I've never considered homeschooling unless / until my husband was on board with it. Not that I need his approval for everything, but when it comes to major decisions for our kids we have to be on the same page. But based on my earlier post today, I'm considering it. Has anyone done that? Nancy
My gut reaction is DON'T. I am a firm believer that you MUST have his "permission" to do it. That doesn't mean he has to be 100% gun-ho for it, but he has to at least be willing to let you try. Spiritually speaking, HE is in charge of the household. By homeschooling after he has expressedly said not to would be going against his decisions, and putting you in rebellion against him. And that will show itself in all kinds of ways in your household. If you really feel you need to homeschool, pray about it and let God change your husband's mind. And that means you don't keep bringing it up/nagging about it, either! (Saying that not because of YOU, but because I know MY natural tendancy is to do just that !) I know there are many on here will think I'm right on, and others who will (DO!) think I'm crazy, so don't worry about upsetting me if you disagree. Just telling you how I see it!
Not me. I would tread very carefully in this type of situation. In our marriages we need to carefully guard our unity. To be in disunity about something so major could be tough. Could you try a summer time trial? Set some goals, and see if he would agree to trying homeschool for a year, if you can reach your summer time goals? I guess there is a difference between him saying "no don't do it" vs "I don't think it's a good idea". But if he is in the "no" camp, I wouldn't.
I started with conditional approval...which has turned into qualified approval... it may be the best I do. dh knew ds needed something other than ps...but he is not sure it is worth the drop in income, although my being physically present was HIS requirement. (no leaving them with lists too often) He still worries about social stuff. (dh...the boys are fine) Maybe you could get a provisional approval...you know, lets try it for however long and see? and ask what exactly he wants to see as proof it is "working" (I had to point out to my dh that his requirements for me were much more stringent than he had for the school...which he acknowledged, and I accepted as reasonable...because I knew we could do it)
If your husband has objections, try to put together a proposal. Show him the pros and cons. I am sure he will see the benefits outweigh the cons immensely. If that doesn't work though, consider trying to get him to compromise. I have always been a stay at home mom, I wouldn't say that in our household the hubs is ruler. But I've never had objections to a lot of parental decisions. I just asked him last night what he thought about homeschooling our son next year, and he was immediately thumbs up. He knows my judgment (not saying yours doesn't) but that he knows I feel it's best for our son. I hope it works out for you. It always makes things tough when on parent is on board and the other is not!
While I don't agree with Jackie that a husband is the one in charge of a household, I do agree that you shouldn't go against his wishes. I would strongly reccomend arming yourself with a list of reasons why you should AND a list of reasons why you should not. Make sure you sound like you have put lots of work into learning about homeschooling pros and cons, different methods, your educational goals for your child(ren), and a few directions you would like to go IF you were homeschooling. Discuss everything with him, ask him for his thoughts.. guide him if he is interested in looking things up for himself.. but don't be pushy either. I know for us, I am mostly in charge of child rearing, but my hubby's input is essential too, after all, he holds 40% of the stocks in this "company" (and I have 40%, then the kids each have 5%.. they have to have a say in their lives too ). ETA.. I would definately ask him if he would consider it after seeing a trial run this summer Our journey started out on a "lets try it for a while and see where it goes" basis.
I am a firm believer in the fact that, Biblically speaking, my husband has ultimate authority in our home (unless, of course, he is asking me to do something that directly contradicts Scripture). So I would never consider it. That being said, my husband is a pushover and it takes very little for me to convince him to see things my way. lol Seriously though, think of it from his point of view: I would not want to live with someone who so blantantly went against my wishes. That's just a miserable, disrespectful place to be.
