How successful have you been at filtering content/shielding your children?

I'm curious - especially folks with older children - how you've managed with controlling your children's media consumption (books, TV, movies, video games, internet).

I'll just start by saying that by the standards I was raised with (no TV, only classic literature), I've failed miserably. Part of the problem was that my husband is strongly "anti-censorship" and thinks I worry too much. He also loves his TV and refused to even consider giving it up.

The other part of the problem is that my house is stacked to the rafters with many thousands of books, a lot of which are not appropriate for children.

I put all my adult science fiction upstairs in the attic when my daughter began reading voraciously. When she was nine, she went up there, dug them out, read them, and then came and confessed her crime to me. She was fully prepared to take her punishment, with absolutely no regrets for what she'd done.

My husband played my son's first M rated video game with him, and I ended up feeling like the big meanie in the family. ("But honey, we love zombies!")

So I've settled instead for talking constantly about what they see on TV. I'll even pause the TV or game, if something bothers me, and we'll chat about it right then and there. We do have terrific family conversations and I have to say my children seem to be extremely thoughtful, honest and moral. And far more sensible than I was at their age! So maybe I'm not a failure in this respect.

But I was still embarrassed to be picking up a game my son had pre-ordered at the video store and have the clerk say, "You do realize this is an M rated game, don't you?" I felt like a very bad mother.

So I'm curious - what were your ideals around controlling your children's media consumption? Have you succeeded or failed, in your opinion?

 

I have found you cant and shouldn't shelter them from EVERYTHING. I monitor my children to a degree.... I am always around somewhere when they are on the internet.... My 11 yr old daughter loves playing farm ville as do I and i don't think there is anything wrong with that. Movies are pretty standard if there are unwelcoming parts I will tell them to close their eyes. I don't think its very fair for a parent to watch TV and the child only aloud 1 hr a day of cartoons. I don't mean the child should watch 24/7 at all...i strongly urge them to do other things and for the most part they do unless they are sick than they watch cartoons or movies for most of the day...Do I consider myself a bad mom? NO!!! A parents job is to make sure they are ready for the world and society to a degree. If that means they watch something on "war and violence" its a good thing in my opinion. There are way to many kids out there that are sooo naive to the real world and everything is butterfly's and rainbows...well it's not and they should know this.
I do make sure their not watching or doing something inappropriate for their age but its not to the point I am going to forbid internet, TV and phone unless it becomes a problem of doing it too much!


I mean you kinda look at it with the duggars........ They are Making money off of BEING on TV and the family is not allowed to watch it.......I like the duggars so Im not bashing them but some of their ideals does not make sence...lol

 

I've got the computers smack in the central part of the house, between the kitchen and the living room. I like to be able to kibitz with the kids about what they're doing - or at least peek over their shoulders periodically!

And I really did enjoy playing Fable II with my son. I think it was rated M because you could decide to have your character do the right and honorable thing, or the evil thing, and your choice would have consequences in the game. I loved how not all choices were completely clear - such as when I destroyed some evil ghosts and only found out later that I could have redeemed their souls (which would have been the right thing to do - whoops!).

We played the entire game through, several times, and I didn't see anything I'd consider offensive.

 

My kids are still pretty young so I can only speak to their life so far. For the most part their exposure to things inappropriate has been limited. They don't watch much tv, but they love the internet. My boys have seen some things to bring about nightmares (minor violence or picture of a monster). They love playing a game online that is a common game with teenagers, but all conversation between players is scripted. They do have to get approval to be able to play a new section of the site though.

My boys are very sensitive and it doesn't take much for them to have a nightmare. I don't think they could handle most pg movies and most shows their peers are watching they have never seen. Exposure to world news is also limited due to their sensitivity. I'm fine with that for now.

As for books, they have tons of books appropriate for them in their room. The only books I have removed from them or hidden are books given to us that had incorrect religious teaching. I have some books in my room that are inappropriate for kids, but my boys haven't ventured there yet. They have enough books in their room to keep them busy for now.

