My ds's anti-hsing speech therapist -- I've had it!

My son has been going to a private speech therapist since January. He's six and has some enunciation issues. This woman has repeatedly made a negative remark about homeschooling. It is obvious that she is basing her opinion on her preconceptions and not on any real statistical data or scientific research. First, she asked me if my struggling reader wouldn’t be better served by professionals. (Right, a 30:1 student/teacher ratio is much better for struggling readers than a 1:1 ratio.) She told me that he would be at a disadvantage because we don’t have a TV, because “kids get certain things from TV”. (I didn’t ask, “Like what?” because I was feeling irritated and thought it would show.) She blamed my son’s bad behavior at ONE session on the fact he was homeschooled. He didn't want to be there; it was boring to him, and he expressed his boredom openly by rolling his eyes and interrupting her question to answer it and then he went on to answer her next two questions without her even asking them. (He knew the routine and thought he'd rush through it and get out of there.) I was giving him the hairy eyeball telling him to straighten up which he did then, but not before she turned to me and said, "That's ONE of the drawbacks to homeschooling. Kids don't know how to work in a group setting." I'm thinking, "Where's the group, lady? It's you and him." No doubt he was behaving badly, but it wasn't because he was homeschooled. In fact, because he is homeschooled, I was able to witness his rudeness and correct it. We had a long chat in the car afterward, and he has been nothing but a gentleman in his speech sessions since then. I have resisted the urge to debate these things with her, but during our last session, she opened by saying that she had been at a seminar and the people conducting the seminar were not in favor of homeschooling. I’m thinking, “Here we go again.” I said, “Hmmm, that’s interesting. What was the topic of the seminar?” It was about Cranial-facial deformities. She says that parents with children who are effected by facial differences would pull their children from school to “shelter” (her word, not mine!) them from teasing they were getting there. That prevented the children from knowing how to deal with social interactions; they needed to learn to cope with the teasing. “Socialization is so important for these kids,” she explained. I almost snapped. I said, “The public school being viewed as the primary tool of socialization is a farce. When in your life are you ever going to be in a room full of 30 people your exact age?” She then said that it did help them to face certain situations in real life. I told her that the challenges that the student faces like teasing is specific to the situation of putting thirty children in the same room under the eyes of just one teacher. She still disagreed, so I let it drop. That was our last session and we do not have to go back. Now, however, I think I should send her some materials to educate her. When she was just criticizing my choice, it wasn’t a big deal; her opinion is irrelevant. However, she works with a lot of children who have speech issues because of structural problems with their mouth and face. She is likely to use her position to dissuade parents from homeschooling in order to keep their children out of a hostile environment. (I don’t expect her to talk anyone INTO homeschooling if they aren’t considering, but she should keep her uninformed opinions to herself if she has a client who is considering it.) I am stunned that she thinks that subjecting a child to cruelty by his/her peers is a necessary part of development. We don’t learn how to deal with emergency situations by creating an actual emergency. When I took first aid, they didn’t send anyone into cardiac arrest, so we could try out CPR on them. They don't need to be locked in a room with their personal tormenter to learn how to deal with conflict. I teach my children to deal with bullies by talking to them about situations ahead of time and after an incident. They’ve encountered kids behaving badly at the playground, at the gym, at Cub Scouts, etc. I’m usually there to see how they respond and to talk about it immediately afterward. Sometimes, they’ve been the one to behave badly, and I was there to correct it. They don’t get that kind of instruction in school. The teacher doesn’t have time to have the one on one conversations that are needed to help children deal with malicious teasing. (I’m not taking about the teasing that is harmless joking around.) Besides, my husband pointed out that schools are suppose to have “zero tolerance” for teasing and bullying now, so according to their policies, children shouldn’t be teased at school. I’m ranting more than I intended, but that woman got me all worked up.

I’ve printed out the summary of “Homeschooling Grows Up” from HSLDA’s website which give statistical data on how well homeschool graduates have faired academically, professionally and socially. I’ve looked for information that would specifically address the harm that teasing a child with a disability or difference can do. To me it’s common sense: A child can’t learn in a hostile environment. I need some statistics or a professional study to back that up. I don’t want to do what she’s doing and just spout off opinions without anything to back it up. It would be more that I’d want to spend, but it might be worth it to send her a copy of The Well-Trained Mind. The first part of the books give a very convincing argument for homeschooling and there is a chapter that addresses socialization. (I’d send her my old copy and get the newest edition for myself!) What would you all include in the packet of info for this woman? Or maybe I should just let it go? Should I let her superiors know that she is expressing an opinion as a professional that is not supported by research?

