friend told me to put kids back in ps

Let me see if I can get this out in 5 seconds flat, I have to leave for work....

I had a good friend yesterday tell me I should put my kids back in ps.

Let me explain, she did hs her kids for a while. But she said it does hurt them socially. Her kids aren't as flexable as ps school kids. Stating the didn't get the chance to change classes and be social....

I did have a bad day and I was venting to her. But I am finding my kids are more social now. People comment to me all the time how well rounded my kids are. When they walk into a room they can speak and will speak to the adults as well as any children in the room.

She also said that her kids are now struggling as adults for it. It totally blew me out of the water. I even called my kids and asked them if they wanted to go back..... crazy huh. Of course they said no....

Well I am late for work, I will explain more later

 

Well I can tell you my experience with hs'ers is they do better in the real world. A few have mentioned a learning curve in college but all college freshmen go through some time of adjustment even ps kids. I think it may just be her kids own personalities. There are just some kids who do not do well socially, does not matter if they were hs'ed or not.

 

That does make me feel better. Her kids do struggles tremedously socially, but as you said, I thinks its just part of them.....

I was just a little blind sided yesterday. She was saying things Christine your life will change. You will be able to go back to the gym and do the things you like. I would love to do those things again but not at the cost of my children. They did NOT thrive in ps we were there for most of elementary. I know my dh wants to put them back for hs but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

I also think that the attitude of the parent who is homeschooling affects how their children perceive it. If she went into homeschooling thinking it was substandard and would make social misfits of her kids, then her kids probably thought that others were pointing fingers and laughing at them or thinking they were weirdos.

Glad you were able to deflect her comments and your kids set you straight!

 

Sorry that a "friend" would do that. Just because HER children had problems with it, doesn't mean YOUR children will in life. Her children may have been WORSE OFF had they gone to PS. There's no way to ever know.

And yes, you'd get to do all the things you can't do now because they'd be in school. But, if they were in school, you wouldn't be able to do all the things your are now. There are two sides to that coin.

Do my kids drive me nuts, about 80% of the time. But....would I give up that 20% just to get rid of the 80%? NOT FOR $1M !!!!

((((HUGS))))

 

Christine does your LEAH group do a homeschool graduate pannel at all? Our group has done it a couple of times. If they have not done one you might want to suggest they put one together. What our group did was invite some of our chapter's graduates and formerly homeschooled parents to sit on a panel. Questions were submitted by folks or asked by the people there about their experience homeschooling, likes/dislikes, what they are doing now.... It was great to get the perspective of those who have been through it. Some loved it and some hated it but they would tell you why and what they would do differently. It might also help dh see that high school can be hs'ed.

 

I do not think her children had a problem with homeschooling. The teacher was the problem, but homeschooling takes the blame.

 

Sorry, I should have phrased that better. Just because that persons opinion of how her children handled it in life, doesn't mean thats how your children will.

I mean, basically, she sounds like a sorta selfish person....the "think of all you could do without your kids around". Really? We only get our kids for 18 or so years, I can't imagine one thing I'd rather do than be with them. Does that mean I don't need a brake from them once in a while? Of course not, I'd be homicidal all the time if they were the ONLY thing in my life...and I didn't have outlets....but...a bad day homeschooling is better than a great day alone. Just my opinion, of course.

 

The sentance "Think of all you can do without your kids!" I tried to. I actually sat here for a minute and thought about it. I would clean, then I might paint, maybe I'll be bored enough to exercise. All of which would take about 1 hr. The other 6 1/2 hours I would pace the house, check the time, and pace some more. I just don't think I could do it!! Of COURSE I'd like a break, and things get hard! But dyas like today when we do crafts, paint, and clean together, and play are the days I will miss the most!! I wouldn't give it up!

I think the Mom's attitude really rubs off on the attitude of the kids. On the days where I'm feeling frumpy and lumpy and not really into it, then neither are the boys. It bores them easily. But when I'm upbeat and optimistic then they are as well! My kids don't do extracurricular activities, or anything else really expect play at the park and babysit, but they are just fine socially, even my Awetie, Patryk! But, kids are different, don't expect them all to be the same.

 

Ok - first I had to stop giggling. I have met MANY homeschooled kids and MANY ps kids. Turns out - both types are the products of THEIR PARENTS vs how they were schooled!!

I have kids in both situations - and seriously.... each one is different. My son is doing so much better back home. My oldest daughters would not do so well being hs'd. My DFS cannot get what he needs from me schoolwise - there are too many issues that I have come into so late in life that it is best for HIM to stay in school. The 12 year old - we will be debating it, though she is doing really well in PS, I think she is having serious issues with other kids in the school. DH doesn't want me to pull her since there are 8 weeks left - but we will see for next year.

One of my friends homeschools and honestly, though I love her kids - they are seriously lacking in a lot of departments from being homeschooled the "lazy" way.... this year she put her daughter in PS part-time and she did ok, but the oldest really struggled when she went to college because she really didn't know how to handle herself and I remember her mother staying up all night to help her with her school papers! Too much hand-holding IMHO. It was as if they ignored so much and then last minute trying to stuff it all in. The oldest is now 22 or 23 and still struggling.

