That's what you'll all call me after this post, lol. We have a nice nursery at church and good people who volunteer each week. I've left Jeanne with most of them, and would trust her with the ones who volunteered after she outgrew the nursery. There are a handful of parents who will not put their kids in the nursery during worship. Don't ask me why. All during the service we have gurgles, giggles, crying, etc. Parents jumping up to scamper out with a hungry, wailing baby. Put them in the nursery where they can play and move around in comfort. The nursery is never full, and in Jeannie's day she was often the only one. I think we have 2 regulars now. Today the sermon was interrupted by the squeals and giggles of a 1 1/2 year old- the pastor's wife was playing with her! Lol. I'm not the Big Bad Old Lady, but I wouldn't have kept Jeannie upstairs as a baby. How uninteresting for them to sit and be quiet. Plus, I think it would be unfair to those wanting to hear the sermon. Although the babies are cute to watch, those older folks are past baby days and deserve to hear the sermon we're there for. Okay.. unleash the tomatoes, lol!
OK! Here's an INCOMING!!! I respect your opinion, but I also disagree IF the kid isn't interrupting. To each his own!
I am on trying to figure out how i feel about this myself. My church doesn't allow kids under 9 in the service at all. My kids have always loved going to childrens church and so i never even realized this rule until now that i am about to have a baby and see no kids in church. It finally dawned on me and I asked. well, i refuse to put my newborn in a nursery. Having talked to the pastor I can totally see where he is coming from. First our service is on tv and radio, second we need to be considerate of others and not distract them. On the other hand I am still am unwilling to put a newborn into a nursery. I am praying about what God wants me to do. There are good points to each view point. God did say let the little children come to me. On the other hand spending so much time keeping children quiet makes paying attention to the sermon hard and also distracts others.
Jackie- it is disrupting, though. They aren't misbehaving, but they are loud as they laugh or make their little noises. Sometimes they are passed from mom to dad to grandma to grandpa in an attempt to keep them entertained. Lol- it's like the little one is doing The Wave! Sarah- let the little children come to Him in an environment that is made for them. Our nursery has Christian videos for toddlers, books, and other resources. The ladies are attentive and there's always a helper. My only bad experience with our nursery was due to a worker who did daycare for years. She thought she knew Jeannie better than I did, grabbed her out of my arms and shooed me out of the room. Jeannie cried the entire hour and I felt like a lump for not going back to get her. I never just duck out on her like some parents do, and that worker learned her lesson. I think the only time I wouldn't use the nursery is if only teens were on duty, and that happened at our church once. A worker didn't show up, so the director gathered 4 or 5 teens to cover. I heard it didn't go well, and they weren't allowed to do that again.
No tomatoes from here but I do have a very different perspective. Kids in our church pretty much sit through most of the service. They get passed around and there is babbling, crying, in and out, and everything in between. I think I've mentioned this before but we live in the inner city and our church is probably very different than what most here have experienced. LOL--In fact I have to be honest and say that when there are sirens and the occassional gun shot going on through the sermon. . .really a few babies is not that big of a deal! Sending your kids off to nursery would be seen as weird. We do have nursery for toddlers up to age 4 but our service is about 2 and a half hours long and they only go to nursery for the last half hour or so. Families here figure that since children are a blessing and that therefore listening to them babble their way through communion or a sermon is a reminder to all of us that the children in our church are the community's responsibility and that God has blessed us richly. I have to say for our own family (and mind you I have an 8yo, 6yo, 4yo and 2yo twins. . .when the twins were newborns I had 5 under the age of 6 in there!) my kids have really benefitted from the non-watered down discussion. I suppose that this really is a matter of personal preference. I'm telling you after 5 kids I can tune anything out! So no tomatoes and I don't even think you're a big meanie. I just thought some of you might like to hear the different cultural perspective that we have where we live. ;-)
Becky, no tomatoes here. I agree, the little ones should be in the nursery. The pastor has prepared all week for this one time he has to get the message across. If the babies are in the service, then he cannot do his job (the job the Lord had called him to do). Have you ever had the opportunity to talk in front of people and there is someone that is playing with a baby, very distracting. We have an area behind closed door, glass front for the mothers that want to be in the service with their baby. Of course it is always empty. This morning a young couple brought their 3 month old in the service - she was very good, of course they passed her back and forth down the row to the different family members, I could see them doing this and it was very distracting. Another thing, while we are on this topic, why do people have to leave the service for anything??? The ones that sit right up front, dead center and decide half way through the message that they have to leave, probably to go to the bathroom??? This is also distracting to others around and the preacher. Or come in late during a special music, they can't wait until the people are done - right in the middle of the song. If you have never been in front of people and seen this, you probably have never given it much thought, but it is very distracting. Sorry for the long post, I'll get off my soap box now.
