:twisted: He used to do everything. I mean everything. He was the absolute best, most involved dad. He cleaned the house like a crazy person. He worked hard. He did things to earn extra money when we needed it. Really, the bills are the only thing he never really did, but I was totally ok with that. He's the kind of guy who would get up with our newborns and try to get them latched on to nurse without waking me up. Seriously ladies, the best! Then he last his job last summer. And it's been all downhill since then. I think he might be depressed, but he won't hear it when I suggest going to talk it out with someone. He's "fine" of course.
Well, Well, Well, sounds like that young man needs a wake up call and a good kick in the butt. If he is the man of the house, then he needs to wake up and smell the rose and take his place at the head of the table. I am sorry if this sound harss, but I just don't understand where men get off doing stuff like this. My dh has been through the ringer and back but always worked to take care of his family. He has gone through cancer twice with full blown treatments and he always did things to have money coming in. Yes, he lost a job he worked at for 18 years and wow that was a slap in the back, but he knew he had to work he had a family, yes he did things he didn't like till he found the job he likes, and sometimes that is what you have to do when you have a family. I always say if you lay down and making then take care of them. So, I wouldn't go get another job, for the life of me. I would say Honey we need to talk you are the man of the house, you are the bread winner, you need to work no matter what the job is to help with the boys. Bottom line.
I agree with Katie that you are an amazing, hard-working young woman! You've been dealing with health issues in addition to these other things, and I don't see how you can be working away from home so much, homeschooling, and getting enough rest at the same time. I'm praying that whatever issues your dh is dealing with will soon come to light and that he will be restored to full functioning and clear thinking. I'm praying for wisdom for you and for good health and that you will be able to sense God's guidance in this critical, stressful situation.
We went through a similar cancer event with DH's dad, only it was Liver cancer and he died two year after diagnosis. Even though by dh wanted to spend every moment with his dad, he knew he had to work to support the family he created - moreover, his parents were proud of the fact that he did that. I'm sure if he hadn't, his dying father would have laid him out. That is not to say he never saw his dad, but dh was working as a retail manager (you can imagine how those hours stank) and during non holiday season, had two days off a week. He took one day to spend with us (which often ended up at his parents to visit) and the other he took our son and his dad for chemo and lunch. It is called balance, and if you don't have it, it is miserable for everyone. The funny thing is, right around fil's death, dh was offered a cool job, with a small raise, that would allow him to work from home and many people in the game community (in which he works) called him a sell out. I posted an email about how many hours dh worked, and how he was driving home from work when his dad passed away. That shut everyone up. It was too bad he didn't get the job sooner, but he did use a lot of his vacation time to spend with his dad the week before he died, so it was worth it. I don't know if it helps, but maybe it will provide some perspective?
I had a situation with my DH who wasn't making much money and then donated $500 we didn't have to our church without consulting me. I was working three jobs and him only one and he wasn't making much at that job. After freaking out I realized that I was not making him responsible for our finances. I was taking over because he wasn't doing anything and as a result he took LESS responsibility as I took MORE. Had I made him responsible for our finances he would have realized that we didn't have $500. We couldn't ask for the money back as it had already been taken. So I made him responsible for replacing the money. Then I took all the bills and said "here you go, YOU figure it all out." In order to make the man the head of the house you have to LET him do it. I know there's this feeling that you have to "save the sinking ship" but honestly, our men have the ability to save the ship if only we'd let them have a try. Our men WANT to be leaders. They love us, and given the encouragement they will "save the family." My DH stepped up. I became his cheerleader instead of his critic. He started his own business and is SO MUCH HAPPIER. If your family is on a boat, your DH can't steer when you're hogging the wheel or yelling in his ear. Give him the wheel and then be confident that he will steer you out of the storm. Love him. Cheer him on. I looked my DH in the eyes and told him I loved him and believed in him. Then I walked away. He did it on his own.
I agree FreeSpirit, but what do you do when he WON'T take the wheel? Do you just watch helplessly as the boat crashes (when he's convinced that no matter what, God won't let it crash.)? I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound right to me. I mean, I'm just as responsible for taking care of the boys as he is, and I won't sit back and watch my DH destroy us because he refuses to do anything differently. I thought talking it out would help, but I'm still just as confused as I was a week ago. *sigh*
As hard as it is to say so, yes you watch it crash. A friend of mine did just that. Her husband was convinced that he wanted to be a farmer. She knew ABSOLUTELY that this wasn't what God wanted for him. She had two small boys, one with a heart problem. I've heard her speak of how to be submissive to a man who isn't walking according to God's will. She had to stand back and let him crash, regardless of what it meant to her and the boys.
But if I'm being submissive to my husband, then I'd get another job, because that's what he's telling me to do.
I am sorry this is happening, Amie. I believe that we submit unto our husbands as they submit to God. I do not believe we are called to submit to sin. I pray this is a passing problem for your husband. That whatever is causing him to behave this way is fleeting.
I know it's hard right now. And I honestly can't say 100% what needs to be done. All I can say is for you to pray for wisdom. That is one prayer that God will ALWAYS answer (if we're patient enough to wait on the answer, which I'm usually not!!!) And keep praying for God to speak to your dh's heart, for men to come along side him and support him in what he needs to do.
I'd see if there's some way for a doctor to check him for depression. That is so what it sounds like to me! I know that's way easier said than done, though! Do you have any dr. friends that you could invite over for dinner or somehing? I agree with what Patty said--that you're to submit to dh as he submits to God. Is your dh really asking you to take a 4th job and homeschool, or is it so overwhelming it seems that way? Because it's not sane at all to take a 4th job. Not at all. It's not safe. It's not sane. It should not be done!!! Get the man to see a doctor! This has GOT to change. I agree with Jackie in submitting to him, but it also seems, based on what you said, that he is "not in his right mind". In that case SOMEone has to take the bull by the horns and get him the help he needs. It's not a put down to him, it's just a chemical imbalance that can be helped. He CAN get back to who he used to be if he gets the help he needs!
Yes, I agree with Deena and Jackie. Be there for him but don't do it for him......theres a different.
