Okay, so the subject is funny, but I had two topics, so I hope it's okay to post them both. I'm just looking for suggestions to help get my DS#1 (he's 5 1/2) to stop arguing with me. Now, I don't mind him offering his opinion and speaking his mind, however EVERY DAY when I say it's time to start school, he starts whining and arguing that it's boring, we do this EVERY DAY ALL the TIME, and so on and so on. I've tried to have the discussion that education is important, that it can be hard work and not super fun all the time, but it's exciting when you realize you've learned something new. I know he wouldn't argue with me about going to the elementary school down the street, but we feel this is the right choice for our family right now. I've even talked about how we don't have to start as early as they do, that we get to do school our way and sit on the floor, at the table, jumping up and down, it doesn't matter...AND we can do school in our pjs! I've started to threaten (and follow through when needed) to take away priveleges. That helps a little and once we finally get started, after a while he will get to work and do okay. He will still get that whiney "I can't, I don't know how" sometimes, but we eventually get through it. I just don't want this to be such a daily battle! Okay, on to 2nd topic. Baby #3 is due in March, gender is a surprise. I am seriously considering cloth diapers and I am just wanting to know some of your favorites? I have checked out bumgenius, flip, and happy heineys. I can't decide if I want a pocket dipe or insert with cover. I'm just so lost! There's so many choices!
My only suggestion for all the arguing is to just take a break for a while, or lay out all the things you'd like to get done that day and let him choose what order to do them in, maybe even lay out everything and tell him to pick 3 things to do, and then you will pick 1 and the rest doesn't get done that day. Let him feel like he has a little control over things. For the cloth diapers, I used them with my baby when he was littler and we really liked the rita's rump pockets that I made myself, they were our favorite dipes! I had some WAHM covers that were really cute and we used those and he loved them and so did we, they were simple and DH even changed dipes.
Here's what I learned with my very confrontational ds: It takes two to argue. Sounded simple once dh pointed it out to me that just because he argues, doesn't mean I have to argue back. I realized that as the adult, I felt pretty silly justifying myself to a four year old. You are the mom, you don't have to explain to him every single day why he has to do something. Once you've determined what is to be done that day, say it once, and walk away(not literally, kwim). when he argues, refuse to acknowledge,and continue on your way.Once he realizes he has no audience, he'll eventually quit. You've "trained" him to argue by reinforcing the idea that he can get a response out of you. He will still fight you, but it will get better with time. Don't let him get away with whining. I use to tell ds, "my ears don't hear whining. they only hear regular voices" Then I got really mean and told him to suck it up! Bad, I know. but it worked.
the whining gets this response.... "that stinks. We still have to do it." I have to remind myself. It takes 2 to argue.
Ok, I know nothing about cloth diapers except when I tried to use them for a child I babysat in the '80s it was very frustrating. The family even bought disposables for when I was there. The other issue can be complicated and I am not an expert. I am just giving you some food for thought: Some people believe that kids are really not ready for formal academics until 8 or 10, especially boys. That flies in the face of nearly everyone's notion of school and learning, but I really think it has some merit and I wish I had thought of that before sending my son to school for 8 years (pre-k to 6th). You may want to check out The Moore Formula. (just google it) He might be just having a bad attitude. He may be acting out from frustration. Does he act out when he has to do other things or is it just school related? How many subjects are you formally teaching him, 2, 3, 4 or more? Some people get caught up with all the different subjects and that alone can overwhelm any age kid and the parent. At that age a lot of stuff can be done informally. Reading books out loud, watching videos, exploring the outside, etc. I would work on the attitude issue without making it all about school. Don't let him think he has "won" but help him to realize that while education is important, that maybe you can explore other ways to learn. But, honestly at 5 years old--being told something is important won't mean anything to him most likely.
For cloth diapers I love Mother-Ease diapers and covers. I've used the newborn and small Sandy's diapers, and now I'm using the one size diapers.
I used several different cloth diapers with all five of my kids. I loved the Bumgenius pocket diapers and switched to only those with my last child. I was able to sell them quickly too. They are as easy to use as disposables. In fact, my dh refused to use disposables because he preferred the Bumgenius.
