Well I have the EXACT same problem!!!!!! My son will be 3 on Monday. He is down right mean! He hits the older ones with toys or what ever he can find at that moment. All discipline doesn't seem to work. It just seems to make him even more rambunctious! Don't get me wrong he has his good times too. But a trip to the grocery store is embarrassing! Mine has a very high pitched scream that makes the hair on your whole body crawl. I have found that the only thing that really helps with him is to keep him as busy as possible. I blame most of his behavior on all of us in the family. Since he is the 'baby' everyone has catered to him and babied him so he is sooo spoiled rotten. Even my older kids would give him there toys they were playing with if he wanted them, (when he first started playing a couple years ago), and now that he is older and when they don't give him what he wants the fight is on. Same thing with all of us. So, just know you are not alone and I am hoping he grows out of it.
My 2nd daughter has been my difficult one. She is now, thankfully, 6. Positive reinforcement helps alot and she needs alot of attention. Keeping her busy also helps. She's very intelligent and imaginative. It's just been trial and error--spanking does nothing for her. She used to laugh when spanked. Most importantly, I guess I'll reiterate-time and attention. Since I quit my job 2 years ago I've seen HUGE improvement.
Oh yes, this reminds me.....When I was teaching in a classroom, many of the other teachers put the kids names up on the board, and put checkmarks up by their names when they were naughty. They thought I was crazy, but I had their names up, and put checkmarks by their names when they were good! It worked every year for me! I didn't like negative reinforcement. Some of these kids need a lot of attention, and they don't care if it's negative or positive. If you notice their negative behaviour by marking by their names, they're very pleased, and will do more bad things to get more marks (attention)! I had one year where this worked soooo well it was funny! The kids were falling all over themselves trying to do nice things for, and say nice things about others! :lol: The other years it wasn't quite that strong, but it still made a good dent in the amount of negative behaviours! Just a thought....
Thanks for all of your advice. I forgot about red food dyes, may give that a shot. We started to hs full time this week and I made sure he had things to do. Plus when he would act up (hitting, biting), I would stop everything I'm doing and address the situation. One thing I caught myself doing, I would tell him not do something and he would go ahead and do it. I kept telling myself he just doesn't understand. He's smart and has a very good vocabulary, I realized he was playing me. In my eyes, he is the baby of the house. Guess mom needs to realize he is growing up.
Mine were the opposite. My first one was wired, fussy and slept only 3-6 hours a day total! He was into everything, and had a colicky time from 4:30-10pm every day. You could ALMOST set your watch by it! When I found out I was pregnant with my second, I honestly was scared! I prayed and said, "God, I don't think I can handle another one like this!!! PLEASE give me a calmer one!!!" And that prayer was answered! My second one slept about 20 or more hours a day for the first few weeks, and not less than 16-18 until he was 2ish! He only fussed for a really good reason (dirty diaper, very hungry), but rarely did that. He smiled early, and a LOT! Our friends labeled him "The Happy Baby"! People who commented on how easy he must be, got my answer: "I DESERVE this one!!!" :lol: My 3rd was a girl, with the middle name of Joy---and she TOTALLY has lived up to that name! She's been WONDERFUL! I think I had it easier, getting the hardest one first, cuz then I soooo appreciated the easiness of the other two! The oldest is still my hardest to deal with, but overall, compared to some, he's a great guy (at age 16). So don't give up hope!
I, on the other hand, have three problem boys. All three are insanely wild, loud, and strong-willed. I'm just sure that other people think I don't discipline them at all...lol. Crazy thing is, when we're around other adults, the often comment on how great their manners are. They may be hyper through and through, but they are not bad kids (usually).
