we make sure it's clean when we go to bed most of the time, so it starts off clean when we wake up. the mess that is created throughout the day is phenomenal. My kids have chores (I have 6 kids- 5 old enough for a job) and quite simply, they don't eat breakfast if they're not dressed & beds made (I cooka breakfast, cheaper & less dishes, it's our morning meeting) also, they don't eat lunch if they're room isn't clean and math finished. And again, at dinner- they don't eat if the room isn't clean. They can mess it up so fast, but making sure it's cleaned 4x a day keeps it from getting gross. the rest of the house- we crank up the music really loud and dance around while we clean. It's the only exercise I get. How pathetic is that?
I look at it this way. Being a mom is my job. Not being a maid. Now, being the one who is home for the majority of the time I do believe that the majority of the housework falls on my shoulders. However, being a mom is a 24 hour, 7 day a week job; while being a civil engineer (My dh's job) is a 45-50 hour a week job. That's a difference of over a 100 hours! My dh and I look at it this way: The hours that he is at work...he is at work at his office, and I am at work at home. When he gets home in the evenings he is tired from a long day but SO AM I! After he gets home we split the work. We don't keep track of who does what, or keep score in any way. If dinner isn't started when he gets home, than he starts it, or plays with the kids so I can. I would love to always have a clean, good smelling house, when my husband gets home. But with little kids it's just not always possible for me. I try to pick up a little every time I walk through a room, and I also like FlyLady though honestly I erase almost all the emails. I would say just try to keep a balance in your life between kids, school, cleaning, cooking. Don't let it overwhelm you! I'm also looking forward to the day that my kids are old enough to really help!
I don't know about anyone else and can only answer for myself here but I believe that cleaning and keeping house is my job and I'm not the least bit upset about it. My husband sometimes gets up before 5am and works all day out in the near 100 degree weather to support the girls and I. He works his butt off so that I can stay home. He doesn't come home covered in oil and sweat after crawling under cars all day and complain about having to work so hard to pay the bills and take care of me. I can't even imagine complaining about the fact that I have to clean the house or do the laundry. I feel blessed to be able to stay here with the girls educating them and keeping the house. If dusting and laundry is the hardest thing I have to do all day then I am pretty darn lucky. The standard that I live up to is my own not my husbands. I'm a dork - I like things neat and clean. And since my husband has a job outside the home, this is my job inside the home. I don't choose housework over the kids. I have time for both. Also my children clean with me. They are learning how to do these things for themselves while helping keep our home clean. Once they move out they will know how to properly clean a floor, bathroom, dust, cook and do laundry. With their help cleaning doesn't take long and then we can play a game or spend time together however we choose. My husband has never complained about the house! Honestly if I didn't clean for a month he probably wouldn't know the difference. He tells me I clean too much. He has actually taken the kids to work with him. Not both at once because he only has one extra seat in his van. Also someone mentioned being a mom and not a maid. I certainly am not a maid! My kids hear me say that a lot and that has taught them to clean up after themselves. I am a big believer in habit training from early on. If my kids leave a plate on the table, or even on the counter they are told we do not have maid service here this is not the Holiday Inn. Now don't get me wrong if I worked outside the home then of course I would feel differently and expect my husband to share in the housework. But I don't work outside the home. I chose to be a wife and mother and part of that job is keeping house. There are several Bible references to being a Keeper at Home and Helpmeet for your husband. I am blessed to be called to that role. My husband is a hard worker, a great father and a fantastic husband and he deserves a clean house, folded laundry, homecooked meals, well behaved children and a pulled together hot wife to come home to! LOL! I know people get their feelings hurt and toes stepped on and I am not trying to do either of those things. I am just stating my opinion which I am entitled to do. I know we all don't have the same situation and I know not everyone is blessed with a super amazing husband like mine. I just see some "husband bashing" and I didn't want mine lumped in that catagory.
