Hello, I am the mother of 4 children. My oldest 3 have been easy children (I realize that now), we do have issues at times but that is to be expected. This last one is a handful. He is the youngest at 2 1/2, love able one minute and a handful the next minute. As a mother of older children I wouldn't think I need advice because of experience. Yeah right, I'm having major issues with this child. :roll: He is, at times a wild child. He doesn't listen, hits, bits, into everything and talks back!!!!!! We have tried all the discipline methods, not much fazes this child. I love him but honestly about 5 at night, I start watching the clock for bedtime. Example, the other day I had grandma watch him while I went to work for dh. He slammed the door on grandma's hand, after she told him not to close the door. Poor grandma's hand somehow got cut on the door, oh did I mention she was on blood thinners. Her hand looks lovely, next drs appointment the doctor is gonna wonder about elderly abuse. I doubt she is going to step up to watch him again. She even told me we have our hands full. When we discipline, he laughs. One night I popped him on his butt, my hand hurt, he laugh. I do time-outs, reasoning, you name it, IT"S NOT WORKING I'm praying this is the terrible twos and will out grow it but now I'm getting kinda worried. Any advice???
I will suggest what I suggest for all struggling parents: The Love and Logic method of child rearing. It would take me all day to explain. In this instance, I would make my child pay for grandma's doctors visit. "With what money?" you ask. With toys. His favorite ones. It's connected to the infraction, it's logical, and it will hit him where it hurts. There are countless other techniques for small children in their books. You can usually find them in the library. Using these ideas have probably saved my children's lives (or saved them from being orphans)... lol.
I have a nephew that was a lot like that. He is also the youngest of four. Keep hope -- is has grown out of a lot of it. He is five now, and his instances of "defiance" have reduced dramatically. His parents (my bro and sil) have just tried to be consistent on expectations and boundaries and dosed it with lots of love (all the time) and encouragement (when he is "good.") My daughter, also 2 1/2, has shown some of the same tendencies, though not as severe as the nephew. Her outbursts are more typical of the terrible twos, and I have just learned to not give in when she is screaming and crying. And, dang, she can be loud. If we are in public, we simply leave quietly and go to the car until she calms down. This morning, she did NOT want a sippy cup, she wanted a big boy cup. (Called a big boy cup because her brother is a "big boy" and that is what he drinks out of). Since it was grape juice, I simply wouldn't switch. She ran around crying for a minute, then got thirsty. It's not easy, and I wouldn't be surprised in three or four years to discover that your child has some creative talent or ability that the other three did not. With my nephew, we have found that he has an uncanny ability to read social cues/messages and people's moods, etc. For a five yo, he is amazingly perceptive.
I like Amie's advice. That is pretty cool. I think I will be checking that book out. Basically you have to get him where it hurts ( I don't mean physically). What does he value? When his poor behavior prevents him from his favorite activity or from keeping a favorite toy then he may get the picture. Also...kids love drama. If this behavior gets a lot of attention it will continue. STAY CALM. Act like it does not affect you and you are still going about your day...he craziness did not make you skip a beat. Sometimes you have to use a time out and ignore the child until he is acting reasonable. LOL...kinda like the naughty chair in Supernanny. lol. Seriously though it does work. I have told my dd to sit until she would stop crying and she stops and becomes more reasonable after this punishment. During the time she is on a time out she is not spoken to or reasoned with. She is learning that the adverse behavior is not getting attention. Also NEVER NEVER NEVER give in. NEVER NEVER NEVER give a child in the mist of a tantrum anything...not even a glass of water until the child calms down. Once when my oldest was about 2 1/2 she was sent to a time out due to a tantrum. She knew that I would not hear her unless she stopped crying. I told her she can come and tell me what she wanted when she stopped. Well...she kinda got it together and started to walk toward me. As she approached she started to cry. I told her to go back and sit down. She cried louder but she