Well we finally did it put our 11yo son back into a public school program. after 3 1/2 yrs of constant battle with him to even attempt anything remotely dealing with school type subjects mom has just had enough... We've tried part time (which worked for awhile) we've tried different ways of teaching. Several different curriculums and seems like everything under the sun for the last few years. Everything we tried seemed to work for a short while.... usually no more than a couple weeks and then he was back to his same attitude of absolutely no respect for mom at all. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr!!!!!! He wants to be the absolute center of attention and will do anything to get the attention even if it's reprimands. Punishments don't work, lose of priveledges don't work and mom is really frustrated with it. So what we've done is put him into the parent partnership program and he takes 2 classes at the middle school. He meets with the instructor 1 on 1 for 1 hour a week right after his classes. And mom meets with her 1 hour a month minimum. She is very friendly and enthusiastic about working with the kids but at the same time makes me feel like a failure even though i know it's not my fault at all. We have 2 little ones (5 and 4) both with speech delays and other developmental delays that attend special ed preschool. Yet when mommy works with them on school type stuff (letters, numbers etc) They are enthusiastic about it and aim to please and do their best... My oldest will take forever to do a few simple problems and then do the worst he can do. (at times i feel he does it on purpose just to get my goat) Sorry this is so long but had to vent a bit.. Hopefully this PPP will work out for him because mom just can't do it anymore..
How difficult for you! Hang in there, these strong willed difficult types- I got one too, it is so hard. Take care and do NOT feel like a failure.
That's tough, I hope this works out better for your oldest ds! Remember, 4 and 5 year olds have more of a tendency to still be excited about school and usually are more willing to work with mom on things! So to compare a 12 yo with them may not be fair to him. Though it can be VERY frustrating, and I'd feel the same way about wishing he could be more like them!!! I'll pray for you and your ds and for the program teacher! It sounds like she's a great teacher to work with! This may be just what he needs to straighten him out a little bit! I hope so anyway! Best wishes to you!!! (((((HUGS!)))))
You would only be a failure if you lowered your expactations and stuck with a situation that was not working best for your son. Each child is different and you have to make decisions around who they are. It is not always easy to tell what will and will not work. I pray that this new situation will be just what he needed and that everyone will heal and flourish.
IT is great that they have a parent partnership at the school! That should help him to at least not think he is the one the world revolves around ( I have a child like that too hehe) and that the world will go on while he is at school and he will be one of the crowd. I am hoping things will work out well for you! Be blessed
wow.. I don't have anything to say just yet other than that! I swear I just looked into the future 2 years! I then will have an 11 year old who hates his school work and has 0 respect for me, and a 5 and 4 year old who both worship the ground I walk on and love when I work with them.
I read this post to hubby last night.. and he was like yep.. that will be us! We are already pretty close to it! He says so how do we fix it now??? Yeah.. like that's one that even has an answer! I hope that the program works out for you guys! You will have to keep us posted on how he is reacting to it!
I sometimes feel this way. My son will be 12 on November 3rd. He always wants to be the center of attention, even if it is negative attention he is getting. He is doing his work, but I have to constantly redirect him. My son will not make it in public school. He needs the one on one. I will never give up on him, but sometimes it is so hard to fight the good fight! I will pray for you and your son.
yep I think we all have that problem what I find that works for us is saying ok if you want to be silly today that is wonderful but lets finish our work then we can be silly and do what you want... also if they have no respect for us we take things away. Yes, sometimes it works sometime it don't .. I feel for you and hope it works for you all. Everyone is different I am so glad it's working for us.
so far so good. he does better with the 1 on 1. This week i am able to actually get him to do the work. we are still working on the respect and listening issue. He has this thing of wanting to please people just not mommy. I get him to do the work by telling him that Sara (his teacher needs to see it on friday) That seems to work. I try not to give up on him but some things he does scare me... He has poor impulse control. and a short attention span (at a store if he see's something he'll just take it and then lie about it) We've done counseling and it hasn't helped any. his attention span makes it easy for him to forget where he got things. The scary thing is (and i really try hard not to compare) his bilogical dad is in prison for 35 yrs this time for stealing. I am sometimes afraid that it can be heredity for that. And that is a real scary thought. So far the ps program is working. He's not in the brick and morter school except for his PE and art class. I am keeping this in prayers everyday and hopefully it'll work.
Since you mentioned praying each day, pray that God wilbreak that ( should have been here)l connection to his dads stealing and his snatching a toy. Pray that he wont steal but also Pray that you wont let his behavior problems keep you from being a good disciplinarian, I know some people who because of add or whatever they are over compensating with thier child, with the words of ' oh hes ---- so he can't help it', Add or not people need to learn that actions have consequences. I believe your son will learn and accept that it is NOT okay, cause you sound like you have a handle on it now, but just pray that he gets it just the same and does not con you out of time outs or what not. Not sure why I thought of that when I read it but I thought I should share the thoughts. ( I have seen people do this because of a child's behavior problems that are due to moms past addictive behaviors, they felt bad and so they compensated in the wrong way, I dont think you are doing this btw, I just thought to mention it for future ref. I was listening to a radio program that was talking about how to deal with things like that and they mentioned a web site and number to call in My area, but I forget the organization ... ) I dont want this to come off accusatory or anything so please no one take offence, just was thinking yesterday when I first wrote this, re readit and thought I shoudl add a bit more clarification but sometimes that still doesnt help Lol sorry folks
Vera.. it is funny that you posted about his bio-father. We have come to the conclusion that the problems we have with DS is hereditary! His father is a pathological liar, and also very self centered... he also was very abusive to both me and my son. My son's temper and everything being about him is like looking into my past... it's very scarey! I'm glad things are looking up for you!!!
teachermom no offence taken. I completely understand what you are saying. We don't let his having ADD make any difference in what is expected. only major difference is giving him more breaks and really making sure he understand's the directions on what he's to do before letting him do it. Even our 2 little ones have the same expectations. There are just days when it all gets to me and i'm like ugh..... will it ever be better than this... let me just enjoy his childhood and not have to be a mean mommy all the time. I know it's not all the time but it does seem that way at times. I work hard to make sure to really acknowledge the good and not focus too much on the bad. more of a you did wrong here's the consequence we talk about it and then move on.
Wow mama I sure hope everything works out for you. I was already fighing with my son to get his work done (hes 7)...we do a family school type program. He goes to a christian based program 4 days a week (abeka) and works on his school work there. Its working beutifully. He appreciates his time at home learning more, he's learning to be responsible for his own learning, the biggest improvement has been on his attention and speed at which hes finishing his papers for the day. I' m so happy we've found this program.
mama thats how I was with my ds10 a few years back, he was always in trouble, and I was having to time him out for everything all the time, or deal with sunday school teachers who called him on EVERYTHING.. I got upset and started praying for him to be better behaved so we could have some good time.. thats when I started Mom and Me night. Now its Daddy and Me for him because I teach at church on that night and daddy stays home with him for special dad and son times,,, that helps a lot cause gave us a good thing to do?
It sounds to me like you're doing a great job! I think all mommies feel mean sometimes.. I know I do! But in your heart, you know you're doing your best.
