DH is turning in the withdrawal paper for 8 yr old son tomorrow morning. As I mentioned before, he has autism spectrum disorder. I am also still sick from the birth. I have a busy week this week with a CAT scan, root canal, and tooth extraction. I am also still in pain and having complications from the birth so I have to deal with that. BUT, after I posted last time about how desparate my son is to come home, he came home with an injury last week. His arm had a cut in it. He explained how the teacher did it to him. The actual cut was an accident, but what they were doing to him that led to the cut was inappropriate. They were disciplining him basically. I made an appointment for him with the doctor last week also for allergies. When I attempted to pick him up, the principal asked me to let him stay. She said he needed to learn he could not go home until he is in "compliance." She said he refused to do his school work and he was in a separate room over that. I was not comfortable, but I did call the doctor and rescheduled for a few hours later. When I returned to pick him up is when I saw the cut. He did not speak while we were inside the school, but once outside, he told me they tortured him. They said he got the cut because they grab him on each side and hold him in a certain way that involves bending his hands back. He says it causes his hands to feel like pin priklies in it. (this tells me they are doing it with such force to cut off the circulation to his arms). My son does have meltdowns with his ASD, but he is not violent and has never ever required being restrained, ever. He has never ever been violent. When I attempted to speak to them, it came out that they were withholding food from him too. They tried to explain to me all about this "behavior intervention program" they have on him and how it "works wonders" with other kids with autism. OK..my son does not even have real autism..he has PDD-NOS. The neuro-psych said that she would not even call him having autism, she would call it anxiety disorder. He actually has a very high IQ but then will get anxiety and refuse to speak when the anxiety hits. I got a call from the school district's therapist. She was calling me in confidence as she worked with one of my older children in the past and sort of knows me. She told me, off record basically, that she did not think their BIP was appropriate and she was wondering if I knew they were withholding food from him. She has spent some time with him and she has never seen anything done by him that would call for the discipline they have been enacting on him. OK..for a school district employee to put herself on the line to tell me this, seriously..think of how bad things must be. Plus, thinking back, his teacher last year who was so great with him encouraged me to homeschool this year. Now I wonder if he was trying to tell me something and I missed it. He was their employee so I don't think he could have said much. OK, so...I need my hand held. I am so nervous going in to this. But dh is dropping off the withdrawal letter tomorrow.
Momofafew... Obviously, and I think you know it, the school's behavior is not acceptable. In the first place, if your son was having problems they should be working WITH you on discipline, not behind your back. Don't even get me started on public school's mentality about their ownership of our kids..... But moving on to your HSing... My suggestion would be to take a week or two "sabbatical". Let your son unwind and you recover! You are going to have a long, hard road with all of your recovery, and do you have a new baby as well? Perhaps use the time to do some reading aloud to and with him, or play some games that would be appropriate and teach skills. Let him know that you are taking a couple of "easy weeks" until mom feels better and you will be starting "regular" school on ----*date*---- so he is prepared for the change. Maybe even mark the date on the calendar and cross off each day until you get there. Those couple (or however many you need - take your time, it will be well worth it in the long run, because you will be better prepared and feel a whole lot better and more patient!) of weeks will allow you to get your lesson plans set and let you gradually work into "school" mode with your son. Remember, you can make up any time missed over summer! There are not the time constraints with home schooling! Also, I would keep your days short - no more than 2 or 3 hours of schooling a day until you feel capable of increasing it. And remember, you can school in the evenings when hubby is home, or on the weekends when he can watch the baby for a couple of hours! These are just some suggestions, to be used, changed or modified to fit you and your family! Wishing you all the best as your venture unfolds! :love:
I thought of going to talk to them and telling them to stop doing the BIP, but it seems as if things have gone too far and the emotional damage to my son is too great at this point. Even if they completely turned around right away today, he still needs time to heal.
Ok - I'm also gong to add in - TAKE PICTURES of the cut - no matter how small and document it. You don't have to take it further than that - but I would be sick to my stomach (actually reading that makes me a little sick) Spend some time watching videos, kick back and relax for a few weeks. We are going into the holiday season.... maybe just a unit study about Christmas or something like that. We did that last year and had some fun with it (we did Amanda Bennetts which lets you work with multiple ages). Good luck!!
Um, WOW. If someone told me I couldnt get my kid, there would be no argument--the child WOULD be going with me.
Momofafew, I am praying for you this morning. I don't have any time at all to say what I'd like to right now. I am so sorry you and your son are going through this. Making it official is the biggest hurdle to get past. I know what you are going through. We had a similar experience with our son. He has Tourette Syndrome. Won't go into detail here, but just know that your concerns are absolutely validated and you don't owe anyone in that building an explaination. ((((((hugs))))))
Relax. Take a deep breath. And remember, you are his mother. You are more than capable of giving him the support and guidance he needs.... once you're all healed, of course. I agree with all the suggestions above. Spend the next couple of week exploring some topics HE chooses. Find out his learning style. What interests him. Maybe make a follow up with his doctor/therapist to get some suggestions about homeschooling specifically. Lay in bed with him and the baby and just read together. You'll both be resting the way you need to to begin the healing process (your physical, his emotional) and you'll be reminding him what learning can be like.
