I want to make one for my 3 yo, as we are going thru another testing phase. :evil: He is VERY strong willed and most forms of discipline do not work for him-- ie. spanking, time out, sitting in chair, taking away toys. Some things work some times and we will see some progress in his behavior then BAM-- right back to defiant, mouthy 3 year old. He is very verbal and very bright and I try to challenge him with things as much as possible to prevent him from getting too bored. I dont understand how some children can have parents that no NOTHING in child training or discipline and have obiendent/ complaint children and then some of us who are very consistent and work extremely hard at child training have non compliant children that just dont seem to get it!!!!! Anyway -- anyone have any experience with behavior charts? What worked what didnt? Jill
I had a boy just like that....well, I still have the boy, but he's a much more mature 9yo now. We tried everything, too. I did a behavior chart for a while. I was careful how I made it, though, because I didn't want to make it seem like the behavior was optional, know what I mean? So I listed attributes like "honesty, patience, kindness, etc." and he got a sticker when he displayed that character quality. We also set up goals and rewards....of course we started with something easily attainable to encourage him right off the bat. It worked for a time but he got bored with it, too. He is also very bright and strong-willed and he can only take the rewards we were offering so long before tiring of the whole thing. Later we decided that he needed to take more ownership of the whole process so I asked him what things he needed to work on. This method worked MUCH better. My little guy was able to identify his problem areas at that age (sounds like yours might be able to as well) so I would strongly encourage that method if you are able. I also started hearing about Love and Logic around that time and it saved myself and my kids alot of grief. I haven't been to their website lately, but it is www.loveandlogic.com I think. A quick rundown of Love and Logic is that the child is responsible for finding their own solutions to solve problems they have created. You can help with ideas if they totally draw a blank and then you ask the child about the possible outcomes of each (i.e. "well, you could throw a rock at them....what do you think will happen if you decide to do that?") Basically you just help them decide these things for themselves and they learn from the natural consequences of their actions. It also works for the tantrums or offensive behavior toward you. You let the child know what YOU are going to do as opposed to going for the immediate deman from them...."You are hurting my ears. I will listen to you when your voice sounds like mine." If they continue you hit 'em with "what did I say" (calmly) and you start to sound like a broken record, but it is extremely effective. Now all I have to do is use that phrase one time and the fuss is over with . Like I said, that was the QUICK rundown and they have so much more I can't even begin to do it justice. Hope this helps!
Thanks Brooke- I do the whole- "I cant hear you if you are whining or screaming" thing and it does work. Stops his crying almost instantly if it is not a "real" cry just him trying crying to see if it is going to work. He can identify some behaviors he needs to work on b/c when I pray with him at night and ask him what to pray about he always says "help me not to stomp my feet, help me not to whine, and help me to disobey." LOL it is kinda cute but I would never lead on... Well I am off to check out that website.
My kids are permitted to whine and fuss all they want, but it must be done in their room with the door closed. I usually ask my youngest one, "Are you fussing? If you are, you need to do it upstairs in your room." Or "If you want to fuss about it, that's fine with me. You may fuss all you want upstairs, because I don't want to hear it." That will often stop it. If not, I'm more direct. "You are not permitted to fuss downstairs. Go upstairs to your room NOW until you are finished." After a while, I'll hear, "CAN I COME DOWN NOW?" "Are you done with your fussing?"
:lol:....Jackie, that is EXACTLY what I do, too. I forgot to mention that part of Love and Logic is also to maintain your own sanity :lol:....that is the "logic" behind telling the child they can fuss all they want in their own room with the door shut so it doesn't create a problem for anyone else--including the momma!
Jill, these are the things I have done with my son and my preschoolers so far. The first thing we did was a good time bucket. I purchased (or you can make) some tickets from a local teacher supply store. They say "good time ticket" on them. Whenever the kids were caught being good, helped a friend, etc. they got a ticket to put in the bucket,. When the bucket reached the goal we had a pizza party. The thing we are doing right now is a chart. They each get a chart that is taped on the frig. They contain 30 boxes. When the boxes are filled with stars (the foil ones from the stores) they get to pick a prize out of the prize box. They get stars when they listen, or when they do something extra. I don't give them out everytime they listen, or else it becomes tetius, but I wait for "special" moments when they listen. I like rewards personally. Everyone likes incentive, even as adults don't we? But the chart isn't an instant reward which makes it better. THey have a goal to reach before they get something. I filled the prize box with VERY cheap toys like squishy spiders and snakes. Everything in there was maybe 25 cents a piece. Cheap entertainment with a lot of success so far. When they are bored with this, we are doing a money earning system. Each will get to earn play money (I emphasize PLAY money) and buy something with it at the end of the week (more cheap stuff).
http://www.preschoolprintables.com is a place you can go to print such a chart that you can put stickers on, they have other items as well.
