply can not just wait around for someone to decide they are ready or that day may never come. Oh how you will wish you had done a little more "pushing" should that happen!
 
I guess it just depends on how much/closely you follow the bibles teachings. I didn't want to start anything, I just wanted to give my opinion on what she should do since she was asking for advice. I'm not perfect, I just see it as I see it and gave my opinion accordingly. To me, As long as he's not worshiping the devil in their basement, sacrificing anything, or acting like a crazy man she's fine! If he loves her, takes care of her, takes care of their children one and all, supports them then she's fine. BUT that's my opinion and I wasn't out to start anything.
 
Meg2006 said:
I guess it just depends on how much/closely you follow the bibles teachings. I didn't want to start anything, I just wanted to give my opinion on what she should do since she was asking for advice. I'm not perfect, I just see it as I see it and gave my opinion accordingly. To me, As long as he's not worshiping the devil in their basement, sacrificing anything, or acting like a crazy man she's fine! If he loves her, takes care of her, takes care of their children one and all, supports them then she's fine. BUT that's my opinion and I wasn't out to start anything.
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I sooooo agree with Anna and all that she said, in both post. The thing is here, we are not to pick and choose "how much/closely," we want to follow the Bible. We are to follow it. And give Biblical counsel not our own opinions.
 
I also knew not to marry a non-Christian but did it anyway. We have it tough many times, but he's a good man, he allows me to be a SAHM, and he usually (not always) keeps his nose out of my efforts to teach the kids about God. (He's agnostic and firmly, very firmly, believes in evolution. We've already done study after study. It comes down to "no one was there when the world began... you call it God, I call it Big Bang... it all comes down to faith". I believe there is more evidence for God than evolution, but he doesn't.)

ANYWAY...!

My point is that divorce isn't the answer. "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives..." I Peter 3:1

Yes, I knew better than to marry him, but I was young and stupid. Now I have to make the most of that decision, and you know what? It's actually made me stronger! In the past, I've relied on the faith of others ... parents, Christian boyfriends, or whatever. But in the final day, we'll all give an answer for ourselves. No one can buy our way into heaven for us except Christ, so it's up to us as individuals to follow His commandments. My kids are getting an early education in the Bible that I didn't fully get until I was an adult. We didn't do home Bible studies when I was a kid. I had no idea what I was missing, and now that I'm teaching my kids, I'm learning right along side them!

Someday, I'll be the older, wiser woman who is commanded to teach the younger wives how to love their husbands (Titus 2:4). Someday, I'll be able to look back at my life, see my mistakes, and teach others from them. Someday, I'll meet one or more Christian women who either did or didn't know what they were getting into when they got married, and they'll need my strength and guidance. I have to look at each day like that, have patience, and continually ask God for wisdom and guidance. I know he'll grant me wisdom if I ask. (James 1:5)
 
Not to sound harsh here. But... if you love Aaron as much as you claim why are you even considering any other man. If you love him there would be no one else in your eyes or your heart. Just my thoughts there. Further to divorce because of his beliefs seems silly and not Christian. Further you aren't giving him much time to make his own mind up on religion. And if you were the only religious person he met in his life and you throw him away because he won't convert fast enough for your liking then perhaps he will never know God and that would be sad.
To divorce, to run back to another past love also seems unchristian in my mind. Do we not have vows that bind us to the one we choose to marry. Reading your post sounds like you have a choice. But the choice was already made when you married your current husband. The grass will always look greener on the other side don't be fooled by Satan's tricks. Embrace the man you are with and love him with your whole heart.
 
take a deep breath, maintain your christanity, but give your relationship time to get rooted. You can't ask him to change, relationships do work even when both aren't the same religion. Just live day by day and be thankful for what you have not for what you don't have.
 
I think we get lost when we look so much for what's Christian that we lose sight of what's good.

That's all I'm going to say on this.
 
you know, whatever God's will was for your life way back when, now it is God's will for you to be married to this man, and be the best wife you know how to be. Show God's love for your man every day and PRAY hard.
 
You've made a commitment before God to be the wife of Aarron, Mike and Tony are part of your past and not your present. If you can be friends with Mike, great. But cling to your husband. Just because Mike is now a Christian, doesn't mean it was meant for you and Mike to be together.

My dh wasn't a Christian when we got married, either. It wasn't until a couple of years after we'd adopted ds that we even started going to church together. I had "dropped out" of church after my church-going-supposedly-Christian first husband behaved in such a way that necessitated my leaving and getting a divorce. DD was attending church, so DH and I went when there was some sort of "event" she was involved in, and then when DS got to be about 4, I started seeing a need for church attendance, and so we went together for awhile. Then DH lost interest but I kept going. I kept inviting, but he wasn't interested. For about five years, DH would only go with me if there was a supper. Then finally one day, during a revival, the evangelist explained God's love in a way DH could really relate to, and he accepted Jesus into his heart, and became a Christian. He and DS were baptized together. Now, about 19 years after that, he's a deacon and a Gideon, Sunday School teacher, quite active in the work of the church.
 
Ladies...ALL of you have been an answer to prayers. I don't have close christian friends around here so you have no idea how much I cling to your advice. I sincerly believe my biggest hang up is the fact that my family has left me and is now including mike in their family instead of me. As much as I wish i could say it doesn't bother me...it does. It's hurtful to not be able to take my husband to my parents house...it's hurtful to listen to my daughter talk about what her and daddy did with my family that weekend. But you are all absolutly right. He is my husband and he is the one I will cling to. Hopefully in time my family will see "the light" and will come back to us...or not.

Ladies, sincerly, thank you for your frankness and your wisdom. I honestly can't thank you all enough.
 
InEdensBliss said:
I sincerly believe my biggest hang up is the fact that my family has left me and is now including mike in their family instead of me. As much as I wish i could say it doesn't bother me...it does. It's hurtful to not be able to take my husband to my parents house...it's hurtful to listen to my daughter talk about what her and daddy did with my family that weekend.
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I am not trying to minimize your hurt but rather put it into a positive light or a different perspective.:love:

Instead of being hurt, be thankful that your daughter has a daddy she can spend time with even if the situation isn't working for your feelings. This world is short of daddys who desire to be with their daughters. I am sure you do not feel great that somebody else is accepted by your family but at least your daughter has a family who loves her.



While the situation in not the best, it is a huge result of many poor choices on ALL the adults involved. So make the best of what is TODAY! Yesterday is dead and any "fuzzy" feelings toward your X is a symptom to a bigger problem and not an answer to the problem and most likely not "love" but infatuation to a life that doesn't exist. When we hurt, we can easily make up what could be instead of living for what is and improving upon ourselves daily before the Lord. See the picture for what it is and it is clearly the enemy trying to break up another marriage. You are weak right now and the enemy is seeking out the weak areas and chipping away at them. You have a CHOICE to follow God or the enemy. Remember, the devil comes as light and is a major manipulator.


I hope this isn't too blunt or rude, that isn't my intention, but I see a possible pattern in your life and one of those patterns is seeking comfort in men for protection and happiness rather than God. Seek God first in all areas of your life and He will not lead you astray.:angel: While I pray your husband comes to the Lord, you are blessed to have a good one. Hold tight to him because no matter what you think might be better, you are NOT with your X for a reason and you might not be so lucky next time around. You can't live your life by emotions but by what is real and your family, mainly child/ren need a stable mom to give them a stable life in an unstable world. Your X walked out on you, don't display the same behavior that broke your spirit.:angel::love:
 
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