obeyed. This happened once more. The third time I heard her saying very quietly as she walked toward me..."calm down want to talk to mommy....calm down want to talk to mommy...calm down want to talk to mommy." LOL!!! She was then able to be talked to and dealt with in a proper way. With her...ignoring the behavior worked and she stopped acting like a mad woman. Spanking in her case for tantrums did nothing to solve the issue. Now she is a very calm girl. lol. Now...my son used to throw tantrums also. He was warned that tantrums equaled a spanking because ignoring him only made things worse. He was even shown this principle a few times. Well...I stopped warning him of spanking. He began to throw a tantrum and without a word I grabbed my dh's belt and spanked his butt. Without a word I walked away. He stopped. In fact, after about a week he stopped throwing tantrums altogether. I will admit that my youngest who is 2...is throwing me for a loop. Praise doesn't seem to motivate her all that much. Discipline works but she is still very determined to try and get her way. lol. Honeslty, I think that the more kids we have sometimes we loose our edge to discipline in some ways....we are more distracted and have more going on. We are too used to the older kids just obeying. Also, having older brothers and sisters around can throw a little one a bit. Older kids sometimes are disrepectful to each other and the little ends up saying some of those things back to us! lol. A toddler does not have the discernment of an older child so sometimes the toddler speaks and acts out of turn...ya know? Maybe that is just my situation. lol. Also...I must say that I do spank. I have NEVER had a child laugh after a spanking. Personally, I think you need to get a belt and spank the child until he breaks or don't spank at all. It is better to not spank than to be laughed at while spanking. It is better to spank until he cries than begin to spank and fail. I am not advocating child abuse as I know the harshness of my words may imply. I know a lot of parents don't want to spank hard because they are fearful of hurting the child. That is understandable. However, a spanking is designed to hurt to an extent. If you do not achieve the hurt you did not actually spank. Besides, hurting your hand is no indication on how the spanking feels on a padded butt. lol. Now, as harsh as I may have sounded I also never had a child bruised by a spanking...so don't go calling children services just yet. lol. Now, you may think I am terrible but I can tell you that I have not spanked my older kids in....oh....more than a year. My dh has but maybe once or twice in the past year. My toddler doesn't get spanked often either or for every infraction. However, if a spanking does occur it is no joke. Also be consistent. I think...and have experienced...that it is hard to remain consistent with more kids. Honestly, I forget things...lol...I forget some punishments even. I either have to write them down or just spank them and get it over with. lol. I also am not as consistent with my toddler. I end up pacifiying and not parenting just to get through the day sometimes. The result will be a spoiled child. So, I am working on remaining consistent. I have two great older kids...very obedient...still kids and still lazy at times...lol...but great. My little one is on the road to being a back talking little brat if I don't get a handle on it. lol. Guess I better go get my belt and show her whose boss...LOL...just kidding. Nah, I will just remember not to pacifiy just to avoid tears. I do that in public a lot...not at home so much. So...remain calm, consistent, firm, unwavering, and remember to parent and not pacify.
well said AvaRose, I have to agree, take something away and keep it away for awhile and make him understand why.. if you don't start know you are really going to have a hand full. I would make him sit down and draw Grandma a picture to say I was sorry on it.. and make him tell her in person too. Good Luck
I just have to add that I have days where I live for naptime and bedtime. LOL. Too bad I wasn't the one taking the nap or going to bed...oh well. lol.
You have my youngest daughter! Maybe it's the youngest of the children stage? I tell my husband that she will be the jailbird because she just laughs when she is punished. Yes she can be the sweetest child and everyone thinks she is adorable but at home it's I will do what I want because I can. SHe has to be kept constantly busy and that makes it hard when I have to work with the oldest and now the middle one. Really no advice since I am also struggleing with the same age but understand what you are going thru.
