I am seriously considering homeschooling my son who is 6. He is delayed socially and developmentally. My biggest concern is social development, as our area only has two homeschool groups. One has denied us entry due to his past history (he was adopted from foster care and they have decided that his prior life would make him a bad influence on their children) and the other has only one young child but it isnt very active. We have friends with young children but dont get together often as we both have very busy schedules. I am not very social and know I would have to really work to find appropriate social situations for him. So far, sports have been out as we have not found a coach willing to let him join, same with cub scouts. Most of our activities would take place during the day while other kids his age are in school. As for school, his other options are going to the special class through our public school system, where he is the highest functioning child or going to a private school and repeating kindergarten, though the class size is larger than what I would like, currently they have 21 kids enrolled. What do you all think? Any ideas?
First and foremost, I think you're a wonderful example to adopt your son. I also think the homeschooling group, the sports coaches, and the boy scouts ought to be ashamed of themselves for turning away a 6-year-old - no matter what his background. Stick with your dreams for him, and let him continue to prove himself. You would hope over time, these groups might rethink their decisions.
I agree. Those people should be ashamed. Look for things like 4H, swimming classes, martial arts, story time at the library, classes offered by local museums, etc. Socialization doesn't have to come from team sports or homeschool groups. See if you can set up a park day or playdate once a month with your friends that have kids. While they do need socialization, you don't want too many social engagements, especially if he has social delays. I would say to go ahead & start homeschooling. try to find one or two social options to start with. Finding social opportunities will get easier as he gets older.
Yep! They should all be strung up!!! Geesh, at age six, don't they realize that their "perfect homeschooled kids" roll can be a wonderful influence on him? Poor little guy!!!
I concor!! You just might have hit a never with me, you see my nefew has a learning disablity ( slite atutism) and ps and cs did not want him. At the age of 15, he has found a group of kids that accept him for who he is. Homeschool him and keep trying to find some activity that will accept him. you have to be his support!
I agree with everyone above. I have a special needs child, with bipolar, learning disability and sever anxiety. We have had issues with socializing due to his anxiety. But it all depends on how stable his bipolar is. Right now he is being social (finger crossed). He is a lot older. But I know when he was younger our school district really didn't know what to do with him and I feel they failed him. But I am trying my best to provide what my son needs. Which it sounds like what you want to do. Look into the thing mentioned above you never know you may find something that really works for him. Good Luck and ((hugs))
Thanks for your support. Until Luke came to live with me, I never realized how hard it is for people with special needs to find acceptance. My son was not even 4 when he came to live with us as our foster child and people shunned him, like he had some disease. Parents in our homeschool group actually told their children to avoid him. And it is all because he is delayed academically and socially. It has never been about the kids picking up negative behavior. It is my hope that someday we will find a very supportive encouraging group that will accept him because he is such an amazing kid and given the chance, he could teach so many people about tollerance, courage, and perseverance. He lived through horrific physical and emotional abuse and yet he still has the courage to love and he still reaches out to people. He tries so hard. It breaks my heart that others cant see him for who he is. They are blinded by his delays, delays that are due to the abuse he suffered. If anyone knows of a supportive homeschool group in northwest Oklahoma that is accepting, feel free to share the info. And thanks again for your support.
Shame on all of them!!!! You know something - his background is NO ONES business but yours. Plain and simple. We are working on adopting and fostering and I am thankful that the group we run with is more excited than we are some days Don't worry about socializing...... just enroll him in stuff to do if you want. You don't need a homeschool "group" - we don't belong to one... we just go to the park some days with other homeschoolers but it's definitely not a formal "group". My kids do just fine socially. And you know something - if a group like cub scouts turned him away - personally I would be on the phone with the council immediately - that SOOOOO goes against what they are about in my 7:30am only 1 cup of coffee opinion Shame on those parents as well - great examples they are setting huh? Homeschool him..... it will probably build up his confidence.... my DS was called "stupid" a lot in school and it took well over a year to get him out of thinking of himself that way. I would not put my child in a situation where he could/would go through some other type of "abuse" by other kids - not at this stage if at all possible. On another note - we met a wonderful family while camping who had just finalized the adoption of their son (age 11)....and they said HE did not want anyone to know he was adopted (we were only told because we mentioned we are working on it).... he doesn't want the kids to know because they have made fun of him about being "fostered" previously. Kids can be crueler than most people think because the kids they are "bullying" and making fun of don't speak up.
Oh my gosh! That homeschool group rejected him over that??!!! I am sooo angry for you and him and..well..that is just beyond awful!!! I would just homeschool him. Where is that rotten evil group that would refuse a child based on that? Is it a religious group?
