I just had a baby a month ago and I have two older children who are 6 and 5. Things are finally settling into some sort of routine. We started school again last week after a three week break, and things are going okay. We are getting the basics done every day. My main problem is that I feel like my relationship with my older kids is suffering, especially with my five year old daughter. I'd say 90% of my interactions with her are negative, mainly because I'm punishing her for disobedience. It may be jealousy or insecurity regarding the baby, but she also LOVES the baby. In fact, I can't turn my back when she's with the baby because she is so hands-on I'm afraid she'll hurt him. So far she's only scared or annoyed the poor little guy. So, I REALLY need advice on how to cultivate positive relationships with my older ones during this transition time. Obviously I still have to deal with the discipline issues but I feel like our family life sucks. I really feel like my relationship with my kids is being destroyed. Any advice? I'm really looking for some practical things I can do to keep our relationships from deteriorating. Thanks in advance from one frustrated, sleep-deprived mom!
Take full advantage of Baby's naptime. Sit on the couch, with a girl on each side, and do some fun reading. You might also take each girl out by herself once a month to Starbucks or some such place.
Maybe you could help her help you new little one? Ask her for help with small things, like: having her bring you a blanket, or having her "read" to the baby. Try things that will have her being hands off, but so that she still feels involved and helpful. That is what I did with my son when my DD was born, and it made a world of difference. Good luck and congratulations!
Are you sure she's NOT capable? When Phillip was teeny, I sat down to nurse him once and the phone rang. It was an important call that I HAD to take, so I put him on a blanket on the floor. He started screaming, because he knew what was coming, and it was NOT being left alone on the floor, lol! I took the phone in the other room. Phillip stopped crying, which I was glad about. When I came back to get him, he was GONE!!! He was too little to get off his blanket. Turned out, Rachael, age 5, had picked him up and was bouncing him on her hip in the hall, because "I knew it was important, Mommy, and didn't want him crying...."
Thanks ladies. I really appreciate your advice. I especially like your ideas of a monthly "date" and having her read to him. I still don't trust her alone with him because she has been too rough with him on a couple of occasions but I'm trying really hard to praise her when she is gentle or is a good helper to me. I can tell it is helping.
I have a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and a almost 1 year old (Thanksgiving Birthday!!), and I DEFINATELY know what you are going through. I had a tough delivery with Marion (c-section) so there was recoup time there, Patryk's therapists coming to the door (3 in a week), and worrying about schooling the boys. It was alot to handle, and I soon found myself bawling to my husband at night that I didn't have 1 positive interaction with Beau the whole day, and dealing with him was complete misery. It got much better when Marion got old enough to play on his own in a play pen or take longer naps. Personally, I think you need to fulfill a little you time first. Maybe 10 minutes a day. Just a little destressor period because you can't deal with little ones when you are terribly stressed. I had to take things one step at a time with Beau and Patryk. 10 minutes of uninterupted time in the morning and at night where we would read a book, chat, or draw. If you need to run a small errand to walmart or the post office, have one older kid go with you. Those little outings can be educational and fun too, and they don't have to share you with anyone else! I hope I helped some, and believe me...we're still going through this even though Marion is almost a year. It takes time, but it has gotten so much better! (((((((HUGS)))))))) hang in there!!!
my kids were only 18 months apart so they were babies at the same time, just about. But, my son did love to "read" to her. At he time we were having work done in our home, so I was living in my parents basement which was hard. But, the flip side lots and lots of extra hands. I did have a hard time with the extra hands sometimes. But, maybe your mom or even your dad or in-laws could come over especially while you school. They could fold laundry, do math, take the baby to the store. I know its hard in the beginning for various reason. I understand wanting to get life back to "normal" but don't push yourself to hard. Relax, and enjoy. You may only be able to school 20 minutes at a time here and there through out the day.
I identify with your problem dear; some time back I too had the same tussle with my elder son. In all the conversations we used to have, he talked trash! But I gave this a serious and deeper thought. I and my DH started doing distinctive things for him, like we gave him a separate room with toys exclusively for him. And many more things like this, and try getting things on track.
I can totally understand. I have tried so many things to spend time with all my kids after the birth of our 4th baby. staggered bed times. naptime games afternoon - has been really successful here, when ds2 is in bed we play as many games as possible one to one, as a group, 2 kids and me etc. Filial therapy/ play therapy - quality 121 time twice a week, child directed play time. Daddy takes the baby for an hour while I have time with the others, or Daddy takes the older kids and I have some play time with the baby. I am sure some more ideas will pop in my head lol
don't forget at age 5 she'd do anything for your attention anyway, baby or no baby. just do the best you can.
Thanks ladies! Your encouragement really made my day....we've had one of those days so far. You're right, cherryridgeline, that I need to slow down and not try to get back to normal too quickly....there's my impatient side rearing its ugly head! We've had a very tough year with a house fire and difficult pregnancy so I am too eager to get my "normal" life back I guess. But again, THANK YOU for all the ideas.
Hey what worked?? Very curious as I find myself right in the same boat with 2 older girls (still not totally trustworthy - too flaky) 2 boys 2 and newborn....baby still all curled up but likes to be held A LOT which is making most things one handed....HELP