I go to a small church...about 200 members. I think that maybe why this has not really been an issue. Since it is so small we are more aware of how distracting babies or small children are during the service. We have no rules against children in service. We do have a nursery and a toddler room. Most women who have newborns bring their babies in service for a few months. That has never been an issue. We also haven't had many interruptions with the kids...normally everyone uses the nursery and the toddler room. I do think that is best for everyone. So, you won't get tomatoes from me. If you do have to have your young child or baby in the service than you should remain in the back as to not disturb others or if you have to exit. In fact, if I run late to church on a Sunday night or Wednesday night I sit in the back myself as to not be a disruption. Normally I sit right up in front...makes it easier for me to focus. lol. That does remind me...once when we did go to a big church when my son was about 15 months or so.....my dh had the brillant idea of bringing him in the service. I am always against bringing my little ones in service as it is distracting to me and those around me. Anyway, my son started fussing. A greeter came up and quietly informed my dh that there was a toddler room for kids. LOL. He said it very respectfully. All I could think was..."did you have to get us in trouble!" lol. My dh did walk out of the service but did not return. NOt because he was offended but because my son was just not cooperating that day. One of those times when the kid just won't let you go. lol. At least I had those times with my little ones. I know some would be offended by a man saying that...but...I think he was justified. And he did say it very respectfully. Again, that is just me. I agree with Ohio G'ma and you Becky.
Nope, no sending kids off to be in nursery's here either. In fact the three churches we have been to over all these years, they don't have any. They believe families worship together as God does call all children to Him. Besides, why would I want them to be anywhere else.
I had never even HEARD of no children in a service until we visited one such church when my first dd was 6mo. I had NO idea that this church had this "rule". I was approached by 3 or 4 different people saying they have GREAT nursery facilities and I should take advantage of them. I NEVER leave my children with people other than family --so strangers were entirely out of the question. I was felt so very uncomfortable--breaking their "rule". So, these ideas are nice suggestions, but I think of how I felt--and I grew up in church (pastor's kid). Now I ask--how would a non-churched person who didn't want to leave their child with strangers feel in that situation? They would already feel out of place and then realize these policies exist that would make them feel even more ill-at ease. No tomatoes, but we as adults should be able to focus enough in a service to shut out a baby cooing or laughing as well as adults around us who cough or rumage through their purses for gum or mints(which is way more irritating).
I never put my kids in the nursery until they were at least 6 weeks old. My oldest never went to a nursery. My dh was serving as Min. of Music and the church didn't have one. He has never been a problem in church. My others have gone to nurseries some and to church with me some. Our current church has children's church up to 3rd grade, but it is certainly not required. We also have a "cry room" that is never used. I think it's important for kids to learn to sit and listen to the sermon. Family worship is great. I think adults should pay attention to the pastor and not those around them. Parents whose children are wailing and causing a huge disturbance should certainly remove them. It's really a matter of personal choice, but no one should ever be made to put a child in a nursery. If I was told I had to, I would leave. That wouldn't be the church for my family.
As an infant, I would always keep by little ones in for Praise and Worship, and sometimes take them out when the children left for Sunday School. It would depend on if I felt they were being disruptive or not. I do not believe in telling someone they MUST put their child, especially an infant, in the nursery. Children are the sound of LIFE, and I feel a church should welcome that. Of course, there are limits, and parents do need to be sensitive to those around them. I would remove a crying infant, or fighting toddlers, etc.
Eight years ago when my oldest child was a baby I would totally have agreed that children didn't belong in the Worship Service. Noah was always perfectly content to be in the nursery with whoever. My two year old on the other hand will have no part of being away from Mommy or Daddy. When she was around six weeks old we tried the nursery for the first time. As soon as we handed her over to the nursery worker, she began to scream. I totally expected this so I sat with her for a little while and let her get used to her surroundings. Nothing ever worked. I refuse to let my child scream for the full hour (which she has done). We still try to get her to stay occasionally and it just isn't for her. So, she sits with dh in the sound booth (he runs the sound at church) while I sit in the choir. Sometimes she makes noise and he takes her out. Most of the time we make sure that we have plenty of activities to keep her busy. If someone she knows really well is doing Children's Church that day she'll go and that works nicely.