I almost died laughing when I read this! :lol: I say the exact same thing to my kids! Isn't it funny how "mom sayings" cross all boundaries. Can we hear a big Hurray for all the husbands who work their tails off so we can stay home and teach our kids? I know I thank God every day for a husband who is a hard worker. (And cleans bathrooms better than I ever will!)
Amen and well said Sister, I agree 100 percent with you. My dh works 10 to 12 hours a day in the heat here. I feel this is my job and what I chose to do. Maybe if we went back to where the women did the housework and man brought home the bacon maybe the world would be better. I dunno just a thought.
Amy I am glad I could give you a laugh! Lol! Kids seriously need to be taught that mom isn't the maid and their arms aren't broke and they are capable to doing it for themselves. And it helps out mom. Kris I love you girly!
Angie, I was downstairs cleaning my kitchen and thinking about your post. I think we got off on a bit of a tangent and I wanted to answer your original post. I don't claim to be a great housekeeper, but I do think I'm getting better as time goes by. Here are some of the things I do do keep my house clean. 1. Get up before the kids. This may seem like a no-brainer to some of you, but I love my sleep and this one is hard for me. If I wake up after my kids I always feel behind during the day. SO now I try to get my exercise, shower, scripture reading, and room clean before they wake up. 2. I do one load of laundry a day (I hate laundry). I put it in before breakfast, change it over before lunch., and then after dinner I air fluff it for a few minutes. I pull it out and I fold it after the kids go to bed. I put away mine and dh's laundry and make a pile of the kids stuff for them to put away during morning chores. 3. After dinner I load the dishwasher and run it. I try to make sure the kitchen is clean before I go to bed. (Waking up to dirty dished is so depressing). Then while my breakfast is cooking I empty the dishwasher. 4. Everytime I go up the stairs I try to grab something that belongs upstairs. 5. I pick one thing a day that I would not normally do. Like washing windows, vacuuming, dusting. I set my timer for 15 minutes and work until it dings. 6. I try not to worry about the house in the middle of the day. I don't want to be thinking about cleaning all day long and I don't want to be nagging my kids all day long (It's a bad habit I have) We clean up behind ourselves as we go but don't worry about it too much. 7. We have a "Daddy Clean Up" about 30 minutes before I know David will be home I tell the kids it's time for Daddy Clean Up. We put on some music and we clean the main rooms of our house...living room, kitchen, and dining room. This is also when I try to start dinner. 8. When we do Bedtime with the kids in their room we have a little clean up before Daddy will read them their story. This way they get in the habit of cleaning a little each night and they get special time with Dad. 9. I only watch one TV show a day, and during the commercials I will get up and clean whatever room I'm in until the show comes back on. 10. And finally I try to remember that this time in my life is precious. My children will never be young again and I try to balance everything. I would love my house to be perfectly clean but I know there is a time and season for everything. This is the season of my life where my house looks "lived-in" but it also looks homey, loving, warm, and happy. Do your best and you can always smile, even if the floor didn't get mopped today. Sorry about the novel! This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately and really trying to be better at. I think the key is not to get overwhelmed and doing a little bit is better than doing nothing at all! Good Luck! Amy
Amy what a great post! Those are some very great ways to keep things picked up and clean. #3 is very important to me. I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen so I always make sure to do the dishes before bed. It helps to have a dishwasher. It is much harder if you don't. #10 is so true. A good balance is neccessary. I want my house to be clean but not like a museum. Lived in and homey is a good way to put it. I want it to look like kids live here. Great post!
I wasn't husband bashing at all, I was speaking to the guilt some women feel if the house is not up to some standard- real or imagined. (And I'm sorry, but there are husbands who feel like it's their right to criticize how the house looks. Some are just like that, and I think it's unfair.I don't care how long of hours they work.) I also think it's unfortunate for a woman to feel bad if she can't clean the house, tend the kids, cook the food, wash the clothes, and whatever else, all at once. It's an unrealistic goal, without help. I'm asking where the guilt comes from? Why is that something to feel guilty about when there are obvious obstacles in the way-little ones, one on the way, school, etc?