Oh, one more outrage. She compliments my son on his advanced vocabulary (for which homeschooling gets no create, BTW!). Then, she tells me that I should really “push the reading” because I need to get his reading skills up to the level of his vocabulary. I am well researched in reading instruction as I have scoured books and the internet and picked the brains of friends who are reading specialists and special education teachers in an effort to help my son. It is actually counter-productive to “push” a child to read. I can’t believe that a woman who works with children doesn’t understand that each child is different. My daughter learned to read easily when she was five; I doubled up on phonics lessons and sped her through it. My son was not ready at all when he was five. I was beating my head against the wall. He’s ready now, and we are making progress though not at lightening speed! Ugh! She has me riled!

 

Wow! Some people are so stupid. I'm glad you don't have to deal with her anymore. It's amazing how people view homeschooling. I can't imagine WHY they would want a child to be placed in a classroom for 8 hours a day with 30 children and one teacher. There's NO WAY that ONE teacher can effectivly teach all of those children. Especially when they don't all learn the same way. And what about strengthening family bonds. Or does Family not matter anymore?? I would rather have my kids with me than send them off to a stranger to teach them. I can at least see what they are learning. When my kids were in public school we had NO idea what the kids were and weren't learning. And I had one who was bullied!! I see a BIG HUGE differance in him this year since we pulled him out of Public school. I wouldn't expect my child to endure that sort of torture to learn how to "deal with it". UGH!! As a matter of fact, I think that if you allow that you are neglecting your childrens basic needs of feeling secure and safe. Crazy lady!! She definately needs to be educated on homeschooling
and the "real" effects of it.

 

I honestly wouldn't send anything to her. In all likelihood, she wouldn't read it nor give it any credence. And since you won't be seeing her again, there would be no way for you to follow up on the material and address any challenges she has.

I would, however, talk with her superiors [or send a letter] addressing her attitude. What she did was unprofessional; her thoughts on homeschooling were completely irrelevant to what she was supposed to be doing. Your son's speech therapy was not the time nor place for her to unload her biases against homeschooling. It was insulting and uncalled for, and that is definitely something that should be mentioned to her superiors.

 

I totally agree with Shelley. Her comments were totally unprofessional and irrelevant. It's hard to ignore people like that, but at least she's someone you can choose to avoid and not a family member.

 

I agree. Her job was to help your child with speech therapy. Nothing more!

 

6 and not reading is not the same as 11 and not reading (check out the UNschoolers thread on that other site! YIKES).

Anyway....you're right...don't push...

Sorry she was so annoying to deal with. i get that a lot. My dad just gave me an article about HS assimilating into a Private School evironment and how ONE KID had trouble doing it.

I told him it didn't matter b/c as far as I was concerned they weren't walking into a classroom until they wer ein college...and even then we're trying to figure out how to homeschool college! LOL

Oh well...I mean, nevermind that i have friends who's teens are taking college level courses in a Community college when they are Jr and Sr...no...they can't adapt to a classroom environment! Right. LOL

 

I would NOT send your WTM book to her!!!!! She wouldn't read it, and it'd be a waste! If you feel like sending her something, just do the first stuff you mentioned, but nothing that would cost you money. With the way she's acted, she'll throw it all out as poppycock anyway, but if it helps you feel better, just do that.

That's soooo wrong for her to do that! If I were in charge, I'd assign her to research homeschooling, the positive and the negative that she finds and write a report on it after MUCH research! But since I can't be in charge of doing that, I'll just agree with the other ladies.

YOU know you're doing the right thing and that's what REALLY matters! You'll have to let this roll off and move on. Sorry that happened!

About reading---some kids just don't read until later. 6 is NOT unusual at all, especially for a boy! In fact some kids don't really start until they're 8-10! PLEASE don't push your ds or bang your head against the wall because of someone else's unfounded words!

 

Shelley had great advice. Call her superior!! What she did was wrong!!!

 

You make such good points in your post Alice. Trying to make such a close minded individual understand your point of view, however, will probably fall on deaf ears. Save your time and energy, but I completely agree that sending a letter to her boss is needed. What kind of message do her comments send to your son??? Totally uncalled for and unprofessional.

 

I agree if you do anything I would call or write her superior.

 

My response would probably have been something like this, assuming that I was paying for these services, of course (money talks):

"I appreciate your concern about my son and the work that you have done with him, however also feel that homeschooling has nothing at all to do with his speech challenges and it does not at all hinder his progress. I feel you are wasting precious therapy time on an issue that is not a factor in completing your services with the professionalism I had expected, since you came so highly recommended.

I would like to feel comfortable about recommending you to other homeschooling families, so if you have questions about homeschooling, I would be glad to provide you information outside of my son's appointments. Should you not be interested in future clients from the homeschool community, I would ask that you, at least, respect my lifestyle and refrain from talking negatively about homeschooling during the time I pay for your services."

 

I would find another speech therapist. I would also complain to her superior. However, I would not try to convince her of anything regarding homeschooling. Who gives a hoot what she thinks. I doubt much would change her mind anyway. Besides, she is supposed to be doing a job not harrassing you.