I agree that no church should have rules against kids in services. My church does not care if you use the nursery or not. No one has been kicked out of service in the five years I have been there due to child behavior. Honestly, I don't mind cooing and laughing from a baby. I just always had babies that by the time they hit 5 months old were too loud for the service. I was distracted by own baby..lol. However, I also do not think a parent should ever feel like they have to leave their baby in the nursery if they are uncomfortable with that. If your baby screams in the nursery you should have the baby with you. When my baby cried in the nursery I kept her with me. I think it is up to the parent. As long as we are all respecting one another there should not be a problem. I don't think the majority of people care about a baby cooing or laughing really. That is not what I count as distraction.
.....suffer not the children to come unto me....... Just because you can trust the folks does not mean that the other parents can. Some parents might be doing attachment parenting and do not feel like "ferberizing" the kids by leaving them in the nursery. The world is a scary place, I can relate to not leaving ones kids with folks you hardly know. There are wierdos in churches also. The church I attend presently is in a not so great area, many attendees are from less than great situations. We get some folks who come in for a short while who have a variety of troubles, including criminal pasts. They in many ways are folks other churches would not like to see show up. Do they need ministered to, Yes, do I trust them with my little kids, NO. THe church is supposed to be pro-family so what if there is a baby gurgling etc. Would those parents trust you with those babies? Perhaps God is calling you to work in the nursery so you can minister to those families. LOL Perhaps there could be a "mothers and criers" room setup with a tv feed of the service and a speaker with sound from the church sound system. THis could possibly be done with only a little money and an old camcorder. Or sound only could be sent using a baby monitor in the church to send the sound to another room. THis would be helpful to nursing mothers and attachment parents alike and visitors. I am not suggesting that they be banished, but that mothers could come and go as needed with kids needing feed or who are gassy etc. Like another poster, our services run long and folks come and go as needed.
I can certainly see where people are coming from if they don't want distractions! But I agree with the ones who said kids SHOULD be in church, and the reasons they stated. We're in a small church also, 100 or less are there each week. We have always had kids in the service---it's part of family, part of life! Our pastor does a wonderful job with his sermons/talks with us, and often involves them in reading scriptures, or acting out parts, or working the computer while he does a Windows presentation! If I see a frazzled mother and/or father heading out the door with a fussy baby, I will offer to take the baby for them and let them sit and enjoy the service. It can be distracting, but it's so good for the kids to be in there and be included in the service! Our kids take up the offering....it's adorable, and people just keep giving to those cute little faces! We have them helping with song service, doing special musics, we have a childrens story, and we otherwise let them know that they are important parts of this church and very important to Jesus! It's what works for our family oriented church! However, I do agree that parents should be aware of others who are trying to hear the message, and take their kids out if they get too noisy or distracting. Speaking of distracting. Our church is small enough that we know well most of the members---so our little ones get passed from person to person, sometimes here and there throughout the church! :lol: In a way it's distracting, but it's great for the children to have the love of the congregation, and it gives the parents a break! Of course that's only with the people we know well! At any rate, I think it's good for the kids to learn to be quiet and respectful---to others and to God! It's great for them to learn it while they are small, so it's easier as they grow older not to demand attention for themselves, etc. Actually I never knew that some churches didn't allow kids in the church service until a few years ago! I grew up in churches where kids were always in the church with their families!
Our church is relatively big - not huge for Houston, but certainly bigger than any other church I've ever been to! There are about 500 people there every Sunday. We have Children's church during the sermon for infants through elementary school aged kids. The middle and high school kids to go church with the adults. And then during the Sunday school time, everyone has a class. The kids are divided by age/stage and the adults have a bunch of different ones to choose between. (Once the summer is over, we'll probably go back to having two services, but we are combined right now as we just started meeting at our brand new building last week. Yayy!) There are a few families who choose to keep their children with them throughout the whole service and then leave instead of going to Sunday school - and that's fine. I think they are missing out on a lot by not going to Sunday school and getting to know people much better than you can by just sitting in the big group, but that's what they want to do. We would never ever tell them they HAD to put their kids in Children Church. It is important for us to have a good Sunday school/Children's church program that doesn't water down the word of God, but instead presents it at the developmental stage the kids are ready for. As my pastor said, we want the families who come to feel "cared for and prepared for." (Sheesh.. I sound like a commercial!) Anyway... It works for us and my kids learn a lot there. Charles and I teach the 2 year old class during Sunday school, and we love it. But if you decided to come to our church and you wanted to keep your kids with you, you would still be welcome. (Which still sounds like a commercial... sorry about that!) :love:
I'm not talking about leaving your kids with total strangers, Vantage. The children I'm speaking of were born into the church, as were at least one of their parents. And as far as weirdos in church- at our church you must be a member for awhile to serve. I would hope other churches have the common sense to have some criteria for choosing workers.
