What ever happened to...

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Brenda

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Leave it to me to pick this one...

What ever happened to building others up (as opposed to knocking them down)? What happened to the friendly atmosphere we used to have?

We do our share of joking around on here, but this is becoming a fighting/war zone lately. We (used to) have a reputation of being a friendly forum to come to - one which has welcomed others freely (regardless of sex, race, religion, etc) in the past and one with very knowledgable people (which we still have - but they're being missed out on because they have to weed through some rather foolish threads)... whatever happened to that?

I ask this because we have recently gotten into questioning the sincerity of some of the newer people here... wondering if they have an ulteriour motive (and sorry) wondering why they're here at all. Who are we to sit in judgement of others? Can we honestly look in the mirror and say that we are better than John Doe or Jane Fonda and then make them feel as though they shouldn't be here?

I'm going to be shot for this I'm sure. I wish we could go back to what we used to be... the friendliest homeschool forum on the web or as Amanda describes it
a place just for homeschoolers to interact and share!
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I'm sure Amanda would roll over if she saw all of this going on (and I think she would probably slap some fingers too).

Here's my challenging thought of the day for everyone. Becasue this forum is represented by both Christian homeschoolers and secular home schoolers, I'll post it as two thoughts so not to make one group or the other stick out or feel as though they are being targeted.

For those of us who claim to be Christian's, how does your interaction on this forum speak for your witness to the unsaved?

For those of us who aren't Christian's what does your conscience say to you when you're engaging in the meaningless, sometimes hurtful conversations?

I am not suggesting that one person or another has started something - I'm not targeting any 'group' (Oh I don't like the sounds of that), it just catches me off guard completely that we would stoop to this level and possibly cause people to not want to come back... that's a reality.

We're all equal - there isn't a person here who is "beneath me" - I'm not so stuck on myself to think that you can only be here if you fall in to a certain criteria. We all have something to contribute and this can be an awesome forum again - we just have to make the individual decision for it to be that way.

As a closing thought, here's something to ponder: (these are the rules everyone of us agreed to when we registered as users of this forum)
By agreeing to these rules, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.
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I agree...

[What happened to the friendly atmosphere we used to have?]

Exactly. This forum seems to be filled with bickering and not a lot of information lately.


No shooting from here. I've wanted to post some responses lately but have been afraid to risk it. I have to admit I've been dissappointed when I've checked the postings lately.

Let's hope we can all get past this and return to support and encouragement.

Carol
 
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I agree Brenda. It isn't pleasant coming here lately. I have typed long replies only to delete them before posting. I think we would all do well to read our post at least twice all the way through before posting it. If we could all hear things the way others hear them we'd think twice before making an *ss of ourselves.
 
I still missed all this. I'm sorry people are being hurt and feel they don't want to come here! What can we do to make it better? I am not sure what is disappointing here either. I guess in the days that I wasn't here things must've happened, so I'm clueless as how to answer this.......:(
 
(Get your guns out and ready to shoot me because I'm sure someone will want to)

I don't have the time or space to type everything that fuelled my post, but I will highlight some of the bigger ones. These are things from my perspective and I'm not putting words in anyone else's mouth here.

It drives me bonkers (like I'm not already :wink: ) when (sorry) Josh analyzes everything that is said here twisting innocent conversations to fit an agenda (at the age of 32, I have never felt more stupid than he sometimes makes me feel as I'm reading his posts). That's not to say he isn't welcome here - he is... if he wants to battle it out... do so privately and don't drag us all into it. I hate having everything I say picked apart (but I'm fortunate that so far I haven't been quoted and picked apart too much). This, to me, is like a child of mine mouthing back at me (which drives me crazy too). Your points are valid, but there is a time and a place for it - the Christian issues forum in a seperate thread would be one such place instead of in the middle of a thread that has nothing to do with the way the conversation has gone.

Then we have someone else come here who (I'm sorry) presents to be stuck on himself (who when he first came to the forum I wondered if he wasn't here thinking this was meeting place or to try to strike it up with someone) and offering up some vulgar minded 'jokes', who (in his own words) sees women as 'chicks' and who feels that stay at home mom's have the "luxury" of staying at home :shock: I beg your pardon, but it takes a special person to dedicate their lives to their children 24/7... if it was such an easy job then why don't more dad's do it!

Then we have yet another one who, not knowing some personalities here, (I'm sorry Becky - but I'm going to refer to you here because you are not shy about your view point on some things and you've been the recent target of what you feel to be personal attacks) who comes into a conversation having not a clue about the writer (in this case it was Becky for her jokes about feminism or about men :wink: ), make remarks about how she sees things and then goes further to really stir up the pot. Becky is Becky and that's what makes her unique... she thinks out of the box... ok, sometimes maybe a little radical or in a way that we may not see eye to eye, but we know her enough to know that she's harmless (well, until she gets to the nursing home and is drag racing down the halls with a cane in her hands :wink: ).

