I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here, but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. I've been homeschooling my 7 year old son, about to finish 1st grade, from the beginning. The only school environment he's been in was 9 weeks of co-op last year. Since he's never gone to school, I can't figure out if the issues he has comes from that or something else. I know he has problems, but haven't been able to get a doctor to listen to me yet. I am going to insist he get evaluated this year to hopefully figure out how to help him better. The main problems we have are with him in group settings. He can not seem to understand directions if they are given to a group, like when we are at cub scouts. I usually have to repeat what the den leader says to him one on one for him to know what to do. Even at the end of co-op, he still stood around not knowing where to go for his first class until someone directed him to it. Tonight at cub scouts they were having the whole pack do kickball. He got upset when the teams switched sides because he thought everyone was supposed to kick the ball first. The other kids were yelling at him to go out in the field and he was just standing there. I had to go get him, with him teary eyed, and then he didn't want to play anymore when I tried to explain. He does great with other kids one on one or in small groups, but in anything bigger than 3 or 4 kids he seems lost and usually just plays by himself. He has other issues besides this, but right now this is my main concern. I just wonder if I messed up keeping him home. He's doing great with schoolwork and he learns things really quickly, especially when it interests him. When I think of him going to school, I imagine him walking the halls with no clue where to go or dazing out in class with no idea what the teacher is saying. Sorry for rambling so much and for not really having a question. I guess I'm hoping that someone can say been there, done that. I have a 3 1/2 year old also, if that makes any difference. The boys could not be any different from each other, but they usually get along great.
You know-if a homeschooler is an introvert, they blame it on homeschooling. If they have social anxiety, they blame it on the fact that they were homeschooled. But the fact is, some people are just less outgoing than others. Some people just don't do well in large groups or crowds. Some people do. Honestly, just the fact that he doesn't follow directions well in a larger group at the age of 7, doesn't sound a like real concern to me. He's 7. Not to say you shouldn't be concerned for your son, I don't know him or what other issues he has. But that alone, just doesn't seem like a real issue. If he's not in a big group much, so it might simply overwhelm him. He might just be distracted. Also keep in mind the average 7 year old attention span in like 15-20 minutes. In a large group of cub scouts, it's less! LOL Because they distract each other! (been there, done that!) What other issues is he having? What type of evaluation do you want to get? (off topic, where in GA are you? I'm between Athens and Gainsville)
I'm not sure how helpful I'll be but here's my input. I personally have sensory issues. Not... horrid, and they don't affect me generally. But in groups I feel REALLY overwhelmed and feel like my head is wrapped in cotton. I have a hard time if there are too many people and too much noise. My ds also has a similar issue, although his is a bit different. If there are too many kids, too much going on, he'll sort of get.... wild eyed. I have to physically touch him to get him to focus on me. Being in a school setting neither helped nor hindered him, and it didn't help (but did eventually hinder) me. I didn't have ds evalutated, since it has chilled as he gets older, and he can focus much better. (((hugs))) Your poor ds! I've been in those situations. Not fun.
We're in the process of getting my son evaluated for SPD right now (sensory processing disorder) and you're right about the touching them to get their attention, it works wonders, doesn't it!?!?!
SimplySonita- Thanks for the input. I am introverted myself, so I totally understand how some people just don't like large crowds. I wasn't trying to blame the behavior on homeschooling, just wondering if not being in many group situations could be a contributing factor. I don't really know how to explain his behavior properly. He just stands there looking confused or starts fidgeting with something if he's sitting at the table until he gets one on one directions. I have never seen him follow group directions on his own. It's like he doesn't even hear them talking. He had delayed speech, so he's had his hearing checked and it's great. He has sensory issues, no buttons, no tags, no jeans, nothing too tight or loose (which is really hard to figure out with him). When he puts on his belt, he makes it super tight, looks painful to me. He has to put on his shoes a certain way and doesn't like the tongue. He gets irritated by loud sounds. He's an extremely picky eater. Mostly comes down to texture. He has night terrors. Not sure if this has anything to do with anything, but he was also a late talker. He was pretty much silent before he started getting speech therapy at 2 1/2 and then picked up words really quickly after that. The problem was I was the only one who could understand him. He started talking well at 5 after more speech therapy. I've been hesitant to really pursue any evaluations, but at this point, I need to understand what is going on with him. I don't know what evaluations, but I'm going to talk about the issues with the doctor and go from there. It's hard to explain it all, but I've been around a lot of kids, so I know something is up, even if I can't pinpoint it. The other kids are starting to notice it and it affects the way they treat him. I don't want to change him, just understand and help him fit in a little better. Btw, we're near Macon. Meghan- He definitely has sensory issues, as I described above. Touching helps a lot with him too. Thanks for telling me about yourself and your son. I wonder if it could just be sensory issues at the root of all this.
