My dh is not a 'take the reigns' type of person either Peanutsweet. Your DH and mine sound like the same guy. He fixes things and disciplines the kids and I am the final word on the big decisions. He makes the money, I make sure bills are paid, and do the spending. If it’s something he feels he is right on, he will make his point. Like my office space. He didn’t say no but he said it’s not logical right now. If he were ok with it like anything he would have said “do what you want honey” . Like you if my DH were to take charge nothing would get done. This is a man who will not pay bills because he doesn’t see the urgency. We make decisions together but I am the one who gives the final yes or no. Kind of like well it’s your call. It’s not about believing in all of the Bible or nothing. It’s just who he is.
just reading and catching up here... So let me get this straight. The car is falling apart and smoking. I am telling DH we need a new car. DH says well it’s up to you. I am supposed to say oh no dear you decided and we just go back and forth with this! We would end up walking. I mean if he doesn’t make final decisions then who will if I am suppose to wait for him. We would be on the street right now if I did that all the time.
Honestly cricutmaster, you can allow your husband to be the head of the house and still make decisions. I hear you...I make a lot of them around here. If you go to your husband and he tells you to decide, then you ARE submitting to him by doing as he says, which is "decide"! There will be times when he says no, not yet, or I don't think it is a good idea. Those times you would be doing God's will by allowing him to have the final say. Every marriage is unique. Maybe he leaves it up to you because he knows you will do what you want anyway. He needs to know you value his opinions and respect him. I am not saying you don't becasue I don't know you. I have seen husbands who have such overbearing wives that they let them do whatever they want to avoid fighting or nagging. These husbands (someone in our homeschool group is like this), always look defeated and lack confidence that they should have as a leader in a home. We can do much damage when we take away the position that God gave them. For years I prayed that my husband would step up an lead our family the way he should. He is doing much better, although still not saved. The more I let go of my control tendencies, the more he steps up to his position, in a good way. Again, I am not judging anyone, because I still have my own struggles submitting. I know I should do it and I want to do it, but my flesh is so weak and my tounge is too quick a lot of times...lol!
ABSOLUTELY, Heartsathome! I found that out with homeschooling. I made most of the decisions as far as curriculum goes at what-not. After all, I'm the one who has to teach it! Then one day, I got discussing a particular curriculum with him, and asked his opinion. I had already decided I was going to go with it, but he didn't know that. He told me NO WAY, and his reasons for saying that. Well, then I was stuck doing what he said, lol!!! So I found something else, which I really am sold on now, btw. And so I started asking his opinion more and more, and guess what...he would give it to me! Now, I still do most of the groundwork (talking with y'all and seeing what works for others, etc.), but we ALWAYS talk it over. Nine times out of ten, he goes with what I feel would be best, but occasionally he decides against it.
Homeschooling without the support of a spouse...husband or wife...may lead to resentment and feeling of disrespect. Now, if one says "let's try it out and see..." that's fine..do it. That was my husband...he was not against it or for it..he wanted to give it a shot. We did. He is not against it now...however, he sometimes thinks that we need to send them to school to improve our finances. I see his point. I pay the bills..UGH. lol. However, he never made a final decision on that matter. He is keeping it status quo until all other options have been exhausted. Jackie and I have the same understanding of scripture. The husband is the head of the household. It's kinda like he's the Captain Picard and I'm Number One...you know that guy..lol. I have areas of authority. I operate and make decisions independent of him. However, I never make a decision that conflicts with what he wants. If that comes up we discuss it...at that point he will make the final decision. Simple. Submission is NOT weakness or ignorance. Wives are not to be walked on like an old rug. Our husbands are in submission to Christ. This is NOT about our husbands anyway. We submit to our husbands to please our Lord. When I submit to my husband, I please the Lord and I am in submission to the Lord. It also makes it easier for my husband to do his job as defined by the bible. A Christian woman is strong, creative, loving, compassionate, inventive and assertive. Yet, she is second in command. We all (men and women) have authority figures in our lives but some how when it's our husband we tend to scream for independence. Trust and obey the Lord. If your dh says a decision is up to you then it's up to you. My husband could care less what I do most of the time. He trusts me with the finances, the kids, the house, making decisions on education, home improvement, investments...whatever. If he allows me to make a final decision...well...really the final decision was "you can decide." lol. That was me being silly...but really...if he gives you the choice or the final decision then there is nothing wrong with that. The ONLY danger is having your home turn into one run by the wrong authority figure. It is imperative that the house is being run by the husband...even if he doesn't care if decisions are made independent of him. Why? Because marriage is not just two people getting hitched and living together forever. If that were all, than it would not matter who runs the show. Marriage is a picture of Christ's authority....of man's submission to Christ. It's an image for our children and future generations to follow as a picture of how God is to be followed. No, this does not mean we all become Sarah and call our husband's Lord. lol. Although, she really is no picture of a submissive woman anyway..other than that...lol. Fathers are pictures of God to our kids...that simple. Our children will see God how they see their fathers. Are their fathers strong, merciful, loving, chasten for the profit of the child, and so on? Sorry for getting wordy...I'll end it here.