Thanks for the tips everyone! A couple of you made a great point about me arguing back. I hadn't really thought of that! I often throw the "I'm sorry you feel that way" comment, but that's usually when he's telling me I'm mean or not a nice mommy. He tends to be very helpful when I ask him to bring me something to help out his younger brother, he makes his bed everyday without being asked, he takes his dirty clothes to the hamper automatically. He eagerly wants to help when I start cleaning bathrooms and such. School and picking up toys are our 2 big battles. We are doing Classical Conversations as our main area of study. We have a memory work CD that covers each subject each week that we listen to in the car. We rarely do memory work at home except skip counting numbers since I have cards for that. They line them up in order and jump and count the numbers. We read books, he has a Horizon math book that we do one page each day, pretty simple. I also am following a spelling/reading program called "Spell to Write and Read" by Wanda Sensari. So, with his math page, a little review of our CC stuff, and spelling, we only spend an hour and a half or so doing actual seat work. It could be less but he takes FOREVER to do his math page. He colors in a lot of numbers and shapes, draws lines to connect things, things that aren't listed in the instructions. I can remember when he was learning to dress himself, he would cry and cry that he couldn't do it. I finally sent him to his room and told him not to come out until he was dressed. He finally learned and he got over it. I guess I do just have to leave him alone and not argue back, ignore him because it seems he wants me to argue back. Thanks again!
Hmm I think the arguing back is huge. Both my kids have their days. DD complains, she is the same age by the way, that school is boring. My response in the nicest point of fact kind of way is if she wants to grow up and be intelligent and successful then school isn't an option or she can choose to do nothing and likely not succeed. Her choice P She chooses to cooperate after that generally Also making school work less like school work helps. We use the whiteboard a lot because she loves drawing and it switches us away from writing on paper. And we try to incorporate crafts/experiments a lot as well.
on the cloth dipes.. I love fuzzy bunz. I bought the medium size and used only that size on all 3 kids, I did have some infant sized proraps that we used for the first 3 months or so, but after that it was only the FB's sized med. I have other brands, but I love the FB's. I would recommend the pockets with snaps. They are so easy to prestuff and if anybody who is new to Cd's they can just snap them on without problems. I like snaps over Velcro, because the Velcro gets yucky and doesn't work as well, there is nothing more unpleasant then walking in to find that your ds has slept all night diaper free, because the Velcro came undone. The velcro is also easy for them to undo once they get mobile. They can undo snaps but my ds is almost 2 and he is just now able to do it. As a side note he is potty trained except at night, my other two were trained before 2 as well.
I think the fact that he is helpful in other areas may mean that he is frustrated with academic learning. He may truly not be ready for it, even if he can do a lot of it.
I have posted on my kitchen wall: "Do all things without without grumbling (whining, eye rolling, fussing, complaining, stomping feet) or disputing (arguing, talking back)." Philipians 2:14, MAV My kids have this verse memorized. Then you refer to it CONSTANTLY. Are you fussing? What does our verse say about fussing? If you just keep repeating it over and over, they get tired of it and stop. My fav was when they'd start arguing. "Are you arguing with me?" "No, but...." And I would interrupt with, "Are you arguing with me?", and I'd hear a little louder, "No, but...." "Are you arguing with me?" FINALLY they figured out that anytime they said "BUT" I considered it an argument, lol! The biggest thing is not to argue back. You just keep repeating your requirements over and over and over. "SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO HER MATH!!!" Doesn't matter. Do your math. "I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL WITH MY FRIENDS!!!" Well, it's not going to happen today, so do your math. "I DON'T LIKE YOU TEACHING ME!!!" I'm what you got right now, so do your math. "I DON'T LIKE MATH!!!" That's OK, you don't have to like it. But you DO have to do it. "WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME?" Because that's Mom's job. Do your math. Oh, btw, in case you're not familiar with the MAV version, that stands for "Mom's Amplified Version", lol!
