Hello all, I am new here and need advice. I have been thinking of homeschooling my granddaughter.Legally she is our daughter as we adopted her at age 3.Anyway,pre-k was a nightmare, we had to put her clothes on her and literally carry her out the door & carry her in the school.I wish I had never sent her. She didn't have anyone to play with and I thought she would enjoy it once she got used to it. She never missed any of the kids or the teachers after it was over. Kindergarten was better,and she did well, but still not wanting to go there. This year, first grade, she was doing a lot better about wanting to go until lately.She has been out alot when she said she wasn't feeling well, stomach aches, diahhrea.She has told me many times she wants to stay home with me. She wants me to be her teacher. She has no idea there is such a thing as Homeschool. She gets her work done at school and does very well, I have not had to go to any teacher conferences this year because there is nothing to discuss. She is somewhat shy, and does not want to participate in things where she is uncomfortable. Like singing on stage in a program with the other kids. What should I do? Should I give homeschooling a go? She will be 7 in June and will be in 2nd grade next school year. Thanks for any advice. P.S. Even though she does her work well in school, she doesn't want to do her homework. It can take an hour or 2 for her to do 20 minutes work at home. If that is how she would do homeschool, I think it wouldn't be a good thing.
If you think her shyness will prevent her from getting a good education in school I would say research it. As for the fact it takes her so long to do her homework, is it because she is distracted, bored, confused...? I have days where it takes dd 2 hrs to do her math and other days where it takes 40 min. Sometimes things stretch sometimes they don't. Homeschooling is really more of a lifestyle. It will be different not just for her but for you too. I think that is something people forget when entering into homeschooling. Homeschooling does provide more freedom and opportunity for us but on the downside, my house is never cleaned the way I want it to be. Homeschooling can be a wonderful way for kids to excel, especially shy children. I would say you might want to find a local homeschool group where she can make a few close friends which is much more important than being around large groups of kids (aka the ps). I would research what is available for homeschoolers in your area, what types of curriculum you are interested in and really look at what you want to get out of homeschooling. You may even want to see if there is a homeschooling convention by you to check out. The only one who can say whether it will be good for your granddaughter is you. I wish you well in making your decision and feel free to ask lots of questions on this board. The folks here are always willing to share.
Thanks for your reply. I have been reading alot about homeschooling. I just want her to be happy and not dread going to school.I was shy when I was young and hated going to school. I had friends in the neighborhood but just could not make many friends at school,always stayed home on the days we had to do book reports in front of the class.I was scared to death! My granddaughter has a couple of friends now in our neighborhood and a few in her class but she says nobody likes her at school. I have seen her refuse to talk to the other kids when they are trying to get her to talk to them. So I don't know what's up with that. Other times she does interact with them. I just feel like as time goes by she will not fit in and therefore not do well in school.She has been absent too many days and we don't want the authorities hauling us to jail! She will literally scream and cry and refuse to get ready if she doesn't want to go.She will not tell us why except that she doesn't like school.I will try to find some local information.
I would. I would at least give it a year. I think you will find that a child doing homework for you and a child completing regular schoolwork at home will be different. I'd also guess that your child will be quite willing to do her work at home because she doesn't want to go to school. I would also try it because it sounds like it is feeding her anxiety. I have a child who would have been considered very anxious - especially at your child's age. I've gone lengths to help him be comfortable with his surroundings and as he has grown the anxiety has almost disappeared. I tend to believe that putting an anxious child in anxious situations doesn't decrease the anxiety in the future. Putting an anxious child in comfortable situations so that feeling of anxiety is rare helps decrease anxiety in the future. I hope that made sense.
Your story sounds so familiar! Please, don't wait! Give it a try next year. We waited until 5th grade to pull ours out of ps and have never looked back (9th grade next year!). The anxiety issues for dd are so much improved, well, pretty much gone! Homeschooling during the day is nothing compared to 2 hours of anxiety filled homework after being at school all day. I think you will have a new child!