I think at this age, especially with delays...I wouldn't push it much. He will mature, it will just take a bit longer. My son was in Karate with a kid that had CP, We discussed how his brain did not work quite right...that it fired differently and didn't always allow him to act, either physically or emotionally in the way one would expect from a boy that age. My son could understand that. He had been put off by this "big kid" acting oddly. But with a reason, well then he was fine with it. People are herd creatures...and they are brutal to those outside the norm. I do not think that protecting our children from that until they have enough maturity to handle it is a bad thing. I have a immature one myself...and if it takes us a bit longer to get through, good. But, don't let him blame his background for all of these issues. even if that is why people are shunning him, explain it as their misunderstanding of the situation. He needs to know that he really will have to work harder to prove himself. It is not fair. But his behavior and reactions must be his. I know he is a little boy who has been hurt deeply, but try not to speak of these shunnings in front of him. No matter how angry you are. another poster mentioned the school failing her son, who has slight autism spectrum. Give the school a break. They have to treat all the kids as close to the same as possible because that is what works for the "herd". If you don't want your children in the herd...or they are not compatible with the herd...then you have to do something about it. It really is not the schools responsability to meet our childrens needs. It is ours as parents. We have to find the schooling situation that will best fit the needs of our children and our families. My dd mentioned recently that most daycare centers will no longer take breastmilk and even formula from home...they get the formula from the government and can only use that. So we are back to figuring out how to parent our own children...it aint cheap and it aint easy...but the government can only provide for the good of the many. ok. Sorry, got off on a rant. I will pray for your son, and your family. He will heal, for you will show him trust is not misplaced. God bless you. (and Chicamarun too)
As mom to a 12 yr. old on the autism spectrum my advice to you is give your son a chance -he's only 6 - don't stress so much about the social stuff. It will come with time. He doesn't have to be in a classroom of 25 same age peers to learn how to be social. Just being in the world with you can be a great learning experience - he can see how people, talk, act, respond, etc...My son is 12 and is great with one friend or 2 - large groups of kids are a nightmare for him so we avoid them. Homeschooling will give your son a safe, calm place to be in the world and learn. Take him to the library, bookstores, museums, anywhere you choose and he's learning -it doesn't have to be in a classroom setting. My son was in ps for 4 years before we pulled him out -he didn't learn how to be social in school - he learned how to avoid being bullied -he wasn't successful unfortunately. He learns by playing with the one good friend he has, going on outings, ordering his own food at a restaurant, making purchases on his own at stores, and many others.
How awful for that homeschool group to reject your son over that. I'm so shocked! Homeschoolers, to me, seem to be so much more understanding than others. Hmm, terrible! Anyway, my 8 yr old daughter has developmental delays, and I was scared to start homeschooling her as well. Well, technically we didn't start yet, this will be our first year coming up, but the decision has been made. I thought about it for a long time and wondered if she needed to be around the other kids at school. Will taking her away from that make her fall behind socially. Because my daughter had many friends in the first grade and enjoyed them. But I think through our HS group's co op and field trips, sports, programs at the library etc she will do just fine. Plus we have neighbors. Are there any kids on your street, don't forget about them for socializing!
When you say developmentaly behind what area are we talking about? I am really surprised at the coaches in your area, we ( I coach wiht JR Giants Baseball league) are encouraged by the league to include everyone! Its a free league too solookforone in your area! We teach kids what to do too so those who have never played get to learn to love the sport! I would also agree with the martial arts, it would be good for his confidence and muscle strengthening, as well as give him something to protect himself in the future.
"Socializing" isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially for younger ones. I agree with homeschooling him to give him a safe, happy environment where he can learn confidences, and know he's loved! Right now he needs YOU the most, not other children! He needs to continue to build his self-confidence, and he can't do it in a place where he's teased or not accepted! Let him be happy at home, and occasional outing is good, he'll learn to interact with people of all ages. I wouldn't stop looking for understanding and accepting people/friends, obviously, but I wouldn't worry about the "socialization", because he's getting what he needs right now with YOU!
Lukes delays are in all areas of development, when we tried to get him into sports through our YMCA and local soccer club (soccer moves are something we practice for PT as one side of his body is 50% weaker than the other) he was developmentally around 3 years of age, though his speech was much lower. We actually are learning to sign to help him communicate because his speech delay is so severe. The speech seems to turn people off, as do his unique behaviors, like his lack of understanding of personal space or inside voices. I have recently discovered that the surrounding towns have sports as well and many are quite tollerant of children with special needs. As for the poster who mentioned bullying, that is one of my biggest fears, that either he will be constantly bullied and no one will be there to protect him. I also fear for his self esteem. I am hoping to convince my husband that homeschooling is in his best interest. As he was willing to pay $3000 a year for private school, I can only imagine all the things we could do for our homeschool that would provide him an excellent education. Thanks again for all your support.