OH WOW-My heart is breaking for you guys. As the mom of a son with Aspergers who pulled him out after 3rd grade all I can say is GET HIM OUT OF THERE! You have no idea how much better his/your life can be. Pray for strength and guidance - this is the best thing for him. Do not fear any man or woman when your child is involved -you have been entrusted with his care and safety in this world - don't let anyone get in your way. :love: Jane
Squeezing that hand tight and praying! Did you sign anything in the way of a behavior plan? It's been about 10 years since I left the classroom, but I'm pretty sure that, back then, anything involving a REGULAR BEHAVIOR PROGRAM for children like your son needs to be discussed in-depth and signed by a TEAM, INCLUDING THE PARENT. Otherwise they are in violation of Federal law. Also, they need to DOCUMENT everything, every time they implement thier plan. You are doing the right thing by bringing him home. Be prepared for a possible fight! The district gets LOTS of government money for special needs kids, and often won't give them up without a fight. They could try to charge you with Educational Neglect. I'm not saying the WILL, but be sure all your i's are dotted and your t's crossed. Also, discuss with your dh, and have a plan for if they DO come knocking. I would try to let your DH handle any problems as much as possible; a father carries more weight in the eyes of authorities!
((Hugs)) I am so sorry to hear what your son has been through. I admire your decision to pull him out and homeschool. We were faced with this last spring when we pulled our son (who also has an autism dx) out of the public school system. With our son, we didnt jump right into school after he came home. We had plenty of educational material around but didnt force anything. We played games, watched educational programming, took nature walks, visited the childrens science and history museums, etc. We are still very relaxed, choosing to use more of a montessori form of teaching. Each day our son has a list of tasks to complete. I made these picture cards with tasks on them and put them on a keyring. Each day, he has 15 tasks to complete. 5 are self help or household chores, like brushing teeth, dressing, and sorting the laundry. 10 are fun educational tasks that I know he will enjoy, like playing with his moving alphabet, computer time on the PBSkids website, riding his bike, doing m&m math, keyboard practice, etc. We also include activities for PT and OT in this. The last 5 cards are speech therapy, handwriting, math, phonics, most are things he doesnt enjoy as well. For us, this is working and he really likes school. He has fewer behavioral issues since coming home. He is a much happier child. And though it is not always easy, it is so much better than ti was when he was in public school.
I did sign something. I know I should not have. But I thought it all involved time outs and such. But they used confusing language and answered little.
Just reading that makes me want to cry. I am so glad you are bringing him home. Yes, take some time off. Rent some movies and just relax. Pray for God's wisdom in how to homeschool him. I wish I could give you a big hug right now.
I'm so sad that you're son has been enduring this under the guise of public education! How sad!!!! I weep for the future of education in this country. I agree with everyone. Give him a few weeks to decompress, regain confidence, etc. There would be SOME non-negotiables....read with him, play math games with him, etc. Let him know UP FRONT that this is just so he can restore peace in himself, but that schoolwork will come, and will be expected, etc. Then as you're going through those weeks, watch him...gear learning towards what he's interested in, etc. (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry you're family is going through this trying time.
wow, reading this makes me mad... no matter how a child acts , no one should use that type of discipline period! Call the parent first if you have to.. I agree with everyone, you are doing the right thing by pulling him out. take time and relax with him. Do easy relaxing learning type of stuff. I am praying for you.
(((HUGS))) to you, your son and your entire family! I would take him out of that school ASAP as well. That sounds worse than the school my son went to! My son has had anxiety issues too. When he was in kindergarten he was fearful of his school. He was highly anxious when there and sometimes forgot what he knew or would get so frustrated with the work and the pressure that he would break down and cry. My hubby and I were brought into "researched based early intervention meetings" about our son. Some of the staff at the school seemed to be cruel and nasty to our son and us! My hubby and I also witnessed the staff treating a known troubled child rather cruelly as well. That particular school's atmosphere gave off fearful and pressure filled vibes (it's hard to describe). Every time I set foot in there I felt uneasy and like I was walking on eggshells when I talked to anyone. There were other issues with the school and school district as a whole that bothered dh and me. We decided homeschooling our son was in his best interest. Anyway, we have been homeschooling for 1st, 2nd and part of 3rd grade now. I am soooo happy that my son does not attend his former school! I'm glad you will be able to homeschool your son! I hope you heal up from all that your body is going through too!
I agree! with Dana and TBOG, I would have gone in and taken my childout right then, but that is me. I am very protective of my kids. No one will harm them if I can help it, also I agree about the cut, photograph it and report it! Someone could be hurt worse! Take the time off and relax with your son, watch videos if he likes to, make them educational if you feel you have to, but discuss them and use it for verbal comprehension type of things. I think it is good to get kids to talk about what they are watching ( wonder why i have motormouth). It sounds like things are going busy for you but it has to work out better than where he was. There are several people on this SPOT that have kids with Aspbergers so I am sure they will chime in soon! You are not alone!
HSLDA has a struggling learners/special needs newsletter that has been very helpful with my daughter who has various learning challenges. They have also been helpful with answering my questions. Pretty sure you can signup for the newsletter even if you aren't a member. I have a good friend who homeschools her son with PDD-NOS.....you can do it!!
((((HUGS)))) to you, your dear son and the rest of the family. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I agree with what the others have stated. Take your son out of ps and bring him home. Take the time to "chill out" with him and enjoy some free time together. A small word of possible reactions from a fellow mom of a child with autism, Don't be suprized if sometime down the road your ds "remembers" and starts talking to you about what happened at school. Our ds son had a traumatic experience but didn't tells us anything until more than 6 months later. ((((hugs)))) Marty
I was gone almost all day. He asked for the computer over and over again. I had my root canal. So I guess I was gone more like half the day, home a couple hours, and asleep for a few hrs.
