...only I don't know where that is. I've been completely focused on trying to "bloom where I'm planted" but I've crashed and burned this week. I just don't feel at home no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am. I feel like a large, star-shaped peg in a tiny round hole. I don't belong here. My chest hurts so bad from the sheer weight of the sadness that I feel right now. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because DH believed this was where we were supposed to move (that was between him and God, I didn't get in the middle). It probably WAS/IS where we're supposed to be. I'm so unbearably lonely. The store is so crazy-busy that even the few hours a week that DH is home, he's completely checked out (and I don't blame him). He works 7 days a week and it's go-go-go the whole time he's there. It's like everything in my world is broken and I am powerless to fix it. I pray and pray and I don't even know what I'm praying for! I don't want to complain. I don't want to be upset. I don't want to cry at random for no apparent reason. I can't tell DH what's wrong or he'll feel guilty for bringing us here. My poor kids don't know what to do with me. We were in the middle of making our timeline today, having a grand old time with crayons and glue, and I just started crying. What do I pray, ladies? What do I need to ask God to do to fix my attitude?
Philippians 4:11-13 King James Version (KJV) 11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I have had to pray this words I highlighted. I have and still am at times lonely, angry, confused, depressed with the choices my husband has made for our family. I have found that when I pray for the Lord to fill me with some kind of contentment, and strength to face the next min, I am a better person for my whole family. I pray that you find some kind of peace an contentment during this phase of your live.
I am in tears just reading the sadness in your post. I wish I knew what to tell you that would make you feel better. I will be praying for you today my friend. Beth
I have no words to share because I have never been in your situation. I am so sorry. I am praying for you.
Amie, I don't know what to say other than you are not alone and that God will bless you for following your DH and not getting in the middle. I pretty much could have written your post, except that I know where home is and it's not where I am. I understand, not that that helps you any. Sorry.
That's one of the worst feelings. We lived in a town for nearly 14 years and I had come to consider it my hometown. During that time, I worked for 5 years in another town about 45 min away and my co-workers became my family. When we moved back to the town we grew up in two years ago, it was like my heart was torn into three pieces. I know this is where God has put us and it's the right place to be, but I miss everything about where we lived before-the restaurants, the shopping, and, most of all, my friends. I totally get what you're saying about crying for no reason and feeling lonely. Even though our family is here, they don't "know" me the way my friends did and I get really lonely. My DH works around 70 hours a week, so I hardly see him. I don't have any great advice for you, just prayers. God has just recently started to bring new friends into my life and things are starting to get better. Praying that you'll begin to find some new friends in your new home, too.
A few months ago, I cried often about the same thing...I wanted to go HOME (I mean that as a feeling of peace, comfort and familiarity, not a specific place necessarily), but that place didn't exist anymore. I just kept crying and praying and doing what I knew was right and God and time have improved things a lot. Prayers that the same will happen for you. I also tried to remind myself that it was my turn to make that same feeling of HOME for my husband and children where we are now. I don't achieve it every day, but I try. Hugs.
Amie, I hurt for you. Pray that God will make His Will known to YOU as well as to your husband, and that He will give you peace with WHATEVER His Will is. It's only in the WHATEVER that you'll be happy. I don't mean the WHATEVER that life throws as you, but the WHATEVER it is that is God's Will.
I am so sorry. While I haven't been in your exact spot, I have been in places many times where I just hurt so much I wasn't sure what to even pray for. God knows our hearts, He knows our hurts, He knows our desires, even when we can't come up with the words to say. Just continue to open your heart to Him, and He will hear. He will respond. I know, it can seem like forever, and for what it's worth I am still in the valley and am still waiting for His perfect will to be done. But I KNOW it will come, I just have to abide in Him and wait on His perfect timing. You will be in my prayers; be strong when you can, cry out to God when you can't. Give it all to Him and you will feel Him move. If you ever want to talk directly, please PM or email me... I don't always have the answers, but I always have an ear to hear and a heart to offer love.
Amie, I have never felt at home completely anywhere, but I have learned that no matter where I am, it is for a reason and often for just season--God's purpose, God's season--even when I feel I do not know what that purpose is or how long it will last. I do find that the more involved I am with the community and people, the more comfortable I feel in general. But, in my heart, it is like that song: All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. My husband lost his job about four years ago. He had never been out of work before and he was without one for months up to the week we were spending his last severance check. He was given a job by God that was a fulfillment of His promise to me and a prayer of my husband to visit Israel, which he did three times for training. However, it was at 60% at what he used to make and salaried so no overtime. We were severely crunched financially, but I was thankful that we had an income and that was just sufficient to pay all our bills; nothing was paid late the entire time. This job also meant that most weeks he flew out Monday morning and flew back Friday night. We did this for almost two years with one vehicle and driving an hour to the airport one-way and I have to tell you that I got to the point I was not so grateful for that job quite a few times. I would not want to do it again and much of the time I felt pretty lonely and overwhelmed. However, that was for a season and the reason perhaps was just so my husband would be trained and ready for something better to come. Out of the blue two years ago this January, he was offered a job at close to what he used to make, still salaried but better treatment too, because of the training he then had. We had to buy another vehicle right away, as he would not be flying as often, and more weeks than not he still travels but is home more than he was, just enough to keep me sane. At times like these, I try to think of Joseph sold as a slave and imprisoned wrongly, but all that time God was preparing him for a very great thing. I promise you that God hears the desires of your heart and that He loves you. He may not give you everything you want when you want it, but He has a purpose in all that He has done and is doing. Things that you do not see yet, or may never see, but He is there with you.