I've coached soccer for 5 of my 6 children, and I've never encountered bullying on a team. I can recall at least 3 children who were developmentally challenged in some way, but they were as much a part of the team as anyone else. In fact, after a while, the others were actually proud of them because they had a real team spirit. I was very fortunate, though, to have an active assistant coach. It meant I could spend whatever time was needed with each child. Also, I made clear to all the parents that everyone on the team would get roughly equal playing time. In truth, I played the challenged children just a little less and mostly in games where the outcome was largely decided one way or the other. Having said that, I do remember one game where I played one of the challenged boys in a tied game. Would you believe he was standing somewhere near the other team's goal when we were attacking. One of their defenders kicked the ball out, it hit this kid's legs, and rolled into the goal. He's scored the winning goal! Never have I seen all the parents on the sidelines cheer so loudly. Plus, at the end of every game, I'd issue a "player of the week" award - just a soccer patch the child's parents could iron on. By the end of the season, every child had won this award. Also, I put together a weekly newsletter with a profile of one of the players, a puzzle, a report of the most recent game, and so on. In this way, even if a child feels they aren't part of the team on the field, they feel part of the team because they are profiled and usually mentioned in the game report. I found that little things like this can make a real difference. This is where team moms and dads can really help, because the coach doesn't have to do all this. Have you thought about offering to do something like this for the team? This is why I mentioned earlier that the coaches you've encountered should be ashamed of themselves for not accepting a 6-year-old on their team. As a coach, when you put in the time to ensure everyone on the team feels welcome and make it clear to everyone you're going to make it work, it can really pay off. The moment I mentioned above and some others I could relate make coaching very worthwhile. Indeed, for a U-8 team, why not become a coach yourself?
Oh man. I'm still trying to get over the groups and sports teams - they just flat out said no? That's crazy! Especially for a 6yo. And I agree with whoever it was that said call the council about the cub scout group - first of all, it absolutely DOES go against everything they stand for, and secondly the council might can point you to another group closeby and more than willing to accept him. You don't have to join the group at your local school district or whatever; find a group that fits your needs. Bring him here - he can join our group! :lol: My oldest deals with high functioning autism spectrum, and I did have him in the ps for the first three years (pk-1st). (Didn't figure out about what his "deal" was until after I pulled him though, if that tells you anything.) I wish I'd known; that was not the place for him. He did receive speech therapy which did him good, but they'd have provided that even if we were homeschooling. We tried sports, and I honestly think that was NOT the thing to do with him. It's all that was available though; we did also do cub scouts. He and my other two boys are now all in martial arts. It's a non-competitive thing; they don't even do sparring tournaments in this new one. It's self-esteem building, not competition based, which gets up my oldest's anxiety. (He did well in the previous setting, until he would lose a sparring match... and heaven forbid it was at a tournament. And a "second place" trophy was unacceptable!) Anyway, please keep looking... and also do NOT stress about finding him a group! I have found that being home and learning behaviors in certain settings has certainly benefitted the kids when they ARE with others. They interact with one another for one thing, and social stories types books help us bring up scenarios of what we should do. (And, it gives me something to help them recall if the situation DOES come up. No, they don't always remember on their own what to do, or relate it to the stories; but, I can tell them that "this is like when ___ did xxx to ___ in the story we read, do you remember? What did xxx do? What should they have done?" Anyway. I'm so sorry you're having this issue! Prayers here!
Both of my daughters are autistic, and homeschooling has been very good for them, too! We did put both of them in our public schools EXCELLENT pre-k special ed program, but have pulled them out when they hit kindergarten. We haven't tried to do very many group things with them yet outside of church. Having said that - we are at church a lot! Besides Sunday morning, they go to children's choir on Sunday evening, Bible study on Tuesday morning (it's our church's ladies' Bible study... we have classes for the kids, including homeschooled kids up through 5th grade), and Pioneer Girls (kinda a cross between Awanas and Girls Scouts) on Wednesday nights. Having a mixture of structured and unstructured (aka play time with each other and with friends) social time has made a huge difference in both girls. It has also helped them to have plenty of down time after a structured event/activity, before we try to do homeschool. Practically speaking, this means that we don't "do" regular homeschool on Tuesday after Bible study. Being around all of those people, doing social things, is very stretching, and they are wiped out. We might go to the library (which is right next to their favorite park) after lunch on Tuesdays, but mostly we just hang out at home and read a lot of books for fun and play. This also makes me think hard before signing up for any other activities. There is a homeschool group fairly close by that a lot of families from church belong to, and we have thought about joining, but I don't want to sign up for too many activities or we will spend all of our time recovering, and not enough time actually doing school. It's a very fine line...
