We have a padlock on our back fence gate. It is a 6 foot wood fence so not like it would be easy to climb if someone wanted to break in. But I do not know the code. So, while this work guy was at the door wanting to get access to the backyard so he could fix some things (he was already hired to do repairs), I asked my son if he knew the code to get in to the backyard so the guy could fix it. So my son turns to the guy, who was standing right there, turns to the guy and blurts out the combination to the lock. It is not that I think this workguy would ever break in or anything, but what is the point of a lock if you give the combo out to everyone? I guess when I am out at Target today, I will just pick up a new lock and put it back there. Fortunately, they are not too expensive, but it is a waste of time and money anyway to have to replace it. I guess I just keep worrying about this teen's judgement of things because he is in driver's ed now and he wants to be driving when he turns 16 this fall on his own. I just worry so much about his judgement on things. Does this sound like typical 15 yr old misjudgement? Or should I be especially worried?
You really pick on your son. Yes Teenagers do make wrong choices and I will have 4 kids turn into teenagers at one time....... but you seam to love coming here and tatling on your son. I'm sorry I can't think of a better word for it. Don't forget to share the good things he does too. I'm sure hes a good kid that makes mistakes occasionally....... thats what these years are for, to train the kids to make better choices as adults, and we can just hope and pray that as parents we are able to guide the children through these criticle years through early adulthood where they will continue to live and lern from their mistakes. But nobody is perfect and I guess sometimes we all need to be reminded of that.
Thanks, I guess I am being too hard on him over this. There is a lot of good to say. I think I expect too much because he is the oldest so he is sort of the experiment child. When the 5th child is doing the same thing, it won't phase me. But when the first does, well, it just seems like I haven't seen it before...which I haven't, as he is my first. I just keep worrying because he is the one I have who is closest to being 18 and I feel like this timer is ticking and he will be 18 soon and I will not have done enough. Reality is, my younger children get away with stuff my 15 yr old never got away with because I have already been there on things they do. I wish there was a "What to Expect When your Child is a Teen" book or something.
Which by the way...there is a LOT very good about him too. He doesn't back talk, he is very good with the baby, he has all his school work done now through Wednesday! He is a very nice boy. He does have a learning issue (more of a neurological issue, I may have posted about it before). I love him so much. I am so worried I am just failing here. And he will be an adult in 3 years! But I appreciate the feedback. I will try to worry less.
I don't think he showed a lack of judgement based on the reasonable experience of a teenager. We adults tend to be more cautious and worried about safety and security than kids do; I think we get that way the second we have kids, and it is our job. He too will become distrustful of people when he has a family of his own to protect. Grade him on the things that a teenager should be responsible for, such as school work, chores, telling the truth, wearing his seat belt and going the speed limit when he does drive, standing up to friends when they are trying to influence him wrongly, etc.
Did you tell him TODAY......... how good he is and how proud you are of him for being done with shcool work early........... I do understand, I have a son (and his twin sister) that are 12....... but my son and I butt heads so much:? he is so strong willed and does things that DRIVE ME CRAZY:!: Sometimes I forget to tell him what he does that I DO LIKE.....I get fixated on the things he does that drives me crazy.:roll:
I think most teens would have blurted it out, too! (I need to LOOK for reasons to tell Faythe how well she's doing, too! It's so easy to see the "wrong" she does, especially when her big sis tends to be too "perfect" in Faythe's eyes!)
Yes, after I read your post actually. I was questioning things which is why I posted in the first place. I went to him and told him how proud I was that he has completed so much of his work and I already tell him a lot how great he is with the baby. He was cuddling the baby at the time. Then I told him he earned computer time for tonight (we have specific rules on that, computer time is earned, not assumed). He has actually been really picking up the pace on doing his school work lately and since we are using a distance learning program, he goes in for his tests. But his next test is not until Wednesday (due to weather, tests were postponed) but he kept on working and got everything done which is a huge step up from a few weeks ago when we started. He also wants driving time so maybe if dinner is done soon enough, I will let him drive to drivers ed or something. But class is in less than 2 hrs so maybe I will ask dh to take him to drive when dh gets back home so he has some practice time. DS isn't strong willed so much as he has a processing disorder. I am always wondering is this normal, is that normal? That sort of thing. What is from the processing disorder, what is normal teenager stuff, what is..... Can drive a person crazy.
