How successful have you been at filtering content/shielding your children?

LOL, so funny! So did the neighbour kids get to play with your kids again?

 

I don't filter anything. They've had computers in their rooms since they were 7 and 14. They watch the R rated movies and the play the M rated games. In fact, DD was a horror movie freak when she was about 10. She saw them all. I had the internet nanny thing for a while when DD was in high school, but honestly - if they want to find that stuff they will find it.

I wasn't sheltered from anything when I was a kid either. I cannot ever recall being told not to read something or listen to a certain type of music. In fact, my dad was a total hippy so I read all kinds of hippy crap when I was bored because they were on the shelf. I read every Richard Brautigan book there was (he had a lot of those for some reason), in fact - lines from "In Watermelon Sugar" still rattle around in my head (they don't make any more sense today than they did back then either...). I think I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance when I was 11.

I try not to smother when it comes to that stuff. But they don't get to talk back or swear (even though I swear something terrible) and they have to be respectful. Which they are for the most part. DD is almost 20 now, so she's does her own thing.

The only thing I have been a tyrant about on the internet is illegal music downloads. I have a thing about stealing other people's creative work and won't tolerate it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does and it always has.

 

I did not read responses...trying to spring clean..

I monitor the situation....but I feel that kids should not be sheltered from everything. A child needs to know what's out there. Where people fail is not preparing a child for the world. Sheltering is fine...we need to protect their eyes and ears....but we also need to temper that with exposure to inform and teach. My kids can discern what is ok and what is not. My dd said the other day, "Just because it's at the Christan bookstore doesn't make it Christian." She's 12. She has seen both sides of the coin but we demonstrate, model and teach only one side. That is what's important. Now..keep in mind that there are things that need to be monitored and your kid may not be ready for.

One of the reasons I limit TV and movies, is because it replaces your imagination. A mature subject matter in a book may go over a kid's head...but a movie..well..a picture tells a thousand words. I read a book once when I was a kid....well..maybe 12..it was about an arab woman..my mom read it. It was more of a bio. Well, my mom must have forgot some things in that book that were...well..explicit. Went right over my head! How do i know? I have the book and re-read it..I was shocked i read it then and didn't get it! LOL. Also, I want my kids to develop a taste for quality and fill them with junk...so with books and tv, movies...we are selective. LOL...wait...Spongebob was on the other day...LOL.

I have a friend who was SUPER strict on media. Much more so than I am. Too much, in my opinion. Her kids were in elementary school and didn't know the "f" word. So, when they heard it..they repeated it. The mom blamed me because I watched a little boy who said firetruck...well...you get the idea. her kid was there when I told my kids NOT to repeat him or laugh...we are trying to discourage this from being a focal point because of the word. Can you believe my friend was a bit miffed because now her 10 year old was exposed to a bad word? OH and there was a movie...historial..that used the word "n*gger". her kid never heard it and she was offended that he was exposed to it. I told her that her kid was old enough to understand some words and if you don't explain some things he may use it out of context and get jumped. lol. At any rate...her kid is not a young teen and was caught looking at porn on the internet. She blames that on his brief stay at a public school. Maybe so. However, had he been better prepared..maybe..just maybe...he could have discerned better. Or maybe that is unfair. Just a thought.

 

I agree that there needs to be balance, and I allow my children exposure to things we don't agree with (limited and brief) and we talk about why it's wrong. Generally in our house the talk goes something like "mama _____ said a bad word today, me "what word honey?", Child "S***", me "do you know why that's a bad word?", child "no", me "there are some words that some people use that can hurt other peoples feelings and words that only exist to be offensive, we don't say those words because God doesn't like it and because we don't want to hurt others, child "ok, mama I won't say that word anymore".

I want them to be prepared for what they will face in the world someday, but at the same time I want them to retain their innocence as well. So for us it's always a balance to be found. If a movie has a cuss word or two I won't disallow it on that alone, we might just discuss after why we shouldn't use that word, or I may ignore it all together if the children don't seem to notice or it doesn't stand out to them.

For the most part my boys make good choices but they are still young and sometimes make mistakes, and they will face more difficult choices later so they need to learn now how to handle them.

 

I don't agree that the two things are necessarily related - super strict on media and looking at porn. I can see how they could be, but there is more to it than being super strict on media. My kids would have no idea if they heard a curse word. They haven't been exposed to it. LOL, my boys don't even watch pg rated movies. But that alone doesn't lead to a child growing up and going wild as soon as they have the opportunity. A home can have a super strict policy on media and have open honest communication. I can only see the porn coming into the picture if a child is curious and has no open communication regarding this issue previously. While my kids have no idea about curse words, they know all about how babies are made.

You don't need your child to play in the dirt to know that it is better to be clean.

 

Embassy, I completely agree with you. That is why I do not expose my children to porno, cuss words, horror movies, or things I find inappropriate. Most think I am far too strict with my kids. I was trying but totally failed to make the point that even a child in a strict environment can have issues with media. I am so sorry....I was NOT trying to say being strict leads to this. I was trying to say that having communication with your kids and guiding them when the world invades will make the difference and help them learn discernment. You can't have your kids were blinders and ear plugs 24/7...or keep them in your house. So, your kids will get exposed to things. Wear white gloves and by the end of the day you will see at least one spot. Because this is the case, a parent needs to teach and demonstrate how we want our children to behave. I am NOT saying to purposely expose a child to the world. I am simply saying you can't avoid the world you live in forever. I think a child needs to be prepared....by preparing I mean preparing the heart and mind. I am not saying to make a kid watch porno to avoid the kid being curious.

