Cricut, I can only say how I understand the Bible. I am speaking for ME ONLY. I do not mean to judge yours or anyone else's relationship with God. Lord knows, trying to keep MINE straight is full time enough without my telling others how to run THEIRS! I believe that God has called the man to be the head of his household. I would guess that my family runs similar to Steve's. Carl will rarely make a decision without my input. But the buck stops with HIM, not with me. I believe that it is my responsibility to defer to him. There have been times when I disagree, and he knows it. And I've told him straight out that I would go along, but I felt he was wrong, and I would be praying that God changed his mind on that particular issue. Again, I DO NOT think a person who disagrees is "not" a Chrisitian!!! And if your husband were to tell you straight out that he really ddin't want you doing something, not "It's your call, honey!", would you do it anyway? "It's your call", to me, implies that he's fine with whatever you decide, but that's different from "no". As my one friend put it, we're a partnership, but one of us has to be the "senior partner", lol!
I didn't mean to imply that you guys aren't Christians... it's just that we started out with "yeah, whatever you think is best" (kinda like you guys but not totally) but over the years it's changed and although he still has his "things" where we go by what he wants, and I have my "things" where we go by what I think is best, more often now we meet in the middle than we used to. When it came to homeschooling, it was MY big idea for HIM (he was a stay-at-home dad at the time because I was the one with the degree and the bigger paycheck) and DS to do it.... DH wasn't totally on board and neither was DS. Now DH is at school with me every day that he can (schooling Other People's Kids), and he's at least half of the teaching, but at school I'M the administrator and he's more the leader at home.
I got you. I know you guys weren't implying that. Dh just has never been comfortable being the decision maker. He knows what the bible says but he just refuses to be the final decision maker. Which I know is not typical for Christian family. I just have had people tell me that we are not true Christians because DH doesn't head the household and I, the woman, make the final say so. I just don't understand why it matters. The bills are paid, we are happy and if you love God then you love God. You see Jackie, here I won't make a huge decision without his input but the buck stops with me, but like I said we are not typical. He does however handle the discipline issues. DH has only given me a flat out "NO" 3 times in the whole time we have been married. One occasion was when we bought a new car. I wanted a BMW he wanted a Toyota. We got the Toyota because he felt so strongly about it. He made it a point to let me know that. Right now I want office space. I won’t ask him if I can have It, but I will mention it to him. Even though I’m not asking him, I have a feeling that this will be a 4th “NO”. because he will feel strongly enough about it to say “No, we don’t have the money” therefore I won't get it because I don't need it, but if we had the extra money and I did need it I would surly get it. For the most part he is a big silent laid back bear.
Me. My husband wasn't on board in the beginning. It has taking him four years to finally accept it. We just finished our 4th year of homeschooling. He still isn't happy how I started it but it's in the past and we had our say about it. It's working for us for now. I school on a year to year bases. He has some ground rules for me to follow and I happily follow them.
Homeschooling is such a huge responsibility, I wouldn't dare do it without a firm "yes" from my husband. My husband isn't a pushover, but I'm definitely the bossy one. I suppose it's because of his field of work. He spends his day being the authority figure and probably tires of it by the time he gets home LOL! Plus, he spoils me. He wanted the Chevy, and I wanted the BMW. There is now a Beemer in the garage, and I REALLY wish there wasn't. I should have listened to him. :roll:
We were the opposite! HE wanted this gigantic Nissan Armada, the largest thing on the road. We discussed it, and I THOUGHT we came to an agreement. OBviously not, because the next day, he drove home with it!!! Then the pastor preached on finances, he felt convicted about buying it, and put ME on a stricter budget!!! Then the price of gas skyrocketed and we needed (very big) new tires. So we traded it in for a much-smaller Pathfinder.
I wouldn't do it without his approval, but I can't imagine him not giving me approval. He pretty much always does what I want. If my dh wasn't approving I would probably try to get him to agree to a trial period even if it was only the summer. I would also talk it up and give him facts and research on homeschooling. Ask him what it would take for him to consider a trial period.
That is upsetting. It is not anyone's place to determine just how Christian another is. I have several friends who want to homeschool, but their husbands say no. It is kind of sad because I know they would do such a great job at it. At least one of them had a few years to convince hers.