Well my toes were stepped on. I have a husband who has very high standards for how clean the house "should" be. I think they are unrealistic given our life. He wants it to look like my grandma's house who has no children and nothing to do all day but fuss about how dusted her table is. I wake up at 4 am every morning, to get my dh out the door. When he is gone I do my bible study/prayer and make grocery list, etc anything else that is quiet so that I don't wake the kids up. I keep books for our business, work in the shop for our business as I can, and I also am the main "janitor" for our business as well. Most of this is done before 8 am. My kids wake up at 6 am, I cook all of our meals from scratch. I do not watch tv except on Sundays when we are not out doing some family thing we watch AFV together as a family. I do not read books, or do anything of the sort as a recreational activity (which i would love to do). I am in charge of the house, all the appliances repair, or upkeep, I am in charge of the lawn and outside matintence. Not to mention my garden and anything else that might fall outside of my husbands regular job, or the home business. We both go to bed at 9pm. So that being said. I do a ton, feel like I work my tail off and still my house is a wreck. I have tried fly lady and she frustated me to no end with all the "its simple" all it takes is few minutes. I have tried to clean it then just do the upkeep and that doesnt seem to be enough. My kids do help, and know that I am not a maid ( I am working on my dh, he has some wierd issue because of how his parents wierdness works) They help me everyday, more then any of the other 3 and 5 year olds that I know. But still it isn't enough. I do take on the house cleaning as my job, one of many that i carry. I also agree with Becky in that my husband doesn't last 20 minutes when he is suppose to be watching the kids and doing something else. I love him to death but he doesn't understand how much that affects how much work you can get done. So yes no matter how hard i try I struggle with the house, it is still a struggle and not just a change in mindset. It is a job that I hate, and would rather hire out. I would get a full time job, if I could do it with the kids, so I could afford a maid.
My dh has never said anything, made any comments or eluded to the fact that when I am not feeling well the house is not perfect. My way of keeping the house is actually my standards. I throw a drag if I didn't do the dishes and clean the kitchen the night before. I do not like to wake up to a dirty kitchen. I LOVE for my house to be clean and tidy. In fact, when we first got our house my dh actually got annoyed with me because he said, "The way you keep house is not natural, it's not a model home, it should look lived in. So when I lay my magazine down on the coffee table, please don't run off with it so the house looks perfect all the time. Relax honey"! So I think that I have a pretty cool husband. My dh doesn't have a problem cleaning the kitchen without being asked or taking out the dishes without being asked. (I can't find things after he puts them away, but he tries). I feel good and take pride in the fact that my dh LOVES to work, so when he gets home I like for the house to be clean and dinner on the table. That is what I LOVE to do. No expectations from him, just what I love to do.
My husband is like that too. He dont mind helping me if I cant get everything done. He also does the yard and driveway (mowing) because I cant. I cant get overheated or I will get really sick because of my meds. They have a warning about getting overheated and they are not playing around either lol. I did it once and was so sick I swore I would never do that again. Mowing grass or anything outside in the sun for very long, is off limits, unless I take A LOT of breaks and take it easy. No marathon gardening or yard work for me. I can do some of it, but not for very long at a time. He does help me on the weekends when we do the heavy cleaning. Actually we take about 2 hours and have everyone help at once, kind of a group cleaning session. It really dont take that long to get it all clean. I schedule things like cleaning the fridge, oven and microwave for the weekends because it takes too long to do and with homeschooling there isnt enough time. This weekend I am going to tackle all of that stuff. I do all of that kind of cleaning, (fridge, microwave, stove) as well as all of the painting. I just repainted my living room (the last two weekends) and it looks nice if I do say so myself. My husband did some cleaning last weekend. He took our window ACs out, took them apart, and cleaned the coils on them. Good greif I could not believe the gunk in there! Now they run better and keep the house much cooler. He also cleans the inside of the computer for me. All of that dust in there causes it to have too much heat and will fry it eventually so he cleans it every so often with canned air. This week is my big "spring cleaning" for back to school. I plan on cleaning the whole house spotless to start the first week of school. I will do all the things that get neglected during the school year like cleaning the glass light fixtures and cleaning things like lamp shades. I will also clean wainscotting and wipe down the walls.
