what the world thinks is normal....

Please dont think Im saying that there is a problem with the sainticty(msp) of marriage there isnt! I also believe that marriage is a very special part of someones life and their walk with thier faith. All Im saying is why do you(collective you) have to identify themselves as "joes wife" not "Hi Im Melissa" who we are married to or who our children are do not make us 'us". and YES we do need god to be complete, without him we are not.

The man is considered 'first' becuase that's the way God made the family. The man IS to be the head, and the woman IS to support the husband. They are not to RULE over each other, but have a giving, loving and caring relationship!
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So when the man makes or is about to make a stupid choice that affects the whole family, does the wife just say "ok dear" and support him even thou she feels differently? Just a question not a situation Ive been in or anything. If your dh came home and said "honey I feel we should move out to Idaho" with whatever we can put in our car and no jobs in sight, would you go? or would you question his thinking and wonder why?

I can't help thinking that a healthy marriage and disfunctional marriage are being confussed. One is God's plan. The husband and wife walk side by side, in unity with Christ. The other is a dictatorship and not part of God's plan.
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I never compared things to healthy or disfunctional marriages.



I was very content being "eric's girlfriend" and playing house... I loved seeing him happy and doing things for him. I never complained about being home alone most days or anything we enjoyed life..well until it all kinda blew up but thats different.

Anyways I wasnt trying to start a debate on this, Just stating how I felt.

btw: I used disposable diapers, fed formula to Madison, put her in daycare at 6wks, have only worked maybe 3 full time jobs in the last 7yrs, lived on welfare for about 5yrs tryingo to get my life in order, used the CIO method, discipline my child as I see fit if that means a spanking or the wooden spoon so be it. Time out is a spot on the steps not sent to your room to play, video games can and will be taken away so can the bike. she has to carry laundry up and down the stairs, carry in groceries(her little friend(4yo) asked me today why madison had to do this..umm she eats doesnt she?), she has had all her shots and nuetered(J/K! sounded like a pet comercial LOL) Do I regret any of these..NOPE! WIll she have character other kids might not have..YUP!
 
MelissainMi said:
So when the man makes or is about to make a stupid choice that affects the whole family, does the wife just say "ok dear" and support him even thou she feels differently? Just a question not a situation Ive been in or anything. If your dh came home and said "honey I feel we should move out to Idaho" with whatever we can put in our car and no jobs in sight, would you go? or would you question his thinking and wonder why?
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Again, if a man is in God's will, he will be doing what is best for the family, not for himself. Just because I love and submit to my man, doesn't mean that I am without a brain or say so in our marriage. The example you are sharing, and it is a good one;), is a marriage where the man is not living for the best of his family or God and "NO", I do not think God calls us to honor sin. Now how far this can go, is another thread.:D



MelissainMi said:
Anyways I wasnt trying to start a debate on this, Just stating how I felt.
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Speaking for myself, I don't think you started a debate.:love: We are all sharing our opinions. I honestly have enjoyed this thread and would enjoy reading more. All of you ladies are a pleasure to hear from.
Patty
 
MonkeyMamma said:
It should never be 50% - 50%. It should always be 100% - 100%. I can't imagine what my marriage would be like if we each only gave 50%.

We complement each other too!
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Wouldn’t this be nice! :D
It would sure make for no argumenting. We would be satisfied because we are receiving 100% and giving 100%.
The more I think about it, I must share that I am thanking God for Handsome’s extra serving of patients because I am hopelessly flawed. Sometimes I am pmsing and I KNOW that I am being stubborn and not doing God wills or giving what Handsome needs. This is when he gives more, in understanding and patients. Because my attitude can stink.LOL!!!
I solute you 100%ers!;) You are far better wives then I am. Like I said, I am hopelessly flawed.:angel:
Patty
 
Because technically I started this line of discussion, I feel the need to chime in again. If you read through my original post (back on page one), you'll see that I clearly state that I don't think we "need" to identify ourselves through any other person. The fact that many married women do identify themselves primarily as mothers then as wives, sort of as an after though, is what bugs me. It's the idea that calling ones self a "Stay at home mom" is fine but calling ones self a "housewife" is somehow sexist. My husband should be second only to God. That's the way God designed things. I have no problems with his headship, because we have a Godly relationship that includes him using his headship as responsibly as any human could.
 
Emma's#1fan said:
Wouldn’t this be nice! :D
It would sure make for no argumenting. We would be satisfied because we are receiving 100% and giving 100%.
The more I think about it, I must share that I am thanking God for Handsome’s extra serving of patients because I am hopelessly flawed. Sometimes I am pmsing and I KNOW that I am being stubborn and not doing God wills or giving what Handsome needs. This is when he gives more, in understanding and patients. Because my attitude can stink.LOL!!!
I solute you 100%ers!;) You are far better wives then I am. Like I said, I am hopelessly flawed.:angel:
Patty
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Okay so it doesn't happen ALL the time. But 100% is something dh and I strive for. Doesn't mean we always hit our mark ya know? I am so thankful God gave me a man with patience! He balances me very well. I just meant that to our spouse we shouldn't just give half of what we are capable of because then that is all we should expect back.