Well I also believe the man is the head of the household, from my interpretation of the Bible. I planned to homeschool from the time I was pregnant. Then, like a week before the deadline for prek enrollment, hubby insisted I put our oldest in prek. So I did. Prek went fine, so naturally, he then moved on to kindergarten. I still wanted to homeschool, but hubby said no, maybe once the youngest started school. Well this year was just one thing after another we didn't agree with in PS. Finally, about 2 months before school was out, hubby gave me the go ahead to homeschool next year! I prayed about it for 2 years. Hubby finally saw it may way LOL I think this is a good thing, for us, and was God's plan all along. Had we started out homeschooling, and hit a rough patch, hubby may have made me put him in public school. Now, having tried public school, we KNOW how that option works and how we don't like it. I think it will help us through those rough patches every family is bound to have. I would never homeschool without hubby's approval. It doesn't mean I wouldn't fight for it though. After this year, if he hadn't come around, I'd be on him about it LOL We fought over circumcision, and I finally won. LOL It took almost the whole 9 months to convince him, but I bombarded him with stats and facts and I made him watch a video of an actual circumcision, he finally agreed we wouldn't do it. I fought hard for it, cause I knew it was best for our child. I prayed about it a lot. If you feel strongly about homeschooling, then arm yourself with the facts and stats. Present them to him. Do you know any homeschooling families you might could get together with? Could you both attend a homeschool meeting together so he could meet some homeschoolers and ask questions? Ask him for one year? Or even half a year? Set goals and if you meet them, you get another year or half year. Pray about it.
Depending on the type of meeting, this could be off-putting. Some meetings of this type can be dominated by die-hard extremists who simply assume you're an idiot for considering anything else. My wife and I joked about it when we encountered this attitude - but it did raise concerns with me because I didn't agree with, and frankly didn't want to be associated with, such an intolerant attitude. Now, meeting informally with people you know is a different story. That could make a powerful statement.
My DH would much rather not be the decision maker. BUT... he knows that not being the decision maker means that he is not following God's plan for marriage. He doesn't like it, but it's a matter of him being obedient to the Lord. Sometimes I have to force him to make a decision. Because I know that I'm not the one who is supposed to (I'm talking about specific instances, not the times when we come to agreement or over insignificant stuff). Funny thing about cars: We had previously agreed to buy a second van. DH got to the lot and wanted a BMW instead. I was not happy, but deferred to his judgment. He knew I did not want it, but asserted his authority and bought it. I'm still not happy that he got it (see my post on vehicular prayer requests), but I know that I was right to let him make the choice. And God will honor my obedience to my husband.
I actually got afater Carl once for this! We were talking with a man whose wife REALLY wanted to homeschool. They attended church with us, a real homeschool-friendly church. He was "against" it, and she was waiting for the Lord to either bring him around, or change her mind. And we were having an informal conversation (wife wasn't there!), and Carl was really getting this "this is God's will for EVERYONE" type of attitude. I really worked hard to soften his statements, as I really felt he was inadvertently going to undo all the groundwork the wife had worked so hard on! ETA: And that really ISN'T Carl's attitude; it was just coming across that way!
I have been wanting to respond on this hot topic for a couple of days now, just waiting for the right words to say... I was raised in a VERY disfunctional home. This caused me to take charge and control of my life at an early age. By the time I was 18 I lived in another state, all by myself. I was not saved and made ALOT of bad choices. I was extremely independent. When I met my now husband 13 years ago one of the things he liked best about me was my "take charge" attitude. Although I was 19 and he was 27, I seemed to have it together better than he did. Our relationship moved fast. He soon discovered that I liked to wear the pants. Five years ago I got saved. When I first heard the word submission I think a little puke came up to my throat...lol. I didn't accept it as necessary for a couple reasons. 1.) My husband, in my eyes, was not equipped to run our home. He still made poor decisions and he was NOT a Christian. 2.) I thought I could do a better job. That being said, a couple of years ago I started to feel convicted. Growing a lot in my faith and in my walk had me revisit the idea of submission. After reading a couple of books about it and studying what scriptures said, I knew I had it all wrong. Just because we could possibly "do a better job", or our husbands aren't saved doesn't mean that is how the Lord made us to be. Scripture is VERY clear about this. If we follow the Bible on how we are supposed to live, we should be submitting to our husbands and allowing Him to take the lead. It doesn't mean we become a doormat or allow harm to come to our family. You would be amazingly surprised how God will bless you for following this Biblical principle. It is not even about your husband, it is about Christ. You should aim to please Him first and foremost. Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." --Ephesians 5:22-24 We are to submit to our husbands in everything. That does not mean that we cannot share our thoughts about family issues such as homeschooling. It means that we let our husbands know that we support them and will back their decision even if it means sacrificing our desires. God will bless you ABUNDANTLY for this and your husband will fall more in love with you! Ok...so you may be wondering how I went from gagging at the word submission to actually believeing it is what we are supposed to do. Only through God revealing it to me through prayer and scripture. I am not even close to where I should be in this area and I have to repent and pray about it daily. God gave me this desire in my heart to become the Godly, Biblical, submissive wife. I have to believe that on day it will come naturally. My husband is still not saved, and I still struggle submitting to him. But I know it is the right thing to do. You might wonder if my husband's unbelief would be a reason not to submit. "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." --1 Peter 3:1-2 This means we should submit even when our husbands do not believe. If you do not agree with submitting to your husband, or you "wear the pants" like I used to/still struggle with, then I pray you will be open minded that perhaps this is what you are supposed to be doing and you will seek out the truth for yourself! Read the Word. It is plain as day in there. If you believe the Bible, you have to believe ALL of it. I don't think it makes you less Christian, just less further in your walk than some. As you grow in the Lord, He opens your eyes to more truth and holy living....He did mine!!