Your daughter sounds so much like mine! She was so shy and got so anxious in school that I actually took her to counseling. Which actually did help a lot!! The counselor gave us great strategies and techniques to help her get through some tough stuff at school. However, once I was able to homeschool (started working from home) I pulled both my kids out. At first, I tried to copy public school, and it was no fun. Now that we school in our own way, it's great for them (most days! LOL!). A lot of the stress about school is assignments, tests, etc. You don't have to do that when you homeschool. For example, we use Sonlight for our history and reading, and there are NO text books, NO tests, NO writing assignments. It's just read read read and we love it!! We do a lot more field trips than before, and we make even family vacations have an educational component. We watch a lot more educational TV and movies than we did, because it really is a lifestyle change. There are some subjects my kids still don't like, but at their age I know they need them (Math, English). But the fact they can make so many choices about their education makes up for that, and as they get older they'll be able to make even more. If you think she'll give you a hard time, (and I would expect her to, because kids like to push those boundaries) I'd setup firm rules just like school. We use marble jars and the kids can earn and lose marbles throughout the day. They can trade marbles in for video game time, money, or something from the prize box. This has helped to keep them on track and following the homeschool rules. Good luck to you on your decision!!
If you aren't sure what you want to do, why don't you give it a try during the summer? That is what we did, not wanting him to fall behind if we decided it wouldn't work out. It did work out and now he is way ahead of his same age peers. I would also like to point out that a lot of people think that kids are introverts because they homeschool, but in reality, a lot of kids homeschool because they are introverted.
Laura 291- I have thought about counseling too!But I don't think she would speak to the counselor! She takes horse riding lessons, English, and she has only said a few sentences to the trainer in about 7 months!She does really good on the horse though. She just does what she's taught to do and it seems to come naturally. We have never been around horses before but she was always wanting to stop & pet one when we saw them in a pasture. I read up on horseback riding and it sounded like it would help her in a lot of ways. As far as I know, she still hasn't told anyone at school that she can ride a horse or is taking lessons.
Renae C1, I thought about trying it this summer to see how it goes. And yes, she is an introvert, but most of our family is so we know how it is. When her class goes on Field trips, she wants me to be sure to come. Then she will cling to me a good bit of the time. The only exception to that is if they are somewhere and they are getting to play.
I didn't get a chance to read all the comments left form others. But I did read yours to the letter. I am so worried that there may be a reason she hates school so much: bullies, peer preasure, or (God forbid) something worse. Not sure what situation has brought her into your home, but I am almost positive it must have been an ordeal on her (and you). So there might be lasting effects from that as well. You sound like a loving Gramma and I say that is the most important part of homeschooling...LOVE. You should reaserch if there are homeschoolers in your area (just do a google search) and get together with some of them. There is nothing better than local support. Then just jump in and try it. I am not sure hwere you are located, but here getting started is an simple as sending in a letter to the state telling them you will be homeschooling, and how many children. So do some research and God be with you Please come back on here and ask any questions you may have along the way. This group of ladies is MARVELOUS!!! And feel free to message me personally if you need/want
She doesn't mention anybody being mean to her or anything like that. She has been with us since she was 9 months old. She knows her mother, who is my daughter, and sees her at least once a month. She lives almost an hour away. Her dad is out of the picture and she doesn't remember him. She has 2 half siblings, 3 and almost 2, and she does wonder why she can't live there too. I just tell her that mommy couldn't take care of her when she was born and that is the truth. She tried but it didn't help that the father kept her nerves tore up all the time. They were together until a few months after I got custody,and for about 3 years before that. She loved her daddy very much when he was around. He just stopped coming to see her out of the blue when she was 2.He doesn't even speak to his own mother now, hasn't in over 3 years.I stay in touch with her, but now she is going blind and on SSDI and lives about 35 miles from here. She shows no interest in seeing her granddaughter anymore. My granddaughter asks me why can't she see Nana anymore? I don't know why.I would take her there but hav never been asked to or welcomed to. I've never been to her home,but she used to come to mine.I think my girl probably feels rejected from a lot of these people that she loves, and I have always been there for her,so she wants me always around.Does that make sense? On the other hand, how much attachment is too much? Or is there such a thing? I am 60, not going to be around forever.