Yea, you guys are right. That's all exactly why I didn't push for it last year. I knew it was just asking for problems that no marriage needs. I did all of the proving I could homeschool last summer, but I was a little more casual about it. This year I think I need to do quite a bit of it when he's here rather than when he's at work, and keep records/folders so I can present it all to him. More later.. I've got to go pick my daughter from school. You know the one my husband thinks is dipped in gold and guarded by fairies and angels? Yea.. That one. :roll:
I would definitely make sure my husband is on-board before homeschooling. All of the above suggestions are great. One thing not mentioned is that homeschooling is not a 9 - 5 job, at least that is how it is for us. It is a life style. If my husband was not on-board, this homeschooling lifestyle would affect him when he is at home. If he was not for it and you did it nonetheless, there may be a lot of resentment when he is around the family and that could lead to him not wanting to be around. Just some thoughts.
Personally I did. He said no to HSing and I did it anyway. Because.... I knew I was making the right decision. To help him come around the first year I ordered Calvert with ATS . Once he saw that I could do it all his doubts went out the window. Now he doesn’t want DS to return to school at all. My DH is a pushover too but in a good way. In all honesty he does not run the household. We both do but he spoils me. He would never get angry or leave because I didn’t listen to him. He knows me and he knows that if I have my mind set on something I will do it regardless of what he says as long as it doesn't put us in debt. I very rarely ask permission to do anything. It’s mentioned, weighed and I do what I feel is best. Just like our cats. I wanted a kitten, he said no animals and I went and got a kitten anyway. Because I wanted it and we had mice, now we have two cats and no mice. LOL. In a typical family ( not mine) I do think that both parents should agree on a big decision like homeschooling. I guess it depends on your family.
I have to agree with those who said don't do it. I have wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since my 12 year-old was born, but my husband always said no. We fought about it for years because I was determined to have my way. When I was pregnant with my 6 year-old, I basically told him that I was going to stay home whether he liked it or not. His response was "fine, but you're going to have to find a way to make up the extra money. I'm not going to get a second job." I knew it was not what he wanted, but I quit my job anyway. It was a big mistake! Even though I had what I thought was "the perfect work at home job", I never made any money to speak of and our budget kept getting tighter and tighter. My husband resented me for it and we fought more and more. God finally intervened and dropped a job in my lap and I went back to work. The damage had been done though. It took us from then until just this past fall to finally get back into a place in our marriage that is good. I finally made peace with having to work. My youngest started PreK this year so I decided that there really wasn't any reason to stay home now. Well, one thing led to another. My son ended up having a horrible time at school. One day, out of the blue, my husband came to me and said "Why don't you just quit and pull him out of school and homeschool him." I did and it has been the best thing I've ever done! Our family has never been more at peace and enjoyed one another so much. My girls are going to join us now that their school year has ended and I am so excited! Keep praying about it and wait for God to change your husband's heart.
I guess I should add that DS is not DH's biological child. So with that being said, I may have a different mindset than everyone else. I think if we had a kid together and he said no and I did it anyway. It may cause problems. So If it will damage your relationship I wouldn’t do it.
PRAYER! If you want to homeschool then pray God will change your husband's heart. As Christian women we are under the authority of our husbands in our home. If you do it without his "permission" then you are opening a door for Satan to step in and cause MANY problems! I don't know about you, but my husband can be persuaded pretty easily if I petition him properly, which starts with prayer. Also, you could always ask to give it a try for one year and if he doesn't agree that homeschooling is best for your family then you will not object to putting them back in school. I cannot imagine after a year ANYONE would want to put their kids back in ps!!! You could also watch the news with him! lol! There is always something BAD going on in ps!
Ok-I didn't, BUT....My DH was very "We'll try it for ayear, and then WE'LL SEE." At this point we're still discussing what will happen next year -although he has seen signifigant improvements overall with the older 2. He has misgivings over "socialization" (which are legitimate given our lack of car-we have none right now-and lack of $$ for, um, anything) but has said that as long as the kids are given oppurtunities to "make friends, have crushes, and generally get out there" he's on board as long as I can handle it. I did not bring them home without his approval. And I had to wait for a bit to get it as he did not see our family sitaution the same as I did.
We would never have homeschooled if both of us weren't in agreement. Simple as. For the record, in our household, if ever a decision must be made over which we don't agree, we do agree that I, as the husband, have the authority to make the decision. Honestly, though, I usually defer to my wife's opinion unless I feel strongly about the matter. For something as important as homeschooling, I would never go ahead with it unless we were both in agreement (and this has come up recently, as it happens).