Backing away slowly now.....please don't throw anything at me.;)
 
I promise that I will not throw anything at you, Tiffany!!LOL
I love what everyone has posted. I do not know why, but I love that we have opinions and we can all share with respect. It is great!

Okay, now I need to get off. I have been awake for two hours and still haven't done my wifely duties around the house.LOL, LOL, LOL!!!!!
Oh, I think I might be having too much fun with this thread!
You are all great.
Patty
 
Wow...what a discussion. Personally, when it comes to how a Christian should conduct herself or himself there is no "to each his own." God is clear in how he defined roles for us in his Word.

Submitting yourselves, one to another to the fear of God. Ephesians 5:21

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

Wives are not expected to submit to an imperfect man in the same capacity (blindly) as to the perfect God. When a wife yeilds her will to her husband, she yeilds to the Lord---PROVIDED the husband's directions are "inthe fear of God" as in verse 21. So, if the husband's directions are in line with God's will it is her obligation to sumbit. Not doing so the same as not submitting to God. So, if your dh is right spiritually, and feels the Lord is leading him in a particular direction than as a wife you trust that. Why? Because you trust the Lord. Our submission to our husbands is a statement on our trust and obedience to Christ. Do you feel the noose around your neck closing? lol. Don't. If you dh is guided by the Lord you are heading in the right direction. This is also where praying together will help both of you. If a husband and wife are praying and worshipping together both hopefully will be on the page. So if you dh comes home and says he now feels the need to engage in sin...NO you are not to submit. Seek guidance. God gave you a brain. If he wanted you to be a drone He would have made you one. lol.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:23-24

So let's get over ourselves..our egos and pride, and realize that God's plan and purpose is bigger than your dh not wanting you to spend $50 on your hair. Marriage is a picture of the church. Each person, man and woman, plays a vital role. Again, the "every thing" is still qualified by the husband being in God's will. Your marriage is a picture to your children and others of Christ and the church. Think of your relationship with Christ....do you resent Him being at the head? Does the church try to make decisions outside of Christ's headship? Are we willing to submit to Christ. You see, this also tells us that if we are not willing to submit to our husbands than we are not willing to submit to God. What? How can that be so? God is perfect and our husbands are mere men. Well...they are the men that God instructs. God does talk to us also. However, God did not set this relationship up to glorfiy us but to glorify Him. I also don't read into this in any way that this means the dh is to order us around like a slave. I can't see anywhere in this that a woman should be barefoot and pregnant baking cookies or she is going over her husband's head. In fact, if you read Proverbs 31 you will clearly see that a woman has the potential to do so much more. The woman is a vital and necessary part of the family in EVERY way...from finances to her mind to her making good decisions.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the chruch, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25

Well, that blows it all away. Where can you interpret that a dh has the right to be domineering, abusive, or unGodly in any way shape or form? So, even at your worst you dh is to love you and respect you. God loved the church...God loved us in our sin..while we were yet sinners. He died for us while we were yet sinners. That is love, baby! lol. This is the enormity of the love your dh needs to express to you. He needs to put you above himself in a sense...as Christ died for us. Christ did not lead us to the cross to take the punishment. Christ took it for us. Much like your dh is actually responsible for his sin and yours. He has a huge job as head of the household. Not a job I would want to be responsible for...lol.

Basically, going to God's Word is the only way to define how a marriage should be. Yes, even if you are not a Chritian. Why? Because I believe God is who He says He is...the creator of the world. He has a plan and he uses us to teach His Word. Through our marriage He can teach the love Christ has for the chruch. Through our marriage He can teach the respect and submission the church is to have for Christ. If you look closely into marriages that are struggling or that have ended you will see how one or both parties did not fulfill the plan for marriage.

I do not consider myself a doormat. My dh does not consider me a doormat. He respects me and supports me in anything I do. He encourages me to achieve my personal goals. He would like nothing better than to see me achieve success. He sees me when I am down and tries to lift me up. He offers his assistance when needed. He didn't yell or blame me when I came home last night with a flat tire..lol. He went out late at night...when he had to get up at 4:30AM to change the tire without a complaint. When I do upset him he never demeans me. He never yells. He stays controlled and remembers he love for me. He wants me to be a better person for God not for himself. I am not downtrodden in any way. I respect him and he respects me. We have equally important jobs and roles in our home. Yet, if the Lord convicted him to make a decision that I was not thrilled with I would follow. Why? Because I love Christ and my dh. It is an honor to follow the Lord. It is an honor to follow a man who follows the Lord.

Ok...now I am backing away slowly...sorry for the lecture...not my intent. I just feel the best way to clear things up is to seek the truth. I could be wrong...I will admit...so please no tomatoes I really am fond of these Hello Kitty PJ pants I am wearing. lol.
 