I have no clue what my ped thinks of homeschooling. I have no clue nor do I care what he thinks of breastfeeding, attachment parenting or spanking. Why? Because I don't go to him for parenting advice. He doesn't ask and I don't offer anything nonmedical. He is aware my kids are homeschooled but never said a thing about it. I love the man to death also...my kids love him. he is the best. However, homeschooling is not part of pediatrics so I don't give a hoot what he thinks nor do I know.

 

I agree that it doesn't matter what she thinks about my family homeschooling. My approach had been to answer her as briefly as possible. However, when she said that a professional conference which she attended had spoken negatively about homeschooling specifically for children with whom she is most likely to work (Cleft-Palate, Cranial-Facial deformities), I worried about her using her professional position to spread her basely opinions to would-be homeschoolers. I would hate for her to discourage a parent of a child with a cleft lip from homeschooling simply, because she thinks the child needs to face the teasing from his or her peers in order to develop socially. If a parent is at the early stages of deciding what to do, he or she may think that the speech therapist's opinion is actually based on statistics or research. That is why I wanted to educate her. I guess I'd hoped that faced with the facts, she'd come around. However, you all are probably right. She is probably one who would be totally unaffected by the truth. I think I will try and find out who should be alerted about her unprofessionalism.

 

Unfortunately you have no control over what others make up and say to others.

I like what Speaking my Lord said!

 

She sounds like a nut. I would find someone else. She sounds like trouble to me.

 

The really ironic part is that she is doing exactly what children would do, only she has picked another issue and does it in a more "grown up" way. Instead of homeschooling children being exposed to other children's teasing about deformities, she makes sure that they feel tormented about their lifestyle.

I don't know...is there much of a difference here?Personally, I think it is harder on a child to hear such criticisms from an adult.

 

I would simply find someone else. The relationship has already been effected and I feel the trust issue has deteriorated so finding a new therapist would be beneficial to your ds.

 

I agree. If she had said these things directly to my son without me being present, it could have been hard on him. Thankfully, I was there every second, and I was able to discuss it with my kids in the car on the way home. They learned that the words that come from an adult, even a "professional", need to be examined for their bias. I shared with them some of the actual statistics about homeschooling, and we examined how they compared to what the S.T. was saying. We talked about the dangers of judging an entire group of people based on your interaction with one or even a few people from that group. Along with that, we talked about how we represent different groups ourselves (homeschoolers, cub scouts, Christians, etc) and that the way in which conduct ourselves could affect others view of the groups we represent. Anyway, the lady annoyed the dickens out of me, but I'm happy to say that my kids do not know how perturbed I was with her, and it actually turned out to be a good learning experience. I'm glad that we don't have to go back and that she won't be providing us with any more "learning experiences" for now. Everything she said was just so ridiculous; you'd think that common sense would have told her that it was absurd.

Oh, I have another story. She was doing "What is wrong with this picture" with my son. She came across a picture of a classroom, and turned it toward him, and then paused. She turned it back to herself and looked at him with pity and said, "Oh, you probably haven't seen the inside of a classroom to know what is wrong in this picture." :roll: Puh-leeze. I spoke up and told her that he could do the exercise. He made me proud. The first two things he pointed out were children who were acting "inappropriately" (and he said that six syllable word quite clearly). The S.T. smirked, becuase she didn't think there was anything wrong with the way the children were behaving in the picture, but my son pointed to a boy who was reading. "What is he doing that is wrong?" she asked. My son looked at her astonished that it wasn't obvious. "He's reading while the teacher is talking, and he should be paying attention to her; he's being rude." Then he critisized a girl was sitting her chair backwards. The S.T. defended the girl saying that the chair was facing the wrong way and she had to sit in it so that she could fact the front. My son told her that the girl should have turned the desk around correctly before sitting down. I was just gloating inside, thinking "Ha! That'll teach you to patronize my boy!"

 

I am in stitches! Holy cow--your kid is cool! I truly dislike ignorant people. All I can add is, if it had been me, she would be lucky that I am saved. Because without Jesus, I don't know what I would have said. And I probably would have walked out after the first remark.

I am mad for you!!!!

Thank you for not being a lazy parent who is more concerned with their free babysitting than their child's education, and emotional and spiritual well being.

Thank you for sacrificing your time and sometimes sanity to raise your own children instead of expecting an overworked, underpaid teacher and 30 kids to do it for you!

I value you! (And all the other "private teachers" out there.)

Have a blessed day!
Stacie

 

You need to find someone else. This woman won't let up. Sounds to me like her problems with homeschooling are deeper than just a simple disagreement on how children should be educated. I mean...she is going way too far.

Is it an option to find another person? I know I would not bring him back. No matter how good she is at her job and how much she could help him she is harming him in another way.