I did everything you guys have suggested a year ago and he was dead set against it. I homeschooled for the summer, the kids did great, a local hs group let me join for the summer, he came to a hs bbq, I asked him to let me try it for a year, etc. He wasn't having any of it. His main reason was property taxes, and that he's not going to pay property taxes to pay for a school his kids aren't going to. I'm hoping that all of my praying will change his heart. It's just so hard to think about sending my kids into that kind of environment. But I'll talk about that in the other thread. The upside is that I know that if my husband ever does change his mind, he'll be just as adamant that we will homeschool as he is now about public school. Not just because it's only God who can change his mind, but because that's the way my husband is.
I think submission works perfectly in partnership with the husband's instruction to love his wife. A wife won't have problems submitting when the husband seeks to please his wife. A husband won't have problems pleasing his wife when she submits to him either. I think it is a perfect set-up. However, our society tends to promote submission or the husband pleasing his wife instead of both. I do think that each spouse has the responsibility to fulfill his/her role despite what the other spouse does though.
Yes, I think this is absolutely right. I think submission is SO MUCH easier under those circumstances. BUT if he is NOT loving his wife as instructed, it does NOT mean we can just ignore our instructions to be submissive. We are called to be obedient to GOD first, and He's the one who says I need to be submissive. Same with our kids. We expect their submissiveness to us, regardless of whether we're "right" or "wrong", or whether they agree, or whether they "deserve" our respect or submission. God has placed us in authority over them, just as He has placed our husband in authority of us.
Property taxes is just something you have to put up with when you own property. They don't ask property owners if they have school-age kids before they send the tax bill. Old people whose kids are all grown up pay property taxes. Childless couples pay property taxes. Single people without children pay property taxes. It just goes with the territory! no pun intended. Is he going to make sure you always have kids in school as long as you own property??? I think probably not. Is he going to kvetch about taxes after your kids are grown and gone from home? Well, probably, but taxes is just something you have to pay the government, regardless what the government uses it for......
Well that's just silly. Well when the kids graduate, is he going to refuse to pay those property taxes? Just because his taxes go to pave the roads, does that mean he has to use every road in your city/county? Does he use the local library? His taxes pay for it. Does he call the police or fire department out often? His taxes pay their salaries. Does he often visit the city park that his taxes paid for? That's bad of me LOL but that's what I'd say to my hubby if he brought up the issue of paying taxes to the school. I'm sure my taxes pay for lots of stuff I don't use, but I'm not going to drive through a know drug/gang neighborhood just because my taxes paid for that road.
I loathe the fact that we homeschool and do not get a tax break since we pay for public schools in our property taxes...but it is not fair either for those with no children who have to pay!
LOTS of things I have did, not only w/o his permission but against his wishes. Every time he has came back and told me later that I was right. Now I think it all depends on individuals. My dh is the type of guy that does not like change, he does not like to think about the work associated with a change, and he does not like to spend money either lol I sold our first house against his wishes, it was WAY too small on a busy street corner across from our High School. We have a child that is autistic, he was 2 then. Had failed hearing screenings ect. I told him we WERE moving. Several years later he said it was the best thing 'we' ever did. It was so bad, that the day we were supposed to sign the papers, he 'backed' out, and I called his mom in tears, and she said I was moving if she had to sign it herself! Later I wanted to adopt a baby, he did NOT. Too much money, what if it has AIDS LOL I applied anyway, we were accepted, he went along for the ride. Guess who he watches movies with and takes to the park now? Ditto, did it again. He said we could never afford a second adoption and it was too much work. Near made himself sick over it. Next, I told him we needed to add on to the house. He fought me on that for months. Finally gave in, and 8 years later said, man I love how our house turned out I found a van for sale I wanted, said NO. I told him we needed it. He refused. Well I couldn't talk him into it. But I tried to tell him our car was on it's last leg. A month later the transmission went out. I got my van. Well, he said, I guess it was time! I MADE him have surgery on his eyes. He said we couldn't afford it, I made an apt, called his boss and told him to schedule him off because he was going whether he liked it or not. He canceled the apt. I rescheduled it, he finally realized he 'had' to go LOL His vision turned out better than 20/20 and that was 10 yrs ago and he is so glad I 'made' him do it. If I didn't keep pushing things through constantly, nothing would be done. We have been married 15 yrs now, and he has finally let me have the reigns on a lot. He realizes that I am just a better planner, organizer than him. But he is the muscles around here, and without him I would be up a creek big time. My son is disabled, so I stay home, and DH is the bread winner financially. I am just better at decisions, and handling change than he is. Home schooling was actually the one thing I missed the boat on. HE was telling me to HS and "I" didn't want to!!! So I finally decided the girls needed it after all the trouble we were having at PS. Now I love it! It all just depends on each person individually. My dh is not a 'take the reigns' type of person.
