I've been homeschooling since my oldest started kindergarten. She's now in 4th grade, and also has 2 other siblings who have since joined her. I've been wondering lately if I'm still doing the right thing by continuing with their education. My husband got sick, and I thought we would lose him. Fear crept up inside me as I realized that I might be a single mom without a job, or a home to support my 4 children. Turns out my dh will be just fine, but I've been very uptight and not very patient with the kids since then. They're now telling me that hs isn't what they thought it would be this year (my crankiness) and don't really enjoy it anymore (would rather be in school). I'm doubting myself, thinking I'm not cut out for this, I may be hurting their future. I feel like crying. Just turned on the t.v. with a special news report. There was a school shooting that killed 14 kids.
I just had a whole thing typed out and my computer crashed! I'm too tired to retype, but I WILL tomorrow, I PROMISE! (((HUGS))) YOU ARE FIT! I guarantee it!
I think everyone goes thru a doubting themselves. I do and then I see something that you wouldn't see if they were in a typical school setting and I am like that is because I did that or it's because they are home. Glad to hear that your husband is in good health now. Maybe relax a bit and just do the basics (the 3 Rs) and enjoy being a family. We are going thru a rocky period and my longtime friend (who will be graduating her first this spring) suggested to ease up just get the basics that they can do on their own. You can restart up after the new year. as for what happened back in New England area, turn off your TV. go hug your kiddos and go do something together. it's what I did with mine after I heard about it and read about it for the first time yesterday.
It is a very common feeling for homeschooling parents- an overwhelming sense of dread, fear, anxiety- you name it. I have panicked before and sometimes I almost panic now, but my son is in his last year and we started when he was in 7th. I wish I knew then what I know now. I will share with you what helped me. 1. You don't have to do school like a school. 2. You don't have to do tests and quizzes, with the exception being if your state mandates testing. 3. You don't have to finish the book. Heck, for some classes you don't even need to use a book. For other classes you might want to use non-traditional books. 4. Sometimes your child will do some learning on their own with their own interests- let them and count it- it will fit somewhere. 5. When you feel really down and desperate, let the kids do some relaxed learning without workbooks for a day or two and just enjoy being a family. It is OK to adjust the schedule in order to save your sanity. 6. Realize that not all kids are going to want to be academic scholars. If they can't handle calculus in high school, it is OK. (I used to think homeschooling would make my son an academic superstar and I would be mother of the year or something-no way) In short, I had to go through a very painful period of time when I thought I was going to fail my son and ruin his life. In reality my desperate "need" to forge ahead was actually the thing that was damaging. It hurt our relationship. We are better now, but I wish I could do those couple of years over now. I think it is more important to have good close relationships with your kids than to have kids with straight A's.
I agree with the others in that we all go through feelings like you are having. Believe me, I have been schooling for 12 years. There have been many ups and downs, health issues, and times of doubt during our 12 years. There are times when adjustments need to be made. The latest was this past July when I got a concussion and was out of it for weeks. You mentioned going through a health scare with your husband. That's very upsetting to say the least. Of course, your schooltime was not ideal. No one's would be. Give yourself time to regroup, relax, get back to normal. Take the holidays off, enjoy your family, and in January, get back into it. Remember to enjoy this time teaching them. As Cabsmom said, it is OK to adjust your schedule. Mix in some fun things-trips to the museum, zoo, etc. Maybe you could switch out a subject that's not working for you. You don't have to be soooo ridged. The ages you are teaching are wonderful. I would hate to see you give up too soon.
It sounds like your children are looking for an escape from your crankiness, not homeschool. You already know that.:angel: This isn't meant to be harsh, but if you are still going to be cranky after sending them to school, nothing will be accomplished. Your ability to homeschool isn't the problem. You acting on your stress is the problem. Now that you know your husband is going to be alright, you can have a sit-down talk and apologize to them for acting out on your emotions. Tell them that you know you were unpleasant to be around, that you were the problem, not homeschooling. You are more than fit to homeschool, and I agree that you need time to collect your thoughts, relax, and enjoy your family this season. You experiences something that was possibly life changing and it scared you. That is alright. :love: Now, let it go, enjoy your holidays, family, and pick up in January. You can do it!!!
So sorry you had to go through that. I've been there and I know how scary it is. (and I only had one child at the time) I'm glad your husband is going to be okay though. Stress can do amazing things to our mental and physical state. Have you ever heard of The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale? There are major life stresses and even good stress (like getting married, going on vacation or buying a home) add stress to our lives. Change in health of a family member is pretty high on that list. The life change at the very top of that list is death of a spouse. And while your husband didn't die, you thought there was a chance he might so mentally you were preparing for it so you're going to feel some of that stress. So don't feel guilty for your change in your attitude, it's great that you noticed it and realize it's a problem. And now you can address it. If you don't address the stress, it's not going to get any better. In fact, the change from homeschool to public school...that's one of the life events on the list as well (change in school, not homeschool to PS specifically) so the change to PS probably isn't the answer you're looking for. Instead, I'd address the fear of being a single mom. Do you have wills? Any savings? Life insurance? A plan in case something did happen to your husband? Do you have a degree or job skills? Can you work on those while homeschooling your kiddos? (even one class a semester online might help make you feel more secure about your future) Or what about a home business-something you enjoy, it could be extra money now or put it into a savings account and give you the security of knowing you could turn it into a bigger business if you needed to if, God forbid, something should happen to your husband. This would probably help more than sending the kids to PS. The fear that your somehow failing your kids or are not fit...we all feel that. PS parents feel it too. Every parent feels it. Because we do want the best for our kids. It just means you love them. (((((hugs)))))
