Here is a scenario for you.... You and your hubby are at the mall (or where ever), you are having a conversation and along comes some chick with her breasts hanging out. Your hubby gets lost in the view.. totally losing track of the conversation. Who do you get more irritated by.. your hubby for ogling every pair he sees, or they chick for dressing like a tramp and trying to get your hubby (and every other man's) attention? Why do I ask.. because this has been driving me nuts for YEARS! but even more so the past few days. Tuesday, in a restaurant while the baby was having a meltdown, I was trying to get everyone to finish eating so we could get out of there. In comes this girl.. couldn't have been more than 18 if she was even that old with at least 90% of her boobs hanging out.. well where does she sit.. straight across from hubby! He literally dropped his fork and sat there stairing and when I told him to get his eyes in his head, he very absentmindedly replies (without diverting his eyes!) "what?". I about flipped.. very snottily I said "WHAT???" (ok the sound of the conversation doesn't convey in typed words.. but you get the general idea). I'm still not sure who I'm more frustrated at.. my hubby or the girl who was obviously trying to get that attention!
We saw saw a young woman last night with the same type of attire. My husband simply said something like now there is a woman who is insecure about who she is and then he purposely stayed occupied with our daughter. He guards himself well. The way my husband deals with the issue as well as the issue of men going to certain adult places when they are traveling is that he reminds them (and himself) that the girl is someone's daughter and how would they (he) feel if it was their (his) own daughter. If you have a daughter, this point hits home much more effectively.
If my dh sees anything like that he immediately diverts his eyes..if not covers them. NOT because he is the world's greatest man but because he IS a man. lol. He knows seeing something like that will lead to thoughts he is not supposed to have. However, it does make him out of phase for a bit..lol. According to my dh and some other men I have known they cannot help but get out of phase seeing something like that. I suppose that is why women do it so often for attention..because it never fails to get attention. It may attract the wrong kind of attention but attention nonetheless. Women have known for a long time that they can use their sexuality to influence men in one way or another. This goes back to biblical times...remember when Herodias had her dd dance provocatively for Herod in order to woo him to get John the Baptist's head on a plate. I would be more irritated at the girl...but I would also be not so happy with my dh. However, I have known times when my attention from him was diverted at the sight of something....like a dessert..(lol)..a pair of shoes..heck even Colin Farrell on tv..LOL. Men struggle with thoughts of lust. Yes, he should learn to divert his eyes but he will never learn to not let it affect him. I know some on here will blast your dh and think I am crazy for making men sound like a victim to lust. I do think the guy has some responsibility. He can not look, he can not allow it to consume him....etc. But there is no denying that he will not have some thought about it. The woman is being a temptress...she is looking for the attention and she is putting men in a difficult position. Your dh just needs to learn how to divert his attention.
Yes, my dh is the same way at times also. He actually is sickened by young girls trying to get attention in a sexual manner. However, I would be a fool to think he is completely immune to the effects. But the point is, yes, men and learn to deal with this in a better way than gawking. Crazymama, your dh just needs to re-condition his mind. Having a dd does make a good point. You can ask you dh what he would think about his dd dressing like that and about how he would feel if a man starred at her like that. Even if it isn't so obvious..his dd dressed just in a pretty way but a guy sees her as a sexual object..how would he feel? He may see these girls differently after that.
I would not be mad at the girl, I would be upset with dh. He should not be staring down someone's girls, period! My dh doesn't look, he said he has got what he wants at home. Being someone that is well endowed in that area, I do not wear revealing tops but guys still always look at my girls first.
Ok.. I must say.. he IS very happy with what he has at home.. he is admittedly a breast man, in fact he says that my chest is what made him start asking me out in 10th grade (did I ever mention that he had asked me out about a million times over an 11 year period before I went out with him?). Usually he does make a comment about how he would KILL Rylee if she was wearing this or that... you know like the pants with words on the butts, short shorts, belly shirts, and yes even low cut shirts. I guess sometimes things get the best of him.. and yes this girl was pretty well endowed... no where near as large chested as me.. but then I bet her girls don't look like half deflated weather baloons when the bra comes off I do know he is human and he is going to look... or so the saying goes anyway.. but still.
Ooh, I'd be irritated with dh. Then again if I were a guy I wouldn't want to be married to a girl like me, I can be pretty snotty.
I agree! The girl isn't responsible to you or your family but your dh sure is. He should not be oggling like that at all! Oh man I would be sooooo mad if my dh did something like that. I sometimes where things that are lower cut because my dh likes me too but that is when the two of us go out and I do not by any means have big boobs and I certainly am not trying to attract anyone else but my own husband. Something funny - you could have pulled your top down in front of him and said "Hey! can you hear me now?"
