well, we live out in the country. We don't attend church. We have a lot of family around so that's good. The thing is, although I'm not worried about socialization, last night we took the kids out for pizza. There was a birthday party going on with lots of kids. My son asked me why he never gets invited to any parties. It really bothered me. I am afraid it is only going to get harder as he gets older (he's 6) and I know my husband thinks he is missing out. I was talking to my mom about this and told her I don't want to send him to school just so he can get bday invites! I guess I just needed to vent. I worry a lot about doing what is best for my kids and even though I truly believe I am, I still worry about the fun stuff they're missing.
Have you connected with your local homeschool group yet? Also will your son eventually participate in stuff like sports, 4H, or scouting? All of these will provide tons of peers for b-day party invites. In my experience, if you are providing food and a party, people will come. LOL We started hs'ing our dd when she was 5.5. We were worried about b-days and friends, etc. We joined a homeschool group and took her one day a week to a co-op. For her 6th party, I had her give out tons of invites. We ended up with more than 2 dozen kids, from age 3 to 14 attending. LOL We planned smaller parties after that!
I would pray. Then I would listen to God and involve him in appropriate activities. This can often lead to meeting great people. Most of my son's friends used to live too far away for me to get him back and forth except on the weekends. Now, through a homeschool co-op and Royal Rangers (church Boy Scouts), he has met quite a few like-minded friends. This might also have the added benefit of finding friends for you. Through the co-op, I have a wonderful friend whose son is my son's friend. That is a 2 for 1 deal.
I know how your son feels and I can empathize with how you feel. Let me tell you, it doesn't have to, but if you're not careful, it can suck. It wont be the worst thing ever, but it will be a little bitter. One thing you could do is host a montly weekend picnic, pot luck style, at your local park or playground. So that your son could meet other kids. Maybe help your son start a fan-club for something he's interested in, like Power Rangers or Dogs or whatever is common and "boyish" in your area. Where boys come over and bring their toys and play together. Go to the library, participate in community events. I was homeschooled but my parents didn't take us out to do stuff. They'd host parties at our house for kids, but always at our house, at our expense and where we children had to "host" so even if the event lasted a week many times we children were exhausted or bored with our same 1 or 2 friends and my parents to this day can't imagine why we were so "ungrateful" But we rarely went to EVENTS outside our own home. We went to the theatre and the library, but never to "story time" or "Teen Night" or "Youth Day" we never participated in anything and I hated it. Try and find a balance between hosting and going somewhere. Participate in events, go to parades, go to story time, have an open party at the park. Volunteer as a family, do stuff outside your own home. Good luck
My daughter was an only child and we live out in the woods too. I didn't go to school in this county and had never worked her either. I decided that my daughter should go to public school in the beginning for those same reasons. I am glad I did because she has made so many good friends and we are now in AAU basketball and more. She has a great variety of friends and some are like family. With that said, I am so ready for her to home school now. She is NOT getting what she needs academically anymore. It's definitely my turn to teach her. I am glad I started her off in ps just because we didn't know anyone around with children her age. With that said, in many ways, I feel she would be in an even better place with her education if I had not. It's so hard to be a parent!
Thanks everyone. We definitely do things. My boys have cousins who live right next door too. Our local homeschool group seems to have all older kids and older activities. I keep in touch through email but with this being our first year, and not any younger kids, we haven't joined. I would like to find a church but that has been tough and it's a whole other story. Both of my boys just love to be around other kids. It makes me feel bad even though I do get them out and do things. I do plan on getting my son in sports and other things this spring and summer. I guess that will help. What is hard for him is that his cousin who is his age and right next door, is always telling him about party invites from school. I guess I will just have to do as suggested and pray a lot. I REALLY have no desire to send him to ps but need to find as many other ways as possible to get him involved. With a 3 year old and new baby coming soon, it might not be easy on me but that's ok. Thanks again for listening and giving advice.
You sound like a strong and grounded mother. Your kids will one day thank you for all you are doing and the sacrifices you make. Things will work out for you and your children, Maria.
Why is it that you do not attend church? Just asking cuz you threw that in there. Are you a Christian? If so, you should be attending a church or atleast fellowshipping with other believers. The Bible says to not forsake the assembling together, be it home Bible studies, church, or even just fellwoshipping with other Christians. It is important to surround yourself, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, with other Christians who can support and encourage you. Church is a good place for your son to meet friends too!
...and both of my children went to ps. When I pulled my 6yo out of first grade, not one of her three 'friends' contacted her. Not one. She used to play with imaginary friends at recess as often as she played with anyone. My super social 9yo does have one friend who calls him EVERY day, but he often played alone at recess, too. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday, both of her kids are still in the ps my kids went to. And she was telling me her ds has no one to play with anymore since we pulled our two out. Going to ps is no guarantee that they'll be part of the 'in' crowd, even at this young age.
We have similiar issues. We are part of a church but the young people are either too worldly (doing questionable things behind their parents backs) or homebodies, and don't do anything at all. My kids are stuck right now with nobody to hang out with. We really try to plan things to do every week so the kids are kept busy. That way we can 'fill in the gap' so to speak, when they don't have other friends to hang out with. We try to get them out every weekend to do something. Nature hikes, the beach, San Francisco, etc as a family. Two of my kids go to Art class at the local gallery weekly. We go to the library and the park. We have families over for dinner once a month. We by no means seclude the kids but they don't have any close friends since we moved here ( 1 1/2 years ago). We have families over as a way to get to know more people in our church. Also about having friends if they were in school. I agree with the other poster. Being in ps is not a sure-fire way have friends. I suggest that you take the kids to the park, playplaces, library story hour, any place there are kids. Just keep him busy until situations change.
