I've often said the supervision was not what it should be at his mom's house. But, he doesn't care, I don't really understand. I suppose it's a difference in parenting, I always know what's going on. I never allow SD to play with the door closed, and I walk by her room often and keep an eye on what she's doing. He's not blaming his mom or stepdad, but I think he should. Especially since he allowed his daughter to go on vacation with them all and it happened there right under their nose! And also at the house. All I know is OUR kids aren't going over there without me. I really can't tell him what to do with his daughter.
Goodness girl, I can't even imagine the rift that this is putting on your marriage. It's really hard when there is a step child involved... I can imagine it being even harder when the step child isn't yours biologically.. if that makes sense (when hubby and I married I was the bio parent and he was the step parent.. for a time anyway). He had a really hard time trying to parent Garrett.. but at the same time we knew that Garrett needed a fathers parenting (he wasn't getting it from his bio father). He has since adopted him.. so it makes it easier for him to see he is just as much a parent as I am.. and I WANT him to take that role.. it sounds like your hubby may not be ready to hand over his parental reins to you yet (although you are doing most of the schooling I think right?) I know even when both parents are the biological parents.. styles of parenting can differ and cause trouble in the relationship, it's even harder when you are "an outsider looking in". I hope you and your husband can come to an agreement on this. I personally have never even heard of the grandparents HAVING to have visitation... to me that is just them being too involved. Hubby's mom likes to come take my kids.. but she only does it once a week or once a month and only keeps them for a few hours.. my mom on the other hand I could care less if my kids ever saw (they don't need the education in drunken sailor language and negativity). Is there a legitimate reason that she has to go to the granparents house all the time?
So the little girl gets to be violated again?? Poor little girl to have a dad with no spine. I wouldn't give a rat's behind what 'Mom' thought, the girl would be staying home- and I'd be confronting the parents of the little stud doing all this!
You can still be her advocate! You can still speak up and be heard about protecting this little girl. I'd do it, too, no matter who it p*ssed off at me.
I am with Becky and MonkeyMama, no one I mean no one would stand between me and that little girl. I wouldn't go into alot here but, I went through the same thing and wish I had someone to help me. I finally got help but it was way late in the game. So, PLEASE I am saying PLEASE don't let that baby go over there. Stand up for her, she needs you now more then ever. Talk to your dh and tell him he needs to get some back bone, his dd needs him more now then ever. His mom will be fine, yea she might be upset for awhile but hay she will get over it. That little girl might not.
You have my prayers, dear. I have always told my boys that even though there is a technical name for what the good Lord gave them, we call them "privates". They both asked me why and I told them because they are to stay that way until they're married. Nobody should ever touch them there unless it's for medical reasons and either their dad or I are in the room. If anyone else were to touch them there, they are to defend themselves aggressively and loudly. We've told them there are bad people in the world who like to do naughty things to children. After hearing your tale, I think I've got some elaborating to do.... Thank you for sharing! ((((hugs))))
Just as an encouragement, my step sister accused people of doing things to her that did not happen. I was/ am afraid of what she could do to my husband and family ( like if she accused my ds or dh because she was mad at them ) So we have told her and my dad and mom that she is not allowed to be around my family. We are not going to the family vaction thing this year, and we did not have christmas with them, because I am going to stand my ground. I will not put my family in danger to make things easier on others. I think this has two consequences. The person who caused the problems will know that it is their fault, and be reminded of the wrong they did repeatedly ( in my case it is needed because nobody else is going to do anything to tell her what she did was wrong.) Also it tells my kids and family that they come first. That their safety and well being is the most important thing for me.
She is your child, it is up to you. I don't get why you would keep sending her. You say he is a wuss...but you are doing the exact same thing as he is. I know it can be hard to stand up to people and all..but I had to do it and I did. The situation was not as serious. My inlaws are alcoholics and MIL wanted to babysit all the time and was completely insulting. I would not let her babysit. Eventually, we completely cut them out of our lives for a period of time while MIL got better control over her life. It took more than 10 yrs. But I will never regret protecting my children. They need us.
