Our 11 yo son has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. He was diagnosed a few months ago. On the one hand we were happy because we have much more understanding on so many issues. On the other hand, it's still really hard, especially with school. I really don't have any questions at the moment. I'm just frustrated and in tears. I'm trying so hard. If anyone out there can relate and offer any advice it would be appreciated. So much of what I come across is for people with kids in school, and then it is so much more about the socializing. I just want to get through a day with doing his work completely. I've learned to ask the question "why" because his thought process is so different from mine. And even if I don't get the way he thinks, I try to understand it, and move on. So often though he doesn't do what is asked simply because he doesn't want to and there is no motivation in the world that is going to make him. Then I feel like it turns into a power struggle. Everything I've read has said this isn't a pride issue or rebellion, it's just the way they are. But I struggle with the thought of "in the real world you sometimes have to do what you don't want to do". How often do I not want to fix dinner. LOL!!!!! I want to be a good mom. I have so many mixed emotions. I know God doesn't make mistakes and Josh is a GREAT kid. I just want to figure out how....I don't know what. I just want to stop being frustrated. I'm sure he feels the same way. I wish I could just turn my emotions off.
((hugs)) I have a kid who we are sure is an aspie. We have talked with our family dr and decided we do not want a diagnosis, since it isn't "treatable" and he doesn't need special accommodations in a public school. He is very smart and does well academically, he just has easy meltdowns (esp when he doesn't want to do something) or if he feels pressured about something (like we tell him to clean his room and he feels it's overwhelming.. or if we raise our voices with him). I have learned with him that if we start math and he isn't into it at that moment, he will quickly go into meltdown mode. I have started looking for signs that this is happening (and really it's any subject or any aspect of life really), when I see these signs I have to put on the brakes. If I can catch it before he cracks we just take a tiny break or switch what we are doing (math instead of reading for example). If I miss the ques or he melts down really fast then I have to get him into his room for a cool down. This is not easy since when he melts down he is all over the floor often loud and completely disconnected (not hearing me) and so I try to raise my voice above him and that makes him break down even more. It's not even that I'm yelling at him, it just is a trigger for him. I have a friend who's aspie son is a challenge completely in every single aspect of life, so the ranges can vary greatly as to how they manage in their daily lives. Here is a good book, and I know there is another she told me about too, but the boy was grown, if I think of it I will list it too. http://www.amazon.com/Living-Your-Best-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1412919606,
I have don't have an Aspie but I do understand this statement And just wanted to say (((((hugs))))) :love:
My 12YO son was diagnosed spring 2011. He's gifted and that compensated for a long time for his deficits. I'm just starting to homeschool him now because he's unique and the public school is having trouble meeting his needs. The very first thing I would do is see if he's got any comorbid conditions.because that can mean a difference in the way design your approach. My son has severe anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, and it requires those around him to have a gentle touch. Aspergers kids have trouble regulating their emotions, which might account for his 'meltdowns.' I would try to help him initially, but he might just need some time to put himself together. I know it feels like he's in distress, but he's probably in a place where there is nothing you can do until he comes back into himself. It's analogous to a temper tantrum. Once a kid gets beyond a certain point, there's often nothing you can do to help him until he calms down. Just keep him safe and be available if/when he needs you. I would implement a reward system. My sons was tutored in reading a few years ago, and he really responded to her reward system. I plan on using hers as an example in my home. Most kids, even Aspergers kids, respond well to rewards. Aspergers kids vary in their abilities and deficits. It might be helpful if you identify those things. My sons are: emotional regulation issues, executive functioning issues, problems with critical thinking/higher order thinking skills, social and communications deficits. I am working to develop modification plans for each of those targets. Here's an easy example. For the social deficits, I plan on having my son have a certain number of play dates each month. For the communications issues, my plan is to ensure that my son makes eye contact when he speaks. If he's doing something, he sometimes will just ignore me. Now, I ask him to look at me when I am speaking to him. That way he can't ignore me and has to interact with me. If you identify what needs to be remediated, you can develop a plan to modify what needs to be improved. I hope that helps. I'm in the process of doing this, and I'm happy to share what I'm doing.
:lol:That's me too. We've chosen to not have Miss6 diagnosed. Some things that we've learnt about her and how to handle her... - Emotionally and behaviourally she's about three years old. We have set expectations of her but we've had to accept that she'll need prompting, possibly for years. - She finds her world incredibly frustrating and confusing and this is was the cause of her hair trigger tantrums that could last hours. We've had to learn that when she has a melt down the best thing we can do is lay her on her bed and leave her alone until it blows over. - She finds facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and figures of speech difficult to interpret so we have to explain to her and accept that we'll have re-explain it tomorrow, possibly for years. - She thinks a lot. She over-thinks a lot of the time. And she thinks more like an adult than a child. - She NEEDS time to just be. So we make sure there are quiet times built into the day despite how busy we are. - When she argues we say "Yes *whoever she's talking to*" and she repeats it and that usually ends the arguing. - Academically we expect her to do 30 minutes on each subject each day. After 30 minutes we move on to the next topic, after two topics we take a 30 minute break. If she's enjoying a subject she can work on it as long as she likes. - We can't control or change certain things so we've had to learn to get go and not let it affect us because us getting upset is only going to make things worse. - Keeping a diary can help you notice any progress or changes over time.