I sit in awe of all this and wonder what happened that it got this way - it never used to be like this... there are some users that used to come and contribute frequently who I haven't seen here for months - I know of some that will not return because they saw the forum as a hostile environment... and look what has happened since then...

As to the solution, I really don't know, but I know that as I'm posting replies, I really have to sit and consciously (?sp) think about what I'm saying and who it might affect. For me, it has to be a personal decision to keep it going (by engaging in the battles - which I don't like to do) or to try to stop it but that isn't always possible. I try not to hurt feelings or step on toes as is the same for many others. There are times though when it happens for which all we can do is hope for the best.

I'm going to stop now before I really over shoot and get myself in way too deep.
 
Wow! You read my mind...

I have to admit Brenda, you wrote exactly what I've been thinking lately.

I've found myself holding back from posting because the entire "tone" of the site has changed in the last month (or so). I thought that it was me--being too sensitive or something--but now I realize that it's not. Things have changed. Somehow, we got away from "Homeschool" issues and began concentrating on (and often debating) theology, social issues, etc.

I'm truly not pointing to one or two particular people here, but I have to agree with Brenda that we're letting a few change the focus and tone of this board.

**Stepping back into my corner, waiting for the tomatoes***
 
Brenda, you have taken the words right out of my mouth. Thank you...I'm glad someone said it, eventually I would have if you didn't. This is not a site to make people feel unwelcomed or belittled, which is how I have felt a few times...and I KNOW there are others as well. Whether or not they speak up is up to them but I will not name names because that would not be nice.

Oh, and Becky, I totally get your sense of humor and I hope you never change it!:)
 
Hi all,

I stop in often to read through new threads, but don't always have the opportunity to read every post word for word. If there are posts that concern you, please use the "report post" option. It is on every post... See the little caution sign at the left? That's it. I know it's kind of camoflaged, but click it to notify me of any problems. Reporting a post does not mean it will be removed... It just means it will be looked at by a moderator. The general policy is that it is okay to disagree and you can discuss the disagreement respectfully. Treat others they way you would want to be treated. It is not okay to belittle someone for having a particular opinion. That's a personal attack.

Disagreements are not always fun, but they can be discussed respectfully. If that stresses you out, don't participate. Life is too short.

I have seen a few heated discussions here, but nothing out of the ordinary that I would not expect to see as the forum gets busier. A lot of it is how you respond. More people will be popping in. The forum is meant to be a welcoming and positive place. If someone joins the forum and they choose not to be positive, you can choose to respond to negativity with negativity, ignore it, or try to be redirect the discussion (if possible) with something constructive. If someone joins to cause trouble, then finds they are unable to push anyone's buttons, they'll go somewhere else.

I will caution everyone against making assumptions about people's motives. When you start reading between the lines, it can make problems worse. Wouldn't you like for others to give you the benefit of the doubt?

Again, I repeat, I am unable to read everything on this forum, so if there are post(s) you want me to review, please do me a favor a report them so I can link directly to them to check them out.
 
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As long as you have people your gonna have issues.I enjoy a good argument as long as the parties envolved keep their points short & they're agruing over something I don't think is silly.Those I read.The ones where the "Take myself serious" crowd go at it for weeks I don't bother reading at all.

You can't have a forum with more than 20 folks & not have folks fighting from time to time.
 
INmom said:
[What happened to the friendly atmosphere we used to have?]

Exactly. This forum seems to be filled with bickering and not a lot of information lately.


No shooting from here. I've wanted to post some responses lately but have been afraid to risk it. I have to admit I've been dissappointed when I've checked the postings lately.

Let's hope we can all get past this and return to support and encouragement.

Carol
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I haven't even bothered to come for some time now. Tonight is the first time in a while. A long while.

Glenda
 
I'm not looking for sympathy...

I wanted to let you all know that I have asked Amanda to remove my name from the list of members here.

I have made the decision that this isn't the place for me to be... I don't like the feeling that I have to defend myself, I don't like the thought that I have to delete posts that I have written so they don't get picked apart, I hate the thought that you really question the legitimacy of someone here... it's not my goal in life to sit in judgement of people who come here but I have found myself questionning people here and I really hate the thought that I have to defend my faith as fiercely as I have.

I wish you all the very best that homeschooling has to offer you and the best for your families as well.
 
Brenda,

I am sorry that you feel like you need to leave. I hope and pray that you find a place that is what you want and have in mind. May God always lead you and your family.
 
Life has people you have to look over and here you can do that too if you want. Look over things you don't like. Hang tight too.
 
Sometimes biting your toungue can see better results. I know sometimes it's hard too...I can completely understand as I need to sometimes practice that myself.
 
I may be quiet, but I'm not gone... That little bratty punk named Josh is still lurking the corners of this forum waiting for an opportunity to ruffle more feathers and get everyone stirred up and fiercely defending their faith like they should already be very good at doing by now. I also find it more than amusing that the only two people mentioned in the original complaint happen to also be the only two posting male members on this forum... but then again, I could be seeing things... :roll: (For those of you who don't know, yes, that last paragraph was meant to be sarcastic.)

