when did you know your family was complete?

Hello Ladies

Im having problems, as my dh wants to call it a day with 4dc, but im not sure, ive always thought and felt i wanted 5. our youngest is only 3m, so i think it is too early to make a final decision.

but another problem is dh has not bonded with our baby, and is ratty with all of us all the time!

any tips on when you stopped? how to encourage dhs to bond with babys? anyone else had this? in need of positive encouragement, as i am prone to depression and feel ok at the mo touch wood

 

When our son, Matthew, was born I was sure he would be an only child. How could I love a child as much as him? Later we had twin girls and years after that we adopted four more. I don't know when you know you are done. I hope we are!

 

When my youngest was potty trained. We kept talking about having another, talking, talking, not sure, etc. Then she got potty trained, really fast, and really easy.

Our youngest - while wonderful and glad I have her - is a pip. Not sure I'd chance having another like her! LOL

Sometimes I regret stopping. More when I walk through the baby aisle of a store or see a newborn I get "pangs". My health is such that I really shouldn't have another baby.

We've considered adoption....but, I know us. We're done.

 

Growing up I always knew I wanted two or four, I didn't want a middle child. Maybe because the middle child in our family always seemed to be the favorite and could do no wrong, he is also my best friend. Anyway, we had two and I wanted more but dh did not. I also longed for more and after many years dh decided to leave it up to the Lord. Dr. said that my chances of having more were slim to none. But God blessed me with two more boys, praise His name. After that I thought I was all done, for awhile. With my last one I was on bed rest for 4 months before he was born and 2 months after and his first year was HARD. But then things settled down I wanted one more. God gave me one more in May of 2009 but then He took him/her home to be with Him in July of 2009. I knew then that the Lord was telling me that I was all done. I still long for more, but because of my age and health it just doesn't seem wise. Maybe God has different plans for us, but we feel like He is finished blessing us in this way. I do wish that dh and I would have been living for the Lord 20 yrs. ago, I feel like if we would have, we would have about 12 ds/dd, wow, that would be great.

 

I do think that at 3 months it is too early to know. You are still in the middle of childbirth recovery, sleepless nights and feeding constantly.

With my last, we were pretty certain 4 would be it. We live miles from family, had to arrange help for all those doctor visits and I prayed I'd make it to my induction date, since there was NOONE to call to watch my other kids if I had an unexpected trip to the hospital.

When my son was born, he didn't learn to nurse till he was 6 weeks old. I was pumping/feeding constantly, and to make matters worse, he would spit up about half of each feeding, and continued to be a Mt. St. Helen's baby for almost a year. I think it was God's way of telling me to stop! His infancy was not too fun. Everytime I have another baby I just get tireder and tireder. I think my dh is tired of going through that with me. he is a sweet little guy now, but I hate the thought of being pregnant.

As far as your dh bonding.... well, my dh didn't bond with my youngest for almost a year...or at least till he stopped puking all the time. Of course he loved him and would have laid down his life for him at any moment, but he really didn't enjoy the infant phase as much as I did. Most of our babies he didn't really bond with till they kind of developed a personality and quit screaming so much. Didn't help that I had a couple colicky ones who would begin sounding off right about the time my dh would get home from work and continue for a couple hours!

One thing that we've talked about is that some men see the newborn phase as a trial to get through. They don't enjoy those first few months like most of us mommies do. The fascination with teeny tiny babies is just not there. Or at least it is over shadowed by a too tired mommy/wife and all those diapers. My advice would be not to push it. It will happen when it happens and if you nag/gripe/whine about it, it will just make the situation worse.

 

We only have one. our son. I have many times wanted another. But it wasn't in His plan. Dh only wanted the one. And I went on bed rest a 21 weeks with ds and he still has issues now. God knew what he was doing. I don't think I could take care of my son and another at this time. I do work with children, have for many years and lots of them I have loved as my own.

 

Growing up I always wanted 12 kids. I was actually afraid to tell people I wanted that many because when I did I was made fun of. So when I met my dh we talked about growing up and how many kids were in his family and how many were in mine and we settled on 5. After we had #4 we took a 4 year break before having #5 and while I was pregnant with #5 I prayed that my dh would be willing to possibly have more (since I wanted 12). The Lord told me that we would have 8. I knew in my heart that somehow the Lord would make it possible, and I never told anyone how many the Lord told me we would have. A few months later my dh came to me and told me that we were not done having kids and that he knew we were having 8. I nearly fell off the couch!! I then told him that I had been praying for his heart to be open to more children and then I told him what the Lord had told me. We both know that we will be done at 8. Right now, #6 is due in Dec.

Everyone is different. My mom stopped at 4 even though she wanted more because of health reasons. My MIL stopped because she was in her mid 40's and her dr told her no more (she had 6). Most people I talk to say they know when they are done.

 

Thank you all x I keep on saying to my girlfriends I dont feel I have the completed feeling yet, we have chatted about it more today and he has said lets wait a few more years and see were we are then, I cant really ask any fairer

The baby is a total other ball game and I just hope that given time things will improve x

 

After our 3rd child, we were really struggling financially. We had a pregnancy scare and I knew we just couldn't afford any more children. So, I told my husband I wanted to get my tubes tied. He had just seen me go through an emergency C-section, and said he would prefer to have a vasectomy. He didn't want me going through surgery again. So, he had his vasectomy. Our youngest is now 11 and my husband and I are both in our early 30s.

Sometimes my husband or I will see a baby and we'll think how wonderful it would be to have a baby. But, then we think about the realities of that, and are happy with our decision to have stopped where we did.

About the bonding... my husband has grown more attached to the kids as they've gotten older. In the beginning, he was a little jealous of the babies. He knew it didn't make sense logically to be jealous, but jealousy isn't an emotion you can stop yourself from having. He missed me. Is it possible your husband is afraid that more babies will take away more of your time with him?