I told a friend today, I think God tricked me. It does seem like each child we had, the more rambuctious they became. LOL. There was a thread about wanting another child here earlier. If you need a cure I have the medicine for that. Honestly he is sweet but a handful. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I might rent him out, just kidding. I have been throwing his toys away when he hits one of the older kids. I also think the older kids encourage his behavior because they laugh. You all had wonderful advice. I'm going to keep trying to find a discipline method that works. I had one I can give the evil eye to and he would straighten up the other child I would spank and that would get her attention when needed. Ava Rose I really try to stay calm but last night he went potty and open his legs real wide and peed across the bathroom laughing. This is after I cleaned the bathroom. I know one day I'm going to look back on all this and laugh. Especially if the saying is true about what goes around comes around. I watch Super Nanny and always thought who would let their kids do that. Whoops. I am worried about hs and him. I have activities to do for him but let's face the facts he is two and has the attention span of a gnat. My 15 year keeps saying he ain't having kids after dealing with his brother. I wished I would of thought about him drawing a picture for grandma for what he done. That is an ideal I'm going to use.
Kellie, I think kids get more rambuctious the more we have because they are around more kids. lol. I have noticed the my little one acts like a bad older kid because of my older kids...LOL...does that make sense...lol. Also..older kids think some poor behavior is funny...as you mentioned..and that only encourages the poor behavior. OH and it is hard to stay calm...believe me...I am not always calm. I have just found that from experience being calm worked out much better. Homeschooling with a toddler is a challenge. I have a very active toddler so I have to keep her busy as well. She has her own school stuff. No real attention span but she enjoys pretending. lol. I also allow her to do some "fun" things like "wash" dishes while I teach. Any type of water play keeps her occupied. Even using measuring cups and pouring oatmeal from one bowl to another had kept her occupied. Yes, it is a HUGE mess at times but at least school gets done. lol. Try to make sure your other kids have a lot of independent work as you get things figured out. I am sure your son will eventually grow out of this or at least be easier to control. It seems that for whatever reason he thinks getting in trouble is funny or a game. If your older kids get frustrated with him and can only react and not really punish...maybe your little one thinks the same of you..lol. Now...I knew a kid around your son's age that used to get spanked everyday. He was just horrible. Well..he is so good now that I can't even imagine that he was actually that bad little toddler..lol. He is truly a wonderful kid. I know my friend was frustrated a lot with him. She tried to be consistent and punished him. Eventually, things worked out. Hey...is your son active? Maybe you need to run him a bit more. Maybe he is just bored. Even my 7 year old starts acting stir crazy if he didn't get enough exercise. Maybe you can try some physical type games for him to play with the family. Oh and I too used to wonder how some kids were permitted to act in such horrid ways. LOL..joke's on me...my toddler can act up in the same manner I condemned. She is a mouthy thing. I have a friend with a mouthy toddler and I always thought in my head that she needed to deal with that. LOL..guess I need to deal with it! LOL. Hang in there!
I too was going to suggest Love and Logic. We don't use it actually. Well, the more I read about it, the more I realize that we really do but we've never read it per se. However, the reason I was going to suggest it was bc I have a friend who has boys with special needs and their needs make them a big handful. . .and this is what she uses and has found it very effective. As far as homeschooling goes, as the mother of 2yo twins, I take turns with the kids. I cannot homeschool all 3 of my older ones at once unless the twins are sleeping. You would be amazed what a little team work can do as far as getting into things. So my two older children take turns with the twins. My older two children are only 6 and 8 but they make sure the twins are at least safe. And by the way, I don't know if this helps but when my kids make a mess they clean it up even at 2. So when my son peed on the floor. . .he cleaned it up. Then again, I take no issue with messes. They are the perfect opportunity to teach my kids housekeeping skills! ;-)
Sometimes the clean up is messier than the original mess. My dual do mess after mess it seems. They clean them up after some threating.