 

I do filter what my kids listen to, read and watch. IMHO thats my job, I set the ground rules and hopefully when they move out they will follow those same rules on their own.

As for M rated games its depends on content...Gods of War, Prince of Persia..OK to play because dh played them first and said it was for violence and weapons, now Grand Theft Auto..NO WAY ( because of sexual content and lang., yes my dh plays it when the kids aren't home). Its all in the content.

TV shows same thing, we watch it first and then see if they can. We usually watch the same shows together but How I met your mother, The Office, and South Park are out of the question for them. Some episodes of Medium, No Reservation and Fringe are OK for them depending on if there is sexual content involved.

Movies are the same way , not all PG-13 movies are the same. Valentines Day ..no way ( I watched it myself) but When in Rome..OK ( watch that with them also). New Moon/Twilight..OK ( I read the books so I know what to expect) but Mean Girls..not until they are out of the house (please).

Books, same thing I usually read them first , look up a review of the content online or ask other parents ( with similar core values) if they heard /read about it. Some things are ok but others not.

Internet if its a new site and I haven't heard about it we look it up on Google first and see what it says about the site BEFORE we even type it on our browser.

My dd's come to me and say that they have turned off a TV show, movie, radio or a book that they thought wasn't appropriate for them. They have told friends they weren't comfortable with something that was on TV or a movie they were watching ( like at sleepovers ) and the friends listen and often say " I think your right we shouldn't be watching this".

IMHO kids need boundries for those things. My dd's can make decisions on their own because we already set the ground rules for them and if they think we are too strict we reevaluate the show/movie, song or book and we discuss it together. Sometimes we reverse our decision because the kids are older now ( 14 and 12) and we think they can handle the content in a mature way, others we have not and that is up for a future discussions.

 

Well, I feel better now!

I do set boundaries, but because they are flexible depending on content, I wasn't seeing them as real boundaries.

When I was a child it was simply, "No modern books!" and "No TV!" My mother got upset when another child left "The Cat Ate My Gym Bag" at our house. But I kept going into the adult section of the library and reading everything I could get my hands on.

I also went a little nuts on the TV when we finally bought one, turning it on whenever my mother left the house and watching anything that I could.

So it always amazes me that on the rare occasions my children read or watch something they know they shouldn't, they always confess immediately.

We don't own Grand Theft Auto, or anything like that - I don't like the whole gang lifestyle thing. I think it's ugly. We've recently let them watch a couple of episodes of South Park - but only ones that we've watched first and decided we wanted to show the children, because of the topics dealt with. There are lots both my husband and I agree they shouldn't see.

My daughter refuses to watch most crime-oriented TV (even the Mentalist!), and whenever she's uncomfortable with something on TV, she just walks out of the room. So does my son, but not as often. They don't even ask to watch some of the shows that their father watches - like Law & Order SVU. Personally I don't think that show's appropriate for ME, much less the kids.

As for Twilight - my daughter did see the movie, and she said it was better than the books. But she didn't care much for the books - said there was too much stalking going on, and she didn't like the relationships.

So I guess we do put some limits on what they consume, and I've definitely had an impact on their opinions - I just hadn't thought of it that way.

 

I monitor what the kids watch, read, etc, but my standards are probably quite different from most. I'm not really concerned about the kids being exposed to violence. Ok, if it's really graphic violence, like in Glory, I'm not going to let them watch it at 6 years old. For the most part, though, I'm not concerned about violence. I grew up watching & reading horror, and I turned out just fine. So, I let my kids watch horror & violent stuff, as long as they are ready for it. I'm strict about sexual content & nudity, though.
We don't have video games, so I don't have to worry about that. I do limit how much TV they watch, but educational shows don't count toward their daily limit. The family computer is where I can see it, and I regularly check on them when they're online. My ds is only allowed to be on certain sites, sites I know are safe. Dd is older & therefore has a bit more freedom, so I talk with her regularly about internet safety.
I would rather my kids be prepared for what the real world holds, not naive to the dangers & reality of it.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm not doing a bad job. I have no intention of sheltering them from the world. They make good choices when it comes to what they want to watch, read, play, and listen to, for the most part.