I am only reacting to what little info is in the description, and I always feel uncomfortable giving advice in these kinds of discussions because I do not really know you or your child. But I used to be a family support worker for a Christian foster care agency and most of my job was to help foster families deal with difficult behaviors from difficult children. One thing that stood out to me was this: "We have tried all the discipline methods, not much fazes this child. " If you are changing what you are doing frequently, this might be part of the problem. Research says it takes 28 days to form or break a habit, so whatever discipline you are using needs to be consistently employed for thirty days at least. It can't be spanking on day, yelling the next, then a time out or two and a loss of a toy. The child has to learn "if I do this, this will happen." And it has to happen every time. And when you first begin, it is very important to remember that the child's first instinct will be to rely on his current skills. Which means you will most likely see an acceleration of behaviors before seeing improvement. This is where faith comes in big time. Because as a parent, we want it to be instant. We want that "Aha!" switch that shows the child immediately that what they are doing is wrong. As a parent trainer, we had what we called the ABC of behavior modification: A = antecedent B = behavior C = consequence Take some time to analyze his behaviors. What happens leading up to them? What specific situations does he struggle with most? Is it when he is told no? When he earns a consequence? When he is interacting with others? If there are a lot of them, pick one...the worst one, and ignore the rest for the moment. Think about what happens leading up to the behavior (the antecedent). What seems to "trigger" him? Think about his specific behaviors. What does he do? What specifically would you prefer him to do? And finally, what are the consequences? Think about this from his perspective and also think about the fact that even negative attention is positive attention to many children. Their was actually a research study recently that confirmed that many people actually thrive on others getting riled up. Look for rewards in the consequences. It is VERY common for parents to think they have given a negative consequence, but to have actually reinforced the behavior. If you lose control, show that you are upset, yell, (and especially if you overreact to the point that you find yourself apologizing and "making up" for it later) you may be rewarding him. The laugh is more of a challenge to authority and I would just ignore it for the moment. Completely, as if it didn't happen. I wouldn't even bother telling him it is inappropriate. He is trying to make you angry, and those little challenges are incredibly successful at doing that. Nothing can get your blood boiling quicker than a little toddler that has just so openly defied and mocked you. He knows your buttons and he is pushing them like crazy. The first thing to learn is to cover them. He'll still hit them, but if you are successful at not reacting in the slightest, it will lessen over time. Then, there are essentially two things within your control. His behavior is his choice and his responsibility, and there is nothing you can do to make him behave a certain way. But you can communicate the expectations, practice them, and give appropriate consequences. Oh...one more very important thing. Difficult children often do not get much praise for obvious reasons. They need the same amount of attention, however, and will get it any way they can. Misbehavior ALWAYS works. That is why it is important to distance yourself from it and not react while you give out a consequence. But it is also just as important to actively look for opportunities to praise and love and snuggle. I suppose if I go on long enough, I'll eventually hit something that might be of value, but I'll stop here. If any of that seems at all helpful or you would like any more information at all, please don't hesitate to ask, either here or per email.
Kellie...don't sweat it...you will be fine. I know it took me some time before I realized my toddler was playing me. lol. I wanted to hang onto those sweet baby days too long. She acted like a monster in the store today. However, I didn't let that phase me I made her sit in the stroller screaming. She stopped when she saw I was not reacting. Normally I would have got frustrated and picked her up or allowed her walk under the ridiculous condition of "stay by mommy." LOL..yea...she turned 2 in May...sure she is all for staying by mommy...never works! LOL. I have found that a little Jedi mind trick works every now and then. Before entering a store or whatever...I explain the rules and what type of behavior I expect. I then ask her a question. For instance if we are going in a grocery store I will tell her that she needs to sit in the cart and she will not walk. Then I ask her if she will sit in the cart...she says yes..then I ask if she will walk and she answers no. Seems to work so far. lol. I guess until the next phase, righrt? lol. Gottsegnet---WELCOME! I LOVED your post! That is awesome advice. thanks for sharing it and your experience. I really enjoyed reading it. I know that with my first dd when it came to night time...we changed our routine as often as our underwear in order to find a solution. Didn't work. lol. Our son...we were consistent and firm and his routine was just perfect. I learned from that. However, the reminder is nice as I am dealing with a toddler again. I do think it is important to realize that discipline does take time to sink in. Great post! I will be referring to it! lol
One thing that really hit me from Love and Logic was the idea of what being "out of control" actually does to a child's self esteem. Think of it this way.... If a child lives with parents who get angry and frustrated with him/her a lot, he thinks, "Wow, my mom and dad have no idea how to control me. They get so frustrated with my behavior that they yell and scream. I must be really bad." But the child that lives with parents who seem prepared for every challenge, are consistent with discipline, and seem unphased by the child's behavior, the child thinks, "Wow, there's nothing I can do that gets mom and dad riled up. Parenting me is no sweat for them. I must be really good."