I was thinking about this thread and came across something that reminded me. . . Have you considered something in his diet or some other kind of medical condition that is culpable in his behavior? I don't want to step on your toes here but I've worked with lots and lots of kids for a long time now and I ask because generally speaking true "wild childs" tend to fall into two categories: either their parents lack parenting skills and common sense strategies in dealing with misbehavior or their is some type of environmental or medical factor that is contributing to the behavioral issues. I'm guessing you're not lacking in common sense! The difference between a child that has a strong will and a child who has other issues influencing his behavior is that a strong willed child will respond to some form of consistent discipline. It may not be what you've done with your other kids, but at some point you would look backwards and see improved behavior. A child with an underlying issue will not improve behavior or will make only minor improvements until the underlying issue is addressed. To check to see if perhaps the issue is food related (and they often can be) try keeping a journal for a few weeks. Write down every time there's a melt down or some type of bad behavior where he likely knows better. Make a point to note your response, any obvious triggers (i.e. he bit his sister because she wouldn't let him have the marker), and other things that you notice. Then make a point to note the behavior in relation to meal times, whether or not he has eaten, if so what. My oldest daughter has hypoglycemia (sp?) and when she was 2 she was horrible. You'd never believe it now bc she's just as sweet as can be. I finally figured out there was an issue bc I did the journal thing and realized that every single day at certain times, she threw a temper tantrum. I didn't realize it until it was all written down in front of me but by golly gosh, when it was on paper it was as clear as day. Took the journal to the pediatrician, changed her snack times and made adjustments to her eating and she was just a different child. In any case, I hope that is helpful. Two is such a hard age anyways.
Sneaky...that is so true! I know a little girl who turns into a monster if she wears certain sunscreens. Not sure how her mom narrowed it down to sunscreen but she did. I have also heard that certain foods are tiggers for poor behavior. I would take a serious look into this if normal discipline does not work. I even know a lady who took her kid to the chiropractor (geesh...and I homeschool!) and it improved her child's behavior. YOu never know.
Yes. . .I've seen lots of stuff like this. When I meet a parent who seems to have it relatively together (as opposed to the one I met the other day who said she doesn't know why her child was so hyper as he's licking what had to be the biggest lollipop I've ever seen in my life--LOL) but has a child who is causing them gray hairs at an alarming rate this is usually the first thing I suspect. Even things like sugar in fruits can set off a child who is extremely sensitive to sugar. I've heard, but never actually seen, that Diabetic kids can be like this before diagnosis. I'm a big journal person when I can't figure something out. I just find that jotting notes down really helps draw out patterns of behavior. And often patterns really help to see what's going on.
Yes.....a kid at my church is diabetic. He could act just terrible. I mean just awful. However, when his sugar was in check he was fine. I am sure for kids who are not diabetic this is also true.
Some pediatricians and others scoff, but red dye 40 makes my son downright loopy. He literally starts trying to climb the walls and bouncing off of stuff, and he is normally a pretty subdued kid. So, we really try to watch his intake of the stuff. It is in a lot of children's medicine, though, so things can get tricky.
During vacation bible school we had to ask parents of any known allergies. Many parents reported dyes in foods.
One of my kids is allergic to blue dye. Not in very many things though. Dye is a very common allergy actually.
You ladies beat me to it. I was also going to suggest cutting red dyes. You can usually find dye-free versions of kids' medicines, but you have to buy the name brands. Small price to pay, imo. I've seen many kids who would go loopy over red dye. It's found in the most unlikely places, too. Juices, snacks, foods that you would think were healthy (I've seen it in granola bars, for example)... you just have to read the box. Also, some kids respond very unfavorably to artificial sweeteners. Point is, I think the food/behavior journal might be an eye opener.
My best friend in kindergarten couldn't have red stuff. One time we got into the popsicles without her mom knowing. She had a red one, and when we did our testing that afternoon, she wrote every single J in her name backwards. And acted like a lunatic. hahaha I had forgotten about that. I am too old! Anyway, it was a definite trigger with her. Her parents just said she couldn't have it if it was red. I guess she eventually grew out of it, because I don't remember anything about it in high school and later on. And now she is a well-behaved attorney.
