Have a tough question that I'm hoping you resourceful people may be able to help me with. It seems that I have a curious george in my home and one who is too curious about fire! One of our children got a hold of our BBQ lighter yesterday and decided to see what happens when you light it and put paper and plastic over it (he also burned the tip of his thumb). He got up before anyone else did and found the lighter (which I thought was well hidden - guess not). Anyway, he woke me up to tell me that someone was at the door (I had just worked a 12 hour night shift - which is why I was sleeping). When I walked past his bedroom door I could smell smoke and the questioning began (forget about who was at the door). He gets curious about fire when he is feeling extreemly stressed (or there is a tremendous about of stress in the house - and there was last week because we had a neighbour staying with us) - that is a pattern we are seeing (I don't even burn candles when he is around because he sits and stares in amazement at the flame). I called his counsellor looking for some suggestions (she still hasn't called us back). The last time this happened I took him to the fire department for a lesson in reality (from the fire chief who was bold and too the point - I thought it would work - guess not). So for now, we have put a fire detector in his room - in a place where he is unable to get a hold of it - to take it down or to remove the battery, and we've locked up the BBQ lighter and any matches (used for candles) so that he can't get a hold of them again. He is not allowed to close his door because he has shown us that he can't be trusted behind a closed door. We called the police thinking they may speak to him, but they reffered us back to the fire department. Does anyone know of any websites that teach about fire safety and fire prevention or any books that we could access? This is not my idea of a pleasent wake up call - not now or ever. Obviously stress reduction has to be a part of this plan, but that doesn't happen over night (although I wish it did). Thank you for any ideas you may have... Brenda
WOW! Brenda, I think you're doing anything you possible can. As far as stress goes, it's not possible to have a totally "stress-free" environment. Just think about all the stress created in trying to maintain it, LOL! I'd talk again (you, not necessarily him) with the fire chief. He might have some ideas of what to do or web sites that would have what you wanted. The important thing is that you're taking it seriously. There's so many people that will just laugh and say "Boys will be boys!", and then are totally confused when a tragedy occurs. Good luck!
Oh, Brenda, how hard it must be for you. I used to work nightshift( 11-7) when my son was growing up. How old is he, Brenda?
Hi! I was reading your post with some concern for your son. I would suggest skipping the counselor who is not returning your calls and get ahold of a child psychologist instead, or even a child psychiatrist. Your son is obsessing about fire and needs to begin treatment and/or healing for the cause of the obsession. Stress is obviously a factor, but more importantly is the type of stress. Different stress causes different outward displays. You didn't mention his age, but at any age it is something to take seriously. Great job putting all of it together and realizing that it is more than a "boy thing", as someone else already mentioned.
Here's a lesson in humility... The stress last week had to do with a neighbor staying with us (because of problems within her marriage - there was a confrontation between my husband and the other husband and I know that our children - all of them were extremly upset by it). We were all feeling it and kids being kids, they don't cope as well with it (not making excuses here, this is a trend we see with all of our children - the more stressed we are as parents the more they act up). So now, it's a matter of teaching him (actually all of them) new ways of coping with stress - relaxation might be a good place to start with him. Andrew (our 9 year old - who we are home schooling) is the 'fire bug'. After I left this site, I went to our provincial government site and found the Fire Marshal's phone number and plan to contact them for help. I do know that there are a couple programs (Learn not to burn and youth firesetters program - or something like that) that I will look into. Andrew is waiting to be assessed by a child psychologist (or psychiatrist - I'm not sure which one at this point - all I know right now is that he's on the list to be seen), but I'm told it won't be until late in the summer or maybe in the fall. (Lesson in patience ????) The only other thing we could think of was to either take him to a burn unit (we don't have one close by unless they have one in Houlton, Maine), but that may do more damage than good (it may be too traumatic for him) or to arrange for him to talk to someone who did play with fire and was hurt because of it (a recovered victim sort of thing). I will contact the fire chief again in the morning and see what more we can do. This one's a toughy, not something to be taken lightly. One day at a time for now. Thanks for all your input... Brenda
