You never know what's going to happen, even with people you trust. I had thought that since she was being homeschooled and only in activities where I am there watching her the entire time she was safe. I thought she was too young (7-years old) to really need to learn more about boundaries with her body. I was wrong. I'm wishing we had emphasized the "good touch, bad touch" a little bit more, and also WHO exactly should be allowed to do certain things regarding privates. If it's someone they trust, children can be easily led to do something they shouldn't. I'm not going to get into details, but this incident is tearing apart our family. We are looking into thousands of dollars of counseling, and one family member will never see her again. Luckily my stepdaughter is OK. Nothing too irreversable happened (although it could have very easily) and with some counseling I think she'll be fine. So, talk to your kids. It's never too early. And you never know, even when you think they are safe. Please pray for us.
amen, and I will be praying. You are right it is important in this day and age to be upfront and clear on certain things. There are ways to talk about personal areas with your children wiht out getting detailed or fear inciting too. Anyway, I will be praying for your family.
((((( ))))) My kids mowed a lawn for a gentlemen and when they knocked on the door the get paid he yelled, "Come in". They walked in and he was standing there without his clothes. They immediately came home and told me. Terrible, terrible situation!
So sorry to hear about a child being abused. What a huge thing to have happen. Thank you for sharing, and for the reminder of what we need to educate our kids against. My prayers are lifted. I don't know the details, but will mention that at that age, sometimes knowing that the parents are behind them, and that the perpetrator is known about and being dealt with are the most important things. Knowing that another person did this to them and that it is an innapropriate thing, but not their fault is an important message. Knowing that the perpetrator took advantage of them and that they would have done it to another kid also lets them know that there is not somethig defective about them in particular that caused them to be a victim. Be careful about counceling etc. Be very careful. Sometimes this process can make things larger and more disruptive in the child's life than it has to be. Be sure the counceling that the child is involved in is for the child's symptoms and serves the child, and not for hysteria that surrounds the event in the lives of the adults. Some councelors might drag out the process of reliving the events and mining for details more than needed. Keeping the adult drama to a minimum makes the whole thing less tramatic to the child. Normalcy as soon as possible from the kids perspective is a good thing. Also keep in mind that unfortunately there are many folks who carry on with old fashioned notions about females being spoiled as a result of being so victimized. Verbal support from church members, and so forth might come at a long term cost.
I am so sorry for what your family is going through! I will take heed of your warning. I have spoken to my kids before but you never know....they need to know that even adults you may trust can turn out not to be trustworthy.
Yes! The thing we neglected to point out was that older kids could do this kind of thing as well, and it's still wrong. The person was only 12 years old. Old enough to know better, young enough for her to be fooled that it was "OK" because he was a kid too. I hope we can teach her that no one, no matter who, has the right to get her to go against her morals.
I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter and that it is tearing apart your family. I will be praying for all of you. (((hugs))) Thank you for the reminder about teaching our children about right from wrong touches.
Oh goodness Sunny.. I'm soo sorry to hear this happen to you guys! Yes it is something that hits an entire family! We use bathtime for talks like this.. and by 4 the kids are washing themselves for the most part mostly to teach them that they are the only ones allowed to touch those places except under certain (medical) circumstances. I hope you all can heal from this and move on. Thanks for reminding everyone that even though it seems we are always there.. really we aren't. (((hugs)))
I'm so sorry to hear about this. No family should ever have to go through this. Just make sure that she knows that it wasn't her fault. It's very common for them to blame themselves or to think that you blame them. She'll need to be reminded that you love her, no matter what. When they're very young, it tends to affect the adults more than the child it happened to. So, make sure it doesn't get discussed around her too much. Also, make sure she isn't isn't around for any heated conversations about it. Just tell your family that you need to be concerned for her & it will do more harm if she is around everyone talking about it, especially if they're upset while discussing it. I'm so sorry that you're all going through this & I hope that she's young enough that it won't affect her too much later.
This incident happened before when she was 5 with the same person. Of course everyone backed her up and said it wasn't her fault. It was played off lightly, and the older person was punished. She was educated a little bit that it wasn't right for someone to see/touch her there. This time, even though the older person initiated it, she participated willingly. She was tricked by the older person, who played on her curiosity. BUT, had she been doing what she was told to do, she would have gone running to an adult instead of willingly playing along. Most of the time the older person preys on the younger person's curiosity. So when you talk to your kids, really talk to them because they can be so easily tricked. Last time she was backed up and told it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault this time, but we want her to be cause over the situation should she encounter it again. It's the fine line between letting her know she's not at fault, but also how to prevent it.
Gosh.. I hope the person who did do this gets the help they need. Since this isn't the first time something like this happened obviously there is an issue there that needs taken care of. Again (((hugs)))
Yes, definitely they are getting help! In many ways he's just a kid too. I'm glad we caught it before it turned into something bad, and he can get the help he needs while he is young. Thanks for your support! It's been hard.
I'm not going to go into any details at all but I have experienced the same thing. I totally agree about not pushing counseling - it may make it worse. Certainly talk about it but then my advice is to let it rest and never ever allow him within a mile of her again.
We are doing a special kind of counseling offered through our church that will handle the situation, not make it worse. I have confidence that she will be fine. I am mostly sad over the way it's tearing the family apart. The way blame is hurled from all directions...shoulda, coulda, woulda. In reality I agree...I think the ADULTS are the ones who need the counseling the most! While my stepdaughter is not blaming herself and is yet to grasp the true gravity of the situation, the adults are all blaming themselves and each other. My husband has put his foot down and said the person is not allowed to ever be in the same house as his daughter. This poses a problem, since she visits that house every other weekend. And they are close family, so we spend holidays with them. How do you keep a 12-year old who is a member of that immediate family away on holidays? It was being "reasonable" about it in the past that led it to happen again.
Sounds like you have a complicated issue with the person at fault being a minor family member that is difficult to avoid. I hope you find the balance needed so both parties can heal properly. You sound like you are handling things very well....your stepdaughter is blessed.
You simply don't be around them! If the 12 yr old lives in the house she visits every other weekend, she would not visit every other weekend anymore! This is your child, for pete's sake.
I wish it was that easy! My husband is such a wuss when it comes to his family. He just assumes they're handling it (and that assumption led to it happening again!) If it were me I'd not let her visit until things are under control. But I'm sure he's going to wait until the last minute and is afraid of making his mom mad so he won't say anything.
I'm sorry but to me that is outrageous! He is more worried about upsetting adults than protecting his child's innocence? I couldn't give a rat's behing about hurting anyone's poor little feelings when my child is at risk. I am in no way trying to be harsh to you at all but I have been there and there is no freaking way in he!! that I would ever put someone else before my child. Who cares if they don't like it? They are grown and can get over it but if something else were to happen to her she may not get over it.
I agree 100%! I know that it sounds harsh in some ways, but I would drop any family member in the world to protect my kids and my husband as well. I have pretty much stopped all contact with my family.. and it wasn't even something anywhere near this serious. But that's a story not for this thread
