This boy is driving me bananas! Trying to get him into the actual 'book work' is like pulling teeth! During the Anatomy unit, no problem. I took anatomy and physiology in college and I was in the US Army in a medical unit, but now we're at the solar system, gases, carbons etc.. OK, so admittedly, I'm not an expert on all the gases in the solar system BUT I don't appreciate the attitude when I tell him 'hold on a sec..I'll look it up'. I know he's used to the teacher always knowing the answer, but in all fairness, I'm coming in at the end of the year. Then there's the fact that the teacher has an entire lesson plan laid out for her. We are using the textbooks to finish out the year and while I do have a schedule, it still requires me to 'brush up' prior to the lesson. But I'm literally cramming. Meaning I'm up at 4:30am when hubby leaves for work. It's my quiet time before all the kids wake up. I now use it to 'study' so that I can answer any questions he has about a chapter that day. What gulls me is the no appreciation for that. So today he had a few things he didn't understand. So I said 'hold on a sec...I'll look it up'. I had a little trouble because every answer seemed to need another answer to explain the previous one. So the whole time, he's tapping his fingers, pretending to snore, then he just walked out of the room to play a game. Then when I finally found the answer, he had totally forgotten what we were talking about! In his defense, Epilepsy does that (the forgetting...NOT the attitude)...however, he doesn't need to be rude. I wish he understood the HUGE sacrifices we make for him on a DAILY basis, yet I can't say anything because the last thing I want is for him to feel guilty about sacrifices we should be making, but seriously...would it kill him to just be nice??? I get that he's miserable, had a bad year & is battling a depression, but it would be nice if he could understand that as his mother I FEEL THAT TOO! And then I have my own baggage to deal with. It's been ages since college and I wish he'd give me some credit for that. 90% of the stuff you learn in school doesn't really apply to being a stay at home mom, so I'm 'rusty' but I'm not a moron! Clearly I need to set some ground rules here. And I'm not unreasonable. Yes I believe knowledge is power. And they know that any field they want to go into is fine with me. (Goodness knows my oldest 19 in college, has changed her major SOOOOOO many times) But I can't help them, if they don't help themselves. And sometimes it feels like I put more into then he does. Like he's waiting for me to make all the answers magically appear in his brain! It would also help if he had a better science book. This one doesn't feel like it's flowing. It's almost out of order. But for now, we might as well finish since he'll pretty much be done in April. Next year I need a 7th grade science book that 'flows' and has a study guide and planner with it.
What strikes me right away is that you're doing the learning instead of your son. Can you plan things so that he is the one who must find the answers - using the Internet or the library or asking friends or just thinking? I found that my children enjoyed lessons more when the onus was on them to learn - discovering for themselves rather than just having to listen or read. When I look back, I never forgot those things I discovered for myself - and it gave me a real sense of achievement.
I second Steve's response. When my kids have questions for me that I need to research, I ask them first if they googled it. If not, then we start searching together. I think it is important early on for them to see that we are actively interested in learning the answer as well. As they get older, they no longer need the encouragement to go the extra mile to research.
I will third making the research of unknowns an activity that he participates in. My ds (7) knows that if he asks a question, we sit down together and look it up. He will actually ask me if we can "google it". Cracks me up every time. You DON'T have to know all the answers or feel as you should. Make it very clear that you are happy to help him learn, but that even you do not know everything. Another thing I will do is to send ds on a mission while I figure something out. It gives him a minute to get some energy out and gives me time to figure out what I need to. Just make sure it has a goal so he does not bail on you. My guy is much younger, so it is a task such as run upstairs and build a Lego person (and bring it back to me, then after you show me, return it to your room), or go find "fill in the blank" and bring it back to me.
I agree with the others. Research is a good skill to learn. Make it a team effort. I have to admit, my first thought was "Make that kid get up at 4:30 with you and let him see what you go through!" I'm a little kidding, but seriously, I don't think kids fully appreciate what parents go through to get them raised. Once, when my 13 yr old accused me of sitting on the couch with a magazine all day, I immediately went on strike and played "role reversal". I DID sit on the couch and let him change diapers, make bottles, take out trash, pick up cheerios out of the carpet 47 times, make dinner, rock the baby, answer the phone, etc. That lasted about an hour before he said, Ok Mom, you win. I apologize". LOL That took care of that attitude!