 

I think you can know you are done when you or your spouse has the "just know that you are done" feeling.

 

We have two boys now, and another boy cooking in the oven. I begged DH to have another baby after our Paddy was born, eventhough he had big issues in his infancy I just couldn't wait to have another! Financially 3 is all we will be able to afford for now, but we'll see how we feel after Spencer is born!

As for your DH not bonding, don't worry...it will happen. With our first son (dh was 21 and I was 19) I would ask him to play with his infant son and he told me once, "I'll play with him when he's older..." It was heartbreaking for me, and it felt like he was rejecting the baby. This wasn't the case, tho. He was very nervous around the baby, and didn't quite know what to do or say. As time went on he got MUCH better, and when Paddy was born he was allllllllll into it! lol. He cherished all the moments we had with him, and helped out soooo much! I think sometimes it's tough for men, especially in the beginning, because the baby's personality isn't truely prevelent, and it takes a few months to really get to see their personality. It actually took me longer to bond with Paddy than it took my DH. He was just so sick all the time and he openly preferred his dad over me.

 

I don't think it's easy for a woman to say she is done. I know in my heart I would take all the babies God gave me. However DH said that was enough at two and since he is the bread winner I can't argue. So two is Great!

 

I never intended to have any children, nor did my husband. We had both been told by doctors that the chances of us having kids was extremely unlikely. I had lost an ovary in college and have PCOS. Hubby was exposed to some really nasty stuff while serving in the Army. DD was conceived 4 months after we wed - God is truly in control! She was early, but healthy. And we were done.
Four years later, I got baby fever majorly. After one fertility treatment, Zachary was on his way. I don't know who was more surprised - our doctor or us!
One boy, one girl - we were done. Except no one told God
While nursing full time and having just separated from hubby (another story), I learned I was pregnant. That was the most difficult pregnancy I'd ever been though, but Zander was born a fighter. Good thing too, since as with all my babies, he was a preemie.
A few years later, I was so sick and in so much pain from recurrent reproductive issues that a hysterectomy had become a necessity. Although I grieved for the loss of any future babies, I did what was necessary to be a mom to my current kids.
I would still love to add to the family either through adoption or foster care, but at this time my marriage is so voilatile that it would not be a healthy situation to bring an additional child into. Perhaps in the future, God will show us the way.
I came from a family of four and hubby from a family of two, so at least our three is a nice medium.

 

I am still not sure if we are done (youngest is 19 months), so I can't help you there.
But my DH was likes yours with our youngest, but now he has really bonded well. I think she may end up being his favorite now.

 

I grew up with a 11 brothers and sisters and believe I knew I never wanted that many. that is way to many. I just don't think you can give them attention now days its money.

I had the same trouble as Claraskids I was told no children. I don't know who was more surprise my infertility doctor or dh and me. But, they both are miracle children. I am glad, the good Lord stop us at two with the way money is we couldn't do half of what we do if we had more.

About dh bonding.. just hand him the baby and say I need to go to the bathroom can you please burp him. Or I have to go get a drink of water can you hold the baby and with time it will work out.

I never had that problem with dh. It was the opposite I had to have put the baby down so he could work or something. When he was home till he went to bed the babies were in his arm. I am not joking.

 

Lol Kris sounds like me. I was seeing a fetility dr and on my first appt had to tell her I was pregnant. God took that baby home for Himself. Too sweet for this world are the babies God needs back
Anyway I am blessed with my kids and I agree with Claraskids grieving when we are finished whether from a operation or just knowing we are finished. I think it is hard to let go of that reproductive period in our lives and to settle into the child rearing. I still wish DH hadn't got the vasectomy and we had more but God knows best. And likely he is right as it is a challenging job raising kids

 

We have one 7yr old son and God willing, that's all we'll have. We had planned on having two children, but when it came time to try to have #2 I really didn't want another baby. My ds was 2yrs old then. We still tried to get pregnant for maybe 18 months after that and it never happened so we gave up. We did talk about adoption and we did try fostering children, but in the end, we are really happy with our only child and want it to stay that way.

My dh did not bond with our ds for a long time. It's really been just these last 2 years and with much presure from me that he has started being involved in his life. Just keep encouraging him. It will happen eventually.

 

I thought we were done with three(3 living,one in Heaven) children and had my tubes clamped after ds8. I recently found out dh has been researching tubal reversal!!! I don't know if he's serious or not. I'm 37, too late IMO. I just knew after the last one that I felt content about our family size nothing has ever made me doubt it. Sometimes you just know. As for dh not bonding with the new baby, I'm pretty sure that's fairly normal. Of course, there are exeptions. some dads are thoroughly involved from day one. but most are content to let mom do all the bonding until the baby smells better and isn't erupting every other hour! My dh said, I'll help with the baby when stuff quits coming out of it all the time!:lol:

 

Well, after my 2nd, there was a period of time where i felt "done", but then I started officially homeschooling my oldest, and I just knew I wanted to be a mother more than just twice. And plus, I'm only 23. I couldn't imagine saying I'm done at only 23 years old. Honestly, I want at least 4... and maybe 6. I love being a mother. We've been trying for about 6 months to get pregnant, and it hasn't happened yet. While I'm writing this, I'll go ahead and ask for the prayers of you ladies that maybe this will be the month =)

 

I believe my family is complete because God gives me as he sees fit. Handsome and I did not want to have children since he already had his two girls. Well, to our surprise my little Ems came along. LOL
For a long time I have been saying I do not want more, but I told Handsome I would like to adopt a child if we move for one of his jobs. While I do not want to carry a child, I would like to raise another. Still, I do feel my family is complete now and will be if adopting ever comes to pass.