How do you deal with family who don't agree with hsing

My sister is very upset that I took my child out of school last week. We homeschooled before but since I was married and had my spouse backing me up it was different. My family is very concerned. They think I am crazy and making the wrong choices for him. She is going to be even more mad when she finds out I am hsing all them next year. I guess the topic has made its way through our family and everyone is upset becuase they don't understand. It's funny how before it was the wrong choice but my kids all went back into public school at least a grade level above their classmates and in GT. Their main issue is I am teaching my son that if life is hard he doesn't have to deal with it. They want me to leave him in school being so upset he is throwing up and crying daily. They think he needs not be such a baby. He is 7. I don't want this for him. I want him to be happy. I know I am doing the right thing and have prayed long and hard about it. Sorry I just need to vent.

 

We had this discussion a while ago, and someone suggested a "bean dip" strategy - it was ingenious! I can't find the original discussion, but I Googled "bean dip" and found this blog. I don't know anything about the blogger, but she described "bean dipping" perfectly.

 

It has always amazed me that people think it is good for children to be left in situations that make them miserable in the name of learning about real life. Well in real life if a job situation makes me miserable I find a new job as quickly as possible so I can be happy. I don't stay in the situation just because it is life unless I have no other choice. Your son has another option so why not take it and be happy.

I don't know of any magic words to get them to be more supportive, but clearly you did a wonderful job before and will do so again. Children are often treated by their classmates in a way that would have most adults running to their boss or the HR department to complain of harassment. If we wouldn't put up with it, why should our children. I am happy you are able to provide your children with the chance to enjoy their childhood and education.

 

Are you seeking your family's approval? If not, then they shouldn't offer their opinions. I would just turn the tables on them. Ask about their mortgage, credit card bills, their job, their boss...basically anything that isn't your business...if they say it isn't your business or what not...then say, I'm sorry I was confused. Since you feel the need to give your opinion of my life choices, I thought I could question and give my opinion of yours.
Bottom line though is that you shouldn't worry what they think. You know what is best for your family. The best thing that we ever did when choosing to take our kids out of school and bring them home was to not talk to any family about the choice or decision until after it was long decided and we had already been schooling for a few months. Then it wasn't an announcement or such...the kids would just simply answer a question asked by someone about school with, Oh we home school now. They normally followed up with how much they love it and such. Unless your sister works in the school system or lives with you, then I wouldn't suddenly announce to anyone that I was pulling them all and schooling at home next year.

 

Oh! That's a good one! I need to use that on my BIL!

As for family that doesn't agree, I have several of those....I have found that over the years most of them say less and less, however, in the begining they would harrass me to tears. I finally realized that my dh and I were in charge of our children and everyone elses opinions didn't matter. I still have my dh's grandma ask me when I am putting "those kids" in public school. I tell her that when the time is right I will do it. What I don't tell her is that the time won't ever be right. At least not for us. I figure she is 90, so I won't have to explain this too much longer. :angel:

 

I agree with the other responses. It is non of their business. They don't have to like it or approve of it. It would be nice to have support from family, but..... You need to do what is right and best for your children.

The idea of schools being the training ground for real life is so wrong. As an adult, I never had to put up with the stuff I did in school. The message that you are giving your son is that he does not have to put up with things that are bad. If something makes him unhappy, he should find a better way IMHO. In that alone you are teaching your son a valuable life lesson. Wish I learned it a long time ago.

 

You've been given lots of good advice already. I just wanted to say, that if you are firm they will ease up. The best way I've found to bore our disapproving family members on the subject is to go on and on and on about every mundane detail of our curriculum choices.

My inlaws were very concerned that my children wouldn't be able to read. Now they can see that my seven year old is coming along just fine, and my four year old has taught himself to read, I think they are starting to realize the truth. I think they still have social concerns, and I'm okay with them worrying themselves sick about that. I'm the mother, I've prayed about this choice, and I know it's the right one... so I sleep well with it.

 

Well said!

I agree with everyone here. It's YOUR child, YOUR choice.

I told my parents and being they are older, not very well educated themselves, and rather country, LOL I was a bit worried about how they would take it. My mom blew my mind! She is super supportive! She's very excited about me homeschooling and never once questioned my decision. She even came over and helped me decorate the classroom a bit today!

Now, my dad, when I told him, first asked if I could (as in if it was legal to do so) then shook his head and walked off. A couple of weeks later, he went out and bought us 2 filing cabinets to use for homeschooling! LOL

My neighbors think I'm crazy. LOL She said "why the hell would you want to do that?!?! That's my alone time!" Well, some of us actually like spending time with our kids....:roll:

You just gotta do what's best for you and yours. And what's best for you and yours isn't best for everyone. Some people don't understand that. They assume what is best for them is what's best for everyone, but it doesn't work like that...

 

There are problems with the environment of schools. That is one issue. There is also a problem with the procedures they use to "teach" kids. That is another issue.

I don't think we are providing our children with an escape necessarily, although that is part of my reasoning. I want my son to "escape" the rampant drugs, violence, and wrong peer dependencies. If I won't allow my son go to wild parties, why would I let him go to the schools where the same stuff goes on (even when I went to school, over 20 years ago). Real life is real life, but there is much more to real life than hard knocks. What about the beautiful creation that God has created? What about parents who get along and families that like to spend time together? What about being able to work at a level that your individual brain is ready for? What about the fact that if a child grows up feeling good about themselves and has a loving family---they will be better equipped to handle the negative things in life as they come up. Plus, they may be the light in the darkness, the ones who have solutions when all others have just accepted things as is.

