Hoping this is the right place to post this topic. Seems relevant to House and Home. Due to hubby's work schedule, we seldom have family meals together; but when we do, they are extremely volatile. I give my kids small portions of everything on their plates (with a few exceptions for the child with food sensitivities). They are expected to sample everything, but do not have to clean their plates. If they want more after the initial serving, I am happy to oblige. Hubby serves up large servings (more than I can eat) and expects the kids to eat it all. DS7 has a very picky palate and completely shuts down when faced with so much food. He cries through every bite and even gags/vomits sometimes. I stand up for my kids and have informed husband that one bite of each item is all that is required. It then turns into him yelling at me that I'm coddling the kids and wasting food. Of course, he doesn't seem to realize that if he didn't give them so much, it wouldn't be wasted. My husband was raised the same way - big plates/eat it all - and weighs over 300 pounds. His mother is even more. While I have some excess weight (25 lbs), it is nothing more than having three kids and not exercising like I should. So now he is saying if I can find three "valid studies" (his words) that prove that forcing kids to eat is unhealthy, he'll let up on them and me. Part of me is angry enough with having an assignment to not even do the research; but another part of me knows that I'm right and just wants him to ease up on the kids at meal time. So if anyone can point me in the right direction to prove my point, I would appreciate it. Thanks
http://www.recipestoday.com/articles/your-children/the-clean-plate-club-814/ http://www.hindustantimes.com/Forci...urn-them-into-overeaters/Article1-387338.aspx http://www.philly.com/dailynews/fea...s_to_clean_plate_is_an_invite_to_obesity.html http://www.physorg.com/news142785053.html Here's a question: If you fix a plate for your DH with far more food than he is capable of eating, will he eat it all? Or will he stop himself when he's so full he's sick? A child's stomach is no bigger than their fist. That doesn't allow for much food. If he really doesn't want the food to go to waste, then why not cover the plate once the child is done and put it in the fridge? That way it's not wasted, it can be served again, but the child is not forced to gorge themselves. Remember, gluttony is a sin just as much as lying. Don't allow him to force your children into a sinful lifestyle.
Here is some info on how much food a child needs http://chfs.ky.gov/NR/rdonlyres/F50229C7-1E12-4C5C-8B28-30B8EC19B78A/0/0foodservings.pdf here is a study about cleaning their plate:http://www.physorg.com/news142785053.html and another: http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/1989/10/10-11-89tdc/10-11-89dnews-09.asp hope that helps
Thanks, ladies, so much for the info and leg work. It is much appreciated. Amie, thank you also for reminding me that gluttony is also a sin. That sin is too easily forgotten.
My dad made us do the same thing. It wasn't until all of us kids were adults--and morbidly obese--that we were able to see that we did not HAVE to finish what we had on our plates. We were all around 20yo at the time. We were sitting at Taco Bell and complaining about how stuffed we were, yet we kept on trying to force food down because we had ordered it. Suddenly, my brother who was in school to be a psychologist at the time looked at his food and said, "This is ridiculous!" He stood up and threw his food away. My other brother and I looked at each other in agreement and followed suit. We had been brainwashed our entire lives to think that not eating it was wasting it. By all means, pray over this, that the Lord would change your dh's mind and heart on this issue. If he has not had his "ah-ha" moment yet after being raised that way himself, he needs to have it soon. Your kids' eating patterns and lifelong health will depend on it. Also, along with the studies, get a statement from your kids' pediatrician. Or better yet, have dh go in to their next appointment and intentionally bring up the eating patterns.
I was raised to clean my plate, too. And although we should certainly teach our children not to be wasteful, filling their plates and forcing them to eat all of it isn't the way to do it. We do small potions with seconds if wanted to avoid that whole senario. Even with small portions, I never force my children to eat everything if they say they are full. Being at my parents house is hard, because my mom gets downright mad if the kids leave something on their plates. When we are there, I make sure I only give my kids small portions of things I know they like.
Praying for dinner time peace! Ouch! What a yucky way to spend those few dinners you do have together. Hope DH will ease up a bit and things can settle down soon!
I also know you can get free stuf from dole5 a day http://www.superkidsnutrition.com/nutrition_resources/nc_dole5aday.php
Another tip (in case he doesn't like your resources or find them "valid" enough) try to make only things they like for dinner on the nights dad is home. And make sure you make everyone's plates before dad gets the chance (send him to the store right before dinner for that finishing touch ingredient or to take out the trash or whatever) Serve things that control their own portion like hot dogs or hamburgers or baked potatoes or a bowl of soup or a hot sandwich like grilled ham and cheese or panini. Or suggest the kids make their own plate to learn about serving size (and maybe talk to them before hand about how much to get since dad is a clean plate nazi) I was raise by a clean plate nazi and I'm 33 and to this day have issues with food I'm working on.
Just a quick follow-up thank you for the additional links and suggestions. I will use them all as appropriate. At this time, it's become a mute point as he is now throwing around the divorce option. Ironically right after we started counseling. It's back to pure survival mode for the kids and I.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear things have taken a tough turn. I really hope he is able to stick it out and take the counseling seriously. It really is worth it, when you make it through to the other side. We'll be praying for you!
So sorry your family is going through this. We are here for you, to pray you through to the other side of this conflict and to the marriage that God designed for you. (((hugs)))
ClarasKids, nobody wants divorce, but sometimes its the best for the situation. Nobody wants to feel controlled or out spoken over how you raise and teach your kids. Stay strong. Your trying your best and therefore you can't be found at fault for not making things work.
Oh Men! Got to love them boys. They are something, always have to have proof. you are do the right thing. Arm him with everything and let him know its not good for those babies. They will have trouble all there life's if it don't stop now. I know I do because we were told we had to eat everything too.
