Today when I picked up the kids from their dads he came out and said he will be filing with the courts to keep me from hsing the kids. He said I can't legally hs them without his permission. We have joint custody but I'm the custodial parent. all the paper say is I have a right to make decissions about their school and he has a right to make decissions. When Ds was having so many issues in school last year we agreed to pull him out and hs him. Well now that the other boys want to hs he is having a fit saying he did not agree to hs ds next year and certainly not the other boys. He is a very controlling person and this is his new way of trying to control me. We hsed for two years before we seperated. I put the kids back in school to get a job when we seperated. I can't afford a court battle right now. Any advice would be great. Thanks. The boys are so excited to hs. They all hated ps.
Are you a member of HSLDA? They do not deal with custody battles but they do deal with a parents right to homeschool. They have taken on cases like yours before. I do not know if they would if you are not a member.
There is a National Homeschooling Council Association -- or some such organization. I recommend that you contact them for counciling. Decide what battles are worth fighting and which arent. Try to be rational, but ultimately, those are both your kids and you both have to decide or come to some sort of comprimise. See if you cant have 2 or 3 meetings sans yelling or aggression and talk about HSing w/o the boys around. Maybe you can turn your ex. Best of luck, I have NO idea how this would play out legally. See if you cant get cheap or free counciling through a HS association, church etc, with your ex. Whatever you two agree on make sure there are clear terms stated and GET IT IN WRITING.
I know here, if my ex wouldn't have finally signed off, I wouldn't have been able to homeschool without his permission. Good luck. I do suggest HSLDA.
I'm going to call HSLD and ask but from what their site says and what I've read online they will not help. They will not get involved in domestic issues. If not I guess I will just wait it out and see what x does. If I have to I will enroll them in a online charter school at least then I can say they are in public school. I know there are 3 in texas.
I`m not a fan of virtuals, mostly because of why I chose to homeschool...BUT in this situation, it sounds like a perfect solution. When we brought our oldest home, we were in the middle of the process of removing DS's bio fathers rights and hubby adopting him. We kept the possibility of using a virtual open. Lucky for us things went smoothly.
Crazymama might be right. I'm not a fan with Virtuals either, but just because it's not right for me, doesn't mean it's might not be right for you. Your ex might consider it a good compromise. However, you said the papers claim you have the control of educational decisions, so it might not be necessary.
I would NOT mention the option of a virtual school until after the judge renders his decision. If your X knows you're considering it, and doesn't like the idea, he might try to specifically prohibit it. But that's just me. If the custody papers say you have the right to make educational descisions, I would think that's clear. However, I would go to court armed wtih a good attorney and a nice portfolio of your oldest's work from last year. The judge may be swayed by how well you've done with your oldest. Also, I would take statements from your other children about why they'd like to HS.
You know, Amie, you might be right about the Virtual School. Technically a VS is a PUBLIC school. So even if they require him to attend a PS, he could be registered in a VS and still be following the court order....
Just a thought, but what if you create your own virtual classroom? It wouldn't take much: A discussion area, some projects for written work, some small quizzes, etc. You could even grade all the activities online. That way, your ex can sign on to the system at any time to see what work is being done. If he's unhappy, he could pay for an online 'tutor' to become involved in the instruction for one of more subjects. If it would help, I'd be more than happy to let you use our online learning system free of charge to do this and explain what is needed. It really wouldn't take too long to set up. I'm guessing that a little transparency and an invitation to your ex to witness the learning process might ease some of his concerns. For that matter, if you allowed some other homeschooled children to join the class and maybe asked some other parents you know and trust (people here?) to lead one or two classes, wouldn't you qualify as a 'school'? That would address another potential concern he has: Interacting with others in the classroom.
okay, here is what my lawyer told me when i went through the whole custody and such a couple yrs ago. We have joint custody with me having physical. His lawyer and mine both told me that the parent with physical custody ends up having the last say in matters. Now the other parent has rights to get med records, schooo info and such but cannot stop you from making those decisions. I asked them, well what if he gets all pissy with me and tells me I cannot hs anymore. They tood me he cannot do that unless it is found I am not teaching him what needs to be done. Even this way since hsling is not so regulated here that would be hard to do. So, by your papers statng that you have the utltimate say in these matters you are in the right. Also even if he takes you back to court the fact he trusted you to hs before you split will work in your favor. Now here is a suggestion. Find out why he objects. Could you come to an agreement of testing yearly so he has the satisfaction of knowing they are progressing. Also it will lool good on your part that you tried to come to an agreement with him before having a judge step in. It will show you as the reasnable parent trying to allow the other parent some input. Remember everything you do and say can come back on you. So, always keep your cool, be plesant and understanding. Well as much as you can. I wish you luck.