It can be hard to make friends. I agree with the others. Try to host park events, look for community events, and etc. Our local library has a community room that you can sign up to use at a certain time on a certain day for free. A lady I know signs up and hosts lego club there. They have met tons of boys by doing that. You might want to see if your library to see if they have something like that.
I am sorry I didn't read the other posts (short on time) just wanted to throw my two cents here. I have a 9 years old boy. He used to be at school; now how hurtful that could be when being at school he WAS NOT invited to birthday parties, maybe one a year that was it. I tried to compensate that to him throwing huge b/d parties for him where I would invite the whole class. One forth would show up, but those were very nice parties. His recesses were lonely, too since he was not in sports, rather liked quiet swing set time. He had one friend at school, but after I pulled him out this October, the friend has never even once called him, neither parents returned my phone calls. After I started HSing him, I joined the HS group. I clicked with a couple of moms, while my son clicked with a couple of kids. Once a week I drop him off for a play date and sleepover. However regarding birthdays, one family who we are close with, had a birthday party for her 11 years old and my son was not invited. I didn't ask a question, and didn't say to my son anything, but they had a very nice party at the roller skating rink. Well, I thought, if no one invites us - let me invite "them". And so we did. First party we had for Thanksgiving Day, a week after. Four families showed up, with bunch of kids, and it was a blast. Second party we trow - it was a Christmas Tree Trimming party. I wrote in my invitation that if kids want to perform ANYTHING at this party - they are more than welcome, and that our family will sing a couple of carols for everyone. Three families came, the kids had such fun, and adults also - that was very nice. After that we had a couple of times when moms came for the tea, and kids played...That is how I resolve the same issue I was worrying about. I do live in rural area, and we do not have family at all, except my MIL who lives 70 miles away and 86 years old..... We do what we can. If my 9 years old has no one to play with for long time and I feel he is longing to have fun time, I get down to the floor and play with him, and it is a beautiful time for both of us. This morning we had our "art class", we pulled all kind of stuff and made all kind of arts for 2 hours straight, sharing ideas and helping each other.
Thank you all again for your replies and encouragement. As for the post asking why I don't attend church. That is way too complicated to get into on here. Basically I grew up in a certain religion that I have recently decided I cannot be a part of anymore. I am sort of in limbo right now trying to figure out where I belong.
Maria, My kids grew up in a very rural area. We were involved in 4-H and most of their friends and activities centered around church and 4-H. I even started and ran our own 4-H club for 5 years because there was none at that time close to us. We had no family in the area at all. Now that all of my friends and acquaintances have grown kids and I can see how everyone has gone on with their lives, I have observed that the home schooled kids with large, active families did better than those with small, not close families. My conclusion - family is VERY important. Especially extended family. I think your kids will do fine if you have family around you. But if you want them involved in other activities and friends, 4-H is a great source in a rural area.
I agree that going to PS is no guarantee they will get invites to bday parties. My son went to 2 years of PS and got one party invite-he got that same party invite this year (being homeschooled) because it was for the son of hubby's friends from high school-who's oldest was in my son's prek class. During his preK year I invited 4 kids to his party form school-2 of them came. He has friends through cub scouts he could invite to a party this year, but he chose to not have a party this year (instead he gets to take 1 friend to funopolis-an arcade type place)-he chose our neighbor (a girl 1 year older than him) as they are best friends (most days! LOL) I spent 13 years in PS and was invited to very, very few parties. Being stuffed in a room with 20-25 other kids 180 days a year doesn't mean you'll make friends. About the homeschool group-how much older are the older kids? My son is in first grade and his favorite person at cub scouts is a 5th grade boy-if the boys ever get to choose who to pair up with-they ALWAYS choose each other. Don't think just because there aren't any other 6 year olds at homeschool group that your son can't make friends-one of the things I think is so great about homeschooling is my kids aren't forced to spend all their time with kids that are just a within a year of their age (Cause the real world just doesn't work like that) My son is very happy with his friends. He has one good friend his age (the 8 year old girl next door) and then many friends of various ages (in their 20's, or 60's, etc) that he loves to spend time with. It may not 'seem' normal to PS kids/parents but I think it's very beneficial for kids to have adult friends who they can actually learn from and observe proper adult behavior that is expected from them instead of being surrounded by kids their own age who don't know any better or anything more than they do!
I understand not finding the right church to attend. Myself I grew up in a religion that didn't fit with me. I like to quote this when people question the whole church attendance. As to the bday party thing. I grew up in a very rural area and only ever went to one party. We never had bday parties. And I don't feel shortchanged in anyway. I think we make a big deal out of them nowadays when they don't have be. A small family party can be just as rewarding for young children. And I also agree that you can make parties up and invite others to join in. Don't feel like being in a rural area is an issue either. I live in a city and still have a hard time finding friends for the kids. So I just started a Lego club at our home. This Thursday is the first meeting Remember where there is a will there is a way. And I do understand how hard it is to see disappointment on our kids faces and to hear the hurt in their voices. (((hug)))
Very good points! You are right about the age thing. My son does like being around older kids. My main concern was that the activities are geared toward older kids it seems.
