We were going to start our very first day of homeschooling on Monday (K for my almost 6 year old DS), but we were both up and in a good mood and DS#2 (3) was still asleep so I asked him if he wanted to start today and he said yes We are only focusing on Reading (ETC) and Math (MUS) right now. Everything was moving right along (very nicely) he did a couple of pages in ETC, did the computer work on Starfall that related, did the first Lesson in MUS (Primer). I thought that was a good first start, so I asked him if he was done and he said no and picked back up the ETC book (book #1). He was still doing great, very happy and positive and then, we hit the page in ETC where you have the 2 sentences and you have to pick the one that matches the picture. He totally flipped out, I guess he thought it was too hard (when he finally stopped crying he did it with no problems). I said if he thought it was too hard we could try it again tomorrow (SIDENOTE-what would "you" have done here, I thought pushing him while he was upset was not the best idea on our first day). We walked away but in less than 90 seconds he sat back down and was doing it. This is what has worried me about HSing--he is such a perfectionist and likes to already know everything. I want to "encourage" him to try and to see what he can do without "pushing" him and making him "hate" school. Overall our day was GREAT, but I was really hoping we could get through day #1 with no tears:lol: :lol:
I have one that is easily frustrated if it's not JUST RIGHT. She has to be challenged but on the other hand that sometimes backfires on me. We walk away and come back to it. I do push her a little because I don't want her thinking that if it's too hard she doesn't have to do it. I know I don't give her anything so hard that she can't do it. And some days just start out that way, and those days we find something else to do that is more relaxed. This year is different because we are doing 1st grade now and have to submit test scores next summer. So of course I'm a little more strict about getting things done and making sure she KNOWS them. We've been in school a month now and so far we've only had two days that we threw the towel in and found something else to do. You'll have good days and bad days. We ALL have them lol.
Christy, Ok...I have a kid kinda like yours. First of all....you need to establish that there is no crying just trying in school. Let him see that you are teaching him because he is in need of instruction. If he already knew everything he would be running the world. LOL. Seriously...sometimes a perfectionist needs to be reminded that they are not born knowing everything. lol. I think you need to be compassionate but firm. He can take a break but never get out of work because he finds it hard or reacts poorly to it. He will soon learn that he can say this or react with tears and school is over. Don't encourage the tears but don't be a part of it either...lol...a balance is needed. A break is fine. Go on to another subject. Have him take a break by going out and running or doing some physical activity. He needs a bit of time to clear his head so he can start over. Make sure before you start something that may be a trigger you review first. This will show him that he does know and has learned in this are before. Once he shows what he knows bring on the new stuff as a challenge to him. Take it slow. Do a few examples first if necessary. However...and I am not trying to sound uncaring or mean. DO NOT allow tears to dictate the course of the school day. I have a kid who cries over not being able to write a perfect A. I have a kid who will get all sad if she has to do something she is not the best at. I know those days. At one time... I allowed each to take LONG breaks...like the next day....or avoided a few things every now and then. MISTAKE..IMO. I think that actually (I think) that can tear down confidence rather than build it. You see there was not accomplishment to buid confidence but rather coddling that makes the child retreat. Besides that...perfectionist or not..IMO crying is not acceptable. The child needs to learn the confidence to face a challenging situation without tears but a clear head. So, again a break is fine but then the child needs to buckle down and get to work. My ds performed much better when I distanced myself from his tears and taught him that he needed this accomplishment and I could help but not coddle. I am not saying you are doing something wrong. I am not saying that you encourage your child to cry. I am not saying I know the answer. My kid still cries at times with school. However, we no longer have a sobbing fest that we once did...believe me..it was a sobbing fest. LOL. Of course a kid can't think like that. So, we wasted so much time. Finally, I put my foot down about crying. I also made sure that any triggers for that behavior were lessened by my added help or my be doing examples a millionn times...or by me waiting to do that subject last so everything else would be done. I sure hope you find the solution for your child. There will be up and down days. I have a friend whose ds cried for 45 minutes at a time in K at ps everyday because of his perfectionism. Poor kid. I don't think they ever figured out a solution...it was like it just phased out.
Sometimes Faythe still gets to the point where she's so upset that she simply CAN'T do it! I've found that sometimes if I give her a five or ten minute break, then let her do something different for a while, she can come back to whatever is giving her grief later without the tears. Each kid is different, and so what works with one won't for another.
Ohh Madison gets frustrated iwth me and tells me "its too hard" when I know its not. this in turn frustrates me and we take a break..used to be I need a cig. break but now I dont smoke anymore..ahhh I am going to try the "no crying only trying" rule at our school table.
I don't smoke anymore either and it DOES get hard, sometimes. I had to learn, myself, how to deal with things when I normally would just go outside to smoke. (I did not smoke in the house). It was is hard, though. My perfectionists also have to be reminded that we are "PRACTICING" that's what school work is for. To be shown something new, and to practice it. My example one day, was to ask them, "How good would mommy be at skateboarding, if you taught me, right now?" They laughted and said, "Not very good". "Ok then", I replied. "But If I practiced, I would get better, right?" "Yea. But you would fall down A LOT!" (Giggling from both) "Well that's al school work is. You learn about something new, and you get up and practice it. Only you use your head, not so much your body. Sometimes you fall down while doing it, but if you keep geting right back up, pretty soon you almost never fall down. You still will fall down, but not so much." Apparently that explanation worked for a while. I still have to re-bring-it-up now and again... but it helped... :wink:
I guess since you are just starting formal instruction, it's reasonable to think that your child needs to learn how to learn. I have a perfectionist too. The turning point for us was when he finally understood that it's OK to make mistakes - that's part of learning. I would have taken a break like you did, and then talked about it later, when he was calmer. And tried again. I think that especially at first it's the process that's important, rather than the end result. just my 2c.
Jen, what a nice illustration! I can see your boys giggling at the image of Mommy skateboarding! But somehow, I can see you actually DOING it with your boys; you're THAT kind of mom!!!
I have to agree, every child has theres day and sometimes just a few mintue break they are back up running and everything is fine...
Thanks everyone! I made sure to point out all of the mistakes I made today to show him that EVERYBODY makes mistakes and that it is OK. I was pretty sure this would happen with him (and I am sooo used to it with other things) so I was mentally prepared, but I really thought we would make it through a couple of days:lol: We will just keep working at it and saying "no crying, only trying" (I LOVE that!!!) I will keep you updated on how it goes...
In the early days, I made Ems cry a time or two or three!:lol: :lol: I have learned and am learning the difference in her crying because she just doesn't want to do school word and then in her crying because I am overloading her and expecting to much from her. Sometimes I just have those days and I need to take a bit more time to start school because I know that I will fluster her brain if I try teaching in a bad mood. Sometimes she is the one who needs the break because she is in a mood. If she gets to the point of crying, then it is useless to try to go on so we take a break or the rest of the day off. Patty
The first day of dd#1 Kindergarden she was in tears because I pulled out the Ringbound Reading Cards that she had been doing for awhile...she thought she was going to continue her learning to read in a new way now that she was in "school". I have tears of frustration with mine on any given day...it is cleansing and as long as we try again, it is ok. Hang in there! You are doing a good thing!!!