I agree with Cabs mom on delayed academics. We do academics with my 1st grader cause daddy requires it, but I do very little, do it in short bursts, keep sessions short (typical attention span for a 1st grader is about 15 minutes) and find ways other than textbook/workbook to dot hings. We do a lot of our school orally, on the computer, by playing games, watching educational tv, reading living books, etc. We might do a worksheet, but rather than him doing the worksheet on the worksheet, I rewrite the problems on his little dry erase board, we use manipulatives to figure it out, then he writes the answer on the dry erase board, etc. You can teach all the same stuff in a different way to make it more developmentally appropriate and fun for the child. I'm more unschool than hubby, but hubby requires we do some things, so I've found ways to do these things that make it fun, and it can be done without fighting and tears. If he's crying and saying he hates it, he's not learning anything and I'm not reaching my goal of making learning fun and instilling a love of learning in my child. As for the diapers, I personally preferred prefolds and and snappi and covers. Though it was nice to have a stash that included different diapers for different things/times/etc Hubby preferred AIOs at firsts, but actually got quite good at putting on prefolds/snappi/cover. I had every kind of diaper there was! LOL Sometimes when we'd go out, it was easier to take an AIO or pocket than a prefold/snappi/cover. Babysitters couldn't work the prefolds, so it was nice to have simpler diapers for them as well. Pockets offer better absorbency control (though you can can add extra absorbency to prefolds as well....) I suggest buy a one or two of each kind, then see what you like. Then buy more of the ones you like I also suggest buy used, esp to start. The only thing I bought new was prefolds and a couple of covers when he went up a size, cause I couldn't find any used in his size at that time..... Also, make sure you research which detergents are cloth diaper safe and don't use fabric softener
I could have about written your post. I have a 6 1/2 year old who is the same. One thing that has helped us (a little) is that I let him pick something he wants to learn about, no matter what it is. Then I find whatever I can like books, pictures for him to color, anything. He has to do his other work first and then we do that. It hasn't completely resolved things but it has helped. I am pregnant with my third and due the first of April. I too would like to try cloth diapering this time but have found that they are so expensive up front. I am hoping that after Christmas I can start making some. Right now I'm too busy with Christmas projects. Here is a site that is good if you are interested in learning more about making them www.diaperdivas.proboards.com/
I don't argue with my children. I say things once. If they argue I simply say, "Did you hear my words?". The only thing that changes is my tone... it gets increasingly firmer. Eventually they give up and comply.
I have an arguer also. Depending on what the circumstance calls for I will hear him out one time in case he has something valid to say and then respond with what's appropriate. It could be a validation of what he's saying. If I told him to fold the laundry and it's still wet or something like that than I would acknowledge and act accordingly. If he is just trying to get out of something. I remind him who's boss and move on. If he tries to argue back I remind him what he is supposed to say and he will reply "yes, Ma'am". That's that. If he still tried to argue then he would be disciplined accordingly. If it was chores he didn't want to do he would get extra or if he wouldn't pick up his toys they might go in the crawl space for a time. I don't know how I would handle school work because my arguer is 5 and we haven't started school yet. We do read books mostly (which he will always demand more of) or paint and make stuff all which he loves so we don't run across that specifically. I have had the talk with him about God placing me in authority over him because I know better what is good for him. We use the example of what would happen if I let his little 3 year old brother not brush his teeth and then they all rotted out because I did not exercise authority over him to do what's best for him or I let him play in a busy street. His brother may not understand that germs will eat his teeth so he may not know why I make him do so but I still need to. Something simple they can understand. I do not explain this every time though. I do that during teaching time and they practice obeying at other times. They will use discussion time to stall if you allow them to. My older children do know various verses and stuff but my five year old doesn't care that much about pleasing God yet. He knows about God but I don't know that he really is ready and wanting to glorify God with his life yet. God isn't as real to him yet. My daughter was very different when she was five. She actually made a sign for her bed at around that age saying "Jesus is with me" misspelled and backwards letters and all but it was to remind her when she had a bad dream. Since every child is different you will have to gauge if he is ready for that or not.
Good point, Frogger! But I would hope that information would be given in a way that wasn't whining or arguing. More of a matter-of-fact "Mom, I can't do it right now because it's wet." Not, "BUT MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!! HOW can you expect me to DOOOOO THAAAAAAAT when it's STILLLLLLLLL WEEEEEETTTTT!"
I intended to use cloth diapers, and did so for a while. It turned out that my washer's hot water was not always working, and although I stripped them, they got a detergent build up and my baby ended up getting a chemical burn! That was the last time I used them. That was almost a year ago and she still has 2 scars. My advice, if you have never cloth diped before, would be to make sure you learn how to strip and clean them properly! I had 15 diapers that I gave to my friend!
I have never heard of that. I almost always wash in cold water, and my hot water heater is set really low, when I do use hot wash. I have never heard of stripping them either. I have had all 3 of mine in the same diapers ( with a few new ones, and a few thrown away). I am not saying it didn't happen, but I wonder why you had problems and I haven't.