Thank you Steve & Brandy that is what I was trying to say. My DH didn't say "No" to home schooling. He said well I'm not so sure about that. You are not a teacher. Which to me means No. But he knew that I was going to do it anyway. I had talked about it for years before I decided to go ahead and he knew that the school situation for DS was bad. So over the summer I borrowed Calvert and showed him how it was done. He still said hmm, leaving the final decision up to me. ( as usual) Here we are 3 years later and he is teaching math. In addition… I am going to say this because I keep hearing that Christian women must obey their husbands. This bothers me because I am very Christian but in my house I make most of the decisions. To say that a woman can not head the house and be Christian makes no sense to me. Before DH came along I did it all by my lonesome. Forgive me if I am reading too much into this but it bothers me. Just like in Steve’s house .If ever a decision must be made over which he and his wife don't agree, they agree that he as the husband, has the authority to make the decision. It is vise versa in my house. I have the final on the major decisions and I handle the bills. I see nothing wrong with this and it doesn’t make me any less Christian and Satan isn't in my house. The bottom line is I am going to do what I feel is best for the kids whether DH agrees fully or not. I was raised this way. I was like this when DH met me 15 years ago and the same when he married me 10 years ago and we have a great relationship. Don’t mean to hijack, but I had to say something.
I'm hearing you, cricutmaster. Our house was a lot like that almost 30 years ago too. My dh was not a Christian when we married - I was, but not what you'd call living it. Through the years we've both learned a lot - about God, about each other, about being married... Now most of the time, each of us has our "jurisdictions" and if we feel pretty sure we ought to do "this" instead of "that", we consider it all the way around, pray about it, and reach an agreement before doing anything.
It is wise not to homeschool if your husband is not on board. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, not a kitten or object. Your children are not part of a "jurisdiction" but belong to both of you. Yes, you might care for them at home more than Dad. But it isn't because dad doesn't have a say so but because Dad is working to help take care of his family. If he is taking care of his family, then he has every right to have a say so in his own family. Homeschooling takes time and dedication on both parents part, even if one parent is the main teacher. While it can be done at a small expense, there are other factors that go along with homeschooling and if you are a stay at home mom, the expense will fall on Dad's lap. Not to mention your husband will also be held accountable for your child's education even if he isn't the teacher, but simply because he is the parent. Your desire to homeschool is out of love and your husbands desire to not homeschool is also out of love. Can't knock him for that!:angel: I agree that you should get together pros and cons. Without beating him over the head with them, share your reasons without putting his reasons down. Do you know homeschool families who display a positive light on homeschooling? Often times people are against homeschooling because they do not understand it. I also agree that your husband doesn't have to be doing flips of excitement in order for you to homeschool, but he does have to be in agreement with the YES. This isn't only to respect his wishes but to also not bring any discord between the two of you. Again, homeschooling is a lifestyle; a lifestyle that WILL become a part of his life too.
Your right Patty. Lindina He just doesn't want to bother with any of the decision making. He would rather me handle it when it comes to big things. If it's something he feels strongly about then he will say something but for the most part he always says " it's your call honey" He says it's because he trust my judgment. He get's angry when I ask him about stuff. He says" why are you asking me about it, just do it if you want" But what I'm saying is that doesn’t mean we aren't Christian. If I let him handle everything we would be living in a box on the street. LOL. As far as homeshooling he really just said he didn’t think it was a good idea. For him to say that, that means no don’t do it. But the final decision was up to me and I choose to go ahead with it. He said his famous words “ It’s your call honey” Then he added “ if you think you can do it but I wouldn’t ” Of course not because he and I are different people. He is grounded and I am not. He proceeds with caution I jump right in. He is laid back and carefree and I am not. Now he is 100% on board, I knew he would be because I know my husband. All I am saying is just because he doesn’t run the house that doesn’t mean God isn’t present in our lives. Also for us we weren’t losing any income because I was at home anyway.
