Honestly, I'm not sure how or even IF I should handle this. My DS12 is a very very logical kid. And granted I was once the same way, actually, I still am. And he questions everything having to do with religion. I answer his questions and hope that he gets it. However, he just flat out does not believe. Now, once again, I was the same way. And when I was in the Army, I had the opportunity to visit numerous different faiths. Honestly, it shook my faith. I couldn't understand why there were soooooo many different beliefs and I pretty much walked out on my beliefs. Today, I have a foundation....do I follow my family church to the tee? No. But I do know that at my lowest point, faced with the possible loss of my child, God believed in me. I've never prayed so hard in my life. And if you had seen the circumstances surrounding his illness and how close it came, you'd understand why I say it was a miracle. I asked God to show himself at the height of my anger and frustration. I called him out. It's crazy the things we do when we're utterly helpless and hopeless. BUT...he answered. Not a voice in my head or anything like that. But a feeling. I could feel him in that room. Through all the machines beeping, the chaos, people running in and out, it truly felt like time stopped. It was incredible. And when it time started again, after that feeling of acceptance, the machines had stopped, it was calm and DH and I were holding each other and looking down at our sleeping child in awe. That...that right there...I found God. Or I should say, He found me. Would I still have faith had my son died? I can say this. This happened at the Childrens Hospital in Cleveland. The walls were glass. In intensive care, there are no beds or chairs for the family. That's so they can get to your child very quickly if needed. I knew that there were other sick kids on this ward. You could almost smell the sadness. About an hour after my sons turn around, we heard screaming in the hallway. A mother was hysterical. Her 13 year old daughter had just died. She'd been in intensive care for a week after an auto accident. I can't describe the emotions flying through that hallway. I was afraid to step in the hall. I felt so badly that her child didn't make. I had only spoken to her once while getting coffee. I didn't know her at all and I knew my presence would only make it worse. I heard a nurse tell her to stop hurting herself. We surmised that she was hitting her head into the wall. This went on for a while. After about an hour, I finally left the room to go to the bathroom. Walking by that room I could see her 'holding' her daughter. I sped up. I didn't want any part of that pain and I knew how close we had come to that same pain just hours prior. On the way back, she was in the hall. And I heard her say "I know that she's with God now, my pain isn't her loss, it's that she didn't wake up so I could tell her that it would be ok." My DS is 7 now. He's an amazing kid. And he believes with all his little heart that he has a guardian angel watching over him. And whenever DS12 says "There's no such thing". DS7 says" Your's must be on vacation". While this is cute an all, my fear is that someday DS12's words will plant doubt in DS7. I don't force belief on anyone. That's not even possible. The human mind is what it is. I can't presume to change it. However, I'm wondering how long if ever it will be before DS12 believes too. The problem is, his conformation is in 7th grade. I've been getting calls from the church regarding his classes. However, I can't force him to BELIEVE. I'm not sure it would be right to make him go to classes that he doesn't have faith in. Would I be better off leaving it alone and letting him go when he's ready? I don't want to force it because then he'd hate it. While the bible says to teach your children the word, it doesn't say you can force them to believe. For me, I didn't fully believe until my twenties. During my conformation classes I hated it. I couldn't wait to get it over with. Is a child's mind mature enough to understand God? I should be clear. I'm a firm believer in one choosing their faith. Reason being, your heart has to be open to God in order to find him. So do I make him go or not? It's rather touchy with other family members. I really can't talk to them about it. They just assume he'll be there. On the other hand, DH doesn't care either way. We've honestly never really talked religion. I'm Irish Protestant, he's Italian Catholic....not the best conversation! LOL And the kids know they can go to either and they have. But DS12 comes home and says it's not real. Wouldn't it be insulting to God to make him go? I just don't know. Do I wait to he's ready? But when will that be? Should he choose his own path as an adult? I'm at a loss Meanwhile, the church keeps calling to schedule him and I'm not sure what to say?!
Two thoughts (sorry, I'm in a hurry). 1. Make it a firm rule that he is never EVER to question his little brother's faith in earshot. Seriously. He needs to learn to be a compassionate atheist. 2. Open dialogue about going through Confirmation classes in order to learn about the family faith. Make it clear that he is to be open-minded and respectful, but that he can ask any question he doesn't feel like they're answering. He doesn't need to be Confirmed (that wouldn't be right), but tell him the classes are not optional.
The Bible does say you need to train up your children. Just because he is in a confirmation class does not mean he has to go through with the confirmation ceremony, I personally would require my child to go to Church and religious classes(either at home or at the church). You can not force a child to accept but you can provide every opportunity for the Holy Spirit to touch him. If you say you do not have to go to me it is just like saying to him you are right this is not important. Encourage him to ask questions, maybe have some one on one sessions with the Pastor/Priest where he could really go into why he does not believe. The Pastor/Priest may even have some suggestions of books that he could read and you could talk about together.
I so agree with this. Hopefully he will not turn out to be an atheist but in any case he needs to learn to respect you as a parent teaching your children your beliefs. In saying these things to his brother he is contradicting YOU and I would not allow that. He can disagree with you, but to you not to his brother.
Is it just me or are more kids feeling this way??? I think my kids (and I have 4), only have two church going friends out of the whole neighborhood! Most of their friends only go if they're invited to a church function by somebody else. The general reason is because the parents both work or they work on Sundays. Every seems to have a 'home' religion, but no one around here actually practices their faith. When I was small, I recall the whole neighborhood leaving for church on Sundays. Boy how it's changed!
I agree! He has no right to push anything on DS7. I believe children need hope and faith. DS12 has been on and off depressed, mainly mood swings from his seizures. I have to wonder if that's where this is coming from. And DS7 is more emotionally strong. I believe he's my 'go getter'...nothing gets him down. He's rather amazing in his beliefs. I'm not sure what the deal is with DS12, but you're right. If he can't say anything positive, he shouldn't say anything at all regarding DS7's beliefs.
Is this really about belief, or is this 12 yr old-itis? When I had one that age, he would have questioned the color of the sky just because he could. He was adamant that I had no clue about anything and he knew it all. He very nearly caused me to sell him to gypsies. BUT, when it came to church attendence, it was non-negotiable. He went and there was no other choice. I feel like it is my responsibility as a mom to have my kids in church and they can choose not to go when they move out and pay their own bills. I feel like if you let him blow off church, you're sending the message that it's not that important to you, so why should it be to him? Is a child too young to understand God? Heck, adults don't understand God! We're just weak, flawed humans. But can a child understand love? of course. This is usually a childs first recognition of God, is through his parents love. If he's questioning even the existence of God, then he needs some help answering his questions. What are these classes for? will they help? if so, I would insist he attend.
