My 5 yr old has started having nightmares at night. She will wake us up truly frightened. We comfort her and put her back to bed. The problem comes in where she doesn't want to go back to bed so she starts a tantrum or will start a game of seeing something move. We can tell it is more of a game- the cries start off obviously fake and then she esclates it until we come in. She is keeping us awake and is waking up her sister. We will tell her that she needs to stop the tantrum, give her some tools for helping her go back to sleep (you have your lovey, think about happy things, etc.) and tell her if we have to come back in, she will be spanked. This morning we have all been up since 5:15 dealing with this and we had to spank her. We don't like having to spank her for this- we don't want her to think she can't come to us when she is scared. It is a disobedience issue- I just don't think spanking in this case is the best method. It is just not apporpriate for the tantrums because she has to go back to bed. Any other ideas on what we can do when she starts the tantrums? Any thoughts on how to help her with the nightmares?
Is it possible she is having night terrors? I definately don't think spanking is appropriate in this situation... and I'm admitedly a spanker (and a corner stander too ). Think how many times you have had nightmares in your lifetime and couldn't go back to sleep. I know there are many times when I have woken up from a dream and been horribly shaken from it, to the point where I have had to wake my hubby to comfort me.. and still I couldn't go back to sleep, and that is coming from a grown woman... can you imagine how scarey it could be for a little 5 year old girl? We need our sleep in our house, so we will usually take the kids back to their beds the first time, if they can't stay there then they can come snuggle up in our bed. Usually we wait till they are alseep again and carry them back to their room so they wake in their own bed and know it was safe. We have also employed things like monster spray (bad dream spray).. some diluted febreeze in an unlabeled bottle.. or you can make your own cute label for on it.
I don't think it is night terrors. They don't seem that extreme. We don't want her in our bed- that would start a whole new can of worms. I do understand she is frightened- that is why we do not like the spanking- even though it does stop the tantrums. I've had nightmares where I'm that frightened and it does take me awhile to fall back asleep so I can see where she is coming from. hmmm- I might try some "Bug-be-gone" spray. Her nightmares seem to be focused on bugs for some reason. That might help reasurre her.
My kids have been able to go back to sleep on the couch. It feels different and somehow is a comfort especially if it is closer to your bedroom. Have you tried the couch with a blanket? It sure beats them sleeping with us!
My children were allowed in our bed for a certain time, but not all night. If a child came in for whatever reason, we would make room. But I would tell the child that, as soon as Daddy gets up to go to the bathroom, he was going to put you back in your bed.... Unfortunately, that wouldn't work for you if he were to have tantrums. Have YOU considered lying down in HIS bed for a while? Also, I found that soothing music often helps.
Also a nightlight.. or allowing her to sleep with the light on. I do like Jackie's idea of you laying in her bed. I think she really needs comfort for this, not scolding.
well I disagree with spanking in then case. Sommer said it well. We all have dreams and yes they are scare us. Don't spank for having a bad dream. Maybe the tantrums have something to do with a dream. What she is scared of who knows? Have you ask her to talk to you about the dreams the next day? Or put a nightlight in the room and tell her that will keep all bad dreams away. what about getting a dream catcher to put above the bed and read the little card that comes with one telling her they will catch all bad dreams. Also, like Jackie said some soft music we, Wow I don't know how many cd's of soft music we through when the girls were little. but, hey it worked. Her coming in to sleep with you a while and get some hugs, when she is sound to sleep take her back, wouldn't hurt anything... I look at this way they will be big and gone before you know it... time sure goes fast.
We would also have the girls YELL at their nightmare, "NIGHTMARE, GO AWAY!!! Because I am a child of the Living God!" Also, be sure to read them the book, "There's a Nightmare in my Closet" by Mercer Mayer. Though it's been around about a million years.....
Kris- The tantrums is something she has done several times off and on through the years at night. It is her not wanting to go to sleep and so she throws a tantrum to try to avoid sleep/bed. (She never does get her way so I don't know why she keeps trying.) In the past we have used spanking because she was being disobedient to us- we will tell her it is timefor bed- you don't have to sleep but you need to be quiet and in your bed. She is allowed to look at books because that seems to unwind her and help her relax at the end of the day- totally understandable. In this case, spanking just doesn't seem to fit the crime because of how the crime is starting. I like the idea of telling the nightmares to go away, and the soft music. I don't know how laying with her would work but it is worth a shot. The couch is further away from us then her bed but I can always suggest it to her- it is worth trying. She does have a nightlight and is allowed a small flashlight to help her see her books. I've noticed that after the nightmares she uses the flashlight to look for the things scaring her but it upsets her more so I've been taking the flashlight away from her. We do have a small lamp in the room- maybe I can turn that on if she has a nightmare- that could help reassure her. What do you guys do to help teach them how to deal with a nightmare?
If a child is scared, just the pressence of someone else, especially a BIG someone else, can comfort them enough for them to fall asleep, at which time you can get up and go into your own room. When I worked as a houseparent at the School for the Deaf, there was a ngiht when a little guy about 7 woke up from a nightmare, around 11:30. He came out with me, but I needed him to (eventually) go back to his bed. He outright refused, he was scared. I wasn't sure what to do with him, but then one of his friends came out, wondering what was happening. The friends said he could sleep with him. Well, put two little guys in the same bed, and they'll be up all night playing! But eventually, I said we'd try it, but I would be in checking on them to make sure they weren't playing around!!! Ten minutes later when I checked, both boys were curled up in the same bed, sound asleep. When my replacement came in at midnight, I explained what had happened, and why she would find the two boys in one bed. My super wasn't impressed. He didn't repremand me or anything, and he said he understood why I did what I did, but also told me not to do it again. Too much a chance of one of the boys "taking advantage" of the other :roll:. We're talking little boys, for gosh sake! But having another body can really help sometimes!
Jackie- She did ask to sleep with her sister and I told her no because we were afraid they would play and not sleep well. The eldest is a VERY mobile sleeper. I might give it a try and just see if it works. I think we are going to have to play around with some of these ideas and see what works best for her! We talked before bed. She knows that if she gets scared she can call for us or come and get us. We also reminded her that tantrums after we put her to bed are not ok and talked about things she could do to help her fall asleep- think about happy things, sing her skip counting songs, pray, look at books, etc. It was a fairly nice day out today so hubby took the girls to the park for a good hour. I'm hoping getting some fresh air and exercise will help her sleep better. We seem to have more sleep problems with her in the winter and I think it is because we can't let her outside to play as much-she is a very active girl and needs a lot of physical movement. So far this winter hasn't been to bad because I've got them involved in several other physical activities. We had to miss out on them last week though- they were sick. Maybe that has something to do with it too? Thanks for all of the input and thoughts! It is helping me come up with better ways to handle this.
I'll just throw this out there just in case it might help. When I was a child, caffeine gave me nightmares if I had consumed any during the evening hours. You may want to keep a log of what she eats and drinks, especially in the evenings; perhaps there is a connection.
Alice- We don't allow them to have caffeine- at least not obvious forms of it- she is energetic enough! If we keep having the problem, I'll keep a food log though and see if I can find anything! No nightmares last night!!!! I'm sure she needed the good nights sleep as much as we did!
When my girls sleep together in a hotel room, they will put a pillow between them, to keep Faythe on her side of the bed. She's also what you'd call a "mobile sleeper"!