I actually manage the nursery at our church during our second service (no, we're not a huge church, but we were outgrowing our smallish facilities). Anyway, I feel strongly that our nursery is a ministry, just like any other. It's there for those who need it and can benefit from it. Many of our preschool kids are back there because their mom and/or dad does something during church and can't care for the child at the same time. A number of them use it because they believe their child gains more from being back there than they would by being in church. That said, our church doesn't require people to use the nursery--- it's there if people want to use it and are comfortable doing so. We're also converting a room at the back of the church into a 'crying room' for parents who aren't comfortable using the nursery. It'll have a large window that looks out into the sanctuary and will have speakers in it to pipe in the service. It's primarily for parents of small infants who might cry, need to be nursed, etc. I don't think any more or less of any parent for choosing what they do as far as church goes. I don't think of someone as superior if they take their infants/preschoolers into church with them and I don't think of someone as superior if they use the nursery. It's just what works for a family. It's not my place to look down on someone for any decision they make regarding their child unless they're physically or emotionally abusing them. I would prefer that people be considerate of others around them, and some parents get into a habit of tuning out their kids and so assume everyone else should as well. I like that the majority of our preschool parents who take their kids into church sit at the back so they can be less visually distracting. I personally have been working my 4 and 5 year olds into church and out of the nursery. I've bought a number of Christian coloring books and have brought a baggie filled with crayons and markers to help keep them occupied. We go to early service (far fewer people) and we sit off to the side toward the back. When we come in, there's usually an empty pew in front and behind---- I figure anyone who sits in them brings whatever irritations they end up experiencing as a result of my kids are their own fault! LOL In short, I think the goal of anyone in church---with or without kids--- is to consider that peope are there to worship God and to hear a message from the Word. If there's a chance you might be a distraction (because of children, an annoying cough, too much perfume, etc.), then consider where you're sitting and if you might need to move to another area or simply excuse yourself for a time. I love our nursery and its workers, and I think churches that can offer children's church for older ones are great, too. It's all about trying to meet the needs of as many people as possible. Then, it's up to the individuals themselves to decide if they 'need' it or not.
I agree with a lot that has been said, we do have a crying room, with speakers and a large window. Our sanctuary is not large and you can see the pastor with no problem. The problem is nobody uses it. Another thing is all of our children's church workers, teachers and helpers have been background checked and interviewed by the pastor and children's church superintendent. I know that if you are new and do not feel comfortable leaving your children with strangers, that is ok to bring them into the crying room. Babies are so cute and they do such cute things, sometimes people are looking at the baby and not paying attention to what the pastor is teaching. Another thing, children need to hear the gospel on their level. That is what the children workers are for - to teach the little ones the Word of God. This has been a very good topic and I have enjoyed reading all the comments and I can say, I understand more now than when I first commented on the subject. I love the children and enjoy teaching them. I just love to see their faces when they see me coming down the hall and give me a great big hug.
Becky, we have a handful of ones who do not either. For the most part they sit in back where they can run out to the hallway if their child starts crying or needs to be fed. That doesn't bother me, as long as they are making sure people are not being bothered by it. However, it would bother me if they DIDN'T take them out into the foyer when they were being loud. That to me, is just common courtesy. Who can concentrate on a sermon when you hear a screaming, crying, or even a loud happy baby in the service? That to me, is just as bad as those who leave their cell phones on during service. Or, just as bad as two people gabbing and talking in the middle of service. Some people have a hard time concentrating when they hear other random noises around them..including me! Not everyone can tune things out easily. I have had that issue my whole life esp. in school. And that's any noise...happy, sad, crying, talking. It's just plain rude. We use to keep Aiden with us, and Tanner when he was very small as a baby. But, they were always sleeping and quiet as newborns. This last week I decided to start taking Aiden into the nursery. Main reason being because I can't understand how someone can learn and concentrate on a sermon when they are trying to tend to a baby. I get nothing out of the sermon personally when I am trying to keep him quiet. I like to be able to keep my full attention no what the pastor is saying. IMO, I want my kids to be in their room (not just as a baby) because that is where they will get the most attention and learn more. My 5 year old will not get as much out of sitting with us as he will being in his Sunday school classroom where things are taught down to his level. And with Aiden, he can laugh and have fun and coo all he wants, and not at other people's expense. Just my two cents. ETA: as far as children in general being in service, as long as they are quiet and sit still then it doesn't bother me. Why should it? They're quiet and not my children. However, I will always want my children to be where I think they will learn best, and that is in their classrooms. If the kids who are in service are being loud and disruptive, then I would expect the parents to remove their children promptly. If they are continuously disruptive in a regular basis, I would hope they would have the common sense to see that it's not working out and start utilizing the rooms.