You need an attorney. HSLDA will not get involved w custody issues re hs, says on their website. If you can at all afford an attorney you need to get one. Next, you need to provide your dh w a copy of the paper work that names you the custodial parent, and a copy of the law in your state that says hs is legal. Maybe that would shut him up, probably not. Next, if you don't already, start keeping a journal. Keep samples of your kids work. Next, you may consider having some testing on the kids. That is a big MAY. IF you have them tested and those scores are higher or at least on par w public school kids, the judge will have a hard time dismissing that. Do your kids have some involvement in outside activities "socialization" ? This will prove that you do not keep the kids holed up. Just try to see each angle that your dh may attack you from, and then find a way to cover that w paperwork, test scores, journal or schedule ect. Something concrete, not just your word. You may also provide a judge with old grade reports or problems if they went to PS before. Explain why you took them out. Personally that would not involve anything religious, on paper, as some judges would automatically chose your dh side.
This may be a matter of either state laws or specifics within the custody decree. Because my friend can't HS her oldest because her X refused to allow it. The judge said that, since they had joint custody, the X had to be on board with the choice. Also, another friend had to get her son his shots when his dad pitched a fit about it. Even though the dad had not seen the child in more than a year :roll: (dad's choice... his new wife didn't like the idea of him being a father, so he simply stopped being a father.)
Regardless of what HSLDA says about not getting involved in CUSTODY battles, this isn't a custody battle, it is a homeschool battle. They are different. AND YES, they have taken cases like yours before. One case that I read about, in their magazine, was a father who wanted the child in public school and mom wanted to homeschool. Since the child was already homeschooled, the judge ordered the child to remain in the same school and the father had to drop him off every morning for school. Sadly, the father gave up his custody rights because he didn't want to drop off his child every morning. HSLDA had nothing to do with the father's choice. They fought for the mom's right to continue homeschooling. So NO, the case had nothing to do with a custody battle; it dealt with homeschooling rights. There are at least two other cases I remember reading about in the past 8 years of being an HSLDA member. This isn't to say that they can help you, but it is to show that YES they do get involved where homeschooling and NOT custody is involved. I think it is worth calling. Sometimes, where homeschooling rights are threatened, they help non-members.
I forgot to add that IF your X gets nasty and tries to fight for custody, then this is a different story. But as far as homeschooling is concerned, I think it is worth calling just to get a heads up on YOUR rights as the homeschooling parent.
I agree with Patty if you have read any of HSLDA stories they have done cases like yours. I think there is more going on then what we are reading. If you have done this last year why is he putting up a fight this year. Unless like you said he likes to control. Well thats ok let him try if it makes him happy. Have you thought of having the children talk to him. I would do what Patty says and contact HSLDA right now. If the boys are doing ok in hs there is no reason to ps them. Good Luck
I agree you should call them, even if you are not a member or whatever. The worse that can happen is they will say no. You have nothing to lose.
Ok so.....um, let him! If you have proof that you hs'ed when you were together...and that you only put them back due to financial issues (that have been handled-or were during the initail phase of seperation) any decent lawyer can argue that he previously agreed. DO NOT talk control. Talk "verbal agreement" (which technically in the law DOESN'T actually exist...but could be considered contractural in your case) and that can lead you to previous agreement being a contract he's renigging on (all lawyer speak for-you can't change you rmind just cuz buddy....) You will need a lawyer-even with HSLDA. This could turn into all sorts of domestic issues-he could say he won't hs them or be responsible for anything they do in regards to that...and it could affect your custody agreement-you need to contact a lawyer and then WAIT FOR HIM TO FILE ANYTHING. Don't talk to him anymore about it!!! And don't assume the worst. People do stuff like this all the time just to get their ex all riled up. Don't rile-just keep doing your hs thing. If he files-then handle everything thru your lawyer-none of it to his face. I know I sound crazy-but I have many lawyers in family....proceeding with caution and not a fight or flight mentality will save you in the long run. He can only control what you let him-and reactions count too. Take a deep breath.... and luck!
You know Amie i did not think of it that way. Is there a way to talk to your lawyer from before and ask his/her advice?