Kat, I think you are probably doing the best thing for him. Homeschooling has been very beneficial to my introverts because they need time at home to recharge and they are able to cope better when they are in group settings because they have enough down time. Some of the things you're mentioning probably mean that he is so sensitive that he probably really does not notice that somebody is talking. He is hearing his own thoughts and feelings louder than the people around him. I think having him in Scouts is probably very beneficial even if it seems frustrating. I'm curious, does he know you're there and will step in? What does he do if you're not there? My daughter has had some less intense sensory issues and even at 11 is still more comfortable with me nearby or at least in the building. I think you are doing the right thing and that if he's like my daughter, he is more secure because you are there backing him up.
I'm certainly no expert, but I've learned to say, "I'm feeling overstimulated!" I taught my ds to take himself somewhere quiet when he starts feeling that way as well. Of course, none of that helps during Christmas shopping season :roll: but for day-to-day life, just knowing it is happening and being in tune with that makes a world of difference. It also helped when my ds was younger- it wasn't that he was ignoring us. He actually COULDN'T HEAR. I had to remind my husband from time to time that it honestly wasn't disobedience when ds didn't respond. As I said, though, ds has gotten much better. I generally just manage mine- too many situations similar to your poor ds at kickball left me with Social Anxiety, which is much harder for me to manage.
Onabeach- Thanks for the encouragement. He enjoys scouts most of the time. Being with his is a requirement for Tiger Cubs, so I'm always in the room with him and we go as a family on the outings. Next year, parents aren't allowed, so we'll see how that goes. When he was in co-op and I wasn't there, he had other parents to lead him around and there were parent helpers in the room to explain things to him. I think for the most part I've adapted to the way he is. We listen to instructions, I give him a minute to see if he does anything, and then I tell him the instructions again. I don't think about it, except in situations like at the kickball game, where I wasn't right by his side and there were way too many kids for anyone to notice him just standing there. Then I've got to wonder if I have helped him too much. Mehgan- It's funny that you say that, because I have to tell my dh something just like that. I say unless ds is looking at you, he probably is not hearing what you're saying. My dh is the same way though. If he's doing anything else, he will not hear me unless I say his name first and make sure he's paying attention.
Although my ds's sensory issues were evaluated, he was not found to have SPD. He just didn't like anything loud, tight, scratchy, smelly, bright, mushy, etc. He does, however have Tourette's Syrdrome (completely separate issue, I know). I only brought it up to say that I'd encourage you to talk to your doctor about your ds. For my son, knowing that his tics were TS and NOT anything he could control gave him and others a reason to look at his differences in a more subjective light. He could then separate himself from his TS and process the things he needed to do for himself to cope with the tics. How Meghan described her perspective of her own sensory issues, my ds looks at his TS the same way. This is what my body is doing and this is what I do in order to work with it rather than against it. Hope this helps.
You could have him checked for an auditory processing disorder. An audiologist would do that. Kids with APD have normal hearing, but they don't process what they're hearing correctly. It causes them to have delayed speech and to be easily distracted [since they're relying on their vision]. They also have a big difficulty following directions [made worse in larger settings because they are bombarded with a bazillion noises and can't filter out the one they need]. It may not be this at all, but it's an easy enough thing to check for through an audiologist. You do need to specify that you are wanting to look for APD and not just get a hearing exam.
Just wanted to add that it sounds like my kid. He is overwhelmed by loud groups and gets upset and flustered. He does soooooo much better in a one on one or small group. And yet he is quite outgoing and gregarious. Almost two people in one :} I am interested in APD sounds like me. I will have to research thanks for sharing that.