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the chruch, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25
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That verse is so important is this discussion. When the husband is loving his wife as God intended (as Christ loved the church), submission from his wife should just fall into place. We WANT to submit, because our husbands are providing that godly relationship. The husband has a HUGE responsibility to care for his wife (and family) as the head of the home. My job is to trust that he loves us enough to seek God in all the decisions he makes.

That is not to say that we don't talk about decisions that affect us both. We do. We both pray about things choices to be made, but ultimately, I follow my dh's decisions, because I know he is seeking God's will for us.

Dh and I did not choose traditional wedding vows at our wedding. No "to have and to hold" "in sickness and in health". Dh and I found a set of vows in which he promised to be a godly husband and to love me as Christ loved the church. In turn, I promised to submit to him as God's word instructs. The book is packed away, but I wish I could give you a more direct quote of the vows. They painted a beautiful picture of what a marriage should be.
 
sixcloar said:
Dh and I did not choose traditional wedding vows at our wedding. No "to have and to hold" "in sickness and in health". Dh and I found a set of vows in which he promised to be a godly husband and to love me as Christ loved the church. In turn, I promised to submit to him as God's word instructs. The book is packed away, but I wish I could give you a more direct quote of the vows. They painted a beautiful picture of what a marriage should be.
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Dh and I didn't do traditional vows either. We wrote our own and it was so awesome! He made me cry with his vows. It was beautiful.
 
Y'all got vows. I was married by a preacher who hung around the courthouse for an extra dime marrying those in "trouble." He was kinda weird and had a tatoo that said something across the fingers....ya know...like a gang member...a word or a letter on each finger right above the knuckles. Waiting for a judge would have taken too long and my best friend and I were hungry.


Yep...how romantic. Go ahead and laugh...it was very funny. In fact, my friend, our witness, lol, could barely hold her laughter together during that lovely 10 minutes. After that we went to get Chinese. I then called my mom and told her it was done....I was now an honest woman. LOL. Geesh...what miserable memory...lol...can't even believe I just admitted to ya.

That alone tells you the amazing love God has for us and how He can use any messed up situation for His glory. Wait..did I just compliement myself in that??? I didn't mean that. I mean that my dh and I have a great marrige and God has blessed us even with a start like that.
 
Well put Ava. I would have said all that if I could have done it without sounding... well.... "holier than though". I have a hard time getting on my soap box and not sounding condescending, even when that's not at all my intent.

And the important thing is that you are married... not how it happened. And if you really want vows, do them now. You don't need a pastor or big crowd. Just make a date with DH, get alone in a park somewhere, and exchange some heartfelt Godly vows. That sounds like a great date. One maybe we all should do from time to time.
 
Ava Rose said:
Y'all got vows. I was married by a preacher who hung around the courthouse for an extra dime marrying those in "trouble." He was kinda weird and had a tatoo that said something across the fingers....ya know...like a gang member...a word or a letter on each finger right above the knuckles. Waiting for a judge would have taken too long and my best friend and I were hungry.


Yep...how romantic. Go ahead and laugh...it was very funny. In fact, my friend, our witness, lol, could barely hold her laughter together during that lovely 10 minutes. After that we went to get Chinese. I then called my mom and told her it was done....I was now an honest woman. LOL. Geesh...what miserable memory...lol...can't even believe I just admitted to ya.

That alone tells you the amazing love God has for us and how He can use any messed up situation for His glory. Wait..did I just compliement myself in that??? I didn't mean that. I mean that my dh and I have a great marrige and God has blessed us even with a start like that.
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I got a laugh out of that one! What is important is your marriage, not the wedding. By the time we got married, dh and I had been together for 6 years and were totally committed, so we felt like the wedding was pretty much just a party to seal the deal.
 
Well, I hope that didn't sound too flippant. I mean, the wedding was important to us, but not as important as the rest of our lives together, kwim? I guess my parents spent too much money for me to be TOO flippant!:lol:
 
My dh and I were married in a court house, too. We didn't bring any witnesses and the justice of the peace said, "Just a minute". He came back with two guys, One had a "Greatful Dead" tee shirt on and the other had tatoos all up his arm. They were convicts on work duty at the court house!!! We took pics of them, after all, they had to sign the marriage certificate. Ava, your post reminded me of our wedding. We were married in Greenup, Kentucy:)
 
Wow, Ohio G'ma...that is funny. I guess I am not the only with a funny courthouse wedding. Man, if we put all of our stories together on this board we could make one funny movie! LOL. It would be a real chick flick. lol.
 
Another courthouse bride here, too. What I remembered most was the scowl on my dad's face (I was going against my parent's wishes), the judge being 20 minutes late and than showing up with a "looney toon" tie on, and having dinner at Hardee's. Not exactly the typical wedding!
Ironically, the judge spoke at length about God's love during the ceremony! I was so glad to be reminded that the Father loved me, as my own certainly did not. But that' s a whole other story.
 
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