On a more serious note, as Christians, it is very important that we do all things unto the Lord. That includes posting on a homeschool forum which proclaims it's own Christian leaning in it's title description. It is our Christian duty to represent the truth in everything we do. And I try my very best to do that here just as I do everywhere else. As a matter of fact, you all are lucky that I have a personal rule that restricts all my "rebukes" to those things which are blatantly against the scriptures. I normally don’t do that in my personal dealings. To be honest, it boggles my mind what some professing Christians on this site have said about God and what He wants of his people. Do we not read our Bibles? Are they nothing but conversation pieces? Am I just supposed to leave everyone believing lies about God and His Word? What does everyone expect of me? Do they expect me to hold my peace and watch people wallow in their spiritual ignorance? Trust me. I wish I were not the only one fulfilling my Christina duty, but it is very clear that there are few here with the strength and desire to even seek the truth, let alone stand up for it.

While I’m at it, I’d like to add that the mood on this forum is set to an extremely dangerous tone. A tone which puts the feeling of others above and before the Word and Will of God and even God Himself. As a professing Christian, I would hate to stand before God and say that I was guilty of silence. Besides, what would my excuse be if I were silent? "I'm sorry God. I just didn't think a forum for homeschoolers was the appropriate place to share Your Word and I was afraid of making someone feel bad." No way! I would rather stand for the truth than face God having not done everything I could in everything I did. I’m also perfectly happy to let people get mad if that's how they want to respond to the words of their own Creator because the thought of letting them remain blissfully ignorant is completely out of the realm of my thinking. How they respond to the truth is entirely up to them and outside my control! Why should I worry about it?

Now I’m sorry if a person like me is so foreign and abrasive to you. But it’s not my fault if you don’t associate yourself with Christians who care about more than just feelings. Because if you did align yourself with Christians who are 100% sold out to God and 100% sold out to His Word, (and all the laws contained therein) then I would seem like a friend and not so much a foe.

When I read my Bible, I read about people who were willing to sacrificed everything and even die standing up for the Word of God and what it has to say. People like Elijah and John the Baptist who rebuked the evil rulers of their days at the risk or their own lives. Moses and Joshua who dedicated their lives wholly to the strict enforcement of God’s laws to the point of executing the violators of the laws worthy of death. Abraham and Isaac who were willing to submit to God in EVERYTHING they did. Peter, James, and John who gave their lives, simply by proclaiming the truth of Jesus Christ our Savior, and Steven, who was also martyred for his faith. The Apostle Paul and Samuel who stood up for God and His laws even when they were alone and faced great resistance. Daniel, who was willing to die to preserve his right to daily prayer! All these men, and these are just a few, would not stand idly by and let people even talk about believing some of the things people have said they believe here. Things like accepting homosexuals in their homes! Do you really think any one of these men would have done something like that? No! Not in a million years! What would they have done? Any one of them would no doubt have rebuked anyone who would even suggest such a thing.

To break this all down, I’m not going to stop doing anything. I have done no wrong. If this means that I am forced to leave the forum, then I will do so and I will never bother anyone here again. But if not, then I suggest we as Christians should all be very careful to search out what we post in the scripture before we even post it as a belief or a truth and we also need to not get all bent out of shape when we are corrected.

So, there it is. The Kid's still here.
 
Just for the record, this post was not made only in reference to you. We have had some little bumps over the past week with some other members, although I do know that your name was mentioned earlier in this thread (and in others). I completely understand how you may feel defensive about personal remarks. I don't think it's appropriate to carry on or gossip about people on the forum, via the PM system or by email. I like for others to think of the rule to treat others the way you would want to be treated... I don't think most of us would like to be singled out like that.

I have not read every post you have made on this forum. You may very well have been correct in every fact, or not, but it is not your job to judge others. I think that may be the main issue. There is nothing wrong with stating your beliefs and nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in. However, if you make personal judgements and invalidate others' Christianity in doing so, you're not going to make a good impression or make much progress. If your goal is to persuade others that you are indeed correct, you have to choose your words carefully...

Not because you care about feelings more than God, but because you care, more than anything, about helping others understand and know God!

I am offended by your post - I have the feeling you'll assume that means I am not a good Christian. Is it your job to judge any one of us? (I was offended by these comments in particular: "it is very clear that there are few here with the strength and desire to even seek the truth" ... "it’s not my fault if you don’t associate yourself with Christians who care about more than just feelings")

There is no good done in creating strife among Christians who have the potential to do so much good here. If anyone who does not know God stops by this forum, I am sure they are going to turn around and RUN! This type of stuff is NOT the way to reach others with the TRUTH. So... PLEASE cool it. I am very sorry if you do not understand how this is harmful.

I am going to close this thread to further discussion. I think it's best we all move on and try to make this forum a positive place where God's love is apparent rather than a place that drives people away. (We've lost several people over the past week due to this nonsense. And if they didn't know God, it didn't leave a good impression of what it means to be a Christian... that's for sure.)
 
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