Just off the wall here but maybe ask one of the parents or troup leaders to assign a friend to him to help him learn the ropes, that way he wont feel out of place as well as when this type of situation comes up the friend can say O!H look our team is out! LEts run, or something that will connect the change. I agree with those who are saying home schooling did not in anyway cause this! I think if he does have the issues mentioned, and if its big time then maybe he would have been worse in ps. My oldest used to have issues with things on his skin, it irritated it though, tags had to be pulled as soon as we got them but I never thought of it as a sensory issue. Just that his skin was sensitive to this sort of thing. I think sometimes we are quick to name something as if thats going to 'fix it'. Why not just work with him on the issues at hand and explain before hand the rules of the game etc. Teach him to play kick ball in PE ! You know just cause it is one child classroom does not mean we can't play games and teach them the rules of a game. cheer up!
I agree! I know we want to be there and guide our kids every step of the way, but part of that is letting the kids figure out how to deal on their own and letting other people show compassion. My oldest processes information different. When he was very small, sometimes he would freeze b/c he was scared he would make a mistake. He went to PS and I walked him to school everyday and took him to the classroom while pushing both brothers in a stroller. One day my 2nd was ill and I couldn't take him in. I had to leave my DS outside the school (crying.) It broke my heart! It turns out an older child helped him to his classroom and once there he calmed down. His teacher told me it was a huge turning point for him. After that he had at least some confidence that he could do things even if they were new or different or if I wasn't there. (Where before she had to guide him more.) Now I'm not suggesting PS is a good thing for your ds. However sometimes as parents we hold on too tight and forget that our children need to make mistakes.
I dont have any words of wisdom because the other ladies seem to have hit on many good points. I wasnt hs'd but when I was younger I would get overwhelmed in large groups especially if I felt the spotlight was on me. Now I thrive on large groups and he center of attention, afterall, I should because I am a substitute teacher at the local ps's. Hang in there, huggs!
My son had a hard time in public school with paying attention. He did well when he went to tutoring for math, because it was a smaller group. He is doing fairly well in homeshool, but I think he would be doing better if I hadn't ever put him in private/public school (but I didn't even think of homeschooling back them). I can concentrate in large groups, but I do experience a level of discomfort at times. I also have a hard time with loud noises-I feel assaulted by all the unecessary noise around me in certain places. I don't even like the noise associated with putting away certain dishes-there is almost an echo effect when I put the plates together. I think God must give me a special way of dealing with my church, because it is quite loud-I have thought about wearing ear plugs (partly serious). I constantly adjust the volume on the TV when the air comes on I go up a little, when the air cuts off-back down and I adjust for commercials. I have also left a room when someone else insists on watching the TV way too loud. It seems that men in general like a movie theater experience when watching TV.
Thank you everyone for all of your words of wisdom. I think I just really needed to talk this out with someone. I have been watching and waiting for a while now, so I really feel the need to pursue this and find out answers. I like the buddy idea, Teachermom, and will definitely look into that for next year. Cub Scouts is almost over for the year. Shelley- I read about that when ds was having the speech problems. Thanks for reminding me of it again. Also, I think I worded the homeschool connection wrong. I don't think homeschooling caused his problems. He's never been good at listening to group instructions. I guess I was wondering if not being in many group activities could have made it worse, but maybe what it did was just make it clearer now that he is in more group activities. I know that each thing by itself is probably just a small thing, but when it adds up to a kid I can barely get dress, who hardly eats anything, who has a hard time making friends, not for lack of trying, and stands out like a sore thumb in a crowd, it gets a little stressful sometimes. Thanks again everyone.
Lol! I agree with that. One thing my ds doesn't mind loud is the tv and video games. He says it sounds better. Anything else and he's covering his ears, saying it bothers him. It's nice to hear from adults who have gone through and are going through similar things to him. Thank you.
You may want to read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I think it does a great job expressing the differences between introverts and extroverts. It gives you tips on how to deal with each personality. It made a huge difference in the way I dealt with my "Spirited" child. (#2). I'm a more of a put down the book and love the child type, but this one is great and offers support.
This is an absolutely fantastic book! It taught me a lot about my son and a lot about myself as well. I even credit that book for giving me a better marriage :lol:
