We lost our house 3 years ago when we refinanced because of a crooked finance company. We built all our outstanding debt into the refinancing amount, the company was supposed to pay it off as a guarantee for the loan originator. Instead they used the wording of the contract to keep the money, on top of the loan origination fees and their other charges. A little over $20,000. And no, we couldn't do much. An attorney wouldn't touch it without money upfront. We didn't have any. My DS had severe issues at school and it had a dominoe effect. I lost my job and am now homeschooling him. Because of this we are now living on one income, my DH's. It has been quite a wake up call. We live day to day. I have no health insurance, and we don't have much variety with our meals. I can now see just how much money was wasted when I was working. I love my DH to tears, but I also get frustrated by him to tears. I joke that he is a "Spendaholic", but it's not really a laughing matter. I think over-all what is happening is a good thing. I could probably get a part-time job at this point, but I feel that he would still spend it as fast as I bring it in. He is starting to realize what he has been doing. Maybe with a little more time the new way we live will become habit. I truly hope so. I don't feel comfortable having no savings or retirement. This is my second marriage and we have been together for almost 14 years. It has been this way the entire time. Before he came into my life I managed fine as a single mom of 3. Even managed to save money each year and had a small retirement account. Emptied the account to buy our first house together, and with my DH's habits have never gotten anything back. It's now just 3 of us. My older 3 children are grown and on their own, we have DS together who is 13. I am sad. I love him dearly. But this is not the only issue in our marriage. He is controlling and jealous. I don't go anywhere, see anyone (even my friends), or do much for myself in material things. No matter how much I give in and give up (items), he always seems to want more and complain about what I do have. Sigh. I don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to live like this the rest of my life. I am setting up my own business. Have tried this in the past and he sabotages it. I am bulldozing ahead this time. Doing it online. Studying to build an online store by myself now. (Blindly, lol.) If I start getting money in and things go back to the way it was before, it is over. Ok, done ranting. Not much you all can do for me, but thanks for listening. If you have any advice on building an internet site I am more than happy for the help. It's for selling the hats I posted on here a while back. I will be posting pictures soon of my new ones. I am busily crocheting new ones and building up stock. I think I have a quality product and hope to do decent at this.
If you have any control over the design, I suggest getting The Non-Designer's Web Book and the Non-Designer's Design book. Most libraries have them or can get them through interlibrary loan. The web books talks just briefly about HTML, but it's mostly about visual appeal. And I DO suggest reading both. The Design book has a lot more information than the Web Book (though the Web Book is specific to websites). Most people won't spend more than 30 seconds on a site that either looks bad, is confusing, or is just too simple-looking.
(((hugs and prayers))) God can bring beauty from ashes. Praying for your Dh, too. I know what it is like to spend years trapped like that. Now that the Lord has completely changed my Dh, I still have a hard time turning my heart toward him or I get really, really upset when I see a little red flag that reminds me of how things used to be. Things can change and I pray they do. I'm anxious to see your hats, too!
Thank you both. I will check at the library tomorrow to see if they have them. If not I will get them put on a call list. They will notify me as soon as they come in. The appearance of the site is the reason I haven't done the free set ups yet. I am leary of them. If anyone has a recommendation for one the these sites that allow for a little creativity on my behalf I would appreciate it. Right now I am concentrating on getting the business going and setting up a future for myself and DS. DH is going to have to take a back seat. I have made him a priority for over 14 years and am now in a hole financially, isolated from my friends and most of my family, and have had to build my anger up a little to be able to do something like this for myself. I won't do anything purposely to damage what is left of our relationship. I simply have to fix myself.
Good for you! I am proud of you. YOU need this, if not for anything but you. Just because we are married doesn't mean we have to drop ourselves and no longer be strong independent women. We can do both and if that means you need to be the priority now then so be it.
I think you are doing what is right. I'm glad that you are realizing it! I waited 25 years and by then it was too late because my dh was too much of a controller. The anger just escalated. You are approaching this in a very mature, balanced way. God BLess!
The "Proverbs 31" woman is described as having several different businesses going, while her husband -- he's "busy" sitting in the city gates talking with his "good ol' boys"! Never says what if anything he does for a living.... You go, girl!
Thank you all for reading my rant in the first place. I thank you the most for the supportive words. It's so easy to second guess what I plan and fall back in the old patterns. I just know this is poisonous for me and also for our relationship. My friends have listened to me with my frustration so long. The ones that are still around tend to tune me out. I think they figure it will be the same old same old, kwim? So I haven't reached out. Feels like I am getting shot down by them as well, and I know they don't mean it that way. Hope to have a new post this afternoon. More upbeat and with photos of my little beauties! I love making these hats!!!!
I didn't have batteries for my camera. Apparently the remote control on DS's TV needed them, lol. Ran out today and will get things set up tomorrow. Look for the hats in the afternoon. Sooner if I can get them done.
Girl don't you worry about Ranting that is what we are here for. Sometimes life is not all what it made out to be. Sometimes we have a few rocks we need to move out of the road to get where we want to go and sometimes it takes some talking to others to help us pick up that rock and move it. We are here for your girl. I know one thing I do think you are a very strong women to put up with that long. I don't think I could of. Yes, maybe 20 years ago I would of but not now. I have grown and decide life is just to short to keep my underwear in a bundle all the time. So, once in a while I like to straight those babies out. Good luck what ever you decide to do and remember we are here for you.