I was sexually abused as a child, and I want to tell how he got away with it. He would give me a priveledge I was not supposed to have. This specifically might be taking me out of nap time and out to play in the barn and such, but then tell me, if anyone finds out that I left nap time, I would be in big trouble. Then he would make he do things to/for him. This went on for years, from 3-5 yrs old. No one ever found out and I never really talk about it. Thing is, I was a good person and did not want to get in to trouble. I was scared. I just wanted to let you know this because this is something someone can do to get away with this sort of thing.
She has her hands somewhat tied by the rope of step-parenthood. All she has to defend her step-daughter is her voice, and it sounds like she is screaming the warning to her husband as loudly as she can.
Yes, I went back and reread that part. I lost that fact in reading all the responses. But..I am one of those people, while others on here might reem me for it..I would go to great lengths to say no. I would have my dh sleep on the couch, I would be very blunt about what he is doing...instead of referring to stepdaughter being sent to grandma's..I would say he is sending her to <fill in the blank with crude language> (not in front of the child of course.) I would make a huge deal of what kind of man prostitutes his child, offers up his child like this. Every single time I see an article in the news..like of some middleeasterner selling off their child in to marriage/prostitution...I would tell dh that he and these people have so much in common, etc. Also, when and if it gets out that this is going on in the family, even stepmothers can be prosecuted for failing to protect the child. It is illegal to not report this.
Ugggg.. sadly this kind of thing happens all too often, and not usually within a family.. and it can totally ruin someones life! This is something that hits right at home for my family! Usually it is done out of "anger" of some sort towards the person they accuse, because they didn't get what they wanted from that person. I do not think that it is the case with FreeSpirits little one at all, but it is important for people to realize that that kind of thing happens a lot and because of our laws they almost always believe the accuser
I would contact the the authorities. Not only is it wrong not to & her bio mom can take you both to court for not protecting the child & allowing her to be around the offender, but the 12 year old also needs help. If he doesn't get the help he needs, he'll continue to do this. There is some reason why he's doing this & he needs get to help, preferrably commited somewhere until they are certain that he is no longer a danger to anyone. What if you're step-daughter isn't the only one he's done this to? What if he's already done this to someone else, or does it to someone else in the future because noone reported this incident? If it was me, I would tell dh that either he reported it or I would. I also would lose a lot of respect for dh & don't know that I'd be able to stay with him if he didn't do everything he could to protect his child. I'm not saying that you should leave your dh, I'm just saying that I might in that situation. His top priority should be protecting her & that means making sure she is never around the offender again, even if that means upsetting other family members. He needs to put her first.
I think we should make sure we don't put Freespirit on the spot here. I feel like I have, anyway. Family dynamics can suck out loud, as we all know. I just hope Freespirits' husband does the right thing.
I agree here 100% Becky! It's obvious to me that Freespirit is trying to protect this little girl in everyway she knows how.. but also keep some peace at home. This little girl has been through enough, she surely doesn't need to see a huge battle in her home that she feels the safest in.
Lol- Sommer, you're always on here when I'm on here! Me- I wouldn't worry about keeping the peace, but then you know me..
the situation your daughter went through puts me in tear. I would do any thing to protect my child no matter what. I would protect her now, before she and I feel sorry and guilty for life. you are in my prayer
Good News! Went around hubby and talked directly with MIL. Voiced my concerns with a slight tinge of "we wouldn't want to have to report this..." in a NICE way of course! I can't force my hubby to do anything, nor anyone else, but I COULD report it. Good news is the 12-year old will not be allowed to be in the same house as her...ever. If she goes over there and stays overnight, she has to sleep in another house (great grandma lives less than 2 minutes away) or he does. MIL even thanked me for my concern. So we're all good! 12-year old is progressing in his counseling and so is SD. Your thoughts, advice and prayers did help! Thanks!
Thanks! I'm starting to see that all the "possible conflict" is in my hubby's head! Some of the time his mom isn't even aware of our concerns because he doesn't communicate them, or does so at the last minute when it's too late. As much as I'm for letting him handle his own mother, I'm finding that me talking to her directly sometimes is better!