Amie.. with me traveling so much with DH I know how you feel. The only thing I can tell you thats work for us. Is you just have to make the best of what you have, be happy and go from there. Yes, there is something about every place that isn't right. But remember grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. I think to me it sounds like you are miss dh and time with him and family. Maybe if you put your foot down and said ok we have to have some family time. These boys are growing fast and wouldn't be here long. Hope it all works out.
My heart aches for you! This song immediately came to mind-I've been wearing this song out the past few weeks. Something that I have struggled with as a Christian is feelings! Feelings are not always right! I know we often hear "follow your heart" but that is worldly advice! The Bible says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?" Feelings can be very confusing for Christians (Ask me how I know-it's a struggle some days!) The world constantly tells us that love is a feeling, but it's not, it's an ACTION! Live as if you feel like you want to feel, live like you know God wants you to feel. The actions and prayer will bring about the feelings! I would pray for God to change my heart about the issue! Ask God to make my feelings match His will. Some verses I have used when I faced these heart issues recently Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 28:26 Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:6-7). Psalm 119:49-56 ETA: Praise You In This Storm
That song was played at Jeramy's memorial service but it had a different video that went with it. A similar thought "more my speed" is this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmbfTkU5xIA
We are in that situation now. I was afraid to tell my husband because he moved to be near his parents, but when I eventually broke down in crying he said he felt the exact same way. I think you should talk to your husband and pray together about the whole situation. hugs.
I know exactly how you feel. We have lived here for a year and a half and I still don't belong here. I have spent so many days and nights sobbing and praying to know WHY God wanted us here. I still don't have an answer but God has comforted me and even though I feel like such an outsider and I have no friends in the area I know it will be ok and that in time I will know why we are here. I would hug you if I were there. It will get better. Pray that you will have the peace and comfort you need to deal with everything. If God wanted you there he will help you. He has never let me down and he won't let you down either. You can always come to us here at the spot too. Many of us have been through similar things and we all love to help and support each other. Hang in there and let us know how you are doing throughout the week and coming months. I will add you to my prayers.
Oh, Amie. I wish I had seen this earlier. :'( Praying for you to get through the rough spot. I'm guessing this is just part of processing the stress of the move. I truly wish we lived near each other, but I'd probably drive you nuts with how not lonely you would be. :lol: I obviously don't know your Dh like you do, but I think sharing how you feel with him would be a good thing. He probably already knows you are feeling sad. It might help for him to be able to put his finger on it and how it may just be a temporary thing until you get settled in. At least he won't be guessing anymore--and if he is anything like my Dh, he may be assuming wrongly that he did something to upset you.
When I can not speak the words to anyone, and I don't even know the words to ask God for help I always do the thing my Mom taught me. I sit quietly and anything that comes to mind I give to God. Sometimes I have to hand the same stuff over and over to God in one sitting. If I think of something I have done wrong I tell him I'm sorry and give that to him. Anything good I think of I thank him for. I have set for 30 minutes doing that before and I felt so good afterwards! This time of giving to God and leaning on God gives me more happiness and love than any place or person can give me. Hugs to you! Cally
Amie-I was thinking of you and praying for you when I got up in the middle of the night last night. I pray you are more at peace today. .... and then..... I thought about my post .... It starts out "My heart aches for you..." then I go on to talk about how deceitful the heart is and how to pray God changes your heart....At 3 am I found it funny....
Amie sweetie ~ ((((((BIG hugs)))))))) I know your pain and sorrow and I have no easy answers. There have been wonderful suggestions here and I hope you feel all the love and support written. Talking with your hubbie does sound like the best. You are a team, through all. Let him be there for you. One suggestion that I would offer is to start a thankful prayer journal. It may sound trite, but if you conciously write out at least 3 things each day that you are thankful for, you may find that it helps you look more for the good things than the bad. The book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, explains it better than I could ever attempt. I know that feeling of drowning and it is so hard to seem to get your head out enough to catch a breath. Just pray your heart to God and turn it all over to him dear....You are his child and he loves you. He is there for you. And so are we. ((((((hugs)))))))
oh Amie I can hear the saddness in your post. Like a previous poster said,pray the lord shows you his will,his way. I would prehaps try to get involved like someone else suggested. Although you aren't happy where you are,perhaps if you meet some people it "might" make it at least a little bit bareable. And it sounds like you need to talk to your hubby. You sound like you need some attention from him. Even though he is busy he needs to set some time aside for you!! Can you pin him down and let him know that despite his busy schedule,you are still there and need some attention? Even if its just a hour of conversation just to have nothing but his full attention. As for the kiddos just tell them you will be right back and sneak off to the bathroom. And splash your face with some cool water until you can pull yourself back together. You are it sounds like running the house by urself, ur by urself,and not real happy where you are I would be sad and crying too. ((((many many hugs)))))