 

we are the same parent I think LMAO

 

My kids are definately not older, lol, but I think that if it were me I would be extremely firm with them about content, and I wouldn't buy them an M rated Game. If my husband did I would kick his butt into the deepest winter months of December. Having said that, if they understand that those kids of things aren't real (zombies), or not acceptable whatever the case may be. I think having the conversations really help. Not only does it let everyone know what you define as acceptable and not acceptable, it also can point out what opinion your children have on the subject. I think it's good that you are encouraging honesty. After all, we can't shelter them forever, but we DO need to teach them right and wrong. I think youe doing a good job! Don't sweat too bad unless you are seeing behavior from them that you can trace back to the videogames/movies/ or books.

 

I am so blissfully naive that I do not even know what a M-rated game would be!

Children are going to be exposed to things you would rather they not be just by hanging with the neighbor's children--at least that is how it has been working at my home. So, I would rather my daughter be exposed in a limited, more controlled environment, my home with her father and/or me, than just out there somewhere picking up whatever before she is emotionally mature enough to handle it.

 

Didn't read what everyone said, but I sure can't do it, especially with Faythe!

Carl had on "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" last night. I was in here on the computer, and I had to go upstairs, because just the SOUND of the one scene was really bothering me! (But I might add that he won't let the kids see this, except Rachael!) And he watched "Twilight" with her, too. Again, I watched in, and was rather upset with what I saw. Rachael said later, "Mom, you HAD to walk in right then! Most of the movie wasn't like that AT ALL!"

 

My children are younger, but in our home it's not about ratings or reviews. It's about what DH and I think of the movie/video game/book. We will play/watch/read before the children and then decide if they can. I am also picky about who my children play with, if we are playing at the park and a child comes in who is largely unsupervised and doing things we don't agree with I will take my children elsewhere.

Most of the time this is not an issue however, my boys will tell me "mom that kid is being mean can we leave?", or "when we were at ________'s house she put on _____ movie and we didn't watch, we went and played outside", as for books they mostly read what we have here, or what we check out from the library and anything here is fine and I will preview the library books before we check them out.

 

I may be a bit of a control freak, but I absolutely refuse to allow a video game system in my house,we cancelled satelite because I thought even Nickelodeon and Disney channel were getting too mature in their content, no prime time TV and they are very well supervised when spending time with my 15 yr old nephew. ( he has very few limits). I understand that the world is harsh, and someday they will be faced with that. But I don't want it to be now at their age.(they are 7 &9 ) Now, a historic documentery containing some real life violence,such as the civil rights movement, or Teddy Roosevelts Rough Riders, that's a different story.

 

I am a mommy like my2kids & hmsclmommyto2

I don't shelter my kids, but they know right from wrong. If it is something that may be inappropriate they ask me first. Like Glen Martin DDS. They asked and I said NO! They have some M Rated games and they have seen some R rated movies but again they know right form wrong. They no fact from fiction and what is appropriate for them to say and do and what is not. I truly believe it’s all in how you teach them and it depends on the kid. I watched and played with whatever I wanted when I was younger. I turned out just fine.

seekingmyLord made a good point. When I was 19 my mother had a huge birthday party for herself. Well I wanted to be grown and hang with the big people. My mother let me get tore up! Now hold on before you get angry....My mom let me booze it up because

1. I was at home in a controlled environment and
2. She wanted to teach me a lesson.

I got so sick that night and I had the worst hangover in the morning, that I never touched booze again. I am 34 now and I don't drink. I went out a lot when I was in my 20's. If it weren’t for that experience, I can only imagine what kind of trouble I would have gotten into.

 

I never hesitated to supervise an unsupervised child, and intervene if they are behaving badly. Sometimes other people's kids just need to hear an adult call them on what they're doing. I've never had a complaint from a parent. And I've only had a child disrespect me once. Since she was on MY property, I sent her sweet little behind packing. She was much more respectful after that.