THEN - I have other friends who have wonderfully adjusted kids who I always enjoy hanging around. The kids aren't geniuses - but average GOOD kids who will do well in life because they can handle themselves and don't make excuses.

Both of these types and situations were done by different PARENTING methods.... yeah different kids.... but one set of parents complains and passes blame, the other is encouraging, accepting and adaptive.

Me - I'm just me... lots of faults.... but I would never give up time with my kids just to have more "me time"...

 

I just finally sat down to read some more of the responses. Thank you everyone.......

It is true that our children are a product of us. I do my best and I do try to adapt and overcome any situation that is handed to me.

I guess I have been feeling defeated and want my kids to do their best.

I only want to hold my kids hands when need be. I definately don't want to enable them in negative habits. Lord willing I will be able to see that. That is my pray, just to do right by them.

I have to not get stressed out and take a step back and teach my kids how to learn it and/or study it. Because I won't always be there. They have learning difficulties and they have to overcome them. Together we will have to figure out a way.

Thank you all for helping me get to the otherside of this. I hate when I cry myself to sleep at night thinking I may have blown it.

 

cherryridgeline I don't know your situation very well but it seems you're doing a good job with your kids even though the path hasn't been smooth or easy. Your friends comments caught you at a vulnerable time.

As parents I think we tend to place very high expectations on ourselves, much higher than we would place on our friends. I also think we tend to focus on the one negative thing we wished we'd handled better and forget about all the times we did well.

I also think that we forget that some kids just don't do well socially and would be that way no matter how they're educated. Introverts will always be introverts and extroverts will always be extroverts. I'm introverted, my sister is extroverted and my brother's brain over analizes social interactions so he has his own clique of social 'misfits' who get him. We were all parented the same way and went to the same schools.

(((Hugs))) You're doing a good job.

 

Thank you...........

Just what I needed to hear

 

One thing I learned is never to vent to someone who's not "one of us"! Whenever I did that I got the same response you did-put them in school/think how much you could do without them around/you are unqualified, blah-blah-blah!

Everyone gets frustrated with the kids whether you are homeschooling them or they're ps'd.

And another thing, you aren't 'blowing it'. Don't even start going down that road, young lady! The path is neither smooth nor easy, but the fact that you are committed to this indicates that you love them and are doing your very best for them. You will find a way to make it work! Believe me, I've been there. Over the years there's been times when I've freaked out or cried because I thought I was messing the kids up or they weren't catching on fast enough or whatever it was. Thank God for my husband! He's talked me down from the ledge more times than I care to mention! The point is that I always found a way to make it work. And you will, too.

Don't give up and don't listen to naysayers! You can do it!

 

I have to say I am loving this post.....

Every morning I wake up to another encouraging thought, then I go to bed with yet another one.

Thank you!!! I so needed it. I look forward to reading them, its the first thing I do when I wake up

 

dennis prager always says he can tell HSed kids b/c they aren't jaded. what does jaded mean?

 

Introverts who are homeschooled are said to be introverted because they were homeschooled, and then compared to extroverts that went to PS. But guess what-I know some extremely extroverted homeschooled kids and some extremely introverted PS kids.

PS or HS doesn't turn out only one kind of kid.

I agree with "don't vent to PS parents". I find often times they feel 'threatened' by the idea that homeschool moms must be super mom or saints or whatever. (which we all know isn't true) but they can feel that way, so they will take their shot when they can, when we show them a glimpse of "normal, average mom" I don't think most MEAN to, but I see it happen a LOT.

Maybe the fact that she once homeschooled and now isn't but you are makes her feel like you're accomplishing something she couldn't. She may feel threatened, or like you're rubbing it in. (even if she isn't aware of it herself)

 

Someone who's jaded has a "been there done that" bored-with-it-all attitude. Either they've actually BTDT, or they've learned not to expect life to hold much excitement about anything. Homeschoolers tend to keep their "life is full of wonders" and "learning all the time" outlook, I think.

 

Totally agree with both Lindina and Sonita. *Like button*

 

This is someone who has seem me in my best shape ever..... I was going to the gym I looked better at 40 then i did at 20. Then I started to hs and I have put on 30 lbs. and lets just say I am not happy about it.

With my job all I do is sit because I drive a school bus, with schooling the kids I spend a lot time sitting and teaching.

My husband said to me the other day you aren't a teacher Christine it's time you put the kids somewhere because they are getting older and work is getting harder. Plus with your schedule you are running out of time everyday.

that is where the co-op came in to play. He is willing to pay for the classes and help me out. He doesn't want the kids in ps either but he wants to be sure they are getting what they need and he knows my limitations. So Lord willing we will get them into good classes. Then I will have 2 days of the week for laundry and other things hey maybe even the gym.....

Back to my friend, I have done fundraisers for her family her sister is battling lung cancer horribly. She has seen me work hard for that as well.'

She knows I am not happy with my weight, I will start dieting as soon as I can get exercising. Everytime I start its put on hold yet again. This past time I had a tooth pulled and wound up with a dry socket. oh, the pain. So until its completely and totally healed I will not go running. I did ride my bike to work which was 8 miiles but it was only one day.

I know this is sorta a ramble, but I am not focusing yet and my ADD is kicking in Sorry.......