OH and I make ALL the home schooling decisions. Once I go the okay to home school...it is now my thing. How I run my house during the day and how I discipline the kids...my thing. My husband will never take away a punishment I implemented. However, I may discuss with him what to do in certain situations. My husband sees me as the office manager..well..more than that...a partner but like someone said...he is the "senior" partner. Just like when you work at a company and you have projects that are in your complete control..but if something comes up the boss can veto, change something or give input...that's how I see the husband/wife relationship and so does my dh.
You know, I attended Bible Study who refered to her husband as "my lord" (voluntarily). She said it helped keep her mindful of her submission to him. Now, I'm NOT saying that's what we should all do, but I can also see her point. (And no, I don't do that, except maybe in a joking way on occassion. Ever read Rudyard Kipling's "The Butterfly that Stamped", from his Just So Stories? I LOVE the way the king and queen refer to one another in that story!!!)
I'd be too afraid "my lord" would come out in the most disrespectful of ways. LOL. I'd feel so silly doing that. However, it can see how it keeps things in perspective. I would just hope my husband would respond with "my ultra beautiful queen". lol. I have seen that the more I meet my husband's needs and the more I show him respect the more he in turn shows love and meets my needs. it's win win.
My Trekkie name is Irina Galliulin, because in High School, my guy-friends were all Trekkies, and the one who was Checkov had a crush on me.
My husband is a Data...you guys would get along. I LOVE Star Trek. Just hearing the theme music causes me to relax. Love it!
I agree with all the ladies on here. Your dh has to be on the same page, or it could make it tough. Like Sommer, said make a list of the good things about hs and the bad. same with ps and go over it with dh. Let him know why you want to do it and what it will do for the children.
Presentation will be everything. Men often assume we want to homeschool for ourselves or out of a desire to overprotect our children. Also have him list his concerns so you can logically alleviate his mind. Let him know this is not a decision based solely on emotion....but done rationally and with merit.
I agree that coming to a compromise on a trial HS would be a good idea. See if you could get him to agree to doing it for one semester or one year.
I have not read all the posts...so forgive me if I repeat what others have said or fuss about stuff others have clarified. Very interesting discussion. 1st. JMMom...I laughed out loud at your post! My first thought was are you going to just keep having children so you don't ever have to pay the property tax for "other peoples kids" ?? still giggling...thanks for that. There is a difference between being submissive, like Jesus is/was submissive to the will of the Father...he did not give up his own power or authority...he just respected the plan and knew his part in it. So a difference between being submissive and blind obedience to hairbrained ideas just because he is your husband. Proverbs 8...Wisdom is with God at the creation of the world, Wisdom is personified as a woman, my personal take on this is Wisdom is the female aspect of God. SO as my husband takes my strengths and abilitys and counsel into account, I am submissive to "the plan" which includes the children and our future...but not so much car brands. It wouldn't make sense for my husband to handle the books and bills when I am better at it...any more than I should handle plumbing issues because they are "inside" the house. We disagree often on parenting issues because we both have such different ways of dealing with emotional issues. We are stronger because of that...and the children are better off too. (and they know who to go to with which request...want to do something dangerous ask mom...want to have some cash for some thing ask dad.) It is a lie by the deciever that if a man doesn't make all the "big" decisions in his home he is not a Christian man or a "proper" Christian man. baloney. But. be very careful in what you choose to do without agreement and approval by your husband...it definitely could be a sore spot that could grow to be a canker.
To clarify, I don't make my husband make ALL the decisions or even MOST of them. His issue is that he'd rather not even make a choice to defer to me. He'd honestly be in the dark about everything and just go with the flow of wherever I led us. That being said, you can't be the head of a family if you don't know what's going on in the family. For example, DH used to get frustrated with me when I would try to discuss our finances. He would say, "just take care of it and leave me out of it." But then I'd need advice or guidance and he didn't have all the information needed to help me because he hadn't been in the loop all along. That's what I mean by forcing him to make decisions and be in on the process. Because he can't even HELP me if he just lets me take control of everything. That's not leading a home. So the Lord has been working on him a lot in this regard. He knows he has to step up and take charge in some areas and be willing to have the final say in all areas (not that he has the final say, but that's he's willing to have the final say).