My husband would not hear the end of it. I did try something that put an end to it that worked. You might not be comfy. I started pointing out every girl that did that and would act like some sex crazed over hormonal boy. "wow!! look at those bajoombas!!" I was quiet about it so others did not hear me. DH looked at me strange and I said I just wanted to please him and be a part of his world and such. After about the 3rd or 4th time, he asked to not have any others pointed out. Of course, if I caught him looking at all, I started in again. He has not been caught looking in years!
Tiffany, you and I might not agree most times, but I think your last sentence rocks out loud!!!:lol: I'd have paid money to see Sommer do that! OMG!
So have you smacked him yet, Sommer? GGRRR... That is so insulting to you. I'm very sorry he's doing that to you. I'd be laying him out- quick. It's an insult to your marriage and to you as his wife. He's got t*ts to look at -yours! All others should have no interest to him.
Ok, Tiffany, that was funny. LOL. In all honesty, I would be very upset with my dh for looking at another woman. I also do think that men need to stop being children and control themselves. However, I am trying to have sympathy for temptation being thrown in your face..so to speak. Maybe I can afford the sympathy since my dh wouldn't gawk..I don't know. I don't think it's ok to look, just to clarify...or that you are wrong for being upset. I am simply addressing the struggle with that type of temptation. I also am not fond of girls going around looking like sluts and purposely trying to get men to think of them sexually. I am not fond of that for many reasons. I also think you need to take responsiblity for how you dress and the effect it may have on someone else.
Ava! You looking at a dessert is so different than a husband looking at another woman's chest! My husband once attended a men's Bible study and this kind of thing came up. My husband told me men are wired like this-( graphic warning, but a true fact)- A 90 yr old grandma can be walking down the street. If her n*pples are erect, men will notice. He said guys are just wired that way, and the smart ones try to ignore it. He said all the guys in this Bible study admitted to having trouble not looking at other women. And I can tell you there were men in that class that I really admired as decent family men, so this affects even the 'nice' guys.
lmbo... I was trying hard to NOT whip my boob out.. but it wouldn't have been for hubby's pleasure...lol.
Becky.. you are right.. and the man can be ANY age! Right out of highschool I worked at an Arby's in a mall. There was this group of old OLD (did I say they were OLD???) men... they would come in every afternoon and get coffee and sit where they could watch the women out in the mall! I would about die everytime I had to go out to the lobby and do something near where they were.. the things that came out of these old mens mouths was unbelievable..lol.
Oh Becky...that was in jest..just to put the shoe on the other foot in an innocent way. Sometimes an extreme example is needed to get a glimpse into what someone else is feeling. Women do have lust issues but we are tempted in different ways so I just say something silly. it was a bad example, now that you mention it and did take away from the seriousness of a lust issue. I suppose a better example of temptation..but would be if a handsome man moved next door and constantly complemented you on how beautiful you were, mowed your grass, acted like he understood venting, and sent you flowers for no reason. If you had to contend with that...maybe you could see how temptation can be difficult and that both people play a role. Now, of course, the one with the family needs to be in control and put a stop to it..but temptation does happen.
OMG Tiffany, that is something i totally would have done!! and momofafew!! ROFL! that is too funny, i will have to try that. and about your 14 yr old staring and you comments that might be made, i would have died as a young girl if some guys mom had asked me those ?s, lol. i would have thought twice about wearing that same outfit!
By the way.. I haven't said anything more about this incident to hubby.. he knows something is bothering me... he keeps asking what is wrong. I just say nothing and wonder off. I'm sure he is thinking PPD or something.. but really I'm just frustrated. I know he would never stray... and I know they say everyone looks... but he doesn't have to be so obvious. I will admit that I look too.. but not often, and usually not in any form of a sexual manner... I'm not looking for the hot guy with the hard muscles, when a guy catches my eye it's usually because he is an older handsome man... unless it's Vin Diesel lol
Well hey at least you have ammo for the next time her does it! I bet he'd be so embarassed he would take a break from looking at other women's boobies!
Wait, Ava. I've seen some fiiiiiiiiiiiiinne looking desserts in my lifetime, lol. I seriously don't think I'd be tempted by a guy like you described, though. I don't think any woman with her head on straight would be. We might enjoy the heck out of the attention, but in the back of our mind where reality checks are, I think we all know better. I've often joked with my husband that he doesn't have to worry about me looking at a cute guy, he better worry about me looking at a guy who likes to clean and cook! Even if a guy like that existed, I still think most women would not be tempted, just because most of us have common sense.