I was never so proud of my daughter as when she was six and another child at the playground was being troublesome. When the child finally crossed the line, my daughter jumped up onto the picnic table, pointed at the child and announced loudly, "Hey! What you just did is WRONG!"

The child's mother ended up taking her home in disgrace. :lol:

 

I think your mom is made of awesome!

FWIW, I don't drink either though I never had a bad experience. It just doesn't feel good and I really don't understand the attraction.

My own mother is actually quite embarrassed that I won't drink. She keeps apologizing for me to the waiters at fancy restaurants. :roll:

 

Meg, I wonder about this too sometimes. my daughter is 7, and ,thankfully, while she likes Wii and computer games, she's only interested in ones that we all like to play. She's a great little reader, but, once again, she generally likes books that I am thrilled for her to read. I know that will be changing soon, though. My husband and I have agreed that we won't outright veto a book, movie or video game until one of us has previewed it. But you better believe that if either of us thinks it's inappropriate, we will not hesitate to keep her away from it.

 

Funny coincidence, since I posted this question today...

A friend of mine just gave me a book - mostly for a joke, but also because she thinks I might be able to use it as fodder for one of my novels - called "Psychic Children". I laughed and then took a large black magic marker and wrote in block letters on the cover, "DO NOT READ - THIS IS CRAP".

Then we showed it to my 14yo daughter, who giggled. Then she stopped giggling when I pointed out that violating this prohibition would lead to her losing a month's worth of computer privileges.

I also explained to her that I'm not banning the book because of the content as much as because I know perfectly well how I would have bought into every single thing in it when I was her age. And I feel rather strongly that it's harmful to young children to raise them as if they're psychic/a new breed/saviors of humankind (as it only leads to overinflated expectations, and disappointment later on in life).

My friend's comment? "Some fantasies shouldn't be encouraged."

(It does look like a hilarious resource for writing, though!)

 

Our daughters are 10, 12, and 14. We don't filter language or violence, but we do filter sexual content. We're pretty strict on the sexual content. We didn't let them read any of the Twilight books or the newest Maximum Ride book. I scan every book before they read them and watch or look up every movie on http://kids-in-mind.com before they can watch it.

They also rarely watch kids shows. We mostly just let them watch shows on History, Discover or Science. We actually got rid of cable for 2 years when dh and I were too busy to watch tv and I became disgusted with the music videos on Disney and that show with Jamie Lynn Spears on Nickelodeon where the kids were constantly talking about making out.

I do talk to my kids about the practical physical and emotional aspects of sex. Even though my parents didn't shield me too much from sexual content and I took sex ed in school, I still didn't know as much as I should have when I first had sex. My first time was unplanned and pretty much accidental... before I knew it it was happening and in my young 16 year old brain I felt like since my virginity was gone there was no point in refraining from sex anymore. I became pregnant with my oldest six months later.

The internet is the thing that we are most strict with. We run a dating site online so we are regularly confronted with how many creeps there are out there. They are not allowed to have a Facebook account and all of them use KidZui as their browser.

It's funny, even though we don't filter language, we hardly ever cuss, and I've spoken with my girls about cussing. I've told them that there are no bad words, only words used inappropriately. I've told them that some words are to be used sparingly so that, when you do use them, people will know to take you seriously.

A couple of months ago my 10 year old heard me say "Oh crap". She looked at me very seriously and said, "You know, Mom, I get along just fine without using words like that. You really don't need to say things like that". LOL

 

Oh... I'd completely forgotten that "crap" is cussing! :lol:

Clearly we don't filter language, either.

My husband and I are both part of the team teaching sex ed at our church. I work with the 5th graders, and my husband works with teens and youth. As a result, our children were exposed to the meat of the curriculum from a very early age. I remember them running into the house all excited one summer because our neighbour's children (10 and 12) didn't know what a condom was.

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

My son (nine at the time) answered, "I said they're fun if you blow them up like balloons, but you shouldn't write on them with a permanent marker, because they'll pop."

I try not to think about our reputation in this neighbourhood.