Lately, my 5 yr old has been lying- I've noticed it tends to be more of a reaction to get out of being "in trouble". For example, this morning she had picked up a kitten that I thought was eating. I asked her if the kitten was eating and she said no. I asked her where she picked up the kitten from and she told me somewhere from the other side of the room. She thought she was going to get in trouble for picking up the kitten so she lied- it's been little things like that. She hasn't done anything wrong but something that needs to be corrected because she doesn't know better and then it turns into a bigger issue because she lies about it. For this morning, I talked to her again about what lying is and why it is wrong, I "spanked" her tongue by putting apple cider vinegar on it, and she has to write a Bible verse on lying 5 times. Any advice on what to do to nip this in the bud?
sounds like you are doing a great job. Maybe next time when you see her lying let her know right then and there you know she is lying you seen it.
I think you handled it well. The only other thing we do around here is this: If one of the boys lies in attempt to get a brother in trouble, they get punished not only for the lie, but also for whatever they said their brother did. The Bible says that if we bring a false testimony against another we should recieve the punishment that the other person would have received had the testimony been correct. I hope that makes sense..... For example: If Eli (7 yo) comes and tells me that Quin (5 yo) hit him and Quin did not, then Eli gets the punishment that goes with lying AND the punishment that would have been given to Quin for hitting. This may not be happening in your home, but around here, Eli likes to try to get his brothers in trouble by either flat out lying or by exaggerating (i.e. something that was an accident gets reported as quite deliberate). Punishing in this way has helped to cut down on that.
I used to have this problem with Grace (6). If I know for a fact she is lying, even though she refuses to own up to it she is punished. I make sure she knows that I know she is lying and that is why she was punished. I tell her that if she would have just told me the truth we could have talked about it but since she chose to lie to bad, she gets punished. I would be careful about using Bible verses as punishment. I wouldn't want my kids to view the Bible as some form of punishment. Just my thoughts.
AAAAAHHHH! She just did it again! We went through it all again!!! She is upstairs working on her Bible verses again! Glad to know I'm not the only one who has gone through this! It does get better, right? Tiffany- I want her to know that this is not just some rule Mommy and Daddy made up but it is from God. Not only is seeing disobeying us when she lies, she is disobeying God.
At age 5/6, they're not always really sure why they did something, even if they cognitively know this is something mommy calls "wrong". I've learned that a lot depends on how you ask the question as to what kind of answer you get -- maybe something like, "Sweetie, where was the kitten when you picked it up?" in a tone that conveys "I'm just curious, not accusing you of anything". She might then have said that it was near the food bowl or mama cat, and then you could use the opportunity to "remind" her that we don't want to disturb pets while they are eating. Totally not accusing, just "curious and then reminding". It was a hard realization that I had taught my son to lie - by the way I asked the questions early on.
Instead of apple cider vinegar try ground ginger it's got more of a zing that will certainly leave an impression and I think at that age not always do they comprehend what the "lie" or misinformation is.
Lindina- I've been very aware of my tone and how I word things with her to avoid that situation. I had thought of that already! Rhi- I'll keep the ground ginger in mind. She had two opportunities to lie yesterday after all of this. Both times she was honest right away. I praised her for being honest. One time she had actually done something wrong but since she was honest, her consequence was lessened and I made it a point that she knew it. The second time she had done nothing wrong and I praised her again for being honest. Maybe it is sinking in!
Hopefully, by consistently punishing her, she will get the point. I think using the Bible is a great idea as long as you are also teaching her the Bible outside of punishment. It is VERY important for her to know she is sinning. This will help her understand later on that she needs a savior. My dd when through a lying phase for a few days. I spanked her each time...and I punished her besides that. She stopped and has not told a lie since..really...lol. Now, my other kid rarely lie but it does happen...not out right lies but deception or not saying something...you know. Anyway, the rule in my house is you get spanked if you lie Lying ALWAYS gets a bigger punishment than telling the truth. It's never worth lying....that's the key. I think you are doing a terrific job. I think it's natural for kids to lie to keep themselves from getting into trouble. Geesh, people lie all the time. lol. Also...does she hear other lies..NOT ACCUSING YOU!!! LOL. I mean does she hear little white lies or things she may misinterpret as lying. You see, I ask because...we didn't allow our children to watch things with magic at one time....a conviction for a season...anyway, my dd thought we were hyocrites..though she didn't know the word...because we watched Star Trek. She thought the transporter was magical. So, it's possible your dd may misinterpret something as a lie...again i am not saying it is you. Anyway, you are doing a great job. Keep it up. She will learn if you are consistent. Also, don't get emotional as hard as that is..I don't sucede at that much..lol. Let it just be matter of fact...you lie..you get punished. ALSO...show her that lying leads to mistrust and that mistrust leads to less privleges. Or just tell her ice cream is for dinner and when you serve veggies. When she is in shock tell her you lied..so what? LOL. Okay that was a bit of a joke.
I give benefit of the doubt for children under 7 since child development books say that under 7, they don't neccesarily know real from pretend. That being said, I have a neice who always lied so much it caused major family problems and it was clear she had actual problems, not within the norm of just imagination early on. So the other day, after my 5 yr old repeatedly got out of bed with claims that his teddy bear was jumping on the bed and such, I finally told him this was not true. I corrected him and made him accept it and sent him back to bed. I am not sure if that will work for you..for you to just correct her and make her accept it, but it has worked with us. No more teddy bear bed jumping going on here.
I do not share the opinion that children under 5 deserve the benefit of the doubt when it comes to lying. When my oldest was 3, she clearly lied...and she admitted it after I a few simple questions. I then explained lying. She did it again and got spanked. The spanking taught her real from pretend. LOL. Most kids lie so they don't get in trouble. If the kid was lying about seeing the Easter Bunny, I would give the kid the benefit of the doubt. However, if a child does A and then says B, than the child needs to learn straight off that it's a lie. Now, I do think this is the time to teach what lying is and how it hurts. So, there is no need to feel like you are raising a little liar that will forever not be able to be trusted. lol. She is learning...and she needs to learn about lying. Kids will always try stuff! Don't be scared this is something that will be an inherent problem..just nip it in bud. Now, I didn't write any development books but I did go to college for Psychology and I hve 4 kids, does that count? lol. Not making fun of the development books, Momofafew....I think you have a valid point. I just think a child needs to be spanked into the real world every now and again. lol. Of course, I realize you are not saying not to punish or give a pass. So, I am simply saying that I tend to disagree with those experts. But what else is new for me? LOL.