HAHAHAHA:lol: Can I do that with DH too???? Yes, it feels like I'm doing the research. I asked him what he did at school when he didn't know something and his response was 'asked the teacher'. That right there may be the problem. He's in that habit. Which now has ME in that habit. So you're are all correct and I need to tell him to go look it up! I don't mind helping with stuff, but not when it's just teaching him laziness.
I totally agree. He needs to learn the skills to find out for himself. My (formerly home schooled) daughter recently told me that the most important thing I taught her was how to learn. Her professors have actually commented that their students have not learned how to learn and find answers for themselves. When my kids asked how to spell a word or what a word meant, I told them to use a dictionary. They always hated that, but it was an important skill that they needed to learn. Children need to take responsibility for their own learning. We are there to teach, support and guide them not spoon feed them. I know how it is when a child has learning challenges. Both of my grown kids have learning disabilities. My son has Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD. My daughter has ADHD. When I first started to home school, I took too much responsibility for their learning. As I began to have higher standards for them, they began to meet those expectations. My daughter earned a 4.0 (straight A's) her first semester in college despite her learning challenges. I am soooo proud of her. My son has made excellent grades so far as well (mostly A's). Set high standards, and you will find that he will rise to the challenge. Happy homeschooling, Susan
I'd put it a little differently: We are there to assist in the process of discovery. In many ways, the ability to research and find things out is more important than what we know. In life we forget things all the time, so what's important is knowing how to find the answer.
I love it! I did somethings similar to DH when he muttered something about what I did all day. The next day I was bed-ridden *cough-cough* with a 24 hour bug and he had to do everything (except my paid job and breastfeeding). :lol: Oh and I agree, being able to research the answers to his questions will be the most valuable life skill he can have. It'll set him up for independant life long learning. Also teach him that in your family you show politeness to each other and what it looks like and what happens when he isn't polite. I don't think there's anything wrong in telling your 13 y/o that his behaviour hurt your feelings. What'll happen in 5 or so years if he's rude to his uni teachers or boss? You're doing a great job! The first year is the hardest, your both finding your stride, what does and doesn't work for you both, as well as dealing with the aftermath of ps.
The biggest problem we had in PS was his IEP. They had it set up so the TEACHERS wrote his homework assignments in his agenda. They would literally hold his hand through the day. Funny how when we had NOT told the school about the Epilepsy which he's had since he was 5, he was a straight A student, no assists, no excuses. Then we made the mistake of telling the school and BAM! He suddenly has everyone doing everything for him. They moved him to special ed etc....Biggest mistake ever is when a school labels a child. We now know that all that did was breed laziness. Not to mention making him a target to the other kids. At home, I'm literally having to UNteach what they taught him. And reteach him how to be his own 'man' without me holding his hand.
I may be wrong on this - maybe others can correct or confirm - but I've heard it said that schools receive more money for special ed students than they do for regular students. If true, this would have given the school a financial incentive to label your son as special ed.
When I used to be a school social worker, we had this one kid. Over the course of his school career, he was re-evaluated and retested about 3 or 4 times, and every time he tested, he scored the same: Mildly Mentally Disabled (IQ 68). IQ, academics, adaptive behavior measures, everything he was tested on, came out the same: MMD. His mama never agreed with that diagnosis, saying he was the smartest child she had (it was true!), and she was NOT going to allow him to be put into special ed! He remained in mainstream classes the whole time, with about an hour of Resource Room help a day. He worked hard! His teachers let him do extra credit assignments. Sometimes he was allowed to do an oral exam instead of written. Sometimes he got extra time for completing tests. He also attended every tutoring class that was available after school, and on weekends he attended some other kind of tutoring class that was held at the local 2-year college (branch of LSU). Summers he spent at another program at that same college. The boy graduated with a regular diploma at the age of 19. He even was accepted and attended a semester of college at that same college. (Flunked out, but at least he had the college experience.)