I also have an Aspie. I kinda have the opposite problem, though. If he doesn't do something, it's because he's forgetful (he's also ADD). Usually, he's so literal that if I ask him to do something, he'll do it EXACTLY as I said to do it... which isn't right. (Of course, I can't think of a situation to use as an example right now. LOL!) Socialization is an issue for us, yes. Also anger, frustration, perfectionism, hitting his head on things, beating himself up over the slightest screw-up as if it's the end of the world and he's the only kid on the planet not able to do xyz... etc. Yeah, it's tough. Just love, support, and let your kid know that he's perfect just the way he is. There isn't anything WRONG... there's just something DIFFERENT. That makes him unique and special! :love: Suggestions... look for Temple Grandin's book and also a book called "Asperkids".
Pat is an Aspie as well. With 1 in 84 kids diagnosed this way, you are never far away from people who underdtand exactly what you are going through. (((((((HUGS))))))))) Just work with em. Find out what they like and play it that way. Work has to appeal to them in some way, shape, or form. Give them lots of hugs and love. I don't know what you've done, but we've explained to Patryk about his autism. He understands that he thinks differently, and acts differently than other kids. This has drastically helped him understand himself, and helped others. One day we were in WalMart Checkout and Pat wanted to hold onto a bag of cheese (when he was addicted to cheese and actually allowed to eat it. He is now casein free, which totally helped), well of course we had to pay for it, and he got very upset and started to stem a bit and hum, clench his fists and so on. The teller girl, bless her, said that he didn't need to be upset and she'd give it back and little Pat said, "I HAVE AUTISM!!!!!!!" Just about loud enough for 2 checkouts on either side to hear! She apologized, but there was no need. lol Maybe explaining the child's differences can help him understand his strengths and weaknesses. Help him learn to help himself.
Thanks Thanks, Everyone. I'm feeling better today. I will check out the recommended books. We had a situation last night that initially I was frustrated about but just had to laugh. He had done a series of math questions incorrectly. They had to do with estimating. I wasn't sure if he knew what estimating was, so I asked him. He explained the whole thing to me and even worked out the first problem correctly. So then I asked why he didn't do them that way on his paper. He told me it was because he thought the answers needed to change amount in them. (It was dealing with estimating money amounts and adding them together). And asked him why he thought that if that was not what the book was asking him to do. He told me, again, he thought the answer needed to have the change in them. My hubby figured out that basically even though J knew what the book was asking and how to answer it, he simply figured his way was better. :lol: Yep, that is pretty much what I deal with on a regular basis. He is super intelligent. I learned a couple of years ago, he really doesn't want me teaching him. He simply wants me to give him the books and he'll learn it himself. Which, for the most part he does. We just struggle when he can't grasp that the way he is doing it is incorrect or the answers he has are not the ones that are being looked for. I think maybe I need to learn to laugh a bit more. Oh other curious thing is, we don't have meltdowns. We have shutdowns. The child psychologist told us that is probably because of being institutionalized the first 2 years of his life. But we have also read Aspies will shutdown when confronted. It's all interesting. I think I will start a journal. That was a great idea, Emjay. Thanks again, everyone. I appreciate the hugs and encouragement. Oh, how do you quote something. This is only the 2nd forum I've ever been on and don't know how to do much.
My Aspie likes to learn by himself, too. He learns much more when I hand him a book (if he's interested in it) than when I force-feed him (a.k.a. teach him like any other normal person would learn in a student/teacher situation... LOL!). When mine has "shut-downs", he says he needs to be alone for a while and walks away. Sometimes that gets him in trouble with dad (who still doesn't get the whole "Aspie" thing and wants ds to suck it up and be normal), but it works for me. After 5 to 30 minutes in his room, he's a completely different person. It works for him.
I don't really have any advice apart from what you've been given here, but just a word of encouragement. My aspie is 23 now, works full time, takes the occasional college class, is a gifted writer and free-lances for a local paper. All of these struggles, tears, questioning your methods, it will all pass and he will grow and mature and learn his own ways to cope. The socialization issue will likely resolve itself, but it may not be till he's much older. In our experience, adults are way more "forgiving" of the quirks that make kids uncomfortable around him. My son's co-workers and supervisors are much more accepting of the way his mind works. What is a liability in a social situation as a kid is much more an advantage in the grown up world. People like how he thinks outside the box. You have a long road ahead, but it does get easier. My ds is such a delight. He's funny, bright, and has come such a long way. Just wanted you to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel! (((hugs)))