I agree that submission is not giving up authority or power..but to respect a plan. It does also mean deferring to your husband when necessary though. I also do not think the husband needs to make all the "big" decisions...however, it is just common respect to discuss "big" decisions or if making a "big" decision consider the other person. I would expect my dh to consider my thoughts and feelings when making big decisions..and he does. I also do not think it is ever wise to do anything without consent and/or agreement from your spouse. Now this is not about the post above...this is actually about my mom. lol. She would always want what she wanted and pushed for it. In fact, I knew many women who would complain or make life hell until their husband would finally give in. My mom would often do the same. Yet, it's funny who none of those women would think it was okay for their husband to treat them so disrespectfully. If you wouldn't want your husband to do it to you...then why do it to him? I have known too many women who see things from only their point of view...like a child almost...and demand what they want yet if their husband acted in such a way they would burst. Again, that is just a thought that came to me. I suppose if you would not want your husband to go against your wishes and make a huge decision that affects your children...why would you homeschool without his consent? Just pondering...not judging...really just typing out loud based on what I have seen with my mom and a few of her friends. But for them it wasn't homeschooling it was other things from selling a house to getting carpet. LOL.
I agree with a lot of what is said here. As another Bible-believing Christian, I believe that the husband is the head of the household. Even if I weren't a Christian though, I wouldn't homeschool unless dh was on board. It would be too hard to do without his support and encouragement. I think the OP should make a case for homeschooling and see if her hubby would give it a go on a trial basis for an agreed upon amount of time. When the time is up, evaluate; go from there.
When dss2 turned 18 (still in high school) he decided that "God told him" he needed to move out to grow spiritually. Uh-huh!!! (Carl, btw, asked which spiritual leaders did he discuss this with. Answer: Other than his friends, none!) He moved in with g'ma, and then g'ma started fussing about his disrespectful behavior. So Carl told him he either moved back home where he belonged, or be withdrawn from the Christian school he was attending (and flunking for not bothering to do his work, btw!). Carl called, and told his dad what he planned on doing, and why. His dad was 100% behind him. The next day, he talked with Jason, Jason refused to come home, and so they went to the school and he was withdrawn. Within 24 hours, g'ma re-enrolled him. She felt it was "wrong", and her husband backed down from his stand, because he didn't have the backbone to stand up to her. We had little-to-no contact for them for quite a while because of that. She felt that this "poor boy" just needed more love and understanding, because obviously his "wicked step-mom" didn't give him any. Well, she found out! He would call and say he was at one place, and my fil would say, "No, you're not! Caller ID says otherwise!" He's still in rebellion to this day. And part of it, I feel, is because of g'ma's inability to be submissive to the authorities in the boys' (both of them) lives. Carl would say one thing in relationship to the boys, and she would intentionally go against it. I hit the roof over candy. I was trying to potty-train Faythe, and I kept Skittles for when she went. Rachael knew that, and knew they were special for Faythe. I explained it to g'ma, and exactly how I was doing it and why, the Carl and I went out for the evening. The next day, I had a six-year-old practically in tears, coming and telling me that she "didn't want to eat Faythe's candy, but G'ma made me!" I reassured Rachael that it was OK, but boy, I was furious with g'ma!!! Her response? "I should be able to give my g'children candy if I want to!!!" See, the issue is not just about submission to HUSBAND, but submission PERIOD. I don't think one can be truely submissive to God unless you're submissive the the earthly authorities He places over you, WHOEVER they are. And a husband is ONE of those. Again, I am not judging any of you. I'm just throwing ideas out there. We are all mature Christian ladies here, and it's up to each one of us, myself included, to prayfully consider each other's words and let God's spirit show us how they should apply to us.
Trust me, I know where you are at! I waited 3 years for my DH to get on-board with the idea. I was primarily the one dealing with the school, thus, my frustration built much quicker. DH was all about our DD needing to be social. Well, now we are struggling to play catch up. BUT, that being said, there is no way I would have homeschooled her without his consent. Somethings you do without consulting (buy an outfit, rearrange furniture, etc.), but removing your child from public school is HUGE! We are completing out first year of homeschool and my DH is more than supportive. He thinks this is the best thing ever. Best of luck to your family in your decision.