I will admit this about me though, I do not like posting good things. I feel like I am bragging. There are times when something is neat or I am excited about it, but then I don't post it because I don't want to be a braggart. But then, I love to read others' good news.
My son, who is 14 years old, probably would have done the same thing. He takes what I say literally. The other day as he was writing a report I reminded him to indent the first line of the paragraph. He indented the entire paragraph. I asked him why he did that. He said I told him to indent the paragraph. Perhaps I did say "paragraph" and not "first line of the paragraph." His heart was in the right place. He was following my directions to his understanding. Your son sounds like a typical 15-year-old.
Considering you're dealing with a 15 year old you may want to simply ask him to unlock the padlock next time. Judgement, especially in issues of trust, is just something that comes with experience. At 15 most people simply don't have that experience yet. Not a big deal.
I agree with Amy, give the kid a break he is 15. Yes, its normal of course its normal. We as adults make mistakes. I know its hard to believe it but we do. If you keep be hard on him it will show on him soon, real soon, and not in a way you will like. I know its hard but hey, he's learning. Give the boy a big hug and tell him he is doing great.
I have to agree with Amy. With all due respect, you do pick on your son quite a bit and post it for the world to see. The last one I recall, (the one I even bothered to read) you blamed him for making you lose $800.00 over a password. Now its over a combination to a lock. If you are told over and over you have messed up, after awhile you begin to believe and and it becomes "self prophecy". Give your son a big hug, apologize to him for complaining about him and please just move on. God bless you and your family. (((( ))))
To look at this from a different angle, you are the adult and homeowner. You say you don't know the code to unlock your gate. You hire someone to come fix something that will require him to get into your backyard, but you don't find out the code in advance so that you'll have it to open the lock for the guy you hired. To put a spin on your question "...what is the point of a lock if you're going to give the combo out to everyone," I'll ask, "What is the point of hiring someone to come work in your backyard if you're not going to learn the code to the lock you put on your own gate?" I'm honestly not trying to be harsh but to help you see that, in at least a few of the circumstances you've posted about your son, you are projecting your frustrations with your own irresponsible behaviors onto your son. You're the homeowner. You should know the code to get through the gate into your own backyard, or, at least, have it written down somewhere; and you should've been prepared with that info on that day, knowing that the man would have to get through there to work.
I didn't hire him, the neighbors did. I did not know he was coming. I just mentioned he had been hired so you knew it was not just some guy off the street. He needed access to the fence from our side.
I think the point still stands that this was not simply your son's doing. You asked him what to code was. He simply answered. It's not a big deal but part of the responsibility is yours. Maybe what people are picking up on though is that your first instinct isn't to take a look at your part in the issue but to blame him and then to come here and talk about that. Maybe there's something that's frustrating you about him in general right now so that you're seeing issues that aren't there or maybe he's the one you tend to focus on negatively when you're feeling stressed or at fault? And none of that is meant to say anything negative about you. Those are pretty normal things that most of us likely have experience with. Just that it might be worth some thought.
Wouldn't your neighbors who hired the guy let you know he was coming if he needed to get on your side? What if you weren't there? Kids don't develop a brain until they are 25 - so it's normal behavior for a teenager to act like that.... DH and I listen to our kids talk all the time and we look at each other and say "You've GOT to be kidding me?!!"
They might not have known. For example, there's a utility pole in the corner where four yards come together. But it is technically in the neighbor's yard. If there's a problem and I call, I don't know if the problem is at that pole (in which case they need in the neighbor's yard) or somewhere further up the line (in which they don't). The repairman doesn't know that, either, until he comes and check things.