The whole learning process at schools seems to cater to only one type of student. This is so ridiculous that I have to hold my temper back when I hear of people who support this. But, I will say that I was one of them not too long ago. I didn't know any other way. We have to remember that there are so many different type of people out there and if they learn things differently that is PERFECTLY ok. So, I think one of the biggest reasons to support homeschool is that it can be custom fit to each child. We wouldn't all want to wear clothing that is one size-fits all. It may fit, but it may hang off of our shoulders or look very unflattering. So why do we think education is one-size fits all.

 

Are you homeschooling because of religious convictions? If so, the bottom line is, "We feel this is God's direction for our family." NOTHING trumps that statement! You also refer all discussions to your husband. HE is the authority of your home. If they fuss with you when he's not around, he needs to know about it and step in. It is his responsibility to protect you and the children from senseless, cruel comments. He may need to set up some serious boundaries, and if those aren't respected, you might have to back off from family, hopefully only temporarily.

Oh, like Marylyn said, keep plenty of bean dip handy!

 

Thanks everyone. I did tell her I would not talk to her about it anymore and not to bring it up unless I asked. i told her I didn't want it to affect our relationship. I will be using the bean dip idea. It is great. This is one time I wish I was still married. It was easier when I had a spouse to defend it. I try not to judge people and except them not to judge me. Hopefully she will ease up now. I know her though and she says what she thinks. So we will see.

 

I didn't read the other replies...but what I did was unfriend them on facebook and haven't talked to them since. They live in GA and I live in MN....problem solved. I won't have my choices or my children publicly attacked on facebook. They are out of my definition of family.

 

I had a not so nice discussion with my father about me homeschooling....about a month after he had a discussion with me telling me that public schools are bad yada yada yada. (DD was in our church school with 12 students) I told him I pulled her out of school and was going to homeschool and then he told me that homeschooling moms always start out good then lose the ambition and then their kids don't learn anything (he doesn't know a single homeschooling mom or child that has been HS BTW) and he told me "why don't you find a nice private school that will concentrate on her individual education?" I about smacked him through the phone (if it was possible I would have!) A private school still has 15-25 kids in a class or so and they still have to teach them all at once! I am concentrating on her individual education! ME, MYSELF and I are her only teacher and SHE is my only student...can't get much more individual than that!
I will not discuss it with him further.

 

It is amazing that people think that harrassment is good for children but not for adults. If your seven year old were a grown man in a hostile work place, NO ONE would say he was a "baby" or was running away if he found another job. He's not learning to run away from hardship; he's learning not to submit to abuse!

 

My sister is the smartest person I have ever known and she means the world to me. She is my friend as well as my sister. She thinks we are doing the right thing by homeschooling. That is nice, but I would not change even if she disagreed with what we are doing.

 

Echoing the other posts. Adding that I am so thrilled for you and your family!!! My gifted ds (when he was 6) went through that at school, too. The last time I went in to pick him up, he was sitting alone in the library rocking back and forth in his chair and saying "I need to escape, I need to escape, I need to escape..." That was it. Brought him home immediately. Took a while, but he was able to move on from that nightmare and became himself again.

We also got from family, "Well, we can understand why you would homeschool ds, but dd doesn't need to!" What part of WE love homeschooling don't they understand??? Oh, and I have found that most peopple who object don't respect the idea of God telling us to, but at least it will stop their questioning! :lol:

 

"I'm sorry you feel that way but the subject is not up for discussion"
"That sounds like something you'd say"
"Well everyone's different"
"I will not discuss this again"
"Then it's a good thing they aren't your children"
"my family's decisions are not up for debate"
or my all time favorite straight from my daughter's mouth (then 7 or 8)
"YOU Don't get a Vote"
Good luck

 

Yeah, they get all upset when we pull our kids out of a disfunctional setting, but they would very likely leave a job if it were as disfunctional. My dad, who is a veteran and has always been a hard worker, once got a very lucrative job when I was in high school. We moved, bought a new home, bought all new furniture, put in a swimming pool, etc. The boss turned out to be verbally abusive and volatile. My dad quit, we lost the house, moved into a much smaller house, they filed bankruptcy, etc.

My point is a person with military background obviously can stick with things through the tough times, but my dad knew this was a bad situation and got out--QUICK. The losses were there, but our family was happier, and it was the best decision for that situation.

 

There's a case winding its way through the courts right now in Ontario. Basically a woman is suing a school board because her daughter was severely bullied over the course of several years before her mother put her in a private school. The mother is blaming the school board for her daughter's PTSD, and for her own depression, which she says she developed as a result of the stress of dealing with all this.

The problem is, her daughter was throwing up in the morning before her mother would force her onto the school bus. So part of the school board's defense is that they took reasonable precautions to protect the child (ie. keeping the bully in the office during recess), but the mother didn't. They say that because she forced her child to go to school despite her evident and obvious distress, that the MOTHER is then responsible for the child's psychological issues.

Your child is seven, not seventeen. This isn't the way to teach him how not to be a quitter. He needs to know that you will protect him and help him grow. You're doing what's right, and in time your family will see that, too.

Best wishes to you!

 

Bingo. Meg nailed it.