In fact, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that porn will only be a problem if there is no open communication. I re-read my post because I didn't think I sounded like I thought kids needed to be dirty to learn how to get clean...well..I did sound like that...sorry. I guess multi-tasking is not my thing today. LOL. I was not trying to connect being strict with going wild. Yes, I think that can happen but as you said only with a lack of communication. Forgive my lack of communication. I should have said if his parents prepared him better for what he would have faced in school, and been open...maybe he would not have developed a shame about his curiosity and fed it in such a way.

I am NOT proud my children know a curse word. I did not purposely expose them to it to tell them it was wrong. My fil has a horrible mouth, and they have heard it. I can tell him not to cuss around my kid but they already heard it. Also, the little boy I sat for used to say "truck" with an "f" sound. My kids used to think he said things cute and often repeated him....I had to tell them it was a cuss word.

 

We are probably pretty close in our perspectives then There are many strict parents out there that end up having wild stallions when their child finally leaves the nest so I understand that viewpoint. I do think openness can make all the difference.

For now anyway I haven't really had to restrict much for my boys. They naturally don't like things I would restrict because they are by nature quite sensitive. But I did have my son get off a computer game yesterday about exploding heads

 

I didn't read everything but I seem to be the same as coloradomom. I was never sheltered from anything at all. I was watching horror movies at age 8 and reading anything I could get my hands on. I am a bit of a free spirit/hippy in my attitude about most things.
I do not want to shelter my kids from everything. The only thing I will not allow is sexually explicit content. Violence, language, whatever but no extreme sexual content. I will pause the tv and tell them both to leave. Actually Samantha (13 almost 14) will shelter herself. She chooses not to watch any scary movies and even if someone kisses for too long she will turn away.
Oh and we don't have a game system so no worries there.

 

I think the difference between a strict parent who gets a wild child and one who does not, is communication. I'm sure a child's personality can have something to do with it also. But I think that if you live in a bubble and pretend the world does not exist you kids will either end up thinking you are ignorant, your views are old fashioned, or you hid all the "good stuff." Sadly, the world makes sin look like so much fun. I say live in a bubble but be sure to prepare for a needle. The bible is clear about protecting our eyes and ears.

There are many things that I did not have to worry about with my kids. Many things that are popular with the world are just not in my house and so my kids just don't care.

Those video games though...you have to be careful. I think there is a dramatic difference between seeing a documentary or a movie with violence and playing a video game. My dh and I have an Xbox..I do like to play at times. However, we are selective. Yet...my dh is not as selective as I am. lol.

 

Oh my goodness....my dh put on Star Trek...the new movie...he insists if he gets around a few scenes the movie is okay. lol. Well, other than a few things, it is, IMO. Well, instead of skipping over a sex scene...he hit the fast forward button. Trying to correct, he hit the rewind button. Then he hit stop...but it paused. Then he hit scene selection and managed to get it back on that scene. My daughter left the room. My poor son though...ugh. My dh can be so dumb for having a high IQ. My daughter tried to tell him how to correct his problem without revealing she knew what the issue was...lol..but she did finally just walk out. Why does my dh insist that a movie he loves is okay if he just gets around a few scenes? geesh..

But I will say I did watch horror movies as a kid. To this day...I cannot understand how a parent allows a young child to watch things like Saw or whatever. I really don't get it. I never knew how my mom allowed Friday the 13th. I know a few kids who watched horror movies when they were under 10...I don't understand why. What purpose does it serve? I like some scary movies...so it isn't a disdain for those types of movies in general. WEll..I do hate gory junk...just don't see the point. But that's me. I know others feel differently.

 

Luckily, yes!

And actually, talking - lots - about sex seems to have been good for the kids. My daughter briefly had a boyfriend, then broke it off with him because he was "too much work." She wanted more time to read, talk to her friends, and keep up with her schoolwork. (Gosh, I'm proud of this kid!)

The first time my son accidentally stumbled across porn on the internet, he turned off the computer and came and told me right away. I told him it was fine, and next time just hitting the back button or closing the browser would be fine, too. "It's just some lady's bouncing breasts, son. They're not going to jump off the screen and attack you." He covers his eyes when there's nudity on TV. :lol:

BTW - we don't just talk TO the kids, either. There are times when we have other teachers from church over, and we'll discuss the curriculum. I'm pretty sure my kids listen in, occasionally.

 

No, hitting the back button or closing the browser doesn't always work. You son handled it exactly right. These porn sites have it set up that hitting one of the things you would normally hit will just bring up another picture. My children know to turn the screen off and get Daddy, or me if he's not there. But I would probably just leave it for him to deal with. These sites also leave cookies that I've been told will pop up after the machine's turned back on, and they need to be cleared.

 

Cookies can't pop anything up. They are just text files (like you make with notepad) that contain notes for that particular site when you come back to visit it (like what your username is, the last time you visited, etc.)

If something is popping up after you turn the computer back on, an actual virus or adware has been installed on your computer. Deleting your cookies will not fix that.

 

Then I might be confused. I'm not a computer geek like my husband, lol! That was just my understanding.

 

It's okay I just think cookies get a bad rep. They really useful in making your experience at websites much more enjoyable.

 

Amen to that! I cleaned up my computer after a virus and all my cookies were gone. UGH..that was a pain.

 

Yes, I've had that experience, too! Even here; I would have to formally sign in instead of telling it to "remember me"!

 

You're right - in many cases that's true. But we've installed some pretty heavy-duty anti-spam software. Really - just hitting the back button or closing the browser is enough on our machines.

My husband works in information security.

We also keep the computers in a main thoroughfare between the kitchen and the livingroom - that's the best security of all!

 

I agree on this. Not only do I not want to watch "romantic" stuff with my kids, they do not want to watch it with me either! It goes both ways. I have made my son turn away if it gets too racy, or I will just say - this isn't kids stuff. But I can count on one hand how many times that has happened. He WILL get up and leave!