Once again sorry to those I offended. I really didn't mean to. I'm not changing my stance because I fully believe in everything I wrote before, but I do appologize for the harshness of it. Aggie from your last post it sounds like you are doing a ton of work. Way more than I am. I don't do the yard work or appliance repair. That is my husband's responsibility. I also dont' get up at 4am. Ever! Anyway sorry for pissing everyone off. I could say more but I'd just piss everyone off more so I'm gonna shut up and go. Hope it gets better for ya. Truly. Nobody should be run ragged while the other half has it easy. I am just glad that I have wuch a wonderful husband that does help and is great with the kids.
Aggie, even a maid might not do! I had cleaning help for a short time- 2x a month for 2 months. If I didn't move things, neither did they. If I did move things for them, they would only go as far as they could from where they stood. That meant they didn't get cobwebs beside cabinets, behind things, or around the top of the walls. Floors got mopped, not done by hand. Yes- I'd have paid for that.
Tiffany, You didn't piss me off! :angel: I was more jealous when I read your post, you sound like a wonderful homemaker. I strongly believe that keeping house is a skill and if you didn't learn it while you were growing up you have to learn it the hard way. I also think that some people are neat people and some people are messy people. Some people are just not comfortable when things aren't clean...and therefore they want to clean! While messy people don't really mind it it's a little bit messy so don't really make it a priority. You have to envy the clean people who do it naturally, and you have to admire the messy people who are trying desperately! We are all trying to be the best mom's and wives we can be and that's a different standard for all of us. When we compare ourselves to each other we all lose!!!! When we take the good and learn from it that's when we win. Love ya all!
This is very true. I like things neater than my dh. I do feel that it is my job to keep the house clean, but I never worry about dh thinking that I haven't done enough. I know a couple of ladies who feel that part of their job is to be dressed nicely and in full make-up when their husbands come home from work. While I certainly try to be clean and dressed, being in my best clothes and make-up is not a conviction that I share. We are all different, and all of our standards will be different.
Amy thank you. I really and truly did not mean to offend anyone. That certainly was not my intention. I think your post where you numbered things you do at home was one of the best pieces of advice given. I came off bad and I am sorry. I wasn't always a good homemaker. I actually only got good at it last summer. I made a huge lifestyle change, dh and I both quit smoking, and I needed to make a huge change. That is when I found Flylady and with that and the help of the ladies here and the Lord I was able to make the needed changes. So anyway thanks and again I'm sorry.
Tiffany, I was a horrible homemaker when I first got married! My Mom went to work when I was young so I never really learned those skills. I remember our first year of marriage there would always be moldy dishes in the sink, and the bathroom floor was awful! After my miscarriage last summer I needed to be bale to control something so I turned into a psychotic cleaning machine. My house was spotless for about 6 months. Eventually it wore off but I learned that it was possible to keep your house clean if you prioritize it. These days it's not quite as high on the priority list but I know I feel so much better when it's clean. Oh and btw, I know women also who have never let their husband see them without makeup and their hair done. I can't imagine that...I am a pajama and pont tail kind of gal! Luckily my dh is a pj's guy too. I do try to smell good for my dh at the very least. Amy
Tiff, sweetie don't worry I don't think you pissed anyone off, you were just speaking the truth, we all have the right to speak and I think it's ok. I am not mad. No way.
Tiff, I don't think you made anyone mad. I wasn't a good homemaker when dh met me. I gave us food poisoning countless times and he STILL loves me. All good here. kk!