For a child that young and with that history I don't think that there is such a thing as too much attachment at her age. I think homeschooling might be a wonderful option for her. And I agree with the previous comments about the struggles with homework. There will be a world of difference between doing two hours of schoolwork versus the 7 or so that they are in public school all day plus the additional homework time in the evenings. I won't lie though, there will be days that she will probably have an attitude and not want to do her work. My 7yr old gives me that sometimes.
It sounds like she needs a strong attachment with you to feel secure right now. I'd give it to her and as she grows she will become more independent.
I agree with the previous poster -- kids send signals about what they need, and it sounds like her signals say she really draws strength from your bond. I can't walk in your shoes and my daughter doesn't share your granddaughter's background, however, my daughter (currently 6) has always been an anxious kid as well. She didn't want to go to preschool as she would have preferred to be with me, and although her teacher told me she was always very well behaved, she rarely spoke. My daughter would come home telling me she had no one to play with in school. I kept thinking she just needed more exposure to large group situations -- that her discomfort with groups was something that could be "cured" with time. Her second year of preschool was a repeat of the first -- she repeatedly told me how she didn't want to be away from me and didn't have friends in class. We started homeschooling for academic reasons but I've come to realize what a fit it is for her socially. To this day, my daughter still feels uncomfortable in group situations. She does fine one on one with a structured activity, but is still shy when kids approach her at a playground. She takes months to finally feel like she belongs at an ongoing group activity (like a homeschool group) where she sees the same people each week. She still pressures me to come with her to activities and will only participate in some if I'm there. I've come to realize that although she may change over time, this is simply her nature vs. something we'll "cure" with exposure. She's very introverted and I shouldn't have been such a slow learner, because so am I! I think homeschooling is an environment where a socially anxious/introverted kid can thrive. Perhaps attending a local homeschool group will give you an opportunity to test the waters by talking with other parents and seeing what their lives are like? I poked around on the web and saw at least one homeschool group in Gaston County, Home Oriented Ministry and Education of Gaston County (H.O.M.E.). I don't believe I can post a link, but if you google "home oriented ministry and education, gaston county" the website pops up. Good luck to you with whatever you decide. Despite the challenges in her life, it sounds like your granddaughter is lucky to get so much love from you. Hugs to you both!
Your daughter sounds like mine! And yes, I know she will have days when she may not want to do her work, but I think if she knows she will have to go back to "real school" if she doesn't do it, that will be motivation enough. Just yesterday she asked if she could go to a different school. I told her they are all the same. She also said her day was boring. Maybe that is part of the problem. I will look up the website. Thank you.
linsms123, Yes I'm in NC too. I'm on Randolph county, just south of Greensboro. After reading more about how shy she is, I really think she would be happier homeschooling. She is less shy when she's around you, right? You could get involved with homeschool co-ops so she's able to make friends, but with your guidance and supervision. If you are with her during her play dates and co-op times, I think she'll feel more comfortable talking with her friends. I'd still talk with your pediatrician about counseling, especially after all she's been through. Child counselors are good at keeping it fun for kids. Your first few sessions will likely involve playing games, to help her get more comfortable. But even during play therapy, the counselor will be able to evaluate and help. She won't have to lay on the couch and talk about all her problems, like they do in the movies! We are in a co-op called Classical Conversations, which you can go to their website to see if they have any groups near you. Many parents use this as a full curriculum, and some use it to supplement. It's up to you, but it can be a full curriculum. It's a bit expensive compared to others (about $400 per year at your granddaughter's age), but so well worth it! Look for other co-ops too though. You will find great support from the parents, and your granddaughter will make friends! Good luck!
Yep, that is probably it Well, at least she has you now My Grammie is in the same situation, raising her granddaughter. It is a rough past too. But the granddaughter is doing great now (several years later). Keep up the great work God will help.
Thank you to both of you. I have found a local online group that I have joined and they sound like a wonderful group of people. They do field trips and other activiies with homeshoolers in this county and a few surrounding counties. Also they had a lot of info posted that I hadn't found before. I think we just might make it with all the help and support that is out there. Thanks to all of you for replying!
