This is my 1st year of h.s. & my 1st post anywhere! I have done a lot of lurking on many forums for info & advice but have never asked for advice before. I h.s. my 7y/o daughter & 3 1/2 y/o son. My close friends send their kids to public/charter schools. While they support my choice as what's best for my family I don't always feel they understand. My problem right now is being asked to watch one or more of their kids when they have appointments or to drop off/pick up their kids. My daughter (Hannah) needs somewhat quiet to work so "babysitting" means we skip school til the friends are gone. Or we need to stop lessons to be at school on time or start late to get one to school on time. I am not against helping my friends out-they have helped me out many times. I like not being on a school time schedule & I appreciate what we've got when I'm stuck in a parent drop-off or pick-up line but part of me resents doing favors that conflict with teaching time. While we are flexible we do try to teach in the morning and & little after lunch if need be. I don't want my friends to think I'll never do favors-that's not the case. These are friends I know I can count on more than my blood relatives but I don't want this to be regular favors. Since this is my 1st year I'm still trying to find what works best & I feel overwhelmed at times & I know these are things they cannot understand. I just wonder if anyone has dealt with anything like this?
Hi Kathy and welcome. I have a few people that do this to me as well. One is my SIL who seems to think that homeschooling means....NO schooling! She calls all the time wanting to go to lunch, or to drop her kids off for an hour to go to the grocery, etc. Sometimes she is just bored and wants to come over and visit. We have a really good relationship, so I finally had to tell her that our schooling has to come first. It is my responsibility to teach my kids and that dh and I have made this priority....period. She still calls from time to time, but I don't feel so guilty saying no. And, sometimes, I do go with her or have her come over. Just not as often as she asks! If these are close friends, I would suggest just explaining that you would be happy to do that when you are able, but that homeschooling your kids comes first. They will "get" it in time. Good luck!
Kathy, Welcome! Please feel free to ask for advice any time!!! By the way, this is a great forum to be a part of! Yes, that does happen. People tend to think that "You aren't doing anything anyway, so you might as well do this for me!" Maybe not in those exact words, but in that idea! I think you need to tell them that you DO have school hours that you cannot interrupt for other things! You say you like to homeschool in the morning, then after lunch some, if needed. That's YOUR schedule. That's YOUR time with your children! Your friends need to learn to respect that, so I would let them know that though you don't mind helping out, it has interrupted your school time too much to do these things in the morning. It won't work to do that anymore. But if you don't mind helping them out some, you could say that you're done with schooling at 1 p.m. (for instance), and after that time you'd be willing to help if they need it!
Perhaps you can ask your friends to give you more notice when they need help. They probably know well ahead of time when they have a doctor's appointment, so it isn't fair of them to ask you that day. If you know in advance, you can schedule your day accordingly. If they understand that you DO have a schedule - just like they do! - then hopefully they will respect your boundaries better. Don't feel guilty about saying no if it doesn't work for you that day. They ran their errands and did everything they needed to without your help before you started homeschooling, and they can do it again now. In the meantime, while you are talking to them in regular conversation, don't spend a lot of time talking about how flexible your schedule is and how you have all sorts of extra time to do what you want to, cuz they are interpreting that to mean you don't have anything better to do!
Hello and welcome! I'm glad you dropped in! I agree with what has been said. I have come to the point of not answering my phone anymore. If my family needs me or there is an emergency, people have my cell #. I also have each person on a different ring tone so I know if I should answer or not. In my first two years of homeschooling, friends would drop by without calling and stay and talk and talk. I finally had to address the issue. They understood. I sometimes watch my sister's girls, but they are also homeschooled and it isn't on a regular basis. I think for those who do not homeschool, they do not understand that our children are in school during the day. It just happens to be at home. I hope you stick around and ask whatever questions you may have or just join us in our other conversations. Sometimes we just gab about everything under the sun. Patty
It doesn't happen to me much anymore since moving. But I do understand....where is the balance. I'm sure they are not consciously trying to take advantage of you. I would tell your friends that from X to X is school time and that you'd be happy to help them out any time but that. Or say, maybe once a week it can be done, but pick a day. Something like that. You're in AZ, so you don't have a lot of reporting and time tracking issues, but as a teacher I'm sure you want to make sure you're staying on track - if this is effecting your ability to do that, you need it to stop. I mean, they wouldn't volunteer to watch your kids while they were going to work? Dropping their kids off at school? Etc? Do you see what I mean? They have priorities....so do you. Make school time a non-negotiable (unless an ABSOLUTE emergency - they do happen, and I understand and support the desire to help your friends).
I had to insist that I couldn't do errands and stuff until after 1p.m. My poor mom is sad, because I'm her ride until my sister heals from a second surgery! We have to make school a priority, it's that easy.
I also had to do the same, I watch my sisters daughter but she is home schooled also and I have her 2 days a week and every other weekend. I have been watching her though since she was a baby.. Plus she comes after 1:00 which I am done with the younger ones by then and only have to work with the older two. It works great for us. But I have had neighbors call and I have had to turn them down, sometimes they understand and sometimes they think I have nothing else to do except lay around and eat bon-bons... Blessings
Thanks for your advice. It will be hard but I think I will have to explain the "flexibility" was a benefit to MY family and try to not let anything come in between our school hours. I like the AZ laws but I still hold myself accountable & we have lost a lot of days between our move, vacation,& grandparents visits-but those were good reasons to skip school! Thank you all again.
I have a similar problem with my dad and his wife. They seem to think that I am available to run errands, go to lunch and do whatever else at any time of the day! I have had to set some boundaries. Sounds like you are going to do that, too. It seems harder than it actually is and I'm sure they'll be respectful of your schedule. Good luck!
Being a daycare provider and a homeschooler...I have been asked plenty of times to babysit or do lunch during the day. I also get phone calls that are expected to last an eternity during "school hours" or "daycare hours". I was always insulted because I don't stay home for anyone else's kids. My time is important. My kids are doing actual school. Ok, so here is my solution. This solution I actually got from a hsing friend going through the same thing. I just plain do not answer my phone during school hours unless it was my dh or a daycare kid's mom (which I don't do daycare anymore so that is no longer a concern). If it is an emergency they will surely leave it on my machine where I will get back to them if the situation demands it...that does include babysitting. I also established "school hours" that could not be messed with. I am a flexible person...but there needs to be a time that is uninterrupted. My friend even had people asking her teen homeschool daughter to babysit during the day! Sometimes, my friend would allow that...but she did have to put her foot down. I think you just have to learn to say NO. Learn to say it in a nice way. When I asked to babysit at a bad time I say, " I am sorry, I cannot." Why would I have to say more than that? You can add if you want that you are available after 2pm, if you want. You first decide how often you are willing to help out and for how long. Then stick to that. Your time needs to be respected. Now, give them a bit of a break, though. They are only asking because they assume you are more flexiable. They may not be thinking, "gee she has nothing to do all day." They may be thinking that you can arrange things at your lesiure. Afterall, if they have asked and you said yes, then of course they will continue to ask. So, just set some boundaries. I am sure they will understand. Tell them that there are times during the day that conflict with your teaching schedule. Let them know that you maybe out on a field trip or at the library. Tell them that you are willing to do whatever you CAN do. I think they will understand that there are times where you cannot.
